Chapter 17 Elijah
Elijah
“I really appreciate you staying back this weekend,” Flux says, as she peers at me over her glasses.
I’m organizing and stapling together some papers for the upcoming lesson on Monday. Tedious work, but it’s simple enough.
“No problem.” I grin. “I’m just glad I could be of some assistance.”
She nods her head, typing away on her computer. “Absolutely. Small chances like this can get you where you want to go.”
A small smile tugs at my lips as I smooth the stack of papers before me.
“And that would be…?” she asks, shuffling through some papers on her desk.
My eyebrow arches. “Pardon me?”
“What are you aiming for, exactly?” She exits out of the pages on her computer screen and turns her attention to me.
Her eyes zoned in on me is nerve-racking. “Oh, wow. Big question.” I straighten my posture and blow out a breath of air.
“Not really. You’re here. You’ve been doing art for years. There must be an end goal or else you wouldn’t be wasting my time or yours.” She leans back in her chair, taking off her glasses and setting them on her desk.
I quickly wonder how honest I should be here. She’s right. “Well, if you had asked me that question a couple of years ago, I would’ve said filmmaker. No hesitation.” I rub the back of my neck. “I really wanted to make movies and capture scenes, maybe work on commercials…” I begin.
She nods her head, encouraging me to go on.
I swallow deeply. “I guess I haven’t really thought about it though…since my dad died. The dream of filmmaking…sort of turned into…well…a dream.” I finish. My cheeks immediately feel hot as I look away. I can’t believe I admitted that.
“So…when your father died, your aspiration sort of died with him.” She restates. “Sorry if that was blunt. Sometimes, I don’t have a filter for these things.”
I squeeze my eyes shut but nod, all the same. I didn’t want to say it…but yeah.
“I guess…I don’t really know what to bet on anymore. Nothing seems certain.”
Surprisingly, a smile tugs at the corner of her lips. “Life rarely is.” She shakes her head.
A soft laugh escapes me. “I must sound so confused.”
“You sound brave.” She corrects. “It takes a lot of courage to feel scared of the future, and still go after it anyway.”
My smile fades as I take in what she’s saying. She’s looking at me with such awe, and I’m not completely sure why.
“You know…my husband was the same way as you. He was curious about life but never truly seemed certain about it. So passionate about so many things that his goal post moved so often.” She smiles softly to herself.
Her eyes drift back to me. “You remind me a lot of him. Your art spoke to me like he did. I saw it then at your high school art night and I still see it now.”
My heart aches feeling the undeniable sadness in her voice. A type of sadness only people who have experienced losing someone close to them can hear in each other.
“I’m sorry—” I bow my head.
“Don’t.” She cuts me off. “It’s a beautiful thing to love people the way we have loved. Our memories of them remind us of that. We hang on to it.” She smiles gently.
I nod my head. “What else was he like?”
She breathes in deeply, looking off as though she’s imagining him here right now. “Carefree. Light.” She shakes her head. “He acted without thinking of the consequences which often got him into trouble.” She winks, making me smile. “But…he was fun.” She closes her eyes. “God, he was fun.”
Hearing that warms my heart. It reminds me of how Tobias describes me, which is pretty amazing.
She sits up, clasping her hands together on her desk. “Well, Mr. Thorne,” she wipes her eyes, and I only see now that she was teary. “Are you hungry?”
A small smile tugs at my lips. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Let’s order something. I’m starved.” She rubs her hands together before taking her phone out. “It’s on me.” She winks.
***
I fall on my mattress, still holding the lingering feelings from Flux and I’s conversation. Taking out my phone, I dial the one number that brings me comfort when I’m feeling heavy like this.
He should be home, as I see that it’s half past ten.
I’m not sure he’ll be awake but it’s worth a shot. After grabbing some Italian food with Professor Flux, Katelyn and Jamie insisted I join them for a drink at some dorm party. I didn’t last long there at all before I came crawling back here to talk to Tobias.
He’s who I want to speak to at the end of every day. He’s all I need.
And when the screen lights up with his sleepy face on the screen, I know it was the best decision to call.
“I’m sorry for calling you so late,” I smile, stuffing my face into the pillow under me.
“Mmm, you can call me any time, any day. I don’t care.” He sighs softly, giving me a dreamy look. “I wasn’t even asleep.”
This makes me frown. “You aren’t sleeping?”
He shakes his head, his dark blonde hair falling over his eyes. I love when he’s all disheveled like this, but I also don’t want him feeling unwell.
“It’s just hard to get to sleep without you here.” His jaw ticks as he puts his hand behind his head. He’s topless so his body is on full display.
“I know what you mean.” I prop my phone up on the headboard so I can lay down completely.
“Is that my sweater?” The corner of his mouth ticks up as he squints, looking in closer.
My face feels hot as I stuff my sweater-covered pillow further under me. “Shut up,” I laugh, trying to hide my shame.
He bites his lower lip, dragging his pillow from beside him into the frame. I see one of my favorite blue button-ups, wrapped around his pillow too.
“Oh, we’re so down bad.” I burst out in laughter, seeing him snuggle his face into the clothing.
“It’s the only way,” he says, breathing in the material. I know what he means.
“I miss how you smell.” I agree without him even having to say it. I rub my face against his sweater, feeling the material soothe me.
“If I start naming the things that I miss about you, this call will never end.” He laughs softly.
“Good.” I smile. I hug my pillow tighter. “I…talked about my dad today. Flux asked and I guess it sort of came out.”
Tobias sits up slightly, scanning my face. “Really?”
“Yeah…”
“Are you…okay?” He breathes.
I swallow deeply, thinking that answer through. “Yeah. It was nice to speak about him.”
“You know you can always talk to me about him, right?”
I nod my head. “If there’s anyone who understands what losing him is like…it’s you.”
Tobias gives me a small smile. “I miss him too.”
I shrug, getting comfortable. “Can you just…I don’t know. Stay on the phone with me? Until I fall asleep, at least?”
Tobias stares at me, love in his eyes as a beautiful smile hints at his lips.
“What?” I smile.
“Nothing.” He smirks. “Yes, of course I’ll stay on the phone with you. I’d love for nothing more.”
“Perfect.”