Chapter 8 #2
But he looked at her for just a little bit too long, took in the shape of her face.
Really looked at it. At her wide brown eyes, her delicate nose, the way that her top lip was just a little bit fuller than her bottom lip and made her look a little bit like she was frowning all the time, made her look petulant and sulky, and he found that cute.
Then there was her body.
He was the kind of man who liked an array of shapes when it came to women. As far as he was concerned, there was no wrong way to eat a Reese’s, so to speak. But Lila’s lithe, athletic form was perfect. Just perfect.
And he knew that she could ride like a champ.
Which meant that she could ride...
He looked away from her quickly.
“Are you okay?” she asked, genuinely concerned.
“I’m fine. Just thinking about... Family.”
He winced.
“Yeah. Well. You are right, I don’t have experience reconnecting with family.
I was young enough when Mom died that...
I do wish that had gone differently. I don’t really regret anything with my dad.
He was a sperm donor, really nothing more.
But I wish I could have figured out a way to not be so angry at her.
I wish I wasn’t angry at her now. Because it feels sad.
Like, there could have been something good in her life, maybe I could have been one of the good things in her life if I hadn’t been so stubborn.
But I just would have rather spent time with Cody and Walker, and you.
I didn’t really want to have a relationship with her.
I didn’t see the value in it. And mainly it makes me sad because that was her whole life.
That was all we ever got. She was never satisfied.
She never got David. She never really had us.
Her parents rejected her because she got pregnant so young...
maybe we should have been more forgiving.
Maybe her kids should have been better to her. ”
“Cody bought her a whole-ass new house when he started winning in the rodeo. I think she had it pretty good,” he pointed out.
“I know. I think Cody felt real unreserved affection for her. I personally had a lot of reservations. But I just... I spent all that time trying to figure out how to not need her. How to protect myself. And I guess you do what you have to do, right?”
There was a furrow between her eyebrows, and it reminded him of when she had been young, and she would try to concentrate on something difficult. Lila, who was so determined always, so intense, always.
He could easily understand why she hadn’t been able to soften for her mother. Why softening had felt dangerous at all.
“She made her choices,” Nolan said. “And that’s not your fault, and it wasn’t your broken thing to fix.
You were the youngest. A child. She owed you an apology.
She owed you real change at some point, and she was never able to give it to you.
I don’t think it’s wrong that you couldn’t suddenly find a way to have a relationship with her just because you were, what... Eighteen? Nineteen when she died?”
“Yeah. And I was barrel racing. I just... I actually feel sorry for her. Mainly because I look at Cody and Walker and I see what she missed.”
“She missed you too. And you get to be hurt about that.”
She sighed heavily. “Thanks. This wasn’t really supposed to be about me though.”
“There’s nothing wrong with it being a little bit about you.”
“Thanks,” she said.
Just then they got to the end of the path, and it was time to start work again. Work, at least, was a little bit of a buffer between these moments. These feelings that he hadn’t asked to have, and that Lila certainly hadn’t asked for him to feel.
They finished their work and headed out for the long hike home, and he did his damnedest to focus on something, anything other than the undercurrents that were still shifting beneath the surface of his whole being. Right when they got back to the truck, though, they both got a text from Addison.
“She wants us to come to the restaurant? Said we can get free dinner,” Nolan said.
Lila looked down and then back up. “I’m a sweat rag.”
“Me too. But apparently, it’s important.”
“I know, I got the same text you did.”
“We can swing by your place and get a change of clothes.”
“I’m going to need to,” she said.
“Fine. We’ll do that and then head over to the restaurant.”
“I wonder what she’s doing?”
“Knowing Addison, it’s a scheme if we’re being looped into her campaign. I mean, the election is just a month and a half away, and I think she’s pretty soundly ahead of her competition in all of the polls.”
“Can you trust polls?”
“I don’t know. I would assume in local elections, maybe you can a little bit more,” Nolan said.
“Well, I’m not sure what help I would be in a political campaign. I mean, I could harass people until they voted.”
Nolan laughed. Yeah. She could. But she was actually more persuasive than anyone gave her credit for.
She did get a lot of flack for her bluntness.
But he had watched her navigate a tricky situation with the laundry service, and she had done great.
She didn’t lose her temper. She was firm.
And one of the best things about Lila was that she was persistent.
She wasn’t put off by not succeeding right away.
And so many people were. A lot of people simply didn’t have the fortitude that she did.
Anyone would probably be lucky to have her as part of a campaign.
He decided not to say that, not right now. There had been enough bonding between the two of them on this trip. They kind of didn’t need any more.
When they pulled up to Lila’s little cabin, she turned off the engine in her truck and got out of the vehicle, standing there in the doorway, looking closely at him in a way he didn’t care for.
“You might as well come in,” she said.
He was hot, and his muscles hurt, so he didn’t actually want to sit in the truck while it idled, so he nodded and got out, accepting her invitation.
He stood by the front door for a moment, before walking in, and she gestured wordlessly toward her couch before wandering down the hall toward her bedroom.
He’d never seen Lila’s bedroom. There was no reason that he ever would have. She hadn’t seen his.
He rolled his shoulders back, fighting against the tension that was creeping up the back of his spine. Then he turned away from where she had just gone, and looked around the room.
The kitchen and living room were separate, each space like a cozy nook, rather than an overly modern open plan.
There was a fireplace in the living room, which had an overstuffed couch overflowing with pillows.
The couch itself was sort of a corduroy navy blue, while the pillows were floral, much more feminine than what he might have guessed someone like Lila would pick out.
He had been in this room at least a hundred times.
But he had never paused to examine it. Same with the kitchen.
He walked from the living room into the kitchen and took note of the details.
The cabinets were the same color as the couch, though the kitchen island was a natural wood color, the counters marbled.
It was simple, and efficient looking. Everything in it was new—which stood to reason because she’d built the house only a couple years ago.
The details were copper, adding a warmth to the space, and keeping it from looking modern, though. Warm. The window over the kitchen sink had a lacy valance, again, something he would have said Lila wouldn’t choose.
The entire place seemed to have her characteristic efficiency, combined with a softness that he would say that he hadn’t generally witnessed from her.
Maybe that was because of him. Maybe the issue with that was his own way that he engaged with her.
He walked out of the kitchen, and down the hall. He pushed open the bathroom door and smiled. He hadn’t actually been in the bathroom at Lila’s place before. This was just a little half bath, but it was... whimsical.
She had a framed poster of a kitten hanging off of a tree branch, and it said hang in there.
A cliché that she had obviously hung there to be somewhat amusing, but also he wondered if she just liked it. There were other kittens in the bathroom. The soap dispenser had them all over it, and the pink towel had gray kittens wearing dresses sprinkled all over it.
The curtain in the window was lace, with tassels at the bottom.
He turned around and walked out of the bathroom and nearly ran smack into Lila.
“I’m ready,” she said.
She was wearing a skirt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever seen her wear a skirt.
And it wasn’t any shorter than the shorts that she’d been wearing.
But it was tight and denim, and there was something about it that was just so...
out of place. And yet perfectly in place in this house that he had never really paused to look at before.
There was something about the skirt.
He found that he didn’t quite know what to say. He was completely sans language in that moment.
“What?”
“I had never seen your bathroom before,” he said.
“And kittens.”
“I like kittens, Nolan, who doesn’t?”
“Some people don’t.”
“No one I want to know.”
“Why don’t you have a cat?”
“I don’t know. Because I don’t.”
“Where did you get the poster?”
“At a yard sale, and I thought it was kind of funny. But then I ended up just buying a bunch of kitten stuff to go with it.”
“Right. Well, makes sense.”
“I thought.”
The hallway felt like it was squeezing in on them, and he thought they should probably move. But he didn’t. He just stood there. Looking at her.
“Let’s go,” she said, ducking her head and turning her body, which made her hip hit his groin as she walked past.
He stood there for a full second, taking breaths, trying to do something to mitigate the rising desire moving through him.
And then he found himself staring at her ass in that skirt.
“Yeah, we better go.”
He said it mostly because he needed to knock himself out of whatever stupor he was in.