22. Bel
The scent of mint, sweat, and liquor tickles my nostrils. It wraps around me in an intoxicating haze that makes me shift backward to get closer to it.
I know who the scent belongs to: Drew.
It”s always Drew.
The palm of his hand cups my throat gently, and I press into his hold, begging for more. Needing his touch more than I need air.
His lips trace my ear, and I shiver at the intimate caress.
”Wallflower...” he whispers, his voice rough and raw.
All I can do is moan and press my body against any piece of hardness I can find. His body, his hand, anything. I just want to touch him and feel his fingers on my skin. I don”t know how to explain with words what I want or need from him.
Not that it matters. This is nothing more than a dream.
I let it pull me deeper into the darkness, where there is nothing more than his scent and his hands on me. Yes. It feels so good. Another moan slips free from my lips, and his hand comes up from my throat to cover my mouth.
”Quiet, Flower.”
I grind back, but he’s no longer there.
Stupid dream not giving me the hard length of him to grind against.
I’m rewarded with his hand instead, as he grips my pussy through my panties. ”Oh, fuck me.”
I can feel my arousal swirling deep in my core, wetting my panties. I shouldn”t have sent him that text earlier. It’s fucking with my head, clearly. Shifting in his grasp so I can get closer, he tightens his hold on my pussy.
The pressure and sensation threaten to consume me, and I blink my eyes open with a gasp. Oh no. I crash back down to reality real fast, especially when I look up and see a shadowy figure looming over the bed, leaning near my waist.
Panic and fear zip through me, and all I can think is I need to get away, escape. I immediately lash out, hitting the intruder with my fists, a scream making its way up my throat.
The scream never comes, though, as Drew’s blurry face swims into view, or at least what I can make out of it. He clamps a hand tight over my mouth, silencing me. Some of the fear washes away, but there’s still lingering anxiety.
How did he get in here? Why does he smell like liquor?
”Shh, it’s just me, Flower. I’m not going to hurt you. After your little text message, I knew I needed to come see you. I wanted to be here earlier, but I was trying to do the right thing.”
All I can do is stare at him in confusion. He, of course, doesn’t add any further context, nor does he lift his hand from my mouth so I can ask him what he’s talking about.
“Dammit. I always tell myself I’m doing the right thing by giving you time and space, but then I’m reminded all over again how much I fucking need you the next time I see you, and how I never want to let you go.”
“Are you okay?” I mumble against his hand, hoping he can make out some of the words. He gently eases his hand back, but only enough to let the words escape my lips.
“Shh, you have to be quiet. You wouldn’t want to wake your brother, would you? I don’t think I’ll make it through another fight with him, but if you want to see me try, we can. I’d rip out my beating heart and throw it into traffic if you asked me to.”
Another fight?He’s speaking in riddles and even more than that he’s worrying me.
I blink, trying to drag myself out of the foggy haze of sleep so I can look at him. I reach for my glasses which are on the nightstand, and slip them onto my face so I can see him properly and figure out what the hell is happening.
Once the glasses are in place, it takes another minute for my brain to make sense of what I’m seeing. I blink and blink again, but he’s still standing here. It wasn’t a dream. I nearly smile, until I notice that his stunningly handsome face is swollen, his cheek already blooming with an ugly bruise. My gaze drops down to his hands, and I notice the knuckles of both hands are red, cracked, and swollen.
”Drew! What happened?” I gasp. He gently lowers his fingers from my mouth tracing my lips before he lets his hand fall away.
”What’s wrong?”
I sit up straighter, and the anxious feeling from just a little bit ago festers in my gut. I need to get him an ice pack and figure out who did this to him. My first thought is his father, but it could be anyone really.
”What happened?” I gesture to his face.
He”s bruised and battered, but there”s a hazy look in his eyes, reminding me of how he looks when he’s relaxed. It’s similar to that post-orgasm phase.
A boyish grin appears on his lips, but I don’t miss the grimace of pain that pinches his features. ”It”s nothing. Just a few bruises. I needed to do the right thing. I was so mad, and I wanted to see you. I wanted to come here and fuck you, hurt you, but I knew if I did that I’d only be ruining whatever it is that we have left, so I did something else instead.”
I fist the sheets, alarm bells ring in my head. I’m afraid to even ask if it was his father that hurt him or if it was some random person. We haven’t really ever discussed his father, or the way he spoke to me. We didn’t even really talk about what I witnessed that night, but now he’s here, battered and bruised looking every ounce of that scared little boy I picture him to be, and I know I have to ask.
”Who did this to you? Was it your father? Because if it was…”
Drew visibly flinches, and I freeze, waiting for him to lash out, to punish me for asking, but he simply shakes his head softly and gives me one of those all-American smiles.
“What would you do, Flower? How would you protect me against the big bad wolf?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. I’d find a way to protect you.” I realize I’ve spoken the words out loud, and now there’s no taking them back.
“I love your protectiveness, Bel, and that you’d go to war for me even when knowing it’s a losing battle.”
“It’s only a losing battle if you don’t try. If you fight back, there’s always the chance of winning.”
His green eyes shine with adoration, and my heart clenches inside my chest. Every time we’re together, he pulls us closer, stitching up the pieces of my soul that he tore to shreds that night.
”It wasn’t my father, so stop your worrying. I did this to myself,” he jeers with disgust. “None of it matters. I came here to see you, because I had to see you. Had to prove to you that I still care, that even if I wasn’t there at The Mill tonight, it doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to see you.”
I’m grateful for his confession. Sometimes Drew can be difficult to read and understand, but from the sounds of it, he was trying to do the right thing, whatever that was. Leaning over, he forces me to lay flat against his upper body, my own legs resting over the side of the bed.
”I had to see you,” he repeats, inching closer to nuzzle against my neck.
I’m tempted to ask him why he would ever do something like that to himself but the thought evaporates when I feel his wet tongue against my skin. He alternates between kissing, sucking, and nipping at the sensitive flesh along my throat and collarbone.
I wiggle to get closer to him, to feel the heat of him against me, but he”s still fully dressed and the blanket between us is ruining the mood.
I need more. More of him. All of him.
Frustration wins, and I toss the blanket away, and the cold air of the room raises goose bumps on my bare legs.
”Come here,” I whine. ”I need you closer.”
I can practically feel his lips curving into a smile on my skin. ”I’ve been fighting against myself for days. I’ve wanted to see you, to touch you, but I was afraid I’d hurt you again. The darkness and anger are too close to the surface right now, and I’m trying to do the right thing with you, Bel. I can’t use you as a punching bag if I want to keep you by my side, but it’s terrifying because you’re also the only thing that has the power to calm me.”
He pulls back, his hands trailing up my neck, stopping at my cheeks. He cups them and pulls me closer, so our noses are almost touching. “It’s like there’s so much noise in my head, the voices scream, telling me to let go, to unleash hell, but then you touch me, and everything goes quiet. It’s unexplainable. You quiet the demons. In your presence, there are little fragments of light that slice through the darkness, giving me guidance, and at those moments, I think maybe I can be saved. Maybe I can do this. If I can keep the only person who helps me to think instead of acting out by my side. My only hope is that I can protect you from all the bad in my life, including myself.”
I can’t blink back the tears fast enough, and a few slip free, cascading down my cheeks. Drew’s eyes follow the tears before he swipes them away with his thumbs.
“Shhh, don’t cry, Flower. I’ve made you cry enough. The only time I want to see tears in your eyes is when you”re choking on my cock.”
A bubble of laughter escapes me. “Only you could say something so sweet and poetic and ruin it in the next sentence with something sexual and vulgar.”
The smile he gives me is breathtaking, and I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture of the handsome but incredibly broken man before me.
“What did you expect? A gentleman? Sorry, baby, but no amount of hits to the head would ever convince me to be that way. Plus, you like me like this. You like me being the villain in the story because no one plays the good girl quite as well as you.”
“I’m not always a good girl.” I grin, feeling feverish.
”Oh I know. You’re bad, really fucking bad. My dirty girl. But only for me. It’s only me who gets to see you like this. Only me who gets you so wet and horny you can’t think straight.”
There”s a dark husky whisper to his tone that makes me squeeze my thighs together to try to alleviate my need. ”Tell me, are you already wet for me? Is that pretty pussy waiting for me to fill it up?”
I clench my thighs again and gulp. ”Yes, I need you.”
He leans down and nips my bottom lip with his teeth. ”My Bel. My beautiful Bel.”
The small pain arouses me further, and I reach for him. I sink my hands into his shirt, fisting it, pulling him closer. I need him closer. I need him inside me. His absence this evening when I was with his friends made me feel empty, even if I was nervous about seeing him again. Uncertainty and fear of our fragile connection breaking makes me anxious. I want to be with him, but I’m also afraid of being hurt again.
”The only thing that matters to me is you. Keeping you safe, and protecting you. That”s all that matters, you know that right?”
The urgency and fear in his voice makes me pause and I pull back to look at him. ”Are you okay, Drew?”
He gives me a sad smile. “Of course, I’m just terrified of losing you. Terrified that I won’t be able to protect you. I can’t let anything happen to you again. I don’t care about anything else. Not about my father or Sebastian. Fuck them all. It’s just me and you, Flower. ”
I’m left even more confused by his riddles, but he finds a way to pull me back in, dragging me down into the dark waters of lust. He’s both the life vest that’s trying to save me and the wave that’s trying to pull me under. His hand snakes around to the back of my head, and I feel his fingers there, tracking the scar that’s now forming.
”I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t know you were going to fall, and even though I can’t go back in time, I’ll spend every day making sure you know how much I care about you.”
Slowly things start to make sense to me. Remorse, guilt. He’s sorry, and this is his way of saying it. I won’t lie, it makes me feel cherished and cared for that he’s apologizing and trying to own up to his mistakes.
”Shhh, it’s okay. I know you want to keep me safe and that you didn”t mean for any of those things to happen. I understand that, but for it to be me and you against the world, you must trust me. You have to let me in. We aren’t a team if you’re trying to fight everything on your own.” Some of the sensual haze recedes, and I can look into his beautiful green eyes. ”You get that right? Telling me nothing and that it”s for my own good does nothing to help me. Worst of all, it does nothing to prepare me for the real threats.”
”It”s my job to stand between you and threats. Let me fix things, please,” His voice is a whisper now as he searches my eyes for something that I can’t quite pinpoint. ”Let me show you what you mean to me. I can”t lose you, Bel. Not after losing everything else. Not after...” He breaks off, and I wait but he doesn”t fill in the blanks. ”Let me make it up to you. Let me show you what you mean to me.”
Those sinfully rough hands of his roam my body, stopping when they reach my ass, which he grips through my sleep shorts.
”Is that your plan then? Death by orgasm and I will follow you willingly into the dark.”
He chuckles. ”If that”s what it takes then I”ll do it. It”ll be a hardship but I”ll take one for the team.”
Sobering, I meet his eyes. ”I have to know we are in this together. When you hurt me, I lost my mother, my best friend, everything that means anything to me, and I needed you.”
He drops his eyes to my mouth, then lower. ”I know. Fuck do I know. I”m sorry, Bel. I never wanted to hurt you. Not ever. It was all to keep you safe. It doesn’t make it right, and I hate that I wasn’t there for you, but I am now. I’m here now. Forever.”
I lean up to press my forehead to his. ”I need to know we are in this together. That you aren”t going to push me away again for my own good.”
He shakes his head, rolling his forehead into mine. ”I”m done running. If we can fix this, I”m done running. I can”t think of anyone but you, always you.”
He nips my lips with his teeth, and my lips part on their own admission. His tongue caresses mine, stroking it, and soon he’s owning me, deepening the kiss until I”m dizzy and breathless when he lifts his lips.
I’m damn near panting when he pulls away. Dammit. I”m so fucked right now. I can”t say no to him especially when he”s like this, so sweet and present with me.
”Tell me that you believe me?”
I blink up at him. ”Believe you?”
”Yes, do you believe me when I say that I can”t lose you. That I’m in this with you till the end.”
I nod against the raw need in his tone. If this is what he needs and will help him and bring us closer together, I’ll do anything.
”Fuck, Flower, you”re so perfect. I don”t deserve you. I know that but I’m too selfish of an asshole to give you up. I’ll never give you up, never again.”
His touch, his words, they cut me open, making me want to give into the temptation and throw caution to the wind, because when it comes to Drew I’m helpless.
”What do you want?” I whisper.
”You,” he says against my lips. ”Only you.”
His lips sare on mine again, and I feel his fingers dig into my cheeks, guiding me, bending me to his will. There’s an urgency to his touch, a desperation that we both feel. I’m consumed by his kiss, and I let him ravage me, own me.
Home.Drew is my home. My solace, my escape. At least, I think I want him to be. I curl my hands up and thread them through his dark hair. The nape of his neck is damp with sweat but I don”t care. I just need him close, as close as possible.
He pulls away, breaking the kiss, and I whine in disapproval but then he nips a line down my jaw and neck. I’m shivering and writhing against his body by the time he reaches my collarbone. With a growl against my skin, his lips move over my collarbone, and when he’s reached my T-shirt, he grabs the edge of it and rips it to the side, continuing his assault on me. The sensation tingles down my spine, and I clutch him to my chest.
”Drew, please.”
”Tell me what you need.”
”You.”
”Do you? How badly do you want my cock, baby? Bad enough that you’re willing to do anything I tell you to?” He leans back this time and slowly eases me into a sitting position.
I nod because I’ll agree to whatever he wants as long as he doesn’t stop. With a smile, he lifts me off the bed and places me on the floor. For a moment, all I can do is look up at him in confusion.
The floor beneath my thighs is cold, and I yelp, arranging my legs so I can get used to the chill quicker. Staring up at his knees and further to see the hard length of him outlined in his jeans, I try to ignore the pulsing in my core, along with the way my mouth waters. He wants my lips on his cock. I lean forward, reaching for his fly, but he shakes his head and grabs my hand, stopping me.
”Not yet. You get my cock when I give it to you, and you haven’t earned it yet, so if you want it, you’ll have to be a good girl and do what you’re told. Can you do that?”
His hard gaze penetrates the dark crevices of my mind that only he can reach. The places where I submit to him, give in to his pleasure and pain. His commanding voice reminds me of the Drew that stalked me in the library. The Drew I choose to give control over too.
Gently, he brushes strands of hair away from my face, then without warning, he sinks his fingers into my hair. Shivers wrack my body, and when he tightens his grip, a burn of pain ripples across my scalp, but the kiss of pain leads to a promise of pleasure. He tips my head back, and I let myself go, melting into his touch, into his hold.
”Yes,” I hiss out. ”Yes.”
He smirks. ”Good, because you know if you’re a good girl I’ll reward you, won’t I?”
I wiggle, and he jerks his chin up. ”Shorts and panties off. Scoot forward, and put that pretty pussy on my boot.”
“What?” I squeak, taken aback by his demand.
“You heard me, Flower. I want you to ride my boot, to make yourself come.”
I’m tempted to say no, tempted to tell him that’s disgusting but also insanely hot. I do neither of those things, because I’m certain my brain would short-circuit right now if I didn’t get the opportunity to come. Releasing me, he watches through hooded eyes as I shimmy out of my shorts and panties.
Once I sink back down to the floor, naked from the waist down, he pounces on me, his hand spearing back through the locks again. Shifting forward, I maneuver my knees on either side of his foot. I hesitate for a moment, wondering if I’m really going to do this.
”Mmm...good girl,” he praises and guides my head with his fingers. I let myself go limp in his grasp wanting to give into the pleasure.
”Don’t be shy. Use it. Ride it. And once your pussy is ready for me. I”ll fuck you until I make you come so hard you see stars.”
The hammering of my heartbeat echoes in my ears, while my brain tries to cut into the haze, whispering this might be wrong, but my body is full steam ahead. I”m already moving as my brain tries to shift focus. I lean up to roll my hips over the tip of his boot, and in return, he lifts it gently to provide counter pressure.
“Drew…” I moan, unsure of what I should do.
I know he wants me to ride his boot, but I can’t help but feel it’s wrong. His grip on my hair becomes painful, and I let out a hiss as he jerks my head back, his dark gaze piercing deep into my soul.
”Be a good girl, Bel. Ride my boot until that pretty pussy is messy with arousal and desperate with need, and I’ll reward you with my cock.”
All I can do is give in to the pleasure.