Chapter 18
Anna did not think that she would ever enjoy the way that Spencer had. Still less that she would enjoy his attentions so much.
It had been an intense afternoon, with her feeling pleased about the auction and nervous around her father and terrified of the man who wanted his way with her. She hated the way he had towered over her, as if she were some common wanton that would give in to him.
There was only one man that she would ever have behaved in such a way with, and it pained her to make him stop, but they were taking too much of a risk. They had to protect their family name.
“Are you well?” he asked as they returned home.
“Yes, quite,” she replied, still rather breathless. “I was not expecting all of that, but I am rather pleased that it happened. Well, not the gentleman who accosted me. Spencer, you should know that I–”
He silenced her stream of thought by pressing a finger to her lips. She obeyed at once, laughing softly at how out of sorts she felt.
“Your father will not be a burden to you anymore. I have made it clear to him that he is to respect you, and that he is not to have such awful behavior in public.”
“Yes, we cannot have any… bad behavior.”
He chuckled.
“As for that other man, I never believed a word of it. You told me that you have only been loyal to me, and I have taken you at your word. I would have known if you had not.”
Anna raised an eyebrow, but before she could ask how he could possibly have known, they arrived home. He helped her out of the carriage, and she took his arm as they made their way inside.
“Be sure to dress nicely for dinner,” he instructed. “I will meet you here.”
Anna felt what could only have been described as giddiness as she was dressed for dinner that night. She wished to be at her most feminine and to wear something he would approve of, something as lovely as any debutante would wear during courtship.
When she descended the staircase, she was wearing a pale pink satin gown, her hair pinned in ringlets.
All the better for him to unravel.
She shivered at the thought of it and tried helplessly to push it aside. She had already acted in an improper manner, and it was to be a nice dinner. She had to be respectable, even if the thought of her husband made it impossible to do so.
When she arrived at the dining room, however, there was nothing prepared. The table was empty of food, and the dining room was empty of staff. Her breath caught in her throat, wondering if it had been a trick, when she felt a comforting hand on her side.
“Not here,” he whispered. “Come.”
He led her instead to the parlor room, where she was met with a lit fire and a meal prepared for them on the table. Outside, it had begun to snow, and Spencer took a seat on a rug by the fire and patted the floor beside him, gesturing for her to join him.
“This is rather nice,” she smiled, taking a seat beside him. “A picnic?”
“Indeed. Had it been the social season, I would have arranged for it to be by the lake, but I do not think that would be wise in such weather.”
“No, we would catch a chill,” she giggled. “What else would we do if it were the Summer months?”
“We would take more walks. I enjoy promenades, especially in Hyde Park, though I do not suppose that I have ever asked you if you like the outdoors?”
“I do, actually.”
She turned to tell him more, but she was caught off guard by the fact that he wore only a shirt and his trousers. He was marvelous to look upon, and she enjoyed doing so so much that it was beginning to make her lose her capacity to speak.
And he knew she was looking.
“I would not have expected you to enjoy such a thing,” he noted, “given how I assumed your father raised you.”
“That is where you are mistaken,” she explained, sipping the brandy he had given her and clearing her throat. “You see, my father did not raise me.”
His eyes widened slightly, then narrowed, as if in disbelief.
“What?” she asked. “Surely you did not see any of me in my father?”
“Not at all, but if he were not… were you with your mother?”
She shook her head, preparing herself for what she was about to say. What they had was fragile, and she did not want to ruin it by telling him something that frightened him away again.
“My mother passed away when I was a very young girl. I was my father’s responsibility, and we both know that he wanted nothing less than to be charged with me.
He handed me away as soon as he could, and the easiest way to do that was to give me to my grandmother when the time came for me to learn how to be a lady. ”
He listened intently, rather than merely hearing what she said. It was encouraging, and precisely what Anna needed to hear. Her friends knew of her past, and they had been supportive, but she had never expected anyone else to be, especially not the man who had abandoned her.
“Then why was he the man to decide that you would marry?” he asked.
“Because my grandmother died. As I was unmarried, it meant that I was his ward once again, and he wanted to get rid of me again. It was fortunate that he found a duke willing to take me as his bride, and all that he had to do was keep me from knowing the truth until the last possible moment.”
She laughed sadly, remembering what had happened. Even so, when she looked at her husband, it was all almost forgotten. All that she saw was the only man who had made her feel desired and wanted, and it meant everything to her after a lifetime of being handed off unceremoniously.
“I suppose your grandmother would be pleased that you did not stay with him.”
“I would think as much. I know that she wanted me to marry, but I was not ready for it. Not only that, but when I became a wife, I wanted it to be my own choice. I wanted the final say in who I married, and though I did not have that in the end, I have to admit that… well, I am happy.”
“Are you? I would not have thought that, given that I left you for so long. Granted, I am pleased that you feel that way, for I do too. I never expected to admire the poor girl who became my wife even half as much as I do you.”
“Which is why you left, yes?”
It was the conclusion that she had drawn for her own sake. If he were not off with another woman, he had to have had another reason. The best that she could think of was that he had been too afraid of the prospect of marriage to stay and had left in haste.
But that was not how he was looking at her. She could see that he was hiding something, and for the first time, he truly appeared to want to tell her the truth. Her eyes held his, and she waited.
“I ought to tell you the truth,” he confessed. “I know that you deserved it long ago, but I did not know how to tell you. It sounds ridiculous now, and utterly unbelievable.”
“I will believe you,” she assured him, leaning closer and abandoning her meal. “You have given me enough reason to trust you.”
He was quiet for a moment, and then began again.
“There was a scandal in my family,” he explained. “It was a few years ago, now, but it almost ruined us. It led to my family being isolated in the north, and after some health complications, it had to remain that way.”
“So you were visiting family.”
“Indeed. I know that it was wrong of me not to tell you, but it had to be done. At least, I thought it was for the best. I did not want you to worry that the scandal could come back for us, or that you were somehow implicated through our marriage.”
“Or that I did not believe you. I suppose a new bride hearing all of that may not have been convinced that it was the truth.”
He gave a slight nod, and she leaned against him.
She wanted to know more and to ask him what the scandal entailed and who exactly had to leave, but she knew better than to push him.
It was an enjoyable evening, and if she had upset him, then it would have ruined it all, and she did not want to do that. She wanted them to be happy.
She turned her face to the fire, the flames warming her. It was the most comfortable that she had ever felt, and the most inviting that her home had ever been.
“I ought to return to them soon,” he said suddenly. “I feel such guilt at leaving them.”
She bristled at that. Spencer had seemingly felt no guilt at all in leaving her alone for a year, but mere weeks after his return, he wanted to go back to them because of how he felt.
She envied the faceless family members that had his full attention, even in his absence, for she did not doubt that he thought very little of her while he was with them, if at all.
But she did not say that. She did not want to accuse him of being happy to be away from her simply because of her jealousy. She swallowed her envy and tried to settle, even though she knew it was an injustice to herself.
“I understand,” she said softly, “I can only imagine how you feel. But will you promise me something?”
“What is it?”
“I need you to tell me before you leave again. Last time, you disappeared without warning, and it was awful. I did not know where you were, nor how long you would be away for, and it drove me almost to madness.”
There was no doubt about it, though. The abandonment had led her to behave unbecomingly in public, which she had never done. It was not who she was before, but her own husband not deeming her worthy of a warning, that pushed her over the edge.
“Of course. I will not leave you without warning again, I promise.”
“And, whatever the issue is, at least you do not have to face it alone anymore. I am here, and I can help you with it.”
“I do not need your help,” he replied briskly. “I have managed it all alone for long enough. I do not need your pity, either.”
“Then it is just as well that I was not offering you pity. I am your wife, and it is my role to help you when something is wrong.”
He remained silent, and she took it as the invitation that she had been hoping for.
“And,” she continued, “as your wife, it is vital that I keep to my word.”
“And you do. Impeccably.”
“Then you will recall that I promised you something this afternoon.”
He looked at her with a furrowed brow, as if trying to remember just what she had said, when it suddenly seemed to dawn on him.
“You need not reciprocate what I did this afternoon,” he said quickly. “I should have thought twice, for we were around other people, but I wanted so badly to show you–”
She placed a hand on his thigh, leaning in and kissing him just as he did to her when she was talking that way. She pulled away, and he had stopped.
“You are right,” she giggled. “That is a very effective way to silence someone.”
He was leaning back, propped up on his hands, and he groaned softly as she began undoing his shirt.
Once again, she marveled at his body. She never tired of seeing it, his muscles tensing beneath her gaze.
She kissed down his stomach to distract him as she undid his trousers, in case she faced difficulty.
But she had read enough scenes to know what to do.
She allowed herself one glance up at his face, and saw that he had tilted his head back, his eyes closed.
She delighted in having such an effect on him by doing so little, and wondered just what he would do when she truly gave him something to feel.
His member was firm beneath her touch, as she stroked him over the fabric.
She knew that it was of an intimidating size, and that she would have to make an effort to take all of him, but she knew that she could.
What she lacked in experience, she would make up for in willpower, for he had made her feel divine, and she wanted him to feel the same way.
“Guide me if you wish,” she said in a sultry tone, at last letting him spring free.
She began by using her hand, moving along his length as she wondered how best to proceed. Tentatively, she placed the tip in her mouth and felt his body jolt against her. It was as though his instinct was to thrust forward, but he was managing to restrain himself.
To thank him, she dared to take more of him in.
He was large, and as expected, she needed to take her time to adjust to it.
Inch by inch, she made her way further down, humming so that she could give him as many sensations as she could.
When she looked up, he was looking down at her with wide eyes, astonished that she knew what to do.
She swirled her tongue around him as she moved, her fingertips tracing lines on his waist. She waited for him to instruct her, but all he could muster was moans of approval.
“Like that,” he groaned. “Just like that, Anna.”
His pleasure pushed her further, and she could feel herself becoming aroused by it, but it was not about her this time. Lying there in their parlor room, it was about her husband and how much she wanted to please him.
“Anna– Anna, I am going to–”
He tried to push her away, but she knew what to expect.
She hummed in acknowledgment and continued, strangely excited at the pitch she could bring him to.
With a last moan, he released into her, and she held herself still as she took it.
It was not unpleasant, as she had expected, and when he was done, she looked up at him with a devilish grin.
“That was…” he whispered. “Oh my God, Anna.”
“That is what you have been missing,” she jested. “So you ought to make the most of it now.”
He took her in his arms, his lips pressed to her ear.
“I intend to.”