Chapter 12
twelve
. . .
Things were going well. For the first time in years, Desmond felt safe admitting that to himself.
Matthew and the indiscretions of his past seemed to be fading into history.
Everything at work was good. He’d even been informed by Harry Pickering upon returning to the office after his lunch with Javier that he would definitely receive the ethics award at the Peabody Honors next month.
And Javier had been as amorous as ever once he’d made it to Des’s house late Friday evening.
By all reasonable measures, his life was amazing. He had a prestigious job, more than enough money, a lovely house filled with interesting plants, and a gorgeous, kind boyfriend. On the weekends, at least.
But as he stirred awake on Saturday morning, Javier naked in bed beside him snoring gently, Desmond was overcome with a feeling that something wasn’t right.
He blew out a breath, rubbed a hand over his face, and tried to push it away by rolling to his side and snuggling against Javier’s warm body.
He didn’t want to wake his lover. He’d sensed during their lunch the day before and when Javier had arrived at his place in the evening that Javier had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he didn’t want to interrupt the man’s sleep or disturb him even more than he was already disturbed.
That was part of their weekends only deal. The entire point of their bubble of bliss was to leave the stresses and problems of their weekday life behind so they could fully immerse themselves in the comfort of each other and the fantasy they’d created.
Except a large part of Desmond wanted to actually be there to help his part-time boyfriend through anything that was hurting him in the rest of his life. That was what relationships were about, after all. Two people who loved and helped each other through whatever they were dealing with.
That’s what they should have been, at least. Things certainly hadn’t been like that at all with Matthew.
Frustrated with himself, Desmond blew out a breath and closed his eyes, pressing his cheek against Javier’s shoulder and trying to force himself to fall back to sleep for a while.
Of course, no one in the history of sleeping ever forced themselves to fall asleep.
“Are you cold, carinito?” Javier asked groggily, rolling to his back, then all the way to face Desmond. His eyes weren’t quite open, and he yawned, which was possibly the most unglamorous thing he could have done.
Desmond still thought he was beautiful.
“Not cold,” he said, sliding an arm over Javier’s side and smiling at his sleepy face. “Just wanted to cuddle.”
Eyes still mostly closed, Javier made a contented sound and pulled Desmond into a full-body embrace.
Then seemed to fall asleep again.
Desmond watched him with a smile. Almost three months, and he was convinced he knew every line and curve of Javier’s face by heart. He could sense the taste of Javier’s mouth just looking at it and even if they hadn’t been in bed together, bodies entwined, he would have remembered his scent.
He was happy. It was such a strange, quiet thing.
He couldn’t remember when he’d been this kind of happy before.
It wasn’t because of his money or position, or because of any awards or business deals.
In fact, just knowing that all those things waited for him on Monday morning sent spikes of anxiety through him instead of pride or enthusiasm.
He’d never understood what people meant when they said they were working for the weekend, but now he was beginning to think that the weekend was the only thing that mattered and the rest of the week was a nuisance he had to get through to feel the way he felt now, to feel like himself.
“Babydoll, are you watching me sleep?” Javier asked, less groggy than he’d been before, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
Desmond’s smile widened and softened, and he relaxed into the mattress. “Maybe,” he said. “Watching you and thinking.”
Javier pried his eyes open and stroked a hand down Desmond’s side. “What are you thinking about?”
That he was definitely falling in love. That he wanted more than just the weekends. That he wanted Javier to share his burdens and cares so that he could be the boyfriend he deserved. That he didn’t want the life he’d spent the last ten years building for himself anymore.
His smile faltered slightly.
That he didn’t want Javier to find out he’d done something sordid and possibly illegal with Angus during his Matthew days.
He drew in a breath to dispel that thought, and with it his temptation to ask Javier for more. Until he figured out how to push the Angus episode under a carpet for good, he couldn’t risk the whole thing coming out and Javier leaving him in disgust.
“I was thinking that maybe we could go out today,” he said instead of what he really wanted to say.
“Oh yeah?” Javier woke up even more. He stroked his hand up Desmond’s side and around to hold his pec and tease his nipple. “What did you have in mind?”
The touch felt so good Desmond almost forgot everything. His already half-hard cock stood up even more. How could he live without this affection and touch now that he had it? As much as he wanted to throw all his cards on the table, he couldn’t risk losing what he had. Not yet.
“It’s supposed to be a lovely day,” he said, brushing a hand over Javier’s hip.
“If you can believe the weather report.” Javier grinned, his hazy eyes brimming with affection that tied Desmond’s heart in knots.
“I don’t think it’s ever completely safe to trust a British weather report,” he said, so blissfully happy to just lie there, saying nothing and touching.
“I did hear the weekend is supposed to be beautiful,” Javier went on after a few dreamy moments of the two of them just smiling at each other.
“Every weekend is beautiful,” Desmond said quietly and probably with too much emotion in his voice. He swept his hand up to dance his fingers across the dark stubble on Javier’s jaw, then leaned in to kiss him.
That simple kiss turned into a deeper one, despite the morning breath.
It really wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
Regardless, both of their mouths quickly found other places to kiss and taste.
Desmond trailed kisses down Javier’s neck to his shoulder, and with a rush of energy, Javier flipped Des to his back and stretched down to devour first one of his nipples, then planted a few kisses down over his stomach, then captured Des’s cock in his mouth.
It was the best way to greet a Saturday.
The next ten minutes were lost to exploration and pleasure as they well and truly woke each other up.
Desmond was so far gone when it came to Javier that he sighed and moaned freely as his cock was sucked, then rolled Javier over and dove between his legs to get Javier’s dick in his mouth where it belonged.
Neither of them ended up with an earth-shattering orgasm, but any orgasm given and taken by and with someone he truly loved and felt safe with was amazing as far as Desmond was concerned.
“So what do you want to do today?” Javier asked again half an hour later, once they were both showered and dressed casually, as they made breakfast together.
Desmond didn’t know why he felt sheepish about his idea. There was something about deliberately blurring the edges of their love bubble that made him feel like he was courting disaster. But if he wanted more, and he did, this was how he got it.
“I was thinking Kew Gardens,” he said, focused on buttering toast in case Javier didn’t like the idea and made a face.
“That sounds like an awesome idea,” Javier responded with genuine brightness.
Desmond glanced up from his toast, pulsing with hope. “You’d really enjoy wandering around a garden with me while I fangirl over plants?”
Javier’s laugh was all the answer he needed.
“I would love to watch you fangirl over plants,” he said, leaving the coffee he’d been making to slide up to Desmond and tug him into an embrace.
He kissed Des’s mouth quickly, then arched an eyebrow and said, “Am I going to have to keep you on a leash so you don’t go running off after every pretty posey that catches your eye? ”
Desmond dissolved into a breathy laugh. “Not at all,” he said. “I can be very well behaved in a garden if needs must.”
“Good,” Javier said, kissing his cheek before stepping back to continue with his coffee.
Desmond watched him for a moment as he piled their toast onto a plate, then brought it to the table, along with the plate of eggs and sausages he’d prepared earlier. “You’re really okay with us doing something out of the house?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Javier asked as he took the seat across from Des. “We’ve gone out to museums and restaurants before.”
Desmond shrugged. “It’s not blurring the lines too much?” he asked. “Because this is something I’m passionate about, not just a random activity out there?”
Javier knew exactly what he meant without further explanation.
“The whole point of drawing those lines to begin with was so we could just enjoy ourselves without our real lives interfering,” he said, then ate a forkful of eggs.
When he swallowed, he finished with, “We can leave the house and go out in public to do something you love and still keep the real world at bay.”
“We can,” Desmond agreed.
That didn’t stop the faintest whisper that they were taking a major step forward—a wonderful, terrifying step—from niggling at him as they left the house later that morning and made their way down the street toward the Tube station.
“What, no Hassan today?” Javier asked with a teasing grin as they strolled.
“I’m not that pampered,” Desmond laughed. “I do give my driver time off now and then.”
“How’s he doing, by the way? Did you say his wife was pregnant?”
“She is,” Desmond nodded, then proceeded to chat about Hassan’s family all the way to the Tube.