Chapter 31 Tobias
Tobias
Am I dreaming?
Everything’s blurry. My eyes. My head. My vision. It almost looks like Elijah’s standing there at the door. Red-faced and furious, with his hands fisted at his sides.
I must be imagining things. What would he be doing here?
Everything’s too loud. The pressure in my head is building. I slam my hands against my ears as I slide down the wall.
“Get the hell off of him!” A voice yells out.
Holy shit, that’s Elijah’s voice. He is here.
Oh, dammit. And he’s really mad.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Elijah this angry before.
But this time, his anger isn’t pointed at me. I watch as he grabs Gabe’s shoulders, pulling him and tugging him away off of me.
Did he just kiss me or did I imagine that too?
Shit. I think it was real.
Just when I thought things couldn’t get more fucked.
I wipe my mouth off with the back of my hand.
“You fucking bastard,” he grits out, his hands curled around Gabe’s sweater as he drags him to the door.
“I was just trying to calm him down. Look at this place! He was freaking out. I didn’t know what else to do—”
“You don’t fucking kiss him. You keep your disgusting lips to yourself.” Elijah spits, throwing him out.
“I promise. I was just trying to help.” Gabe stutters. “He needed you, and you weren’t here.” He calls out, waving his hand out in my direction.
I feel a rush of guilt hit me in my chest as I pull my legs up to my chest.
He wasn’t here. I was alone. Always alone.
I drop my head between my knees, arms crossed over the top to shield myself.
“Listen to me, and I want you to hear me very carefully.” Elijah says in a slow voice so deep that it gives me chills. “You’re a bad person and you did a bad thing. I don’t trust you and I don’t want you around Tobias. If it doesn’t have anything to do with work, don’t fucking talk to him.”
I look up with blurry eyes to see Gabe’s eyes flick over Elijah’s shoulder at me. My eyebrows pinch as I hold myself in my arms, feeling sick all of a sudden.
This is all too much.
“But…he’s my friend.” Gabe says softly.
“Find new friends.” With that, Elijah slams the door in his face.
I jump, startled at his aggression.
“Eli—” My shaky voice croaks, pushing my heels into the ground.
Elijah softens, shoulders slumping as he rests his head against the door, trying to relax.
I take a deep breath in, even though it’s so hard with all the pressure on my chest. I rub my hand over my heart. Everything hurts.
And here he is. Elijah’s finally here to see it all. Me in all my glory, unable to hide my brokenness any longer.
Wonderful.
“I’m so sorry.” I sputter, trying to regain myself. “Elijah, he wasn’t kissing me. He seriously wasn’t—”
“I don’t care.” Elijah sighs softly. Turning around slowly, he slides down the door, joining me on the floor. “He shouldn’t have touched you. You’re drinking and unable to fend for yourself.” He looks up at the ceiling, slowly shaking his head. “He crossed a line, T.”
I sniff, wiping under my nose with my hand. We sit there for a moment in silence, feeling the weight of what just happened fill the room.
“Things have gone dark again, haven’t they.” Elijah finally says, breaking the silence.
I look over at him. He connects his eyes with mine, and I feel that overwhelming need to be surrounded by him all over again. I nod my head slowly before bowing my head. “Yeah…yeah, it has.”
He quickly crawls over to me, over the broken glass and paper, and grabs me so hard in a tight hug. I feel the tears pour down my face, but thankfully Elijah doesn’t let go. He just holds me while the emotions roll through me.
I’m seriously surprised he’s not more upset, but I’m going to take what I can get right now. Because I needed this far more than he knows. The weight of his body against mine. The smell of his neck against my face. The way he quietly soothes me with soft words of comfort as I cry.
“I’m here, T. You’re not alone,” he says quietly. “I’ve got you.”
“I’m not okay.” I suck in a long, shaky breath. “E…when I’m lonely…things get really scary.” I’m not even sure my words are coming out right between the broken shudders.
Elijah squeezes me harder. “I love you, anyway.”
My eyes pinch shut. “I can’t do this. I make stupid decisions.
I’ve been fucking everything up. I—” I try to breathe but it’s hard.
Elijah pulls back, sucking in a big breath and blowing out slowly.
I try to mimic him, feeling my body shake from the sobs trying to escape.
But, after a few tries, my breathing starts to match his.
“I love you…anyway," he repeats, his voice low and steady as his hand moves from the back of my head down my spine in slow, comforting strokes.
“I love you, Tobias. All of you. Every single part. Even the parts you hate about yourself. I almost love those the most.” He smiles softly, shifting my head under his chin so he can continue rubbing my back.
My throat tightens as my tears run off my nose and onto his lap. “Why?”
He reaches up, sliding his hand under my chin until he fists the necklace he gave me. I feel his fingers running over the band. “Because, they remind me how strong you are—”
I suck in a breath, sitting up. “No, I’m—”
He catches my shoulders. “I don’t think you’re strong because you don’t have problems, Tobias. I think you’re strong because you’re still here despite those problems.”
I set my head on his shoulder, allowing him to continue rubbing my back and soothing me with these kind words. “I’m never going to think of you any less than strong. You’re my person. And I’m yours. It’s as simple as that,” he says, kissing me softly on my forehead.
I close my eyes, feeling the pressure of his lips against my skin.
Finally.
Finally something actually goes right, for once.
“You’re not still mad at me?” I dare to ask, squeezing his waist.
Elijah takes a deep breath in, rubbing my arm gently. “I think…I think we have a lot to talk about. Like, why you kept seeing your dad from me. Or, why you chose to tell Gabe and not me.”
I open my mouth to begin to explain, but before I can, Elijah covers my lips with his palm. “But, for right now. I think we should press pause. Get you fed. Put some water in you and take a long hot shower.”
I sulk, my shoulders dropping as I crumble back into his arms. Okay, maybe that’s for the best. The booze is definitely still in my system and I don’t think I should be having any type of serious conversation right now.
“Let me just take you home.” Elijah sighs softly. “Will you let me do that?” He asks, looking down at me.
I look into his eyes and breathe in deeply. Nodding my head, I let him stand me up, and guide me to the door with his arm around my waist.
I look back at the mess we’re leaving behind. “What about all of this?”
Elijah looks over my shoulder. “I’ll take care of it. Just like I’ll take care of you.”
Taking in a deep breath, I surrendered to him.
Trusting him to do just that.