Chapter 18 Tobias
Tobias
“You’re doing it, Tobias! You’re really doing it!” Elijah laughs. I kick as hard as I can, as my arms swing out beside me.
A wide grin spreads on my face. I really am doing it. My head stays above the water as I tread, feeling the excitement and pride fill inside of me.
Elijah shouts, clapping his hands excitedly in front of his face. “You got it, Tobias. Keep kicking! Keep kicking—”
Something wraps around my ankle, making me stop kicking. It feels cold, dead, and…wrong.
“Tobias!” Elijah shrieks out.
Before I can catch one last look at his face, I’m pulled under.
I don’t remember us swimming in the ocean. But here, right now, as the deep blue water surrounds me, I know I’m no longer in Elijah’s lake.
Instead, I’m in the big, deep, empty ocean with nothing here to save me.
I let my body be dragged down, even though as I look, there’s nothing there at all.
Just darkness. Just the unknown.
I feel the emptiness and sadness calling my name as I sink further and further.
As I look up, I see a break in the thick ice.
I’m under a sheet of ice?
But it’s not the ice that scares me. No.
It’s the big black crow that stares down at me at the edge.
It knows I don’t belong up there. With Elijah and Jude. I can feel it.
It’s staring down at me like this is where I belong. Down in the darkness.
Alone.
Always alone.
***
I jolt awake, sitting up. I’m no longer wet from the water of the ocean. Now, I’m only wet from the sweat that I’ve accumulated, slick on my skin. I rub my chest, praying for the harsh beating to subside.
“Dammit,” I mutter, hand roaming the sheets for my phone. When I finally find it, the screen tells me Elijah and I hung up around three-thirty. We must’ve fallen asleep on the phone again.
I feel a case of coldness come over me, making me shiver.
That dream was…terrifying. I hate that my nightmares have returned again.
It’s like my brain can’t calm down. I’m constantly on edge.
Maybe I could call Elijah again. But, when I look at the time, I see that it’s only six am. There’s no way Elijah will be up already so calling him is out of the question, and there’s no way I’m falling back asleep either.
It’s the weekend, and I’ve got the whole day before I need to do some restaurant pickups and head into work.
I get up off the bed and start getting ready for a morning run to the local gym.
I normally don’t train on the weekends, but hey, maybe it’ll help calm my nerves.
I shoot Elijah a quick good morning text and picture before I jump downstairs for a protein shake.
I’m not paying attention as I scoop the powder into my shaker, snagging the edge with my palm and knocking the bottle over. Water spills across the floor.
“Oh, shit!” I yelp as the cold hits my feet before I can jump back.
I quickly reach for my paper towel on the spindle before lowering myself to the ground, wiping up the spilt mess.
It’s only then when I remember something.
Since when did I buy paper towels?
The hair on the back of my neck stands as the chill rolls down my spine.
Opening the fridge door, I see every shelf filled with things I never purchased. Truthfully, I’m not sure when I last went grocery shopping. Maybe it was before Elijah left for school.
Oranges?
Apple Juice?
A carton of eggs?
Someone’s been in this house.
Are they here right now?
I hurry up the stairs, phone in hand, already dialing Detective Jameson’s number.
“Hello?” Her voice comes through the speaker at the same time I pace through the rooms on the top floor.
“He’s here. Or–or, he was here. I’m not sure.”
“Wait. What? He couldn’t be. We’ve been watching your house every night.”
“Well, your guys fucked up. Or something, because I can feel it.” I step up to Jude’s old room. A deep sadness fills my body as I grasp the handle.
I… I can’t open it.
“Woah, slow down. What’s going on?”
“T-there’s groceries here. Food. In the fridge. I didn’t buy it.” I rush out, turning back down the hallway. “Where the hell are you!?” I call, making my way into the guest bathroom.
If he’s here…I’m going to kill him. I won’t wait.
“Tobias, is there a chance that you forgot? You’ve been busy—”
“No!” I yell, whipping open the shower curtain. Seeing no one there, I stand still for a moment. I can feel my heart thumping. “I…I’m not crazy,” I say, softer this time.
“No.” Jameson sighs. “Of course you aren’t. Let me just check in with my guys and see if there’s anything weird that’s come up.”
I nervously pull at the hair on the nape of my neck. “Yeah. Okay.”
“Do you want to stay on the phone with me while I do so?” She asks, patiently.
I nod my head, even though she can’t see me. “Oh–uh, yeah.”
“Okay, one moment.”
I hear the dial tone, alerting me I’m on hold.
I walk through the hallway to Elijah’s room—our room.
I will my heart to slow down. Whatever happens. Whatever may come. I’ll handle it. For us. For him.
He’s all I have and I’ll protect that with everything I’ve got.
Opening the door, I see there’s no one inside. I sit on the edge of the bed and blow out a long breath.
“Hey,” Jameson’s voice comes back on the phone. “You still here?”
“Yes. I’m here.” I sniff, rubbing my hand down my face.
“You texted a list to us the other day of individuals that we shouldn’t flag if they came by the house. Do you remember that?”
My eyebrows knit as I remember texting them only a few, like they asked. “Yeah. It was only Elijah, Claire and…” My face drops. Shit. “Gwen.”
“It looks like she came by the other day. Around eight-thirty p.m. You were at work and she only stayed for a half an hour or so. Sounds to me like she was dropping off—”
“Groceries.” I finish in a hushed voice.
“Mhmm.” Jameson answers. “I will say, my men are supposed to report if there’s any movement around the house, so I apologize for not alerting you. We’ll get better at that moving forward.”
“No…I…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have jumped to—”
“Thinking your father who’s on the run has stopped by to see his child? Nah, that’s pretty normal to be on guard. You did the right thing by calling me.”
I feel that familiar wave of guilt wash over me. I should’ve called them a long time ago. “Yeah…”
“This could be a lot to handle for anyone. You do have someone to talk to though, right? I want to make sure you’re getting the support you need.”
I feel my breath picking up, my heart starting to beat fast all over again.
Do I have someone to talk to about this?
Well…no.
I can’t talk to Gwen or anyone at work about what’s been going on with my dad because well, it’s illegal what I did. And I can’t talk to the one person I want to talk to the most, which is Elijah, because I lied to him. The one person I should never have lied to. I’m in too deep and I’m drowning.
Just like my stupid, awful dream.
I’m alone.
“Um, yeah. Absolutely I do.” I lie. I run my hand through my hair and think of any way to get off this call. “Anyway, I probably should run. I’ve got some errands to do.”
“Yeah. Of course. And remember, don’t hesitate to call if you hear from him.”
“Yeah, sounds good. Bye.” I hang up the phone and throw my cell phone on the couch.
I’ll be running without my phone today.
***
“No, I asked for two margarita pizzas, not margaritas.” The old gentleman snarked.
“Shit—I mean, sorry.” I cringe, picking the salt-rimmed drinks off the table.
His eyebrows raise over his dark rimmed glasses as he looks from his shocked family back to me. “Excuse me? Can we speak to your manager?”
“I am the manager.” I try to give my best polite smile.
The man’s eyes scan me from head to toe. “You’re just a boy.”
I huff, trying to keep my cool. “How about this? Your dinner is on me tonight. I can get those pizzas on the way right now.”
He nods his head, still looking me over, as I make my way back over to the bar, dropping off the drinks.
“We’re up two margaritas.” I huff, punching in the pizzas on the screen.
“Two? Yay! Can I have them after work?” Claire bounces on her toes, as she fills up a Coke with the soda gun.
“No,” I say, sliding the drink over to Gabe who sets it aside for hopefully another order. I groan, stuffing my head in my hands. This is the third mistake I’ve made tonight. “This used to be so much easier. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me tonight.”
“You got a lot on your mind?” Gabe asks, topping off a beer before sliding it over to Claire so she can run it to her table.
“Don’t I always?” I laugh pathetically.
“You know what you need?” Gabe points at me. “A night of fun.”
“Ohhh, are we going out for drinks after work?” Claire returns, slapping her tray down on the wood.
I shake my head. “I don’t really drink.”
“I’m dying for peach Bellini.” She claps her hands together, looking between Gabe and I.
“See? The girl wants her Bellini.” Gabe coaxes his head towards her. “I can DD.”
I groan. “I…” I think about denying it. I really do. But…now that I’m thinking about it, I really don’t have anything else to do tonight.
I can go home after my shift and just…wait until Elijah calls me again?
Last time we talked, he was getting in from a party because he has no problem living his life.
While I’m at home haunted from the shadows around every corner.
Yeah, no. I guess I’m in no rush to get home.
“OH, and they’re doing karaoke at Manny’s tonight.” Claire gasps.
Gabe and I cringe at the same time.
“We’re trying to persuade him to come out, not derail him.” Gabe shakes his head.
“Come on, pleaaaase.” Claire begs, clasping her hands together.
Gabe shoots me a look too.
Whatever, maybe it’ll even be fun. Get my mind off of some things.
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll join you guys.” I nod.
They both cheer, high-fiving each other which makes me laugh. I didn’t realize they wanted to hangout with me this badly. Maybe this will be good.
We all return to work and thankfully, there are no more mistakes as the night finishes up.
All of us are sitting at the bar cashing out while cleaning up.
“One thousand, one thousand and one…” Claire counts, making her little money pile.
“Shut up.” Gabe laughs, nudging her in the shoulder lightly.
She giggles and continues doing her calculations, but not before flashing me a little smile, showing me how excited she is with him paying her attention.
She’s too cute.
I laugh, shaking my head, counting my own tips. I’m suddenly interrupted by a buzzing noise coming from my pocket. Jumping up and collecting all my slips and money, I swipe answer, immediately feeling a rush of excitement once I see who is calling me.
“Babe,” I say softly, opening the office, slipping inside and closing the door behind me. “How are you?”
“Hey, Angel. Sorry, did I catch you in the middle of something?” Elijah’s sweet and smooth voice sings through the phone. It instantly warms my heart.
“Not at all. I was just cashing out with Gabe and Claire.” I grin, sitting in my chair.
He’s quiet for a few beats. “Oh, right. I guess that makes sense. You had to serve tonight.”
I nod my head. “Mhm. They’re dragging me out for some drinks tonight. Claire wants to run up some karaoke.” I laugh.
“Oh, jeez. Tobias and karaoke. I can’t believe I’m missing that.” Elijah laughs. The sound soothing my chest. “Just do me a favor and save Hopelessly Devoted to sing with me.”
My eyebrows shoot up as a genuine chuckle booms out my chest. “Oh, okay. Now I’m going to hold you to that.”
“I don’t know why I said that. Please don’t.”
“Oh, we’re so doing it now. Just you wait.” I sigh happily, leaning back in my chair. “And what are you doing tonight?”
“Katie’s taking me to another dorm party with her and Jamie. Guess we’re sorta becoming a trio or whatever.”
“It’s Katie now. Wow.” I laugh into the phone.
“Shut up.” Elijah teases back.
As much as it doesn’t thrill me he’s hanging out with his ex, I also know that I can trust him. They never had what we have together. No one ever can compete with that. “Ah, well that sounds like a fun plan.”
“Yeah, well. I guess it’s good to get out there and meet more artists and such. I need to get back into the swing of things after my time off.”
“Yeah, I think it’s a good thing you’re going.” I pick up a pen and start scribbling jagged lines on a blank piece of paper. “The first step in getting comfortable with that sort of thing again,” I say into the phone.
“Yeah…” he breathes.
I close my eyes, trying not to crumble. If he can sense I’m wishing he was home every time we talk, he’ll get tired of talking to me. I can’t have that. I—
“I wish you were here,” he says softly.
I grip the phone in my hand, wishing I could just float through the screen and go straight to him.
“I wish—”
Suddenly, my office door pops open. Claire, Gabe and a few other staff members come tumbling through the doors, laughing and talking amongst themselves, all dressed in their outdoor clothes.
“Come on! You better get your walking shoes on, Boss.” Yasmin laughs, walking around my desk and pulling on my arm.
“Shit,” I breathe into the phone. Claire knocks over a picture frame on my desk of Jude as she climbs on top of my desk. I hurriedly scramble to reset it upright. “Elijah?” I ask into the phone.
“Don’t worry! I gotta go now anyways,” he says, cutting into the noise around me. Everyone is laughing and talking so loudly that I can hardly hear him.
“Fuck. Okay, I’m sorry, babe. I’ll talk to you later?” I ask. I hate having to end our call early.
Honestly, I hate having to end our call at all.
“Yeah. Sounds good.”
“Okay, I love you. Bye,” I say.
“I love you too, bye,” he says before the line goes dead.
Before I can take in what just happened, Claire is on top of my lap, squishing my face with her fingers. “You, sir, owe me a drink.”
“Is that right?” I laugh, swatting her hands off me before giving her a gentle push. Claire is a walking HR problem. “Alright, everyone out,” I say, waving my hands to shoo them along.
She laughs, skipping towards the door. You’d think she already has had a few drinks. The group of them files out of my office as soon as they see me walking towards the door.
Gabe laughs, following after her. “Is she always like this?” He asks, looking at me. I sigh, thinking about it.
“Yeah. Pretty much.” I smile.
He shakes his head, chuckling, before throwing his arm around my shoulder and leading me out of the office.