Chapter 19 Elijah
Elijah
“Screw Gabe.” Katelyn hisses, falling onto the couch beside Jamie. A little of her beer jumps out of the bottle, spilling on his shoulder. “Shit. Sorry.” She apologizes, rubbing her hand over the now damp spot on his sweater.
“Yeah, fuck Gabe.” Jamie looks down at it, swatting the spot too. “Wait, why are we hating this Gabe person?” he asks, looking up at me.
It’s pretty loud in this room with the bustling students who are chatting among themselves, but I try to keep my voice as steady as possible so only they can hear.
“He’s trying to fuck my boyfriend,” I whisper-shout before throwing the dart in my hand and successfully hitting the green segment on the board across from us.
Katelyn sighs, getting up, and aiming her shot. “But are we sure he’s trying to fuck him or is he just a new friend?”
I scoff. “Tobias doesn’t have friends. He has people around him that want to fuck him if given the chance. I mean, just look at me.” I wave my hand in front of myself.
She takes her shot and misses tremendously. “Awe, wow. It’s fantastic knowing you wanted to fuck him while we dated.” She says sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
“Shit…sorry.” I cringe, because she wouldn’t be wrong. I did want to fuck him. I wanted to do many things with him. Which is exactly why I don’t trust new friends. “You know what? I should go back. Just go and put a stop to it.” I thread my hand through my hair, a little harder than necessary.
“Woah, woah, woah.” Jamie hops up, snatching the cooler from my other hand. “How about we not do that?” He shakes his head, placing my drink on the table next to us. “You’ve been drinking.”
Dammit. He’s right. Can’t do that.
“You know what I think?” Katelyn lays her hand on my shoulder. “I think some space would be a good idea.”
A booming laugh escapes my lips. “Space!? All we’ve had is space. I hate it. Have you not been listening!?” I groan, shooting my dart. We all watch the dart hit the edge of the board and fall to the ground pathetically.
“What do you mean?” Katelyn groans. “All you do is FaceTime. You’re constantly texting each other. I swear, you can’t stop talking about him for more than five seconds,” she scoffs, throwing her hands at her sides. “I’m honestly surprised we’ve had your attention for this long.”
I jolt. Her tone shocks me, and I take a step back. Where the hell did that come from?
“Shit…I didn’t know you felt like that.” I say quietly.
She pinches her lips shut, darting her eyes away.
“I didn’t mean it to come off mean or anything.
” Breathing out in defeat, she looks at me with softer eyes this time.
“I just…I know how much you like him. But, sometimes I feel like you’re so tied up in him that you can’t see anything else.
It’s like you two are fused together. That can’t be healthy for anyone.
Aren’t you scared it can come across a little…
clingy to him?” She looks down at her Doc Martens, scuffing the ground with her heel.
My face heats as I try to process what she’s saying.
Clingy?
My stomach twists thinking about Tobias possibly thinking I’m too much for him…
I guess I am really wrapped up in him.
I’ve never had an ounce of what we have with anyone else.
But, how could I not be?
The years we were apart felt…horrible. High school had its highs, but there were way more lows without him by my side. I’ve experienced what life without Tobias is like…and it fucking sucks.
It feels intense with him because it is intense.
“I don’t think you get it.” I shake my head, scratching the back of my neck. “He’s my person. My only person.” A sadness waves over me. I drop my head thinking about the distance we have between us right now. “How could I not want to hold on tightly to that?”
“Okay.” Katelyn breathes, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m sorry. You’re right.” She pouts, placing her chin on my shoulder. “Anyway, Thanksgiving is coming up in one week. Think you can last that long to see him?” She asks, squeezing me tightly.
I shift awkwardly in her arms. Suddenly I feel a little subconscious bringing up my plans with Tobias.
What if she’s right and I’m being too much?
How do I truly know? “Midterms are coming up, and Flux is going to need all the help she can get. I’m not even sure it’s going to be possible to go home… ”
“Flux is a tough one, but she’s not heartless. She’ll let you go home for Thanksgiving.” Jamie adds, taking his shot and hitting a black segment.
Katelyn shrugs, flashing me a smile. “Orrrr, maybe that’s a good thing. It’ll give you a moment to do your own thing for a little while. And hey, I’ll be stuck here. Maybe we can hang together!”
“Yeah…maybe…” I mumble. Hanging out with her for Thanksgiving isn’t exactly my idea of fun.
Right as my mind starts veering off, I feel vibration coming from my pocket. Taking out my phone, I see the one name I want to see the most right now. “You know what? I’m actually thinking I’m gonna head out. This has been great, though.”
Katelyn glances down at my phone and with a half smile, she nods her head understanding. Jamie and her wave me off as I slide my finger across the screen.
“Babe—”
“I promise I didn’t sing Hopelessly Devoted without you.” Tobias’s voice comes through the phone.
I crinkle my eyebrows at the slight slur in his voice.
“Are you drunk?” I laugh as I walk out of the party.
“No. I had one…three amaretto sours, tops.”
This makes me laugh. Tobias barely drinks so anything would make him feel good. “Yeah, okay.”
“Are you mad at me?” He asks quietly.
The vulnerability in his voice takes me by surprise. He hasn’t asked that in a long time. I immediately take the phone away from my ear, and quickly tap on the FaceTime so he can see how not mad I am.
He accepts, his beautiful flushed face appearing on the screen. It looks like he’s in some sort of bathroom stall. I guess he’s still out with the work crew.
“There’s nothing you could do to make me mad at you,” I say softly, wishing I could be there to kiss the doubt away.
“Nooo. That’s not true. High school Elijah would beg to differ.” Tobias teases. His lip coaxing up in a sexy smirk that makes my heart jump.
“Hmmm, I guess you’d be right about that. Okay, yeah. Other than ignoring me for four years, there’s nothing else you could do to make me mad at you.”
Tobias smiles. “I’ll remember you saying that.”
“Okay. Hold me to it.” I wink. I stroll into my dorm building and swiftly make my way inside.
“Claire made me sing High School Musical with her.” Tobias sighs.
“You can’t fool me. I know you loved every minute.” I laugh.
He rubs his hand down his face. “Yeah, I guess I did. I would’ve loved it better singing with you though.”
“You keep saying that. I’m getting the feeling you actually want to sing with me.” I tease, opening my door.
“I do. I haven’t heard your voice in so long. All of your sounds.” He groans, leaning on the restroom door. His voice sounds so gritty and raw, like he’s seriously dying for it. It makes me feel all warm and needy for him.
“My sounds?” I laugh softly, even though I know exactly what he’s talking about. Hell, I miss him too. “God, what I’d give to be right there with you right now.” I groan.
Taking off my shirt and pants, I flop down on my bed and grab a hold of my pillow wrapped in Tobias’s sweater.
“Claire would make you sing a song with her.” Tobias laughs. “Or Gabe. Gabe sings too.”
“Ew.” I blurt out without thinking.
Tobias’s mouth drops, eyebrows raise as he chuckles at my outburst. “Oh wow, what do you have against Gabe, huh?”
“He’s there with you and I’m not,” I mutter, squeezing my pillow. I perch my pillow under me, so I can prop Tobias up against my headboard, while I’m laying down.
His eyes immediately fixate over my shoulder, taking an eyeful of my ass. “Jesus, E. You have no idea how good your ass looks right now.”
I look behind me. Picking my phone up, I hold it over my shoulder so he can get a better view of my back as I straddle the pillow. “This ass?”
Tobias has never ever asked me to take photos of myself. After my traumatizing event I went through during senior year, I appreciate him for never making me feel like I had to.
But, I trust him more than anything. And right now—right now, I really don’t mind sharing a piece of myself with the one man I love the most.
He groans, rolling his eyes. “What are you doing to me right now?” I hear the booming beat from the karaoke bar get louder, as I can only assume someone has entered the bathroom.
I smirk, moving the camera beside me. “Not what I wish I could be doing—I promise you that.”
“Can Thanksgiving come any faster?” Tobias whines. “We’ll have all the time alone and I can hardly wait.”
I open my mouth to answer…but I can’t. I think back to what Katelyn said about our relationship.
After a moment of silence, he swallows deeply. “What is it?”
“I just—I have to talk to Flux. That weekend is going to be a lot of prepping for midterms so I’m not sure if she’ll want me to stay back to help…” I say sadly.
I see something else flicker past his eyes. Like sadness or something even deeper than that. Maybe I’m acting too hasty. I mean…maybe I should—
As if suddenly sobering up, he straightens his posture, and clears his throat. “I’ve got a lot to figure out at the restaurant anyway. It’s no problem. You’re good.”
My eyebrows pinch together as I look at him. “Are you sure?”
He threads his fingers through his hair, and I can see him smoothing his hand down his shirt. “Uh. Yeah. I’m just…missing my solo, that’s all.”
Oh, he wants to leave.
I look at him shocked. “Oh! Well, um. Wouldn’t want you to miss that.”
He nods his head. “Yeah, I guess I should run.”
“I guess you should.” My jaw tenses. “You’ll call me later tonight though, yeah? When you get home?”
He takes a second to respond, looking down at his feet. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
“I love you,” I rush out.
He nods his head, bringing his eyes up to mine. “I love you too.”
With that, the screen goes black, leaving me feeling confused.
Not the way I thought our call was going to end, that’s for sure.