Chapter 10 #2
‘I wonder if they felt the same as we do now. Hundreds of years ago they were struggling with the same issues or maybe they were too bothered with survival. Maybe we’re too much in our heads these days and not enough in our bodies.
Life and death,’ she murmured, ‘it’s as if you can feel the two worlds mingling up here.
The wind and the landscape make you feel more alive, but that barrow is a reminder of how temporary it all is. ’
‘Listen to you getting all philosophical,’ Carrie half-joked. ‘People do come here because of its spiritual significance, its energy. You’ll often find flowers at the base of the stone or crystals in the weatherworn pockets.’
She stood up and Jules followed her.
‘Look, here’s a turquoise, and an amethyst.’
They walked around in a circle.
‘And a beautiful little pink quartz shaped like a heart,’ Jules said. She looked at Carrie. ‘These are people’s hopes and dreams.’
‘And sometimes their memories. It steals a little of your soul, this place, which is why people use it as a shrine.’
Jules breathed in the fresh, slightly salty air.
‘I get that, more than I’ve ever got churches or cathedrals. I bet you get amazing birds, too.’
‘They’ve recently released sea eagles on the island, which is a bit controversial, but I haven’t seen one yet.’
‘I’d love to see a sea eagle,’ Jules said. ‘My dad used to take me birdwatching sometimes. It was our time together.’
‘Well, we can wait up here and see if one comes by or we can go and get some cake,’ Carrie said. ‘My stomach’s rumbling.’
‘And your heart is pining for Guy,’ Jules teased.
‘Maybe that, too,’ Carrie said, a bit sheepishly.
Jules reached out to touch the stone again before they headed back towards The Manor. She needed to create some new dreams. Maybe up here would be the place to begin.
They walked back down the path through the woods and halfway down took a slightly different direction, which led to a little wooden gate.
‘It says private,’ Jules said.
‘But we can use it,’ Carrie replied. ‘The Major doesn’t mind.’
‘You get on well with him, don’t you?’
‘I do now. I’m very fond of him. He can be a bit crabby, but underneath it all he’s just lonely. He and his wife were devoted to one another. She’s responsible for a lot of the landscaping of the gardens.’
‘What about his family? Didn’t you say he had a son?’
Carrie wrinkled up her nose.
‘Lives abroad. Not really interested in this place. Wants his dad to sell up and settle in a retirement bungalow. What on earth would he do with himself then? Besides, he’s only in his seventies. That’s not old these days. And it’s this place that keeps him going.’
They walked along the top path between glossy-leaved magnolia bushes and down a little slope towards the tea garden.
‘I’ll get this,’ Jules said, ‘if you want to go and touch base with your beloved.’
‘I’ll just let him know we’re here. You never know, he might get time to join us for a quick cuppa.’
‘Which cake do you want?’
‘Surprise me,’ Carrie replied and headed off between a gap in the hedge in search of Guy.
Jules carefully carried her tray over to a table in the shade and pulled out a chair. She tipped her sunglasses back down over her eyes and surveyed the people at the surrounding tables.
Contentment swirled around the space, weaving in and out of the slatted tables, over and under the wooden chairs.
Jules thought that if she stuck out her tongue, she’d be able to taste it, absorb it like a medicine.
A dark-haired girl, deep in concentration, picked her way lightly across the grass holding a cardboard box.
Jules was tempted to shrink down in her chair, hoping she wouldn’t be seen. But it was too late.
Erin smiled broadly as she got closer and Jules tilted her glasses up on to her head.
‘Hi!’ Erin said. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m good, thank you,’ Jules replied. ‘We’ve been up to the Longstone.’
‘That’s why you looked deep in thought. It does that to you. Sorry for the disturbance, but I thought it might be rude to just walk past.’
Erin balanced the box on the edge of the table.
‘And I needed to shift my grip on the box. Didn’t want to drop these.’
She lifted out a small pottery vase filled with garden flowers.
‘Oh, that’s pretty,’ Jules said, as a bee immediate landed on a spray of miniature roses.
‘Carrie suggested that Dad made a few pots to go on the tables, and we’re going to try and sell a few bits and pieces in the shop here, too.’
‘That’s a good idea.’ Jules picked up the vase and turned it around to catch the light. ‘It’s beautiful. I love the colours.’
‘Actually, I made that one.’
‘It reminds me of the sea and the sky.’
Erin looked thrilled.
‘You can have it if you like.’
‘You can’t just give it away. You’ve got a business to run.’
‘But you’re a friend. Dad always says that we don’t take money from friends.’
‘Would you like some tea and cake? This was for Carrie, but the tea’s going cold.’
‘I really like the cherry and almond cake from here and the strawberry milkshake. I can pay.’
‘Then that is what you shall have,’ Jules said, picking up her small satchel. ‘My treat.’
While she rejoined the small queue at the little hut which served the tea, Erin placed the vases in the middle of the tables.
‘Looked as if you got lots of compliments,’ she said, returning with another tray.
‘Hopefully they’ll all stop in the shop on the way back and take a look at some of the other stuff,’ Erin said. ‘Dad’s made some cool bowls and plates, too.’
‘You must be very proud of him.’
Erin took a bite of the cake and sucked her milkshake up through the stripy straw. She touched the corners of her mouth with her index finger, wiping away a faint trace of foam.
‘He’s the best,’ she said. ‘I can’t remember much about Mum before she was ill. She died when I was eight and she’d been ill for a couple of years before that.’
‘I’m sorry. It must have been hard for both of you.’
‘Dad says that Fitz and I kept him going. But he must have done the same for us. Being here probably helped, instead of still being in London. Even though we don’t live in a village everyone rallied around.
My grandparents wanted Dad to go back and I think he considered it, but I’m glad he didn’t. Where do you live?’
‘Manchester.’
‘Do you like it?’
‘Yes. I’ve got friends there and a good job.’
‘What do you do?’
‘I’m a midwife.’
‘I like babies. Have you met Cressie and her twins? They’re gorgeous. How many babies do you deliver each year?’
‘I haven’t met Cressie. She’s away at the moment, I think. In the hospital where I work, believe there were about five thousand babies born last year.’
‘My Mum was having Fitz when the cancer came back. The doctors advised her to have a termination so she could have chemo straight away, but she chose to wait and…’
Jules felt a tightening in her chest. She wanted to reach out and put her arms around this girl who would have to live with this loss for the rest of her life.
‘I do love Fitz even though he’s a pain, but sometimes when he’s really winding me up, I think…’
‘You think if it wasn’t for him your mum might still be here.’
She nodded. Jules leant closer.
‘But she might not, Erin. And then you would have lost both of them.’
Huge green eyes looked up at her.
‘Dad says that, too. He says we have to respect Mum’s decision.
There are some people at school who are really carefree.
Nothing bad has ever happened to them. Their parents are happily together, all of their grandparents are alive, the families don’t have money troubles, they go on nice holidays and get what they ask for at Christmas.
They have this aura of confidence. I envy them. ’
‘I know people like that, too, even at my age, so I know exactly what you mean. But at some time they will experience loss and hardship, that’s the nature of life. You have just had to go through it when you were very young.’
‘It’s not fair, is it?’
‘There you are!’
Jules jumped at the sound of Lance’s voice.
‘What’s not fair is you enjoying yourself while I’m working hard!’ he said teasingly, flicking Erin’s plait.
‘Sorry!’ she mumbled through a full mouth. ‘Jules bought me cake!’
‘I can see that!’ He smiled at Jules. ‘How are you doing?’
And she immediately wondered how much he knew. What Carrie might have told him. How he might be judging her. She leaned forwards and altered the angle of the teapot slightly.
‘I’m fine, thank you,’ she said stiffly.
If he noticed her defensive tone, he certainly didn’t give anything away.
‘Your bowl is drying nicely because you made it quite thin. It might be ready for glazing in a few days. That is, if you want to glaze it. Are you still planning to be around?’ He didn’t wait for her to reply. ‘If not, you can take it with you and maybe finish it back at home.’
‘Or I could finish it for you and post it,’ Erin added.
‘I’m not actually sure how long I’m staying,’ she murmured.
Where was Carrie? Why hadn’t she come back? Suddenly Jules felt as if she needed rescuing. He was loitering, obviously not in a hurry. She was going to have to ask him to sit down and get engaged in a conversation.
‘Jules has just been up to the Longstone.’
‘Ah, what did you think?’
‘Interesting.’
Goodness, that sounded bland. She could do better than that. He was an ordinary man. Not all men were the enemy. Not all people. She’d be hopeless back in the labour ward if she couldn’t cope with meeting people.
‘Amazing, I mean. Awe-inspiring.’
Now she sounded like a vacuous teenager.
‘I can’t really describe it properly.’
She shrugged, felt heat creeping through her body, her cheeks beginning to flare. He smiled. She’d never met anyone who smiled as much. It was disconcerting.
‘The best things often can’t be described. As long as it made you feel good.’
She focused on a trio of sparrows scooping up some dropped crumbs from underneath the next table.
‘Some people find the burial mound to be a bit of a downer,’ he said.
‘Understandably.’
He gazed at her for a moment, as if trying to work something out before turning to Erin.
‘Right, you. Finish that and let’s get going. Jules has got better things to be doing than having us taking up her valuable time.’
She half stood up, as if to try and prevent them leaving. How ridiculous. One minute she didn’t want to mingle and the next she didn’t want to be left on her own. Her emotions were all over the place.
‘No, really, it’s fine,’ she mumbled. ‘It’s been nice to have the company. I don’t know where Carrie’s gone.’
‘Oh, she was helping me in the shop. Then she bumped into The Major. I’m sure she’ll be here soon.’ He paused as if wondering to wait with her, like a small child. ‘Would you like me to drop the bowl off when I’m passing?’
Erin was standing by her father now and picked her box up from the ground.
‘Or you could come by and choose the colour you want for the glaze,’ she said. ‘I could show you how it’s done – the dipping.’
‘Well…’ Jules began.
‘That’s an excellent idea,’ Carrie said, striding across the grass towards them. ‘You can choose a colour for me as well.’
She beamed at Lance and Erin.
‘Jules is brilliant with colour. Our home in Manchester was like something out of an interiors magazine, and she did it all on a strict budget.’
Jules felt her blush intensify and she wasn’t a blusher. She didn’t want to be a blusher.
‘Only if you want to,’ Lance added, as if sensing her hesitation. ‘I tell you what, why don’t you take a couple of days to think about it – providing you’re not hurrying back to the mainland?’
‘No, she is not!’ Carrie said, proprietorially. ‘She’s been signed off work for six weeks so she’s not scurrying back anytime soon.’
Jules cringed. She was sure the people several tables away had heard that. Now everyone would know that she wasn’t just here on holiday, that there was more to it than that.