17. Tanner
TANNER
“Hey Dad?”
“What’s up, Buddy?” The pot in my hand is almost dry as I drag the kitchen towel absentmindedly over the bottom.
“Is Deacon more than your friend?” Briggs asks, barely glancing up from the picture he’s drawing. He loves making his own graphic novels—little booklets of paper that I find all over the house.
“Why do you ask?” My question is light—or I think it is.
I really can’t tell with the way my heart is hammering in my chest. There’d been no time to text Deacon since Briggs got here, and while Fallon made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, aside from her wanting to tease me a little, I still wish I could have talked to him first.
Briggs shrugs and looks at me before returning to the paper, his pencil shading in something I can’t quite make out.
“Dunno. Mom was smiling and acting weird and then you guys wanted to talk when we got here.”
“Your mom and I always talk.”
“Right.” He rolls his eyes. “I’m not a kid.”
“Actually, that’s exactly what you are.”
“Dad,” he huffs. “I’m just saying Mom was being weird about it.”
“Briggs—”
“And it makes sense. You had that thing with Uncle Cal. She took pictures.” He means the stranger photoshoot that Hannah roped me into and Cal wasn’t a stranger. There was no spark but it made for a hell of a story after the fact.
Still, that had been years ago.
My kid can’t remember where he put his hat two minutes before but he can remember something obscure like this.
Or maybe it’s that he remembers the important things.
I’d had what I’d considered an age-appropriate talk with Briggs before the shoot, and Fallon had been there to support both Briggs and me.
“It’s complicated.”
“But like, what do you do when I’m not here?” he asks with the sensitivity that only an elementary school-aged boy can possess.
“I…catch up on some TV shows, and believe it or not, I do have friends that I see.”
“Like who?” he challenges and then rolls his eyes when I don’t answer him right away. I was still thinking… “Whatever, Dad. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy. I have you and Mom and Otto and his family and that chaos. You don’t need to worry.”
“You don’t like him?”
Clearly seeing that he’s not going to give this up, I sigh. “It’s new and we’re getting to know each other and—”
“So he is your boyfriend.” He grins and I fight like hell not to blush.
Why won’t he drop this?
He’s only ever known me with Fallon, so why is he adamant about making this a thing?
“If we continue seeing each other, then we’ll worry about labels and you getting to know him, okay? It’s too soon to be talking about that.”
“That’s boring,” he mumbles and I chuff out a laugh.
“Sorry to disappoint you.” I ruffle his hair and he ducks out of my reach.
“Come on,” he whines, fixing his hair before twirling his pencil between his fingers. The movement is clumsy, but he’s getting better and awfully proud of his new skill. “Dad?”
“Yeah, Buddy?”
“He makes you happy, right?”
Swallowing hard, I dip my head in assent. “Yeah, he does.”
“Cool.”
Cool, indeed.
TANNER: Can I come over tomorrow?
DEACON: Always
TANNER: Were you not going to tell me you met my ex-wife and kid?
Exhausted, I fall back onto the couch and rub my hands over my face as my phone buzzes on the cushion beside me.
Briggs took longer than usual to settle in tonight, pulling out every bedtime-delay tactic ever used.
He finally relented after I read one more chapter in his book and refilled his water bottle, but the back-and-forth wore me out.
DEACON: I was waiting until I saw you
TANNER: Briggs asked if you’re my boyfriend
DEACON: What did you say?
TANNER: I said it’s new and we’re getting to know each other
DEACON: Dating
My heart skips a beat in my chest as I stare at the screen, the words so confidently sent, and yet, I can’t shake these feelings of unease.
TANNER: But still taking things slow
DEACON: Still dating
DEACON: Exclusively
I blush, my mind conjuring the sound of a possessive growl falling from his lips and the way that sound just reverberates through my body. And God, those lips had felt like heaven on mine.
I want them everywhere.
I want him everywhere.
Is it too soon for that? It feels too soon, but haven’t I waited enough? Maybe it’s because I’ve been a ball of stress today, but I can’t let it go.
TANNER: I’m barely able to handle you
DEACON: You’re doing better than you think
TANNER: How can you say that?
DEACON: Because you’re hot as hell and watching you figure it out is sexy as fuck
DEACON: I’m hard right now just thinking about kissing you in my kitchen
I palm my groin through my jeans and exhale heavily through my nose. I cannot do this here. Silently cursing, I turn off the lights and make my way up to my room.
TANNER: I am too
DEACON: Best thing I’ve heard all night
DEACON: What are you gonna do about it?
Stumbling through the door, I close it as quietly as I can and bite back the groan as I stub my toe on the edge of the bed frame, the question making me off-balance.
What are you gonna do about it?
Fucking hell.
TANNER: What are you gonna do about it?
DEACON: Do you really want to know?
TANNER: Yes
Swallowing hard, I ease back onto my mattress, not bothering to turn the light on as I wait for his reply.
DEACON: I’m going to jerk off thinking about you
TANNER: Fuck
DEACON: We’ll get there
I chuckle but there’s no humor in it. I’m panting like a dog over the idea of this man fucking his own hand thinking about me. What is he imagining?
Do I want to know? Yeah, I think I do.
TANNER: Tell me
DEACON: Are you asking me to sext, Tanner Holiday?
Falling back onto the comforter, I can’t temper the smile that spreads over my lips. Damn, that’s hot. If I close my eyes I can almost hear his deep rumble wash over me, my skin erupting in a wave of goose bumps.
TANNER: It would be another first.
DEACON: I like that more than I should
TANNER: Why? It’s not a first for you, right?
DEACON: No, but it’s been a while.
Something about the false sense of anonymity provided by the phone has me typing out a truth I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to say out loud.
TANNER: I have no right to be jealous, but I am
DEACON: Yeah?
TANNER: It’s unsettling having to start over, to be learning about myself and someone else like I’m a teenager
DEACON: I like it
TANNER: Why?
DEACON: Because I’d rather build something meaningful with you than spend one more night on a quick fuck just to get off
My mouth is dry as I stare at the screen, the words both heating my blood and surprisingly sweet.
Reassuring.
But won’t that get old? Will he get tired of waiting for me to be ready? For me to do the things he likes and needs?
DEACON: Stop overthinking it—I’m not going anywhere
TANNER: How did you know I was overthinking anything?
DEACON: You took too long to respond
DEACON: And I doubt it’s because you got too distracted getting yourself off
TANNER: I sound like no fun at all
DEACON: You’re a lot of fun. You just have to be reminded not to be so serious all the time
TANNER: I’m a work in progress
DEACON: And I’m here for it.
DEACON: All of it.
Let’s just hope it stays that way.