Chapter 19
“You have changed.”
Spencer was inclined to agree with his friend, who was looking at him pointedly. He had gone to visit Alexander for the morning, and he hoped that the enjoyment he felt from his spirited activities did not show.
But of course, they did. It would have been impossible for him to enjoy his wife as much as he had without it being clear on his face.
He was the luckiest man in the country, and part of him wished to announce every lurid detail to his friend just as he assumed Anna would with hers, but he knew better.
He was a gentleman and could therefore not kiss and tell.
“Do you think so?” he asked. “I had not noticed.”
“Yes, you have. I saw it the moment you arrived. I have never seen you look this content, and I have half a mind to believe that it is thanks to your wife.”
“You would be correct,” he admitted. “I would never have expected it, but she and I have grown closer over the last few days. I admire her greatly, especially after all of the effort she has made to be a proper duchess.”
“Is that to say that you now wish to remain here?”
His face fell. It was a question that had plagued him since the auction. He had only needed to be absent for a few mere moments for someone to try to take advantage of Anna. The thought of it happening while he was north made him feel nauseous.
And yet, there was nothing that he could do.
“I do not know what I am to do as yet.”
“But your wife is here, Spencer.”
“And my family is there. Anna is a capable woman. She can manage an estate alone, and she is able to live as she pleases in my absence. When it comes to my family, they are trapped. I am all that they have, and it is not fair for me to tell them that, simply because I enjoy my wife’s company, they are on their own. ”
“And I am not suggesting that it is easy to manage, but be honest with yourself. Would you truly be happy there, knowing that your wife is here alone?”
“She told me it was all right, as long as I told her first.”
But Spencer was not blind. He knew that Anna had agreed because she did not know what else to say.
He had opened himself up to her, and the last thing she would have done was to pressure him further.
She was impulsive and, at times, reckless, but she was not cruel.
He had made it clear that he would have to go, and she was resigned to that fate.
Alexander shook his head, as if in disbelief.
“I know that you think I am selfish.”
“On the contrary,” his friend argued. “I would say you are selfless to your own detriment. You are happy here with your wife. You have attended events, and you smile more, and you stand taller. Anyone can see that this is where you belong, but you are giving that away for someone who is–”
He stopped himself, and Spencer knew why.
“You can say it. I would never be angry with you for your honesty.”
“Well, I must admit that Sophia is selfish. She expects you to come and go at her will, regardless of your duty.”
“She needs me.”
“And if you lose your title, where will she be? I know that you care for her, and understandably so, but you will be of no assistance to anyone if you have everything stripped from you. You are better here.”
“I am, which is why I will remain here until this mess has been taken care of.”
“And then what do you plan to do? You cannot simply return for one month of the year and then leave your wife behind for the rest of it. These threats shall come every year if you do that, and eventually they will tire of waiting.”
“I do not plan to do that.”
“Then what do you plan to do?”
“I do not know,” he said helplessly. “Nothing I think of makes sense. I do not want to leave my wife, you are correct, but what can I do?”
“Tell Sophia to come here.”
Spencer did not like the way he said her name, for it was with the faintest trace of venom.
“I know that you are not particularly fond of her–”
“I cannot stand her, and I have half a mind to tell your wife about her, too. She has a right to know, and I assume that she does not.”
“I… I do not know how to explain it to her. I will tell her eventually, but not now. Not yet.”
“Then I am disappointed in you. I want her to know precisely who it is that you are running to, for as it stands, you are hiding far too much, and she does not deserve it.
“You make it sound like I am being disloyal to her.”
His friend raised an eyebrow, not responding with words.
It irritated Spencer to know that his friend thought that of him.
Throughout his marriage, he had never considered being disloyal to Anna.
She was a stranger to him, but that did not change the fact that they were married, and he had a duty to her.
He had several, but for all the ways he had failed her, he would not betray her in love.
“She will know,” he repeated. “Eventually, I will tell her everything, and she may do with that information as she wishes. For now, I have no plans to leave, and she and I are enjoying one another’s company.”
“Then that will not change for a long time.”
“I did not say that,” he snapped. “Alexander, I know that you are trying to help, but perhaps your time would be better spent finding a wife of your own. Then you may cherish your own lady, rather than mine.”
“Is that jealousy that I hear?”
“No,” he bluffed. “If anything, I am territorial. She is my wife, and you have gained quite a reputation. I know that you want the best for her, but you need to accept that I also do, and you need to let me do what is necessary.”
“I would never do anything to a married woman, especially not yours. I do not say any of this to anger you; I say it to make you think of her before anyone else. You swore at the altar to dedicate your life to honoring her, and thus far, you have left her alone, then returned without a word of explanation. She has an attachment now—Heaven only knows why—and I dare say that you do too. Do not leave her again, for I do not think she would forgive you a second time.”
He had said it in a measured tone, but Spencer felt the anger.
There was no denying that Alexander had a specific expectation that should be met when it came to a marriage, and Spencer had fallen short consistently.
He had tried to be a good husband and was courting Anna as she had asked, but that was precisely the problem.
He was being a good husband, and Alexander was right in saying that she had formed an attachment. He had done the same, and it would be agony to leave her behind, but his mind remained made. He could not leave Sophia, and Sophia would not want to see Anna. They had to remain apart, and Spencer…
Spencer did not know what to do with himself.
He left Alexander’s home before lunch, and when he returned, Anna was waiting for him in the dining room. He tried to fix the expression on his face, for he did not want her to worry, but of course, she was intuitive and could tell that something was amiss in an instant.
“Is something wrong?” she asked. “I do hope that you and the Duke have not quarreled.”
“Not as such. We exchanged words, but we will be fine come tomorrow.”
“What was it about, if I may ask?”
He was quiet for a moment, skewering some meat with his fork.
“It was about you.”
It was her turn to fall silent, looking at her plate before looking back at him.
“I see. Have I done something wrong?”
“Not at all. My friend is ensuring that I am being a good husband to you, and I will admit that I was short with him. You are my wife, after all, and not his.”
“Of course. I believe that I proved as much in the parlor room.”
He paused with his food halfway to his mouth. He thought back to that evening together, and given her wicked half-grin, he could tell that she was more than happy for them to have many more nights like that.
“He is a good friend, though,” she admitted. “It has helped that the ton knows not to be too unkind to me, for I have two dukes by my side. He is a good man, no matter what they say about him.”
“Indeed, he is, which is why I will not hold a grudge against him. I know that he means no harm, but I do not think we require any opinions about our match. It is the way that it is, and I would say we both benefit from it.”
“Greatly so, which is why I am pleased to have you home, even if the circumstances that brought you here could have been more ideal. Have you heard anything more about all of that?”
Spencer did not have anything to say about it.
He had not thought about it since the last time he saw his cousin, because since that day, he had only had eyes for Anna.
It did not matter how hard he tried to stop thinking of her; she filled his mind.
Her laughter, her hair when it came undone, the way she looked in her nightgown.
The way she looked out of it.
“I have not,” he replied. “I ought to see what is happening, though I suppose we simply need to wait for all of the whispers to die down.”
“And in the meantime, I shall have you to myself.”
“Precisely. Speaking of which, though, is it not your meeting today?”
“Indeed, it is. I am to host it, and you are welcome to join us if you wish.”
“Of course not. It is your time with your friends, and I will not intrude upon that. I may see them all before they leave, though, if you wish.”
Her eyes sparkled.
“I would like that very much. They are coming around to you, you know.”
Spencer was not expecting to be as pleased about that as he was.
He had never once thought that the opinions of his wife’s friends would matter to him, but they did.
He wanted their approval, for they knew Anna better than anyone, and if they liked him, then it meant he was possibly even worthy of her.
That afternoon, while Anna was away, he planned to spend time in his study with his papers.
He hoped to find a way to prove himself, and quickly, though he had to admit that his urgency was waning.
He was enjoying his life as a duke, and for the first time in his life, he did not feel the need to run.
He would have to eventually, but at least it would be easier this time. He could make plans, inform his wife of what was happening, and arrange his return. All would be easier than before, and if Anna was indeed happy for him to do what was necessary, then their marriage would only strengthen.
“Is everything prepared?” he asked Anna as he passed the drawing room.
“Indeed. We shall be reading one of the romance books you purchased for us today.”
“Then I hope you find some inspiration within the pages,” he suggested, enjoying the pink staining in her cheeks.
“I shall see what I think.”
He left for his study feeling lighter than he had in years.
Everything was falling into place, and all that he needed to do was secure his standing in London, and then all would be as he wanted it.
It had been difficult, but it was all coming to an end, and in spite of himself, he was rather pleased that it had happened.
It was, after all, making him a better man.
About an hour after the ladies arrived, however, his butler appeared.
He was holding a tray of letters for him, and Spencer took them while thanking him.
It was as usual: requests from tenants, information about quarrels, and invitations to events.
He was about to write his responses when the final letter caught his eye.
He knew the handwriting all too well.
Spencer,
I need you to come home, and I need you to do so now. I cannot tell you why within the confines of this letter, but you will see once you arrive.
I will be waiting for you. Please do not make me wait long.
Yours,
Sophia
It was short, but it was to the point. Spencer’s pulse quickened, wondering just what had to be so important that she could not tell him then and there. Something had to be terribly wrong.
He paced furiously, knowing that his legal situation was truly too precarious for him to leave at that moment, but knowing he could not put her at risk either. He raked his hand through his hair, groaning in frustration. He knew what he had to do.
He had to leave.