Chapter 43 Elijah
Elijah
The six days spent in the hospital came and went by in an emotional haze.
The night Tobias was rescued and rushed to the hospital was the night that I stopped breathing.
Hold on for me, Tobias. Hold on. I had repeated over and over again, wishing and hoping he’d wake up for me.
I’ve said it before, but this time, it was truth carved into bone: I can’t live without Tobias Voss. Not a decision, not a choice — a fact.
We are intertwined. In every lifetime, every universe. When he stopped breathing, so did I.
So, on the second day in the hospital, when his body temp and vitals stabilized enough for him to wake up and show me those gorgeous deep blue eyes of his, my lungs started working again. My heart started beating again. I started picturing our future again.
And our future looks bright. I’ll stop at nothing to make sure that this beautiful soul is happy, cared for and protected.
Because finally, finally, we’re safe.
I wasn’t sure if telling him the news about Derrick when he woke up was a smart decision or not.
I really battled within myself to hold off. But, he deserved to know. He deserved to know his shadow, his tormentor, his abuser was gone. I didn’t want him to go one more second without knowing he was finally free.
So I told him. And I’ll be there for him as he processes what that means, however confusing and overwhelming those feelings may be.
Now that neither of us have any family left other than each other, I can understand how terrifying that may feel for him.
But, Derrick was never family. And, as long as I’m here, I will work at showing him every single day how not alone he is, for the rest of my life.
On the third day, Tobias is moved from the ICU to a regular room. No more loud machines or tubes in his nose. Things are looking up.
While Tobias sleeps, Gwen passes by to give me an overnight bag. Since getting discharged myself, and making a big fuss about not leaving Tobias’s side, her help came in handy.
Especially when it comes to speaking with the detectives.
I tell them everything I know, and pass on the information that Tobias has about Derrick.
Gwen sticks by my side the whole time as I give my statements and when I tell them to go and come back when Tobias is feeling stronger, she makes sure I know that I’m being a great partner before I cry on her shoulder.
I’m not sure what I’d do without her either.
When the fourth day comes, Tobias is finally walking again. The doctor says if his progress keeps up, we can go home by the weekend.
“I love you so much, but there’s only so much hospital bed a guy can take,” I groan, giving my arms a big stretch. We’re walking the hallways of the hospital, as advised by Tobias’s doctor so he can test out his lung span. He’s been doing so great.
“Yeah, I’m so sorry this has been so hard on you.” Tobias laughs, his voice still weak, nudging me gently in the shoulder. I see him rub his chest, but smiling all the same. He’s still in pain, but he still tries to joke around with me when he can. I love him for that.
“What do you want to eat when we get back? I’ll cook you anything you’d like. Patient’s choice.” I wink, shoving my hands in my pockets.
His eyebrow arches as turns to look at me. “You? Cook?” Tobias smiles so hard, I can see the dimples pop out in his cheeks. Dammit, I missed those. “Um, how about a nice big bowl of cereal?”
I slam my hand on my chest, gasping as if I’m offended. “You don’t have any faith in me. Remember that delicious meal I made for you? You know—” I snap my fingers.
“The sandwich.” Tobias winks.
“Yeah, that. It was incredible, wasn’t it?”
“Only the best sandwich I’ve ever tasted.” Tobias nods. “Okay, yeah. I want that.”
I smile, wrapping my arm around his waist as he trudges along slowly. “Anything you want. Always.”
***
A couple days later, when it’s time to take him home, I’m more than nervous.
I run the palms of my hands down my pants, trying to dry off the clamminess.
I stand back and watch Tobias pack his bag with meds, trauma counseling brochures, and the few boxers and toothbrush Gwen brought him.
It’s nice seeing him out of his gown. I walk over to him and slip on his grey toque, sliding down his blonde hair against his face.
He smiles at me as I tuck it down snuggly on his head.
“Are you nervous about going home?” I ask, sucking in a deep breath.
Tobias’s eyes go wide as he looks away, thinking about his answer. “You know…I’m excited to see what it’s like to live without…feeling scared of what’s around the corner. What does that feel like?”
I give him a soft smile as I run my hand down his chest hidden under his baggy black sweater, before he throws on his winter jacket on top. “I’m excited for you to find out too.”
“Are you nervous?” The side of his mouth quirks up as he brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear.
I suck in a big breath as I prepare myself.
“Tobias…I’m not going back to school. I mean, I am…
but I’m taking it online. I’ve already got everything figured out and…
I need you to let me stay. I can’t stay away from you.
I won’t do it.” I squeeze his jacket, as I pinch my eyes shut, quietly praying he understands.
“E,” he gasps, grabbing my arms. I hold my breath, trying to prepare myself. I don’t want to fight him on this, but I will if I have to. He grabs me, pulling me against his chest. “Fuck, that’s the best news I’ve gotten all week…besides getting to go home with you, of course.”
My eyes widen. “Seriously!?”
Tobias rocks me side to side, his hands moving up and down my back.
“E, not having you near me was excruciating. I…I can’t do it.
” He straightens, meeting my eyes. “If you’re serious about being able to do school online…
” He exhales. “I’m done lying—to you and to myself.
I want you home, E. I want you home with me. ”
The weight on my chest lifts all at once. I dive in, burying my face in his warm neck. “I can’t imagine being away from you. Especially after everything—but even before that. I never want to be away from you again.” I hug him tighter, then feel him tense. “Sorry,” I whisper.
He relaxes and gives me a slight chuckle. “It’s okay. Squeeze me all you want. Don’t ever stop.”
“Just you wait. When you’re all healed up, you’re going to wish you didn’t say that.”
“Hold me to it, I dare you.” He laughs, squeezing my shoulders. His eyes soften as he sighs sweetly. “I don’t think I could’ve survived all these years without you, E. You’ve saved me so many times.”
I grab him again, burying my face in my favorite spot. I breathe in the scent of his hair and tremble at how badly I never want to let go. “You’re so stuck with me, it’s not even funny.”
He shrugs, “You promise?” he asks, tilting my chin up before planting a soft kiss on my lips.
“I promise,” I whisper, chasing him back for more. After taking a few moments of kissing his soft lips, I pull back. Taking his hand, I guide him toward the door. “Come on, let me take you home.”
For the first time in a long time, we’re not running from something.
And maybe I don’t know what we have in store for what’s to come next.
But all I know for sure, is that we’re walking toward it — together.