Chapter 11
“Ido not want to read romance this time!”
Anna was surprised that she had not been the one to say it. Instead, at that week’s meeting, it had been Theodora protesting that she did not want to read what Evelina had suggested.
“But it is a lovely story,” Evelina argued. “It is about a young widow who falls for a ruffian. It is all so wonderful!”
“As was the last one you chose,” Theodora replied. “And that was last week. The week before, you also chose what you wanted. Meanwhile, I have had an article that I have wanted to share with you for months, and I am ignored.”
It was unlike them to argue, and Anna did not like it. They were all good friends, and she did not want to quarrel with them. When Spencer was absent, they were all that she had, and she depended on them, whether he had returned or not.
“Perhaps we might leave your story for the time being, Evelina?” Maria suggested. “Theodora has a point; we have been reading a lot of romance of late, which is hardly fair considering two of the four of us do not enjoy it.”
“It is not that I do not enjoy it,” Anna said quickly. “I was simply tired of reading about all of those wonderful exploits without having truly experienced any of it for myself. Now, however…”
Her friends all turned to look at her at once, wide-eyed. Granted, Anna had not done anything as they had read, but she had had a taste of it, and it made all the difference.
“Anna,” Maria smiled cheekily, “what have you been doing?”
“Nothing much!” she protested, but her friends had already latched on to it.
“You have to have done something,” Evelina argued. “You would not have said so otherwise. What is it?”
“Truly, it is nothing like the exploits we read about. It is only that, well… I may have misjudged the Wuthering Duke.”
The argument was abandoned, and the three ladies huddled together, watching Anna intently as they waited for her to continue. Suddenly, the romance of the kiss they shared came back to her, and she was swept up in it every bit as much as she had been at the time.
“He—I—he kissed me.”
The ladies squealed, grinning and embracing her in their excitement.
“Was it not the most wonderful thing?” Maria asked. “At last, I am not alone in my enjoyment of marriage!”
“It was… oh, it was everything I had always hoped for. I cannot believe that I have read of such a thing so many times without ever truly experiencing it, and now it is all that I can think about. Last night, when we were talking, he had his knee between my thighs, and I thought I might collapse!”
All talk of books was abandoned, and they huddled together with their tea and cake to discuss what Anna had been doing. It was a change to be the one describing everything, and a welcome one at that. Maria did not seem to miss it either, listening as intently as Evelina was.
Theodora, on the other hand, was sitting with them but did not seem as interested. Anna knew that her friend was happy for her, but there was something in her eye that told Anna that there was something else happening that she did not quite understand.
“But how did it happen?” Maria asked. “Surely he did not simply walk up to you, kiss you, and then walk away?”
“Well, in truth, it was rather in the heat of the moment. We were having… Well, not quite an argument, but a disagreement, and then he kissed me. It was most passionate, with him touching me in places I never once thought would be.”
The ladies all squealed again, and Anna continued to provide them with the most delicious details.
Once again, she felt as though she was a desirable woman, rather than a drab wife.
She understood, at last, just why Maria had changed so much during her marriage.
She wanted that for herself, to grow and to change and to be seen as something more than a lonely duchess.
“And has it gone any further?” Evelina asked.
“No, not as yet, but I cannot help but feel as though it will. Every time I look at him, I… I feel the most wicked things. I often wonder if he is thinking the same.”
“Nobody has an imagination quite like yours, Anna,” Maria laughed. “But I do not doubt that he is imagining you in all sorts of ways. You are most fortunate, like I am.”
“Yes, we understand,” Theodora snapped. “You are both so very happy, while my sister and I are not.”
Silence fell, and Anna turned to her youngest friend with sympathy. Things were changing for her, and quickly, but Theodora was precisely where she was before. It was difficult, but Anna did not understand why she was so hurt about it.
“I thought you were happy alone?” she asked. “You always say that you have no interest in marriage, and that you shall gladly always be a spinster.”
“Of course, I say that. You said that you were pleased to live without your husband, so much so that you said he had died, and yet the moment he returned, he is all that you talk about.”
“That is different.”
“Is it?”
Theodora was trembling, and Anna was certain that she would cry, but then she steeled herself, laughing carefully.
“My apologies,” she said softly. “I do not mean to be unkind. I am most happy for you, but this is all such a change, and one that I did not expect. I thought that we would always be bluestockings together, except Maria, but seeing you so happy in your marriage…”
“Whatever it is, Theodora, you can tell us. We wish to be there for you.”
The young lady bit her lip, and Anna wished she knew what she was thinking. Theodora was rarely vulnerable, for she was so certain of herself that there was no breaking her. It made it even worse that she was now feeling that way, for Anna could not help but feel as though the fault lay with her.
“When it is all of us,” Theodora explained, “I can say that we are together, and so it is not only me. When you are all so interested in love and romance, however, it makes me feel as though– it makes me realize that it is me, and that there is something wrong with me.”
“Oh, Theodora, there is nothing wrong with you! I have always admired you for the fact that you do not need a husband.”
“I worry for you,” Evelina added. “I want security for you, if not love and adoration, but that does not mean that I think less of you.”
“But they do. The ton does. We are all expected to fall in love and do these wicked things, but I look at a man, and I find the idea repulsive.”
“That is because you have never done it,” Anna said firmly. “That is how I felt beforehand, but once you have experienced that moment, you will understand.”
Suddenly, the door opened, and they all sprang apart.
Spencer was standing in the doorway with a grin on his face and a bag in his hand. Anna turned to Theodora, who had turned scarlet, and then they all scurried back to their seats, sheepishly taking their teacups back into their hands.
“How was your visit?” Anna asked.
“I assume your friends know where I have been?”
“They do.”
Spencer took a seat beside her, his hand on her knee, which made her draw her thighs together.
“He has been warned, and he has been stripped of his role. He will not bother us again.”
The other ladies sighed wistfully, and though Anna thought she might scoff at him for acting the hero, she did not see him that way.
The truth was that he had been a hero to her; a man had hurt her, and he had handled it.
Thankfully, that did not culminate in pistols at dawn, though she expected Walter to be too cowardly to do that.
“I see that you have been enjoying yourselves,” he continued, taking a slice of cake. “Do all ladies attend clubs like these?”
It was Anna’s turn to blush. She knew that her husband would not let her live it down, having undoubtedly heard her impression of him.
“I would not have thought so,” Maria replied. “There are very few ladies like us. You ought to be pleased that you have a wife like her.”
“I most certainly am,” he smiled, “which is why I thought I might bring some gifts for you all.”
He handed the bag to Anna, and she peered inside. It was heavy, laden with dozens of books. She pulled them out one by one, handing them to her friends. As she did so, she realized that there was a theme.
They were all romances, and all of them suggestive.
Evelina smiled approvingly at him, and Maria thumbed through some of the pages with a grin. Theodora, meanwhile, looked as though she was ready to groan at it. Anna laughed softly, and when she reached the last one, she saw that it was about art history.
He had been listening to her the night before.
“You shall like this one more,” she promised, handing it to Theodora.
“Oh!” she gasped, eyes wide. “Yes, I am looking forward to us all reading this one. Might we begin today?”
“It would be unfair to our guest,” Anna said, gesturing to Spencer. “Though you are most welcome to join us.”
“A gentleman in a club for ladies? The scandal!”
The ladies laughed at his joke, and the air was cleared.
Anna had not expected him to win them over so easily, for they had disliked him as much as she did, but it was clear that there was no malice in him.
He had made mistakes, but he was trying, and Anna could not ask much more from him than that.
“I thank you for the invitation,” he continued, “but I do not wish to intrude. We are all entitled to our own affairs, and this is no exception. Enjoy the books.”
“And why, pray tell,” Theodora asked, “did you select these?”
“Well, I know what you all enjoy.”
They all gave Anna an accusatory look, but given how he had just seen them, they could hardly blame her entirely.
“As for the one about art?” Theodora pressed. “It is rather different from the others.”
“My wife enjoys it, and I thought it might offer some respite from the more daring exploits. Should you have an interest, I am more than happy to provide you with something too. It is as I said, I wish to support your club.”
“And how did you select this one? What do you know about art?”
Anna bristled. Theodora was not as welcoming as the others—indeed, she was practically interrogating him! But she was asking questions that Anna herself had been curious about, and so she allowed it to continue. Not only that, but Spencer did not flinch at any of it.
“I studied it,” he explained. “I enjoy art, though I cannot claim to have enjoyed studying its history as my wife does. In any case, I believe this book is entertaining enough that you will all find something enjoyable in it, even if you do not care for the subject matter.”
“And we thank you for that,” Evelina replied, cutting off her sister.
Spencer thanked her in turn for her gratitude and turned to leave.
“If I may, Your Grace,” Maria said suddenly, “why are you so happy for us to have such discussions? We are aware of your position, and that improprieties would not be looked kindly upon.”
“Well, as long as your discussions remain within these walls, I see no harm in it. London might not be as progressive as you, but that does not mean that I am not either. Your club has my support.”
“And for how long will that last?” Theodora asked. “Will you be here to support it?”
Anna glared at her friend. It was not the time for such a serious question, but Spencer seemed unfazed. He chuckled, taking another biscuit before walking away.
“I will remain here long enough,” was all that he said, and then he left.
“Theodora!” Anna hissed. “Why did you say that?”
“He was being kind,” Evelina agreed. “You did not need to make him seem like a villain.”
“Why are you all so willing to accept him? I shall remind you that he abandoned Anna the day after their wedding, and never told her where he was. One kiss does not mend the year of heartache that she has felt.”
Anna wanted to argue that she was perfectly happy, and that there was no need to defend her, but her friend was right to be wary, and perhaps even bitter.
There were so many things that had been left unanswered: where he had been, and how long he would remain, and what he had planned for her while he was there.
“Maria,” Theodora continued, “you have a wonderful and exciting marriage, one filled with love and passion. I may sound cruel, but I do not want Anna to be hurt because she has been kissed once and now thinks that the same awaits her, even though her husband has made it clear that he has no such interests.”
Part of Anna wished that her friends would encourage her hopes, but she knew that her friend meant well. She had to know what her husband wanted, and though he would not be inclined to tell her, she had to force him to do so.
If another year of solitude awaited her, she had to know before she fell for him completely.