Chapter 30 Elijah #2
“You dropped me. Like I was nothing. Completely forgot about me and expected me to be fine.” She mutters.
“I took you to Europe with me. You met my family. Played games with my little sister.” Her voice stutters.
“And you just acted like…it was something to push aside.” She looks down at her shoes, kicking at the floor.
“I didn’t even get a text back when your dad died.
That shit hurt, Elijah.” Her voice shakes as I watch the tears flood down her cheeks.
Holy shit. My mind spirals back to our break up, and I feel a wave of guilt. She’s right. I completely shut her out and focused all of my attention on Tobias without another thought about us.
I run my hand through my hair as I think this over. I swear, my teeth may grind down to dust by the end of this year from how hard I’ve been clenching my jaw.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You were back for less than a week last year, and then you were gone again. What was I supposed to do when I heard you returned to school? …I just got you back.”
Oh no. Maybe I really am blind. How could I not have seen this?
“Katelyn…Katie…” I sigh, putting my hands on her shoulders.
Her chest rises and falls as she wipes the tears that have fallen with the back of her hand.
“Please believe me when I say that I did…do care about you.” I take a deep breath in.
“It came to my attention last summer that I have a tendency to be a little selfish…I’m trying to work on that.
” I confess honestly. This makes her laugh softly which gives me some relief.
“And there’s nothing I can do about how I handled our breakup then, but there is something I can do about how I handle our friendship now. ”
She bites her lip and looks at the floor.
“Tell me the truth. Is our friendship hurting you? ” I look at her sincerely.
She looks up at me, with sadness in her eyes. “I guess…getting over you is a little harder than I thought.”
“Katie….” I breathe out heavily, feeling the weight of what’s to come hang heavy on my shoulders.
“I’ve been talking and talking to you about Tobias.
Dammit, I’m so fucking sorry. I hate that I did that.
” I pinch the bridge of my nose, praying for the pressure to calm down.
“I’ve been such a shitty friend to you.”
She grabs onto my arm, pulling my hand away from my face. “I guess I have been a shitty friend too,” she mutters softly. “But damn, it feels good to get it off my chest.”
I bark out a laugh. “Oh, I’m so glad you feel better.”
She gives me a sympathetic look. “Maybe…maybe it wasn’t smart to befriend my ex I still have feelings for.”
I drop my hand, squeezing hers. “Yeah, maybe not.”
“I won’t tell the Dean about Flux kissing your cheek. You’re right. That’s a little melodramatic of me.” She laughs lightly.
I scratch the back of my neck. “I’m starting to realize how easy it is to get the wrong message.”
She nods her head before her eyebrows pinch together. “So…what now?”
I breath out a heavy breath, looking back at empty classrooms, and then back to Katelyn. “I think…I think I’m going home.”
“For the weekend?”
“No.” I give her a sad look, shaking my head. “No, I think it’s time for me to go home for good.”
***
I throw my phone down in my passenger seat and sigh heavily.
Switching my classes to online for next semester was easier than I expected. After meeting with my academic advisor earlier this week, we figured out a way to keep the majority of my classes the same.
Of course, my chat with Flux turned into a lengthy conversation. I thanked her for the time, love, and support she’s shown me since the semester started. She was sad to see me go but understood after I promised I’d still come in and visit.
I can only be thankful that we ended on such a great note. And she insisted on keeping my presentation as a model for the students.
Am I sad to leave? I wish I could say I was.
But truthfully, I’ve wanted to come home before I even left.
I didn’t need to come here. I didn’t do this for myself and at the end of the day, it only backfired.
My grades are mediocre and my friend’s situation is abysmal.
My life is back in Goderich.
My home is a pair of blue ocean eyes, and a warm solid chest.
Everything else will figure itself out.
Right now, I need to be home.
Right now, I need Tobias.
I want to be angry with him for not picking up my calls but I guess I deserve the silent treatment. I walked out on him when he needed me. I made a mistake and I regret it. I never wanted to leave him like that but my jealousy blinded me.
I squeeze the steering wheel in my hand as I replay Gabe’s hand rubbing his back.
That’s my back. Mine.
And I’m going to do whatever I can to get it back.
He deserves someone fighting for him. And I need that someone to be me.
I’ve only got five hours of this drive to think about what I did, and how I’m going to make it up to him.
I arrive at Jude’s Place half past eleven. It’s a little later than I wanted to be, but there was more traffic than I thought coming up this way. It’s only mid November but I’d hate to see how busy the roads will get even closer to the holidays.
I park the car in the back parking lot and smile when I see Tobias’s truck here.
Nice to know he’s only a few paces away.
I can hear Christmas music thumping from out here. It’s a shitty time of year for me, but knowing that I could be surrounded by Tobias and my friends could make it feel a little better.
This week has felt so…dark and heavy. Not talking to the one person who understands me the most makes it even worse. Knowing I’ll be able to hold him shortly, if he forgives me, gives me a little hope of feeling better.
I walk up to the front door and open it up to see all the staff, their family members and even some customers here, dancing, drinking and singing along to the Christmas songs.
I hear Claire gasp from the bar, pointing at me and making everyone turn their heads. “You’re here!” she squeals, kicking her feet. She’s perched on the bar, wearing a green reindeer sweater as a dress, with a felt antler headband and little gold jingle bells dangling.
Actually, as I look around and say hello to everyone, it seems like everyone’s decked out in Christmas sweaters and an assortment of unique Christmas themed hats.
The place looks fantastic. White twinkle lights draped from the exposed beams above us, Christmas tree decked out in the corner, tinsel and snowflakes around every corner.
Everything just looks…perfect. It makes my heart throb, knowing how much my dad would’ve loved to see this.
She hops off the wood and prances over to me with open arms. “I’m so happy you’re here.” Claire smiles, wrapping her arms around my neck. I give her a tight hug, rubbing her back.
“I’m underdressed.” I look down at my black winter pea coat and dark jeans. I fix Tobias’s backwards hat on top of my head, hoping he’ll love to see me in it.
She waves me off. “You’re here. That’s all that matters. You know how happy this will make him?” She squeezes my shoulders tightly. “He’s been so upset since you left on Halloween.” Shaking her head, I can see the concern written all over her face. “I don’t think he’s been okay.”
My stomach tightens, as a ball in my throat rises. I whip my head around, trying to spot him in the crowd of people around us. “I’ve been trying to call him. Where is he?”
“Umm… he’s in the office.” She cringes. “He’s always in there, nowadays. Everyone’s been steering clear.”
Everyone’s been steering clear? So he’s been alone. Struggling, by himself.
“Okay, thanks Claire.” I pat her shoulder and walk away.
My feet don’t move fast enough as I march towards the door.
Panic rising in my throat. Stuck in a room by himself is the last place I’d want him to be.
I need to get to him. I need him to feel safe and okay.
Fuck. I never should’ve left. I’ll never let him feel alone again.
As I walk up to the door, I can hear loud shuffling and raised voices on the other side.
I twist the handle and shove the door open.
My foot nearly skids on something cold and wet. The stench hits me instantly. It’s sharp, chemical, burning up my nose and straight into my throat, making me gag.
Vodka. It has to be vodka.
The office is completely trashed. Papers thrown all over the ground. Picture frames, smashed. Books on the floor.
What the hell happened in here!?
But what stops me in my tracks is what I see next.
Something I never thought I’d see in a million years. It might’ve been my fear, but it was never supposed to be a reality.
No, this was the last thing I thought would come true.
Tobias’s legs struggle to keep him upright as Gabe pins him to the wall by his collar, lips pressed against his.
And all I see is red.