Chapter 34
34
M aeve
I’m staring at a giant ring on my finger that was supposed to belong to my sister. When did he buy it? Before he came here or after? Was it meant for her or for me?
I feel like I’m taking the leftovers, and it leaves a bad aftertaste.
My sister. She was supposed to be here, in my place. I wonder where she’s going and how she’ll do on her own. I think she will manage—she’s always had this secret internal strength she was scared to show. I hope she’ll be fine. I think she will, especially after seeing her backbone probably for the first time ever.
I haven’t really felt like I’ve had a sister or family for quite some time, but when I saw her, I was quickly reminded of how it feels. Watching Bea stand up for me made me realize that I’ve always had her despite what we both have gone through .
I was eighteen when I left. I didn’t have any skills, so I moved from job to job, getting fired on a regular basis due to literal lack of working capability. I was sleeping in the cheapest motels I could find because I was running out of money. I’d like to say I managed it in the end, but that’d be a lie. I had to borrow money from a homeless guy for fuck’s sake. How will my sister, who’s lived under our parents’ thumb much longer, survive on her own?
I’m staring outside the moving car, refusing to acknowledge Ezra. Because if I do, I’ll probably end up on his lap, crying into his neck. And then licking it. Definitely licking. It’s very delicious, I remember.
He hasn’t said a word to me since we left the hotel thirty minutes ago. There’s no animosity in the air from him, just the aura of ignoring poor me. It’s like he’s reverted to his old self, the one from New York. I could easily slip into a dark place of my own mind because of that, but I’ve come to learn that Ezra’s behavior is erratic, which makes it hard to predict which version of him I’ll meet. So I either have to be okay or go mad. I’m unsure why he’s this way, but if I had to bet, I’d say it’s because he himself doesn’t know how to treat this new situation between us. It throws him off balance, and for a person who thrives on having control over every aspect of his life, it might be challenging. Giving him some time to adjust will probably pay off in this long-term scheme we are in.
I’m in pink shorts and an oversized white T-shirt at least three sizes too big that I bought for myself in the hotel gift shop, and he’s in a suit. Again with the suit in this fucking heat. If this doesn’t tell me that he’s back to being the man who rudely demanded coffee at our first meeting, I don’t know what does.
The car comes to a stop, and the driver jumps out to open the door for me. I can manage by myself just fine, but it’s his job. So I smile politely and go to get my bag with the shit I’ll never use—the things I borrowed from Bea. The things she bought for her honeymoon.
Ezra reaches the trunk before me. He’s pulling his suitcase out, and I lean to take my bag. He grabs it before I can reach it, growling, “No wife of mine will be hauling her own bags.”
“I’m not a real wife,” I hiss back. I don’t know why I’m suddenly edgy, but all of it has started feeling too real, and I’m forgetting that the marriage is arranged.
“We’re in public. In public, you are.” His hard eyes warn me to drop it.
I want to fight him for the handle of my damn suitcase, and he feels it because his nostrils flare as his eyes focus on my thinned lips. I hate that his stare makes me swallow. I hate the chokehold his presence has on my body’s chemistry.
With a deep inhale, I straighten my back and follow him to the boat. A larger one this time. I must admit that I’m having some issues with boats now. This one is new and very shiny, and the crew size is larger, but I can’t make myself step foot off the wooden pier. I physically can’t make my legs move.
I feel blood draining from my hands from my grip on the rails.
“Miss?” the smiling crew member calls from the boat. “Do you need some help?” He stretches his arm toward me, offering me to take it. But I’m paralyzed with fear and can’t move. “Miss?”
“I’m here.” His soft voice is next to my ear. Then, big arms come around my waist and back, and I’m being carried through the small, mobile bridge onto the boat. “Grab the luggage, please,” Ezra says to someone while moving with me toward the back of the boat.
My fingers dig deep into his shoulders. My breaths are ragged and uneven. I’ve never had a panic attack, but I think this is it. I’ve also never feared boats or water so much, but that was before I’d almost drowned.
He carefully puts me on a bench, but I wrap my arms tighter around his neck, refusing to let go. My action must look desperate, but I’m beyond pride at this point. Ezra instantly shifts our positions, and I end up on his lap. I’m not ashamed to say I need it now. I need him. I don’t know anyone on this boat, including myself because this person is not me. He’s the only one I’m familiar with, so I’ll hold onto him until Mr. Hyde resurfaces.
He leans his back on the bench, pulling me closer to him. With my right side pressed firmly to his strong body and his arm wrapped around me, I finally manage to take a first deep breath and fill my lungs with enough oxygen to think rationally. He leans his chin on the top of my back and inhales deeply too.
We sit like that for some time until the island disappears from view and my breathing calms down. I pull away from his chest and look around. There’re small dots of islands here and there, but we’re surrounded by water. By a big body of water that can swallow this boat whole and spit us out on yet another uninhabited island to survive by ourselves yet again.
“Would it be so bad though?” Ezra murmurs next to my ear.
“What?” I whip my head to look at him. “How do you?—”
“I’m thinking the same thing.” His eyes dip to my lips. “I assume.”
I’m taken by a moment of weakness and his strong shoulder to cry on. By seeing the same Ezra from the island. I let my eyes trail over his face and land on his lips too.
And then his phone rings. With a sigh, he shifts his body to pick it up, and I take it as a cue to leave. I make a move to rise, but his heavy hand lands on my lap and presses me down.
“King,” he replies into the phone, holding my eyes with his. “Yes.” I wiggle, trying to stand up again, but he presses me harder. “My place, yes. Everything from the list.” A pause. “I said everything.” He listens to someone saying something before adding another “Yes.”
When the phone is back in his pocket, his hand lands on my lower back.
“Are you okay?” Despite the roughness of his tone, it’s filled with concern.
“Yes. Thank you for, you know, helping me through that. I’ve never had a panic attack before.”
“They suck.”
“You’ve seen one before?”
He takes a moment to answer. “I’ve had them before.”
“Really?” I feel my brows disappearing somewhere deep into my hairline without possibility of it returning to my face. I’d never think a man like Ezra would admit that.
Looks like he didn’t think he’d admit it too because he carefully moves me away from his lap. His face shuts down instantly as he stands up from the bench.
“I need to make another call.”
“Ezra,” I call gently, but he’s already off the deck and inside the cabin, leaving me alone with the endless ocean.