National Ugly Sweater Day
DECEMBER 15TH
Ben
A company named Langford Event Services has hacked into Red Poppy’s social accounts and organized an Ugly Christmas Sweater Night at my bar without my permission.
Lainey
Is it really hacking when I already had the passwords?
Don't worry, I ran it by Jan first.
Ben
I know. She showed me the sweaters you gifted my whole staff. I'm not wearing that sweater.
Lainey
You're so wearing it.
Ben
It's an upside-down snowman with a dangling carrot and ornaments hanging from its hat.
Lainey:
I remember. I spent a lot of time picking it out for you.
Ben
What if people try to touch my “ornaments” or suck on my "carrot stick?"
Lainey
Um, I know you like that.
Ben
Yeah, but only from a certain someone.
Lainey
Lucky girl.
Pause.
Lainey
Stay behind the bar. That'll be your carrot-blocker.
Ben
You're funny.
Lainey
I know ;)
Ben
I was being sarcastic. Have you seen the amount of comments these posts have gotten? I'm going to be slammed tonight.
Lainey
You're welcome!
Ben
I don’t know if I want to wring your neck for going behind my back or kiss you for what will clearly be a successful evening.
Lainey
I vote you kiss me with your hands around my neck.
Pause.
Lainey
I’ll wait while you adjust yourself.
Long pause.
Ben
How about you spill the tea about Langford Event Services?
Lainey
Long story short, I decided it was time to do something that truly excites me, and organizing Poppy’s party helped me realize what that was. You helped me realize that. Lots of stuff is still in motion to make it official, but I’ve had some help getting the ball rolling. Tonight, I’m working Chandler’s holiday work party.
Red Poppy’s Ugly Christmas Sweater Night is on the house, btw. ;)
Ben
So…sounds like pelting Pete the Dick with turkey and dressing was a good thing.
Lainey
For sure!
Ben
Good. Because I have 100% no regrets.
Also, I’m really proud of you, Lainey. I think this is going to be perfect for you.
Lainey
Thx. I think so, too.
Pause.
Lainey
So, when I stopped by Red Poppy, the black napkins caught my attention all over again.
Ben
Why? Did you think I would switch them back to red because we’re not married anymore?
Lainey
No.
Though you have every right to.
Pause.
Lainey
That’s not why I’m bringing it up. I stopped and stared at those napkins because I thought about the first time I saw them. And how I never told you how much it meant to me that you switched them.
I went to the bathroom and cried that day. You took such care of my feelings and…and I didn’t do the same for you. I’m so very sorry for that.
Long Pause.
Ben
If you had never taken care of my feelings, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you.
Lainey
Now you’ve made me cry again. You’re really good at the grand gestures.
Ben
grand gestures?
Lainey
Big romantic moment. Significant.
Ben
Is that what this courting thing is? Are you grand gesturing me, Lainey?
Lainey
Oooh, that sounds naughty.
Ben
Lainey.
Lainey
Speaking of naughty, wanna see my ugly sweater for Chandler’s party?
*pic of Lainey wearing a sweater with a gingerbread man going down on a gingerbread woman with saying, 'Tis the season to be naughty*
Ben
Fuck…Lainey…
…
Lainey
You’ll always be my gingerbread man, Ben.