Chapter 17 #2
“Not tonight,” Juliet immediately denied. “It was a piece of advice for you, in general.”
“Very deeply appreciated.”
Juliet didn’t give Darcy one of her quippy rejoinders, didn’t respond back with a sultry, sexy order to jumpstart their night. In fact, the look in her eyes made Darcy’s stomach tie into knots.
It wasn’t something she’d seen on Juliet thus far. Because her expression was suddenly very serious, and not in the glitteringly angry kind of way.
They’d done annoyed, they’d done snippy, they’d done collaborative, they’d done sexy and seductive. They’d even done amusement and light banter. But they hadn’t had this super serious expression.
“Speaking of advice…” Juliet started, before she reached up and drew a hand through her hair, which was still down, drawn over her shoulder, obviously a little stressed. “If this is possibly going to be a thing, there’s a conversation we need to have, first.”
“A thing?” Darcy echoed.
“You and I fucking more,” Juliet answered, bluntly. “Obviously.”
“I’d assumed, but wanted to clarify. As you know, this is uncharted territory for me.”
“Exactly.” Juliet pointed at her as if to say duh. “There are a few rules of engagement we need to agree to.”
Darcy furrowed her eyebrows, snorting out a laugh. “What, do I need to get my manager on the phone or something? Juliet, we’re having sex not signing a contract.”
Those dark eyes narrowed at her. “This isn’t a joke, Darcy. And it’s not as simple as you… I don’t know, hooking up with random women in the back of a bar.”
Feeling her hackles rise slightly, Darcy rolled her shoulders back and took a deep, even breath. Blythe had called her on being impulsive and going toe-to-toe with everyone only an hour ago. “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”
“First and foremost, what is your plan when it comes to coming out? Do you have one?” Juliet pressed, sounding less like a lawyer and more like a curious normal person.
Feeling far less defensive, especially as her mind went sort of blank, she shook her head.
Did that make her na?ve? She was positive Juliet would tell her if she thought so.
“Not really? I don’t know. I just have never felt the need to tell people my own business.
Especially…” She trailed off, rolling her lips tightly in thought.
“Look, I don’t hate Pineford. And there are a lot of great people who live there.
But there are also some real assholes. I’ve never been looking for some sort of relationship, either, so it seemed kind of moot. ”
“And now?” Juliet pushed, her stare so intense.
Darcy had to assume this was her own test. She shrugged, questioning if she was going to pass; she’d never been very good at passing tests. But she hoped that she did more than she cared to admit. Because she really didn’t want this to not happen again.
She was intrigued by Juliet. By the real-Juliet, whoever she was.
The woman who wasn’t some simple sweetheart/angel because she clearly did have the ability to be sharp, to make jabbed barbs, to intuit where a scar was and try to pick at it.
Conversely, she was the woman who went to visit sick kids in the hospital, not as a publicity stunt.
She was also the woman who read Darcy’s mind when it came to sex. Who’d taken her to a place her mind hadn’t been able to reach in months, and this was responsible for Darcy being able to actually rest.
Yeah, she wanted more.
But she didn’t really know what Juliet wanted to hear. And she wouldn’t lie about it even if she did.
If Juliet wanted to keep sleeping with her, Darcy needed it to be because Juliet had worked through whatever her hang-ups had been with her, too.
Feeling Juliet admit to and give in to her attraction to Darcy was intoxicating.
It could only be better if Juliet could get on the same page about somewhat liking one another as people, too.
“I don’t know, Juliet,” she admitted, wondering what that would mean for her. “I’m a lot less focused on my personal life than I am on everything else going on. I don’t want to do anything that would limit my career – our careers, my sister’s and Emerson’s, too – before we can really even start.”
That was all she could promise.
She had no idea when – or if – she’d want to come out, publicly, and on that note, “All I can say is that I don’t think I owe anyone any explanation about who I want to have sex with.
And I’ve never been head-over-heels for anyone, so maybe that would change things for me, but when it comes to sex? That’s my business.”
Juliet’s lips tugged into a considering frown before she nodded.
So… had she passed? Hope sparked through her at the prospect.
“That’s good,” Juliet decreed.
Darcy felt herself grin, victoriously.
But Juliet wasn’t grinning; she was still very serious. “Because first things first, if you decide you do want to go public, well, that’s your prerogative. But if we’re still sleeping together at that point, we won’t be any longer.”
She took it in, digesting it, and… “Fair enough.”
Made total sense to her. Juliet was not a risk taker, and Darcy had no illusions that Juliet would risk anything to keep having sex with her.
Even if Darcy didn’t necessarily know her well, she knew that just from working with her.
She’d tried to step out of her comfort zone with music and when it hadn’t gone well, she’d pointedly taken three steps back.
Her agreement seemed to lighten some of Juliet’s intensity, but not all. “Second – if you engage in a real relationship with someone, we’re done.”
… all right, that seemed like something they’d already covered. Because, “I just told you I have no intentions of being in a relationship with a woman.”
“Not a relationship with a woman.” Juliet’s exasperation was loud and clear.
Darcy felt it right back, tossing her hands into the air. “Why would I choose to be with a man? I’ve never had a relationship with a man in my life.”
Juliet reached up, pressing her fingertips hard into the ridge of her eyebrows like she was getting a headache.
“Because, Darcy, your life is a million times more different, now. More complicated. Soon enough, you’re going to get a lot more questions about your personal life.
Speculations. Demands for answers that, to your point, no one has the right to know, but they’ll want it anyway. ”
“Well, I can’t stop people from speculating,” she pointed out. “Still doesn’t explain why you think I’d be in a real relationship with some guy.”
“I’ve been doing this for a long time. I’ve been a closeted lesbian in this industry for years.” Juliet stated, point-blank, staring at her as if she couldn’t understand if Darcy was being genuine with her or not. “You’d be surprised at what’s real and what’s not.”
She would be surprised, because she already was.
“And… you’ve hooked up with other lesbians in the industry who are in real relationships with men?” She asked, wrinkling her nose at the very idea.
Sure, she understood when women dated men before they fully figured out their sexuality; she hadn’t really thought about queerness as a possibility for herself for years. But… after they knew and accepted they were lesbians?
“Yes, and I’ve learned enough to know that’s a boundary for me,” Juliet confirmed, coolly, as she dropped her hands back to her sides.
Darcy reached up, gently running her fingertips over her chin as she took it in. Then froze when she was struck with the thought – “Okay, but you’re with Robbie.”
She’d literally seen them together tonight. Constantly side-by-side. Looking very believably cute together. She’d been unable to stop looking at them, actually, more frequently than she’d care to admit.
“I know you said Robbie would be on his knees for some guy…” She trailed off.
“Yes. Because Robbie’s gay; we don’t have a real relationship,” Juliet emphasized. “If you decide to go ahead with an arrangement like I have with Robbie, that is certainly not a dealbreaker for us hooking up.”
Darcy’s eyebrows drew deeply down, as she sorted out the negative feelings working through her.
“Get off some moral high horse, Darcy. I can see it on your face,” Juliet’s voice was icy. “You’re in the same position as the rest of us closeted liars.”
“I’m not on a moral high horse. But I’m not a closeted liar.” The word felt like acid in her throat, offense sharply digging at her. “I’m not saying you and Robbie are liars, either. I mean, clearly you two have a… thing that works for you.”
“Then, what’s with the look on your face?” Juliet asked, her defensive edges fading slightly.
Darcy inhaled deeply, holding it in her lungs for several beats.
“I just really hate how fake it all is.” Yeah, that was precisely what it was.
“I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong with Robbie, and I’m not judging people.
Individuals.” She searched for the right words.
“I guess it’s the system I’m judging? I don’t know.
I told you that night you came to my hotel room: I’d rather you be an asshole to me than be fake to me.
I really hate the idea of meeting people and wondering if what they’re telling me is true or not.
I hate the idea of thinking I might be getting to know someone and it turns out they’re one of the people who, like you said, would stab me in the back. ”
Darcy wasn’t some sort of back-country moron; people lied and manipulated and kept secrets everywhere.
But, especially while having this conversation, it felt like the new world she was in was essentially like normal-level plasticity on extreme steroids.
“I mean, if you’ve hooked up with people, and Robbie has hooked up with people, and there’s clearly a network of queer people around… how is it all so secret?”
At that point, wouldn’t things be getting around?
Juliet’s eyes narrowed again, as she worked her jaw back and forth and stared at Darcy. Like she really couldn’t make up her mind about something.
“The secrecy goes hand-in-hand with the ‘fakeness,’” Juliet used air quotes when she finally responded.
She didn’t seem exasperated by Darcy, at least. “Look, if you do ever go to the parties you get invited to, you’ll see that there are many people who are exactly who you think they are.
You can meet people that you might like, that you might be able to really trust. However, you will also see…
a lot. People whose entire brand is ‘traditional family values’ going up to some stranger’s bedroom to take part in an orgy.
‘Happily’ married middle-aged actors snorting coke off some model’s stomach while she’s topless and lying on a kitchen counter.
And a hell of a lot more. But – I cannot stress this enough – if what you see ever gets out and traced back to you, you’ll be black-listed faster than you will if you come out. ”
Juliet walked closer toward her, looking as serious as she would if someone had died.
She came to a stop right in front of Darcy, staring her in the eye. “I’m saying that as real advice, okay? You might hate it, but that’s the deal.”
Darcy did hate it. In fact, she hated it a lot.
“I guess it’s a good thing I’ve never felt the urge to hit the party scene,” she muttered, wryly.
Juliet breathed out a laugh. “Yeah, it is.”
Darcy supposed it wasn’t all that different than seeing someone cheat on his wife while she was working at the bar.
With a deep breath, Darcy pushed aside her lingering distaste about everything Juliet had shared with her. And, on one level, she did really appreciate Juliet right now. She was being honest with Darcy, telling her upfront what was what.
“Care to share why you aren’t wearing the fancy lingerie this time?” She asked, very much wanting to get back to the main reason she was here.
The sly look that slid onto Juliet’s face was a welcome sight. “I wanted you to take me in the dress I was wearing when I won.”
Yeah, that worked to get Darcy right back into the right mindset as she ran her eyes up and down Juliet once more.
“I want you to fuck me, hard. Even more than last time. And I want you to look me right in the eye when I come. I want to remember everything about tonight.”
All it took was Juliet’s words and her delivery to make Darcy’s knees feel weak, to make the desire slide through her veins until her hands started to tremble with it.
Darcy was very sure she’d be sleeping well tonight.