Chapter 14
“Icannot stand him!”
A bold declaration for a wife. An easy one for a woman alone and tormented.
“I rather like him,” Maria shrugged. “I thought he was very kind to bring books for us last week.”
“And why did he do that?” Anna asked. “To mock me.”
Her friends all looked at her in surprise.
It was their club meeting, and they were holding it at Evelina’s home that week.
Anna had been grateful for it, for it meant an excuse to avoid her husband again.
She had scarcely spoken to him since their encounter, and she had to admit that part of that was because she had something to prove.
“Is it not possible that he was simply doing it to be kind?” Evelina asked. “I did not notice any malice in him, and if it was there I would have seen it.”
“I want to believe that, but it does not make any sense. He has now asked that we keep our opinions to within the confines of this club, rather than voicing them at events.”
“Given your circumstances, I can see why he might want that.”
“Why are you agreeing with him? He is trying to silence us. That is likely why he got us those gifts. He must have thought it would be easier to ask us to be quieter if he had given us a present first.”
“I do not think so,” Maria said gently. “He has no such obligations. If he told us to cease our discussions in public, we would have had to.”
Anna looked to Theodora for support, knowing that she had been more suspicious of Spencer than anyone else. Theodora, who had been reading, sighed and closed the book.
“I do not think that he had ulterior motives, either,” she confessed.
“I did not speak particularly nicely to him, and he took it well. He was nice to all of us, which, given the circumstances he found us in, he did not have to be. If he were doing this for control, he would have simply forbidden you from coming to see us, which he has not.”
Anna did not understand why her friends did not see things the way that she did. Her husband had been their enemy for a long time, but a single meeting with him was all it had taken for them to forgive him completely. It did not make any sense, and Anna wondered just what had happened to them.
“I cannot believe you all,” she huffed. “This is the man who betrayed my marriage! You all hated him a mere two weeks ago, and now he is your favorite person.”
“That is not what we are saying at all,” Evelina argued. “All that we are telling you is that he is not evil. He should not have left you for as long as he did, no, and he should have told you where he was by now, but you read enough books to know that that does not indicate cruelty.”
“It feels that way.”
“And it may well do for a while, but think about it, Anna. Perhaps this is simply the part of the novel where you must let your guard down and trust him first.”
“He does not deserve it.”
“I would not say that. He has come home. It is now up to you to show him why he should stay. If you do that, and you trust him enough to do so, it may be reciprocated, and then you will have what you wanted all along.”
Anna folded her arms, pouting for a moment before realizing how foolish it made her look. She was acting like a child, and it was no wonder that Spencer delighted in teasing her when she was so easy to irritate.
“What if you are wrong, and he leaves again as he has told me he plans to?”
“Then we shall accept that we were wrong,” Maria promised. “We shall declare that you are always correct and far more intelligent than we, and you may laud it over us for the rest of our lives.”
Anna would have been satisfied by that if it were what she wanted. She hoped that she was wrong. She hoped more than anything that her husband would prove himself so that they could be happy, but she could not believe it.
And yet, her friends were settled in their beliefs. Spencer was not a cruel man, and he was trying. If she did not trust her husband, then she would have to trust her friends on the matter instead.
“Very well,” she conceded. “Shall we begin our new book, then?”
The ladies agreed, and they began to read.
They had selected the art history book, and nobody was more pleased with that than Theodora.
She had been reading it during their discussion and was further along than the others, and Anna wished that she could feel a non-romantic passion like that again.
She had been consumed by the kiss that she and Spencer had shared the week before, and was unable to think of anything else unless she was angry with him.
She turned the page when one of her friends did, and hoped that nobody asked her for her thoughts on it. If they realized that she was not paying attention, they would ask her why, and she did not dare disclose that she had been so intimate with a man she proclaimed not to trust.
Once again, she thought of how it felt to be beneath him rather than reading, and she firmly closed her book. Her friends all turned to her, which caused her eyes to widen, as she had forgotten that they were there.
“Can you not concentrate?” Evelina asked. “I know that you have been facing a lot of difficulties right now. Perhaps reading is not the best idea for you right now?”
“On the contrary,” Maria replied. “It is for the best that she has an escape. The history of art may not be the best subject, though.”
“Do not worry. I know how much Theodora has wanted to read something other than romance. I do not want to be the reason why we go back to it.”
“Very well,” Maria offered, “then you can listen to our advice. You are to live as though you are in a romance, and trust your husband. Who knows? You may even fall in love doing so.”
Anna did not believe that at all, but there was nothing else for her to do.
She was tired of waiting for Spencer to abandon her again, and she wanted to enjoy her life with her husband, but that would never be possible if she were always suspicious of him.
She had to let him try, even if it meant swallowing her pride.
When she returned home, she thought to wait for him in the dining hall, but then she considered that he had been avoiding meals with her. If she wanted to see him, she would have to go to him herself.
She made her way to his study, knowing better than to enter unannounced. She knocked on the door, and then she heard the rustling of papers and the closing of drawers before she heard his voice telling her to enter.
“Oh! Good evening, Anna.”
He seemed surprised to see her, which she could hardly blame him for. It had been days since they had interacted, and Anna did not know how much of that was her choice and how much was his.
“Good evening,” she greeted.
“Did you enjoy your club meeting?”
“Do not ask me to be quiet again.”
“I will not. I am only asking if you enjoyed yourself.”
She eyed him carefully, but there was no deception in his face.
“I did. My friends spoke highly of you, in fact. They wanted to thank you for the books again.”
“There is no need to thank me. They are gifts, and my way of showing my support.”
“Then you will be pleased to know that we have begun with the art book. Theodora is most pleased about that, and it has actually made her hold you in some form of esteem.”
Spencer grinned, clearly pleased that he had won her friend over after all.
A part of Anna wished that he had not been so successful, for it did not seem fair that they had so easily forgiven him, but if they were to work on their marriage, then she was pleased that her friends would not make it difficult.
“I am pleased about that. As I told you, I think that they are good ladies. I am pleased that you have found friends in them.”
“You simply want us to be quieter.”
“Do you wish to discuss the matter or not?”
Anna rolled her eyes, but she knew he was right. She was supposed to be building their bond, not causing more disputes. She cleared her throat and took a seat across from him, wearing a polite smile.
“I heard some papers when I knocked,” she began. “Is everything alright?”
“Yes, it was some correspondence from friends of mine wondering why I have not been to our club of late.”
“Have you not? When was the last time you went?”
“Over a year ago, now. They were expecting me to go now that I have returned, of course, but I have not.”
“May I ask why?”
“You may not like the answer, but you may.”
“Is it so that you can ensure I do not do anything scandalous in your absence?”
“Not at all. Actually, it is so that I do not do anything scandalous. I do not drink often, for I do not like not having control of my actions, and when I go to my club, I am handed brandy after brandy.”
“Have you ever done something you regret after drinking?”
He seemed to think for a moment, only to laugh again, the sincerity gone.
“Many times. In spite of my size, I cannot handle my drink at all, and it has led to some nasty illnesses the day after.”
“Then why do it?”
“Connection, I suppose. I did not have any friends who did not enjoy drinking, so if I wanted any form of sociability, it meant going to my club and drinking. It also led me to know the perfect meal to take in the morning to help when I inevitably felt dreadful the following day.”
Anna laughed softly, and Spencer sent for the butler. When he arrived, he did not look at Anna like he used to. His role was to serve the Duke, not the Duchess, and Anna knew that but that did not make it hurt less.
“Two hot chocolates, please,” he asked, and the butler disappeared again.
Spencer looked back at her, and Anna knew that she was not hiding her emotions at all. He noticed her frown, and to her surprise, he seemed genuinely concerned about it.
“Did something happen with Jeffries?” he asked.
“Not exactly. I suppose it is odd to see how little he regards me now that you are home.”
“Was it not the case in my absence?”
“Not at all. It was as though I had two housekeepers, if anything. I thought that would stay the same, but of course it has not. It makes sense that you would take his attention away, for you are the one he is meant to serve, but it is odd all the same.”
They continued to discuss treatments of over-indulgence for a while, and then Jeffries returned with a tray. It contained their drinks, as well as some cakes and biscuits. Anna took a biscuit, while Spencer looked at it in confusion.
“I did not ask for all of this,” he pointed out. “I only wanted the drinks.”
“I know, Your Grace, but Her Grace has always liked to receive treats with every tray. I thought that was what you wanted.”
The two men looked at each other for a moment, and then Spencer smiled.
“Of course. Thank you, Jeffries.”
The butler bowed to both of them and left the room, Anna smiling through the icing.
“So he does still care about you,” Spencer said triumphantly. “More so than me, it would seem.”
“I cannot believe it. I thought that he would ignore me completely now that you have returned.”
“That is impossible. You have undoubtedly formed bonds with them all in the last year, and my return will not change that. I knew that would be the case when my own housekeeper told me what a fool I have been.”
“And did you listen to her?”
He was quiet for a moment.
“I have not done the best that I could have,” he confessed. “Nor have I changed much since my return. I have not known how to behave around you, and that has led to me being perhaps… well, I have blown hot and cold, I admit. I am aware of that.”
“Good, for I did not want to have to be the one to tell you as much.”
He chuckled, taking a swig of his drink. There was a delicate element to their peace, but it was there all the same, and Anna liked it. It was a glimpse of the life that they could lead together now that he was home, and she could only hope that it would continue.
“You like cake, then?” he asked.
“I do. I always like to have some sweetness in my life, which is why I have so much cake. It cannot be good for my size, but I enjoy it regardless.”
“I would say that it benefits you greatly.”
He had some icing on his thumb, and he placed it in his mouth to lick it off. Anna watched him intently, seeing for the first time how gentle he could be. There was something wicked in the way he moved, and she enjoyed it far more than she should have, but she refused to reprimand herself for it.
He was her husband, and just as he had proven that she was his, he was hers, too.
It was only fair that she could enjoy watching him the way he did her when she was wearing her nightgowns and taking off her gloves.
He caught her staring, but she did not shrink away.
If anything, she only made it clearer that she was watching.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked.
“Very much so,” she replied, taking a piece of cake and biting it.
“Then perhaps you had a point all along,” he said with a sly grin. “We ought to have cake more often.”
And, in spite of her trepidation, Anna wanted to accept such an invitation.