Chapter Sixteen #2
“That’s not true at all. You did that all on your own. I gotta say I’m proud of my old FinCrest crew. Still churning out excellence, it seems.”
“Well, thank you for putting in the good word,” I said.
“Rebekah asked if you knew what you were doing. All I said was that if anyone over there did, it was Mason Blackwood.”
His smile was genuine, one I only used to see at my apartment. Like the sun through a magnifying glass, my core dissolved, and I fought the urge to confess my undying love for him.
Deven cleared his throat. “Sit down, man. What are you drinking?”
Soon, we were clinking glasses to our success. I said, “They paid, by the way.”
“Who paid what?” Alec asked after swallowing his first sip.
“The wager. We were the first team to land a pitch. And we fucking closed it.”
Alec’s eyes softened. “I told you not to worry about it, Blackwood.”
I blushed, gulped, and tried to move the conversation along. Alec informed us what his new company did—consulting on large institutional software platforms—and we told him about the goings on at FinCrest.
We chatted for less than an hour when Deven’s phone vibrated on the cocktail table. His girlfriend’s face lit up the screen, with the words “Bebe Girl” wrapped in diamonds and sparkles.
“Hey, babe… no, I’m still out. Mason’s old boss showed up—Yeah… No… Oh, really? The one with the app?—Ok… Yeah… No! I’ll FaceTime you when I get to my room… Yeah… love you too... I’m gonna download it now!... yes… love you too... bye… bye.”
Alec and I shared a look, but were mature enough not to grill Deven over his conversation.
After hanging up, Deven said, “I think I’m gonna call it a night. Are you guys gonna hang here for a bit?” The effort to sound casual was hilarious.
“Yeah, we’ll have at least another drink, right Alec?”
Alec nodded. “At least.”
Deven tried to hide his relief. “Ok. Cool. See you later. Great seeing you again, Alec.”
Once he was gone, Alec turned to me, and we laughed.
He said, “Wi-Fi enabled vibrator connected to an app?”
“Oh, one hundred percent.”
We laughed again. Alec said, “Good for him. Wish that kinda shit was around when I used to travel.”
“Do you? Why?”
“Why not? It’s a great tool to keep intimacy in long-distance relationships. Or for partners who travel a lot.”
“Is that an issue for you?”
“Maybe if we had something like that, my marriage wouldn’t have ended so spectacularly.”
“That’s not the reason your marriage ended, Alec. And it wasn’t spectacular.”
“Maybe if I paid more attention to my wife, she wouldn’t have been so hell-bent on having kids. Then my inability to do so wouldn’t have caused our world to shatter.”
“Oh,” I said, and shut up.
It got awkward, and I let it. Why would he say that? I was led to believe that he… thought of me? He said he missed me. And recommended I get that meeting, which he knew he’d attend. Why bring up the biggest failure of his life, by his own definition?
Minutes passed. The bar was busy but not packed. Denver’s sprawl glittered through the windows in every direction, and the mountains beyond were visible in the moonlight.
He chuckled and said, “Hate to leave you stranded while your Jr. beats it, but I think I’m gonna head out.”
I hadn’t felt freefall in so long. But I did.
“Don’t go, man. C’mon.” He held my gaze. I withered again, but didn’t look away. “I thought we were gonna talk.”
He sighed and settled back in his chair. “Ok.”
“I want to apologize for the way things ended. It was—”
“No, I’m sorry. It was childish of me to leave and never speak to you again. And that letter? It was so cringe-worthy it still wakes me up at night.” He laughed.
I tried to laugh it off. “It wasn’t that bad. A little lovelorn, maybe. It did rip the beating heart out of my chest.”
He laughed, too. “Well, then we did the same to each other.”
We were still smiling, but the truth of his statement hung in the air.
“I legit went through the five stages of grief after you left. I denied it until I was so pissed I almost punched a hole in my wall. And then all the rest. I even considered hiring a private eye to track you down.”
“Oh, god. No, you didn’t…”
“I did. Well, no, I thought about it, but I stopped myself. I did reach out to your ex, who told me to fuck off in nicer language.”
“Viv told me about that. But she said she told you to go scratch.” He laughed, and so did I.
“She had every right to. And she was right. You needed a fresh start. You’re doing amazing, now.”
“I feel the same way. You’ve exceeded my expectations and seem to be doing great, too.”
I chuckled. “At work, yeah. Otherwise? Less than great.”
His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“No, just, there’s not much going on with me.
After you left, I put my nose to the grindstone.
Which was great—I mean, we just landed CompComm, but my social life is dead in the water.
Don’t see friends much. I haven’t slept with anyone since you.
I haven’t even gone on a date. Just can’t be bothered with it. ”
Alec laughed, startling me. “I haven’t slept with anyone either. Been on dates here and there. But after I get to the guy’s place, I chicken out and leave as soon as his shirt comes off. Every time, so four.” He laughed again.
“Guys?”
“Yeah, guys. It was, uh… too good with you. And I spent too long doing things because I thought I needed to.”
“So, are you, like, dating guys now, just hooking up, or…?”
“Dating, yeah. Officially bisexual. I came out to my parents and everything. They didn’t care.
My mom, who never liked my wife, was happy.
But getting her to think about anything other than herself for more than ten minutes is a struggle.
My dad was like, ‘You better adopt, I want grandkids.’ Which could’ve gone worse. ”
Alec laughed as I stared at him, open-mouthed.
“What?” he said, still laughing.
“I came out too.”
“Really?” He laughed harder, but smiled wider. “You’re not shitting me?”
“Nope.”
“To your family? Friends? Or did you just put your face on Flare?”
“Everyone. I’m all the way out. FinCrest invited me to the pride club, which was cringy at first, but it’s pretty cool.
Lisa still flirts with me since I’m bi, while also using me as her personal gaydar and fashion coach.
Neither of which I’m good at. It’s kinda offensive, but it’s whatever with her. ”
“You know, she’s the only person I’m scared of telling. That’s why I needed to get the fuck outta Dodge when she asked to go to lunch.” We laughed until he asked, “How did your family take it? I always got the impression they were more traditional.”
“It took some time, but they landed in the ‘if you’re happy, we’re happy’ camp.”
“Well, thank goodness.”
“Yeah. At least my dad and brother stopped trying to figure out if I top or bottom.”
“Fucking yikes.”
“Right?” I said as we both laughed.
“Although we’re only out in theory, since neither of us dated a man. And we were, well—no one knew about us...”
He let the statement linger until it became a question. I said, “I haven’t told anyone about us, have you?”
“Nope.”
“It wasn’t my business to tell. I came out, but I wasn’t about to put you on blast like that if you didn’t want anyone to know.”
“Thanks. I felt the same way.” He smirked with half his face and sipped his drink.
“Well, also, I’m embarrassed. How could I look anyone in the eye if they knew I was such a pussy that I ran away and deleted my socials because my Jr. Rep.
broke my heart?” He looked away. “I’m sure you felt something similar. ”
“Something like that.”
The server came by asking if we needed a refresh. I declined. Alec accepted.
“Can I just ask why, though?” I said when she left. “Why did you leave? And then never speak to me again. I know why. You said so in your letter. But I want to hear it from you. I want this Alec to explain it to me.”
He shifted in his seat. “The long and short of it is, I was happy, Mason. That happiness was a cushion. But also a noose. When it fell apart, I needed to become someone else, and I have.”
“Can you give me the long and long of it?”
Alec looked apprehensive and embarrassed. He wanted to give me what he felt he owed without engaging that deeply. There was a limit to how much rehashing he'd do, and from his face and body language, we’d reached it.
But he withered under my gaze for once.
He sighed and gave me a weary smile. “It felt like you were what was missing in a way Viv never was. And I saw things with you I never did with her. Or anyone. But so much of that was just me trying to grasp onto my old life. My old self. I wanted to transition from my marriage to you with only a change of address and an extra penis in bed.” He chuckled.
“That was wrong. I knew it was, but I was too happy to do anything about it. When I got served, I tried to hold on to our relationship tighter, but I shouldn’t have been in one at all.
I needed to drift for a while, not be locked down.
And, honestly, it’s done wonders for me. ”
I let that settle in. I knew it, but hearing it didn’t make it any better. I didn’t realize he was what was missing from my life until he was gone. Alec always was a step ahead.
“I’m glad.” I was quiet against the busy bar. “Not glad it ended the way it did, but happy you’re doing so well.”
The waitress returned with his bourbon, and I ordered the Special Old Fashioned. He sipped his drink as we let the quiet moment pass over us.
He said, “Can I ask you a question now? Where did you go? You weren’t answering me, and you didn’t tell anyone. I kept thinking you would come back any minute until I logged in and saw your request for PTO in the portal. That’s when I was like, oh shit, the kid left.”
Sickly sweet hibiscus, gleaming surfaces, opulent upholstery, and terrible advice filled my memory. I laughed despite myself.
“I went to a honeymoon resort in Mexico.”
“Wait, what?” He laughed. “Why in the hell would you do that?”