Chapter 23 #2
Simon felt something fracturing inside his chest. Some fundamental truth he'd built his entire life around, splintering like ice under pressure.
He could feel the shards of it dig into him.
"You know what he is now." Viktor's voice was quiet, careful. "You know he's not lying."
"Shut up."
"The compulsion proves it, Simon. Everything he's saying is true."
Simon turned on Viktor so fast that Charlie made a small sound of alarm. "I said shut up."
Viktor held his ground, studied him for a moment. "What happened at HQ? Did you take your pills, finally?"
"That has nothing to do with this."
"Doesn't it?" Viktor's gaze narrowed. "Then maybe you're simply terrified to think that some vampires might be decent people."
"I'm not terrified of anything."
"No?" Viktor gestured at Charlie. "Then why are you torturing him?"
"I'm not…" Simon stopped and looked at Charlie, who was still pressed against the wall, tears now sliding silently down his face. Waiting for whatever command came next because he had no choice.
Just like Simon had no choice when Reuben put him in that chair. When they pumped him full of chemicals that burned. When he was made to be grateful for having his teeth yanked out of his mouth because the pain would save him from turning into a monster.
But Charlie wasn't a monster.
Which meant...
No.
"Attack him." The words came out before Simon could stop them. He pointed at Viktor. "Show me what vampires do. Attack him."
Charlie's body jerked like someone had yanked invisible strings. His legs moved without his permission, taking one stumbling step toward Viktor.
"No," Charlie gasped, his hands coming up to grab his own arms, nails digging in hard enough to draw blood. "No, please, I don't want to."
But his body kept moving. Another step. His fangs descended.
Viktor didn't move. Didn't even blink as Charlie stumbled toward him, fighting his own body every step.
"It's okay, Charlie." Viktor's voice was steady, calm. "I know this isn't you."
Charlie made a wounded sound, his whole body at war with itself. His right leg stepped forward while his left tried to plant itself. His arms reached out even as his shoulders twisted back, trying to stop their own movement.
But he couldn't stop.
His body lurched forward faster now, hands extending toward Viktor's throat. Charlie turned his head away, eyes squeezed shut, a sob escaping his throat.
"I can't stop it," Charlie cried. "I'm trying but I can't. Viktor, run!"
"I'm not going anywhere," Viktor said simply.
Charlie's hands made contact with Viktor's shoulders, and that's when something extraordinary happened.
Instead of gripping, instead of attacking, Charlie's hands just... rested there. Shaking violently, yes. His fangs fully extended, yes. But even with Simon's command compelling him forward, Charlie's fingers wouldn't close.
He wouldn't cause harm.
"I can't," Charlie whispered, and it sounded like it was tearing him apart. "I can't hurt him. I can't hurt anyone. Please, Simon, please—"
His legs gave out.
Charlie crumpled, but before he could hit the floor, Simon was there.
It wasn't conscious. One moment Simon was standing three feet away, the next he had Charlie in his arms, catching him before his knees could crack against Viktor's floor.
Charlie was sobbing now, real tears that soaked immediately into Simon's shirt. His whole body shook with the effort of fighting the compulsion that still pulled at him, trying to make him attack even as Simon held him.
"I'm sorry," Charlie gasped against Simon's chest. "I'm sorry I can't do it. I'm trying but I can't—I can't be what you need—"
"Stop," Simon said, and hated himself for how Charlie went silent immediately, still crying but unable to apologize for it.
The full weight of what he'd just done crashed over Simon. He'd tortured Charlie. Forced him to fight his own body, made him think he was going to hurt someone innocent.
Just to soothe his own ego.
He was disgusting.
Worse than the vampires he hunted because at least they acted on instinct. He'd done this deliberately, methodically, just to protect his own mind.
Viktor hadn't moved from his spot. "He physically can't hurt people," he said quietly. "Even with a direct command from you. Do you see it now?"
Simon saw it. Saw what he'd done to the gentlest creature he'd ever encountered.
Bile rose in his throat.
"I'm sorry," Charlie whispered against his chest, and Simon wanted to tear himself apart for making Charlie think any of this was his fault.
"Don't," Simon said roughly. "Don't apologize. Not for this."
But Charlie was already pulling back, misinterpreting Simon's tone. "I'll try harder next time. If you need me to be—"
"No." The word came out sharp enough that Charlie flinched. Simon loosened his grip, but couldn't bring himself to let go entirely. "There won't be a next time."
Charlie went very still in his arms. "You're leaving."
It wasn't a question. There was a deep sense of resignation in Charlie's voice. Like he'd been expecting this, waiting for Simon to abandon him just like his sire had. It made Simon feel like the lowest form of life.
"That's not what I meant."
"It's okay." Charlie's voice was small. "I understand. You were right, I do exist wrong and—"
"Stop talking."
Charlie's mouth snapped shut, and Simon immediately wanted to punch himself. Using compulsion again, even accidentally, after what he'd just put Charlie through.
"You can talk," Simon said quickly. "I didn't mean to—fuck."
Viktor moved then, just slightly, enough to remind them he was there. "Maybe ease up on the commands."
Simon wanted to snap at him, but Viktor was right. Everything Simon did made things worse. Every word, every action, every attempt to prove Charlie was a monster only proved that Simon was one instead.
"Please don't leave me."
The words were barely audible, whispered against Simon's shoulder where Charlie had hidden his face again.
"I'll give you a minute," Viktor said, and quietly disappeared into his bedroom. The door clicked shut.
They were alone.
Charlie was still pressing his face against Simon's shoulder, his breathing shaky and uneven. Simon could feel the dampness of tears through his shirt. Could feel how Charlie's fingers had twisted into the fabric like he was afraid Simon would disappear if he let go.
Simon should be planning Charlie's elimination. Should be heading to that library to investigate whoever had been feeding them false information. Should be doing anything other than kneeling on Viktor's floor, holding a crying vampire who apologized for existing.
"I won't leave," Simon heard himself say.
Charlie's breath hitched. "You won't?"
"No."
The word settled between them like a promise Simon had no right to make. Reuben would come for them both. The Organization didn't tolerate failures, and protecting a vampire instead of eliminating one was the ultimate betrayal of everything they stood for.
But Charlie was trembling in his arms, and Simon couldn't stop thinking about what he'd just done. How he'd used Charlie's trust against him. How he'd forced him to fight his own body just to prove a point that didn't need proving.
He'd thought he was one of the good ones. But he wasn't.
He was exactly as morally corrupted as the Organization that had shaped him.
"I'm sorry," Simon said, and the words felt like glass in his throat. When was the last time he'd apologized to anyone? "I treated you terribly and the only reason you don't want me to leave now is because my blood created a bond between us that you never wanted."
Charlie pulled back slightly, just enough to look at Simon's face. His eyes were red-rimmed, confused. "What?"
"The sire bond." The words tasted bitter. "When I fed you that first time, I didn't know what it would do. Your actual sire abandoned you, never gave you first blood. So when I did..." Simon's jaw tightened. "I accidentally became something to you that I had no right to be."
Charlie shook his head, almost violently. "I don't care about any of that."
"You should care."
"But I don't." Charlie's fingers tightened in Simon's shirt.
"My maker left me bleeding in an alley and the other vampires want nothing to do with me.
" Charlie's too-trusting eyes searched Simon's face.
"But you, you lied to your boss for me. You saved me from that roof.
I don't care if it's vampire biology or magic or whatever.
" His voice cracked. "Just please don't abandon me. I'd rather you stake me than leave me."
"Don't say that."
"Why not? It's true." Charlie's laugh was broken. "I can't do this alone. I…" He took a breath to say more.
Simon didn't want him to say more. Simon kissed him.
It wasn't gentle. It was desperate and frustrated and full of everything Simon couldn't put into words.
How Charlie's existence had destroyed everything Simon thought he knew.
How his goodness made Simon question every choice he'd ever made.
How the thought of staking him made Simon want to turn the stake on himself instead.
Charlie made a small, shocked sound against his mouth, then melted into it completely, like he'd been waiting for this his whole life.