Chapter 32 Elijah
Elijah
Even though the frustration of seeing Gabe kissing Tobias still simmers my blood, I focus on getting Tobias home, cared for and safe in bed, instead.
I came back tonight dedicated to being there for him. He needs me. And hell, I need him too.
We make it home in good time, and I make quick work at getting him upstairs and undressed.
I guide him to our bathroom and I stand there as he slowly undresses, placing his clothes on the countertop.
“I’m going to make you something to eat while you shower,” I say, turning the nozzle of the shower on.
He quickly reaches out, grabbing my hand. “No. Don’t leave me,” he softly pleads. His eyes desperately jump between mine. I look down at his fist wrapped around mine and feel him almost shaking. It breaks my heart seeing him like this.
I nod my head. “Okay. I’ll stay with you.” I step back, lifting my shirt over my head and throwing it aside. I see his shoulders grow slack as he watches me get naked.
Stepping into the shower with him, I pull him under the stream with me. We stand there for a few minutes hugging, just feeling each other’s heartbeats until I reach out for the body wash.
I pour some onto his blue loofah and begin moving in small, gentle circles, lathering his chest and stomach as I work downward.
“I love you so much,” he whispers. And that’s the last thing he says before closing his eyes and leaning back on the tile wall, relaxing into my touch.
Turning him around slowly, I take my time washing up and down his back, arms and down the back of his legs.
Moving the sudsy loofah between his crease, I slide it up and down a few times, pulling a soft sound from his lips.
Unlike the many times this move has led elsewhere, this time I focus just on getting him clean, ignoring the hard-ons we both undeniably have.
Tonight, it’s all about making sure he feels safe and cared for. I finish up washing his thighs, calves and feet, before turning him back around and rinsing him off.
After I’ve washed his hair, and then myself, I hold him for a long while under the now lukewarm water. Rubbing my hands slowly up and down his back, and letting him lean on me…like he always should’ve.
Getting us both dried off and in pajamas took some time, but finally, we made it downstairs.
Wrapping his arms around my waist, I let him lean on my back, his head resting on my shoulder as I prepare our late night meal.
Grilled cheese.
He stands there patiently behind me as we listen to music playing on my phone while we wait for the bread to golden.
My left hand gently passes back and forth over his arm as the other flips his sandwich.
Every so often, Tobias kisses me gently on my neck, making sure I know he’s still there.
Like I could ever forget.
After the sandwich is plated, I grab him a water bottle from the fridge, take his hand and guide us upstairs to the bedroom. I know crumbs in the bed are the last thing we need right now, but honestly, I think tonight we just need to be together. Just us, where we feel the closest.
Guiding him to the bed, I climb on first, motioning for him to come and lay with me. Crawling over, he lays with his back against my chest, and places his plate on his lap.
“Thank you,” he says quietly, beginning to eat.
“Of course,” I respond, threading my fingers through his damp hair.
We stay like that for a while, wrapped in each other as soft music fills the dim, warm glow of the room. I continue passing my fingers through the hair along his temples, without any rush.
After some time, he finishes his sandwich. I take his plate and sit it on the night table. I’ll move it downstairs once he falls asleep. I hand him the water bottle, and he drains nearly all of it in one swift gulp. Once finished, I sit that aside too.
Squeezing my arms again, he cuddles into me, nuzzling his head under my neck.
“Thank you for coming back to me,” he says.
I inhale deeply. “I never should’ve left. I’m so sorry about the party. ” I shake my head.
“It’s okay. I deserved it. I never should’ve—”
I shake my head. “No, we don’t have to talk about it.”
“I want to. Please, can I?” He looks up at me.
My eyes dart over his face. I didn’t want to talk about it tonight…but maybe it’s for the best that we do. It seems like he’s sobered up now so maybe it’s time.
I nod my head. “Okay.”
Tobias licks his lips as he sits up in my arms, shifting until he’s angled toward me, still nestled between my legs.
I rub my hands up and down his chest so he knows I’m not angry.
“Remember when Derrick called me at the end of summer?”
I take a second to think about it. “When we were at the lake house? Yeah, of course.”
Tobias sucks in a deep breath and I prepare myself for what I already can assume.
“I went. I saw him that Tuesday and gave him money…” Tobias looks down at his hands, fidgeting in his lap.
“He threatened me which is fine but once he threatened you…I couldn’t take the risk.
I thought once he got what he wanted, he’d go away. ”
My heart starts beating fast. My breath is growing heavy. How dare he fucking show up again?
I feel like punching a wall, but I bite my tongue because I want Tobias to keep going.
Tobias continues. “Which…he didn’t. He started calling me. Pestering me to see him again. Give him more money. More threats, more calls.” His voice shakes. “So…I went. Again. Gave him some clothes.”
Pain shoots through my heart at this news.
“That time he threatened me with a gun. Told me he was going to take me away from you. He hit me over the head pretty hard when I refused.”
I gasp, reaching up to his forehead and running my hand over the line through his eyebrow left behind by the gash.
“You didn’t fall...” I whisper, running my finger along the faint scar.
Tobias pinches his eyes shut and shakes his head slowly. “I didn’t fall…”
“That fucking bastard.” I grit out. My hands turning into fists. “I’ll fucking kill him.”
“He’s got a gun, Elijah.”
“I don’t give a fuck!”
“Well, I do.” Tobias shifts, awkwardly.
I try to steady my breathing. Okay, this isn’t helping. My reaction is exactly why he didn’t want to tell me.
I lick my lips and try to focus on keeping quiet. “Okay…Okay, I’m sorry.” I squeeze his hand. “Please. Go on.”
Tobias looks at me for a minute, and when I don’t make any more sudden movements, he relaxes again. “Well…I keep…feeling like he’s around. Feeling like he’s watching me. Listening to my conversations. Just waiting to come for me. Take me away from you.”
I shake my head. I want to say he won’t but I don’t.
“I haven’t been sleeping right. I can forget about my appetite.
It’s nonexistent.” He runs his hand through his hair, obviously frustrated with this fact.
“He’s been digging his claws into me, and he’s not even around.
I’m leaving the lights on in the house, thinking he’s here.
Seeing people that aren’t there. I feel like I’ve gone crazy.
” Tobias swallows deeply. “One night, my paranoia got so bad, I…I went to the bar for a drink.” His eyes flick at me, and I can see he’s scared to tell me what’s next.
I reach out, and squeeze his hand yet again. “It’s okay. You can tell me anything. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”
Tobias nods his head, squeezing me right back. “Well…Gabe was there.”
My heart thuds in my chest. My blood floods with ice cold jealousy as I imagine Tobias and him in a booth in my dad’s restaurant.
“He had a split lip and was talking about needing a place to get away. I think someone’s hurting him.
Someone who he thought he could trust.” Tobias’s eyebrows pinch as he looks at me, trying to see if I understand.
Worry lines spread across his face, and it makes me feel a deep sense of guilt.
I guess I can understand why he’d want to be there for someone who’s been hurt.
He’s been there so many times and seeing someone else helpless would’ve spoken to him.
“We chatted for a while. Gabe asked me about you. I asked about what he was going through. Derrick’s name came up when he asked about my cut…
but,” Tobias sits up more, looking straight at my face.
“I promise you Elijah, that was it. All I told him was that he caused this.” He gestures at his eyebrow.
“And that I didn’t know how to tell you. ”
“You didn’t know how to tell me or you didn’t want to tell me? I could’ve helped. Been there for you. Talked to the police with you. Anything you needed.”
Tobias groans, running his hand down his face.
“I felt guilty, okay? I hate how he still has this hold on me. I just…” Tobias lightly punches his thigh a couple times as he thinks of the right words. “I wanted to handle it myself. I didn’t want you to think I was…weak.”
“Tobias, feeling emotions isn’t weak. Being scared isn’t weak. Asking for help is not weak. Leaning on the people you love and asking for help is one of the strongest things you can do. And you know who taught me that?” I shake him in my arms, making his lips quirk up. “You. You taught me that, T.”
Tobias sighs, leaning his head back on my shoulder. “Fuck, okay. You’re right…”
I take a moment to think about what he’s told me. He’s been dealing with so much.
“I want you to talk to me. Even when you’re scared. Even when you think I’d be upset. We have to talk to each other or else—” I urge.
He grabs ahold of my arms around him and tugs so tight, I feel like they might break off. “Don’t say it.” He cuts me off.
I shake my head. “Or else this won’t work…” I mutter, even though it breaks my heart to say it, he needs to hear it. Relationships don’t work if communication isn’t there. “And I really need this to work, T.” I stress, my voice trembling.
He lowers his head. “Okay…I need this to work too.” He thankfully agrees.
“So…have you heard from him lately?”
Tobias shakes my head. “He’s gone quiet. And honestly? I don’t know what scares me more.” He sighs disappointingly. “The cops have called off their patrol cars so I’m basically alone again.”
I shake my head. “You’re not alone. I’m here and we can get through this together. But, Tobias? We need to talk to the cops. Tell them everything.” I clarify.
Tobias stills in my arms. “What if I get in trouble for lying to them?”
“You won’t. Derrick threatened you. You were keeping me safe.
We don’t know what will help them find him.
You may be sitting on some information they need.
” I say. “You know what? I’ll talk to Gwen about it.
I’ll see if you really will get in trouble or not and we can go from there.
Either way, you don’t have to worry about anything.
” I go back to threading my fingers in his hair.
I feel the stress from his shoulders start to melt into me.
“This isn’t a battle you have to fight on your own. I’m here and I’ll keep you safe.”
Tobias shudders in my arms, and it’s only then that I realize he’s been crying.
“I’m not worth it,” he says so quietly, I barely hear him.
I get in close to his ear, so he can hear me loud and clear. “You’re worth everything.” I repeat it to him until he falls asleep. And I hold him long after that.