Chapter 39
For When I’m No Longer Here
T he house was quiet again. It was the kind of silence Lila used to crave when the kids were little—after a long day of noise and needs and love that never stopped moving. But now, that stillness wrapped around her like fog. Cold. Familiar. Final.
She sat at her vanity, wrapped in the pale robe Ava had given her last Christmas. Her phone trembled slightly in her hands, but her voice—when it came—was steady.
She started with Ava.
"Hi, baby girl..."
She swallowed hard. The words hung in the room before she continued.
"If you're hearing this, then I couldn't stay. And I’m sorry. More than anything, I wanted to. For you. For Caleb. For everything I still wanted to see in you."
Her throat tightened, but she kept going.
"Ava, you were always the one who saw through me. Even when you didn’t understand what was wrong, you knew something was. I saw how you watched me. How you tried to be strong for me, even when you were just a child. You never had to. But I’m proud of you for the strength you carry anyway."
A shaky breath.
"You are brave and brilliant. You ask hard questions and you don’t let the world get away with lies. Don’t ever stop doing that. Don’t ever settle for less than someone who sees your worth. All of it. Someone who chooses you fully."
A pause.
"I hope someday, you forgive your father. Not for him—but for you. Letting go isn’t weakness, my love. It’s healing. And you deserve to heal."
She ended it softly. "I love you, Ava. Always."
Lila pressed stop.
She sat still for a long time before starting the next.
"Hey, Caleb..."
Her voice broke immediately. She took a few moments to breathe before continuing.
"My sweet boy. You always made me laugh, even on the worst days. You came into this world with a crooked smile and this stubborn streak I saw in your eyes before you could talk. That fire in you—it’s beautiful.
Don’t let it burn you from the inside. Use it to protect what matters. Use it to stand tall."
She wiped a tear away with the back of her hand.
"I know things got confusing. I know you saw more than you said. And I’m sorry. I wanted to shield you from it all. But you’re smart, Caleb. You saw truths I wasn’t ready to face. That doesn’t make you wrong. That makes you strong."
She paused, biting her lip.
"I won’t be there for every game or every heartbreak. But I want you to know this—you were always enough. Always. Not for who you might become, but for who you already are."
She smiled sadly. "I love you, kiddo. Be kind. Be wild. And be free."
She stopped the recording. Her hand trembled now.
Two messages. Two pieces of her heart.
She set the phone down and stared at the pale light spilling across the vanity. Her reflection was thinner, softer, a ghost of the woman she once was. But her eyes—her eyes were still hers.
Lila didn’t cry. Not now.
There was still time. A little.
Just enough to tuck these messages away—carefully labeled and saved in a folder no one would open until they had to.
And then… maybe one more message.
For Nate.