41. Deacon
DEACON
Ican’t pinpoint exactly what’s off about Tanner as we leave my brother’s and drive to the Thayers’ for part two of our Thanksgiving extravaganza. He smiled and laughed and engaged—even held Salem while I helped Jude clean up.
To them he seemed normal, but something’s not right.
I just don’t know what it is.
“Tanner?” His name sounds like a plea as I find a place to park and kill the engine. Shadows move across the windows, and laughter and music spills from inside, but I can’t get in the mood—not when I know something is wrong.
“Hmm?”
“What’s going on?”
Emotion flashes in his wheat-colored eyes, disappearing almost as if it was never there. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. You just…” My words trail off as he frowns.
“Did I say something wrong at your brother’s?”
“No, it’s not that but I—” He cuts me off with a kiss, his hand cupping the side of my neck as he pushes his tongue into my mouth. Normally, I’d be half hard, but this doesn’t feel right either—like there’s more to it than just wanting to kiss me.
“I’m just tired and mentally preparing myself for the chaos inside.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“But we’re all right?” I blurt out, my nerves getting the better of me as he presses a sweet kiss to my lips and sighs.
“Of course. Now let’s get in there before someone comes looking for us.” With a smile still in place, he gets out of the truck, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end because he didn’t wait for me to get his door.
I’m probably overreacting, but I just can’t shake this feeling.
“You made it!” Otto yells as the front door bangs open. Briggs ducks under his arm and races across the porch, barreling into Tanner and forcing him back a step with an audible oof.
“Hey Buddy, how many sodas have you had?”
“Sodas don’t count on holidays,” Briggs replies, as Tanner glares at Otto who shrugs and wraps his arm around Briggs’s shoulders the moment he steps back.
“What? I don’t make the rules.” Otto looks around conspiratorially. “Just don’t tell your mom.”
“Great,” Tanner says wryly as he follows his son and Otto into the house.
It’s exactly and nothing like I expected.
The table is set, and unless I’m imagining it, the table looks bigger, like maybe they added another leaf to it.
Serving dishes are set out on small tables around the perimeter of the room, and a chorus of greetings goes up as Tanner and I join the group.
Flora hugs us both and Vincent waves from across the room.
I also see Otto’s twin brother, Case, and his wife, Hannah, in the kitchen.
His oldest brother, Hank, and his wife, Isla, are nearby, wrangling their squirming kids.
Waylon and his wife, Marlee, are in the living room with Sorren and his wife, Rhea.
A group of small children runs giggling through the room, weaving between the adults before disappearing down the hall.
Fallon is talking to Cal and Blake, while two couples Flora and Vincent’s age talk in the corner. Wow.
“What kind of shirt are you gonna get him?” Case asks Otto as the first points a hand at me.
“Dunno. But it’s gonna have to be something good. Maybe like bonus, bonus dad. BBD.”
“Not to be confused with BDE,” Case says as his expression turns contemplative. “Although he definitely has BDE.”
“He totally does,” Otto agrees before offering Tanner his hand for a high five. “Good for you, man.”
“What’s BDE?” I whisper, my gaze bouncing between them.
“Big dick energy,” Otto says and Case winks.
“Totally a compliment.”
“Is it?” I ask, making Tanner shake with silent laughter.
“Yeah, baby, it’s real good.”
Well, BDE it is then.
TANNER
I don’t think I’m doing as well hiding my emotions as I had hoped because Deacon has been hovering over me like he’s afraid I’m going to bolt at any second.
It’s tempting but seriously not possible with everyone here.
There have been pockets of time that felt normal—playful and light—but a lull in conversation has my mind constantly drifting back to whether I’m holding Deacon back or not, and while I know I need to talk to him, now is not the time.
“What’s all this?” he asks, his hand falling gently to my waist as he comes up behind me and motions toward the wall of pies set out on the narrow tables Waylon built before last Thanksgiving.
“Everyone gets their own pie,” I tell him. “It started with just the Thayers, but now it includes spouses and us too.” I point at the blueberry pie situated next to the lemon custard. “See? You have one and so do I.”
“She makes all of them?” His tone is a mix of awe and disbelief, making me snicker even as I shake my head.
“No, there’s a culinary program through the high school, and this is one of the things they do.”
“Huh, I didn’t know that.”
“I didn’t either. I asked when I saw the row of pies my first Thanksgiving here.”
My first Thanksgiving here.
It’s been a few years now but I’ve loved every single one. I can’t remember the last holiday my parents and I spent together. Honestly, the last time they came to visit is a bit foggy too.
Thinking of them makes me realize that I haven’t heard from them since my father called about my mother’s surgery. I left a couple of messages but never got a reply.
“You’re making a face,” Deacon murmurs, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror above the table.
“I was wondering if I’d even miss my parents if we never spoke again. Would their life be any different? Would mine?” I lift a shoulder and let it drop. “It makes me sad that yours were great and you lost them early, and here mine are alive but totally uninterested in being involved in my life.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. The part that really gets to me is that they don’t try to have a relationship with Briggs.” Leaning back into him, I exhale. “But then I look around, and what’s he really missing out on? He has this incredible family here.”
“You both do.”
“Get a room!” Case yells, grinning wider when Flora scolds him. Otto doubles over laughing before turning his back on us and hugging himself so it looks like he’s making out with someone. It’s juvenile but funny and more so when Hank cuffs him on the back of the head as he walks by.
“Ow! Fucker.”
“Otto Raymond Thayer, watch your language.”
“Sorry, Mama.” He kisses her cheek and she huffs like maybe she needs a cocktail after today, but honestly, don’t we all…