45. Gigi
CHAPTER 45
Gigi
THE NIGHT BEFORE
I laugh when I see Andrew’s dad plugging in the USB stick. This is so Andrew . He likes analog cameras and record players. He prefers going to the movies over streaming. Of course he wouldn’t upload his goodbye to a cloud or send it as an attachment via email.
The moment the video starts playing, I feel my cheeks getting warm and wet. Sitting in his dining room feels much like being in a time machine. It’s been a while since I’ve heard that voice. Since I’ve seen that face. His dad gives me a sad, knowing look when I stop myself from tracing the curve of his jaw on the screen.
“So, uh, hey guys,” Andrew said to his camera. When did he record this? That’s his dorm room. I put that poster up on his wall. “If you’re watching this, that means I’m dead.”
Sucking in a breath, I look at the ceiling. Oh, God.
Think of happy thoughts, Gigi. Picture the ? —
My name gets called out and I snap back to reality. A lopsided smile. Loving blue eyes. I feel like I’m about to vomit.
“Gigi, Gigi, Gigi.” He whistled and I laugh. “The firecracker who stole Luke’s bedroom. I had such a huge crush on you when we met. Felt like the luckiest guy alive, too, when I finally wore you down after months and made you go out with me.” Andrew paused to crack his knuckles before his eyes returned back to the camera. ”You know I don’t deserve you, right? I’m sorry and I wish I would have met you earlier. You would have gotten the better version of me for some time longer. Promise me you won’t be sad for too long, babe?” He fucking grinned. “We both know your forever man was always going to be someone better than me. Don’t let me stop you. Just get a tattoo of me or something to remember me by.”
My sob gets louder when I hear his last words for me.
“Thanks for allowing me to fall in love with you.”
I loved you, Andrew Ethan Palmer. I’m sorry for not saying it. A part of me will always love you. You were my first boyfriend. My first kiss. And a lot of other firsts. Take care, wherever you are.
“Thank you for showing this,” I say to his dad the moment he pauses the video. “I’m really sorry for everything with Luke, Mr. Palmer.” He must be crushed right now. His son declared his love for me on screen while I was here two months ago as his nephew’s girlfriend. “I understand if you would want me to keep my distance from him.”
Andrew’s dad stares at his laptop and then at me, pensive. Twin lines appear on his forehead as he lets out a long breath. “Watch the video until the end, Gigi.”
“Oh? Is he going to address me again?”
“No.”
I frown at his words. “Then it’s okay. Seeing this is already more than enough. I don’t need to hear what he said to anyone else. It’s like eavesdropping.”
It feels wrong to listen to someone’s last words that aren’t meant for you. Like a broken promise or snooping through other people’s things. Maybe I can ask Andrew’s dad whether he can cut the video and send me a copy of the part he just played.
“I want you to,” Andrew’s dad says. “I think you should.”
“Alright.” And then he presses play.
“Luuuuke.” I feel goosebumps stand on the nape of my neck. “I’ve been a shit friend, haven’t I? I just wanted to let you try out life. Be you for once, you know? Plus, I’d much rather spend my time with my girlfriend than you. If Gigi deserves better than me, you deserve better than Kinsdale Springs. And boy, was I right. You’re cooler as a college dude than a high school kid. Go be a stockbroker or whatever. I’ll haunt you if you end up as a loser. But remember, don’t forget to have fun. Stop being so serious all the time, man.” The moment Andrew gives Luke a goodbye wink, I take out my phone and text him, my heart thundering inside my ribcage.
We need to talk about Andrew.
I’m about to text Luke more when the sound of Andrew’s voice halts me. My fingers turn rigid the moment I hear the six-word sentence. “Mom, Dad is cheating on you.”
I look up, horrified, to see Mr. Palmer staring straight at me. My throat is dry. Should I say something?
“Just watch, Gigi,” he says, gesturing to the laptop.
Unlike the message for me and Luke, Andrew wasn’t smiling anymore by the time he got to this part. This Andrew, this one is the one I remember from our last year of high school.
“He’s been cheating on you with a lot of other women.” What the fuck? “He slept with a high school student, too. Isn’t that right, Dad? You want to tell Mom about Rachel?” What the actual fuck? “I caught him one night with a woman and he made me keep it a secret. He swore up and down it was a one-time thing. Some pillar of the community he is.” Next to me, Andrew’s dad is gripping the edge of the dining table so hard his knuckles are starting to turn white. It’s like watching a fucking trainwreck; my eyes are glued to Andrew’s scowl, waiting for him to say more. “Get a goddamn divorce, Mom. Before his secrets ruin you, too…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry and I love you. Please forgive me for this.”
My hands are trembling. I don’t think I can watch this any longer. I just know it. I’m so close. We’re at the finish line. The video is about three-quarters done, and by the time the red line catches up to the white one…I will know everything. The answer to the question I’ve been asking myself over and over again for close to a year.
The sneer from Andrew makes it clear that he saved the best for last—a final message for his father. Michael Palmer. The pastor. The doting dad. The cheater. The man who had sex with a high school girl my age. I’m going to be sick.
“You know that parents are supposed to clean up their children’s messes, right, Dad? Not the other way around? You told me it was a drunken mistake. Well, his mom didn’t think so.” Whose Mom? “And he made sure I paid for it. For your fucking sins.” I hold my hand over my mouth, already feeling the bile rise up to my throat. What the hell is Andrew talking about? “He made my life a living hell, did you know that? By the end of senior year, I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Want to know the worst part? I ended up being just like you. He tricked me into thinking he was into Rachel.” Oh my God. “I just wanted to hurt him back.” Holy shit . “And after I was done fucking her, he laughed and told me that you fucked her, too, the week before at the church’s parking lot. And the worst part of it is, it didn’t take me much to take the bait. I guess I am your son, after all.”
“Mr. Palmer…”
He says nothing, his eyes still glued to the screen. Mine can only make out the outline of Andrew with all the tears blurring my vision.
“I went to college thinking it would be a fresh start for me. But he’s here, Dad. You made his mom think you were getting a divorce, didn’t you? And dumped her after she told his dad that she was leaving? Lucky me. He already promised to make me pay for what you did here, too. I’m done with his mind games. He’s trying to ruin my life. Joke’s on him, because I won’t be here for him to do it the second time. And I won’t stick around to watch you fuck all of our lives up as well. I saw you, Dad. You don’t have a shred of dignity, do you? I saw your car on campus yesterday parked in front of the theology department. Who the fuck is she? A faculty member? A student? I fucking go to school here. Why can’t you have the decency to find a random girl to fuck somewhere else? That’s three so far. How many are there?”
I have no idea what Andrew says after that because by the time it clicks in my brain why Andrew was in such a bad mood the night we took a stroll checking out the university layout, the first time we passed by the theology building, I’m already throwing up on the Palmers’ dining room floor.