Chapter 23 #3
I closed my eyes, letting myself drink in the moment just for a few seconds.
This was dangerous. He was dangerous. I should have walked away when I’d had the chance, even if it had meant causing a scene.
Because now that Kage Tanaka had put his hands on my body again, I didn’t want him to take them off.
His hands made me want to do bad things.
Selfish things that were just for him and me alone.
Around us, guests whispered and stared. Kage studiously ignored them. His movements were confident, assured, fluid, guiding me effortlessly. His grip tightened slightly around my waist, and my breath hitched.
He leaned down, speaking near my ear. “You seem tense. What’s wrong, Regan?”
So many things, I wanted to say. So, so many things were terribly wrong. His engagement to another woman being one of them.
“Everyone’s staring at us,” I said breathlessly instead.
“And why do you think that is?”
I forced a laugh. “Isn’t it obvious? Everyone hates me. If they don’t hate me, then they’re afraid of me.”
He raised a brow. “Is that what you think? Perhaps they’re simply staring because you’re a beautiful woman.”
I flushed. “The world is cruel to beautiful women. I learned that long ago.”
He was quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry for that.”
“It’s fine,” I said, trying to sound casual. “I learned the solution to that problem a long time ago, too.”
“Oh? And what’s that?”
“Make the world afraid.” I bit my lip as he studied my face. He seemed disappointed. “What?”
“You think these people are staring at you because they’re afraid? I promise you, that’s not it.”
“Then, what is it?” I demanded, lifting my chin.
“They’re all looking at you because you’re the only thing in this room worth possessing—and because you’re in my arms.” He lowered his mouth to my ear. “Tell me, when’s the last time your archon said that to you?”
Kage was deluded, I decided. Maybe that’s what becoming a wolf did to a person. Still, I swallowed. “Never.”
“I thought not. You’re trapped in a lie, but it doesn’t have to be that way, Regan.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “And you? You think your life is any less of a lie? Look at where we are right now!” I glanced at the stage. Would this waltz ever end, or had the musicians begun playing the same song a second time?
Kage moved us through the next turn before answering. “You make a fair point.Which is why I’ve decided to end my engagement.”
The ballroom dissolved. I felt the floor sway beneath my heels. “You’ve what?”
“My betrothal ends tonight,” he repeated, his voice unnervingly calm. “I misjudged what I could live with—and without.”
“And your fiancée? When were you planning on telling her this?”
“As soon as we’ve finished dancing.”
“You’ll humiliate her,” I hissed, feeling some odd measure of sympathy for the blightborn girl. “Not to mention your grandmother. Your entire family! What will they say?”
“They’ll understand—if not tonight, in time. This engagement was never real, it was meant to shield Florence from Viktor. You know this—and I think you know what will happen to her if Viktor is able to get a hold of her.” His eyes bore into me, suddenly cold.
My throat felt dry. “I have … some idea.”
I knew Viktor fantasized about something called soulbinding. And I knew he was too much of a coward to do the ritual on himself. “I’d never have let him do that to me,” I whispered. But I also knew I didn’t have a hope in hell of stopping him if he’d tried.
Kage nodded. “I knew you’d say that. Regardless, I’ve realized I can still offer Florence the protection of House Avari without chaining her to a future with me that she doesn’t want.”
My heart thudded. “How do you know she doesn’t want it? That she doesn’t want you?”
“I know,” he said simply. “Is it really so hard to believe?”
I couldn’t give him an honest answer to that, so I didn’t reply.
“Why can’t you accept that the world isn’t always forged from fear and cruelty, Regan?” he said softly. “Who taught you those were the only coins worth spending?”
I gave a brittle laugh. “My family. Not to mention years of experience.” I looked across the room at where Blake and Medra were dancing. “Maybe even him.”
“You cared for him so much, then?”
I shook my head slowly. “No. Not like that. But it would have been a good life. A better life … than the one I’ve ended up with.”
Blake had humiliated me. Rejected me. And while I stood alone and disgraced, licking my wounds like a dog, Viktor Drakharrow had swooped in. For a little while, I’d truly been flattered by his attention. What a na?ve fool the old Regan had been.
Blake leaned down to speak into Medra’s ear. I should have been filled with hatred and jealousy. But suddenly, all I could think of was that I was glad at least one person here tonight was truly happy.
Kage watched me watch them. “I heard what happened earlier, out in the hall. You sent that thrall to the infirmary, even though your own Bloodguards mocked you for it.”
I stiffened. “That was nothing. You know Rodriguez. He’s like a dog with a bone.”
“Nothing?” He drew me a little closer. “Professor Stonefist’s niece is going to wake up tomorrow because you intervened and saved her life. I wouldn’t call that nothing. Would Viktor have wanted you to do what you did?”
Heat pricked behind my eyes. “Of course not. But one small choice won’t change anything. It won’t change all the things I’ve done. Blightborn students die at Bloodwing all the time. We both know this.”
“Maybe not,” he conceded. “But I think it shows there’s more kindness in your heart than you want to admit—even to yourself.”
I stared up at him. “This talk of ending your engagement … Don’t do it. Not if it’s …”
“Not if it’s what?” he asked.
“Not if you’re doing it for me. I’m not free—I’ll never be free. And I am who I am. I can’t undo what I’ve done.” There was a lump in my throat. “The blightborn girl … Florence. She’s probably a good person. Better than I am.” Not to mention she had a fucking dragon as her dowry.
The waltz was ending, but Kage didn’t let me go. Instead, he leaned down. “I’m going to speak to Florence now. But I want you to meet me later tonight.”
“Meet you?” I hissed.“Are you insane? You know I can’t do that.”
We’d already met alone, but that had been different, completely accidental. Well, mostly.
Kage’s breath was hot against my cheek. “I won’t keep watching you drown behind that mask.
You saved a girl tonight. I want to talk to the woman who did that—not the headmistress, not Viktor Drakharrow’s consort, not Blake’s exconsort.
Just you. Let me show you that you don’t have to live like this, Regan. Let me help you.”
I closed my eyes. “Where?” I wasn’t promising anything. I was just asking a simple question.
“The Dragon Court. Come at midnight. You know the state it’s in. It’s always empty now.”
“So simple,” I said hollowly. I already knew I wasn’t going to show up. I couldn’t. Viktor would kill us both. I wouldn’t let Kage waste his life this way. And while I might not have valued my own life very highly, I still had Persis to think about.
Persis—who Viktor was never, ever letting go.
Kage flashed me a smile that showed his canines. “Simple enough. I just want to talk. That’s all.”
But if talking wasn’t all I needed?
His hands left my waist, their warmth gone in an instant.
Immediately I yearned to have them back.
If his hands felt that good over the satin of my dress, how incredible would they feel on my bare skin?
I stood there silently for a moment and watched him walk away, his back straight, his stance confident; I knew I couldn’t change his mind.
Kage Tanaka was about to go up against the secondmost powerful highblood in Sangratha.
More than that, he was about to risk a dragon’s wrath.
And he was doing it all for me.