Chapter 27
Spencer had not expected to take his wife that night, nor had he expected her to tell him she loved him.
She loved him, or so she claimed. They awoke together the following morning in sunlight, Anna still in his arms, and he wondered what he was supposed to do with that.
He knew that the proper thing would have been to say he felt the same way, but he could not.
He could not tell her something that would impact his future, so he needed to act in accordance with his duty.
He simply hoped that she had not noticed.
“Good morning,” he smiled when she stirred.
“Good morning. I cannot believe that I agreed to go horseback riding.”
She giggled as she said it, and Spencer winced. He had not thought of that result of the evening’s activities.
“Are you in any pain?” he asked, and she carefully got to her feet.
“It would seem I am not,” she said as she put a nightgown around herself. “I told you that I was ready.”
“You certainly were. It was incredible. I should have told you as much last night, but–”
“The exhaustion, yes? I cannot say I blame you. That was why we all went to bed early, if I recall correctly, but some people simply have to be restless.”
“People, yes,” he winked, and she curtseyed with a look of pride on her face.
“What do you have planned for today?” she asked. “You are to see a friend, yes?”
“Alexander,” he nodded. “Though, if I am honest, I do not wish to leave this room. I would much sooner forget everything that is out there and stay here with you.”
“As would I, but we are married to our duty as well to one another. Will you be home in time for lunch?”
“I plan to be, but if not, I suppose you could enjoy a meal with your new sister-in-law. Or your cousin, if you plan to go forward with that plan of yours.”
She laughed, folding her arms.
“That was merely an idea! I am trying to find a way for all of this to be remedied, you know.”
“I do, and it is admirable. I can only hope that it will be as simple as you want it to be.”
And hoped he did, but he knew it would not be.
The ton had its views, and it had a particular way of picking stories apart until they got to a narrative they enjoyed, no matter how fanciful it might be.
Spencer could not allow that to happen, and to have himself and his wife seen as liars on top of everything else.
If they did not do everything correctly, there would be no coming back from it.
“In any case, we will find a way through this,” she assured him. “Sophia will be alright, as will her son. I will speak with her today and see if I can do anything to help.”
“I must warn you, Anna. She does not take kindly to being assisted. I have tried for the past year, and she refuses every idea I have.”
“I know. If she truly would rather be elsewhere, then that is what will have to happen. I know better than to try and force a stubborn lady’s hand, after all.”
She gave him a smile and handed his clothes to him.
Spencer hoped that she would say something to convince his sister to stay, for he could not stomach the idea of having to leave Anna again.
It was a dangerous dynamic, for he could not afford to fall for her, but he had to admit that he liked her presence, and he did not want to be away from it.
And yet, he had arranged to see his friend, and Alexander was not a man who liked to be kept waiting.
“That sounds an awful lot like love,” Alexander pointed out when Spencer arrived and explained everything.
“It is not,” he protested. “I told you, I am not the sort of gentleman to feel that sort of thing. I am just like you.”
“Nonsense,” his friend said firmly, handing him a drink as they sat in his study. “You have always been softer than I. Have I not told you what would happen if I learned of a sister? I would send her enough money to become self-sufficient, if used wisely, then wash my hands of the situation.”
“Yes, well, I would have said the same thing had you asked me that years ago. When it actually happens, it is not as simple as that.”
“I would say that it is.”
“And I would say that you are not half as cruel as you pretend to be.”
“Cruel? I would not call myself that. I am one to enjoy the company of ladies, though, and a duty elsewhere would dampen that.”
“Or open you to the possibility of more ladies,” Spencer countered, “though I cannot speak for whether or not they engage in that.”
“Such a loyal husband. One has to wonder why that is. Love, perhaps?”
“I do not love her,” he protested. “I swore I never would.”
But his glass was already empty. He hated lying, and it showed in him too easily to get away with it, even when he had to. It was a fruitless endeavor, especially when speaking to someone who knew him as well as Alexander did.
“You do know that it is perfectly acceptable to fall for your wife, yes?”
“In normal circumstances, but you know what I am against. If Sophia thinks that she is a burden, she will leave, and I will be left unable to help her and my nephew. You know as well as I do what happens to young ladies with no security.”
“And that choice is hers to make, Spencer. She is older than you are. If you are able to make decisions, then you have to trust that she is too.”
“That is not fair,” he replied, placing his glass down with a heavy thud. “She is not in her right frame of mind. She has a young child and is unable to care for him, and it has practically driven her mad. She cannot see reason, nor can she make her own decisions. I need to be there for her.”
“And your wife, who pretended you had been eaten by lions, is of any saner mind?”
That did not feel like a fair comparison, for Spencer knew that Anna had been perfectly lucid when she had done that. It was done in desperation, knowing that something had to bring him home, and it had worked. She was not like Sophia; she did not need him.
But he needed her, and he could not allow his own ridiculous feelings to cloud his judgment.
“I fulfill my duties to my wife. As long as I continue to do that and no more, all will be well.”
But his friend chuckled, pouring him another drink.
Spencer knew that Alexander saw him as a child at times, and he hated it.
He had done more than his friend had in order to protect his title; he was not running off with any lady that looked in his direction, and he was faithful to the wife he had taken.
“The two of you passed mere duty long ago,” Alexander pointed out.
“All men must consummate their marriages.”
“Yes, but that is not what you did, is it?”
Spencer did not answer, for he did not want to give his friend the satisfaction of it. The truth was that it did, indeed, mean far more to him than he dared admit, and that was precisely the problem.
“I shall not be accepting any judgment from a man with no wife of his own,” he said simply. “You do not understand my position, and you will not until you do what is expected of you for the first time in your life.”
He had not intended for it to be as cutting as it was, but he did not regret it. Alexander simply gave him a half-smile and pushed the glass toward him.
“If you think I was passing judgment, you are mistaken. I am merely trying to tell you what I think is best for you, and lying to yourself and your wife is anything but that.”
“You do not know what is best for me.”
“If that is what you want to think.”
Spencer took the drink in one again, wishing he could be honest without feeling like a fool.
“How are they both, then?” Alexander asked. “Your wife and sister?”
“Anna seems to like Gilbert, at least. I do not know how the two ladies will be with one another, for Anna likes to mend things, and Sophia hates the thought of being mended. They are to spend time together this afternoon, and I do not know how it will go.”
“Perhaps Sophia does want to be helped, just not by you? I do not mean to offend you, but it is different when it is a fellow lady.”
“I hope that is the case. I also know that my wife is most persuasive when she wishes to be, so if anyone can get through to Sophia, it is her. I only wish that my sister trusted me more.”
“Can I suggest something, if you promise not to take it badly?”
“You may.”
“Do you suppose that, when she looks at you, she sees him?”
Spencer faltered, his fingertip tracing the rim of his glass.
“It is entirely possible. I have never asked her. I do not suppose that she would tell me even if it were true. It is not how we are.”
“Well, I believe it should be. Spencer, I do not take pleasure in telling you this, but I want what is best for you, and sometimes that means saying things that you do not want to hear. Your sister has been taking advantage of your kindness for some time now, and it is affecting what could be a blissful marriage.”
“My marriage not being what you expect is not the fault of Sophia. It is my own, for I am the one who made the decisions.”
“But you know how bound you are by your duty. No matter what she does, you will continue to put your duty to your family above your duty to your wife.”
“That is not because of my sister.”
“No,” Alexander said thoughtfully, his eyes locked on Spencer’s. “It is because of your father. Even in death, he is punishing you both.”
Spencer wanted to refute such a claim, but he could not. The truth was that his father was to blame for how Spencer viewed both women, and he wanted it to be different, but nothing that he did changed how he felt. Family had to come first. It was all that had ever mattered.
Although if that were true, he wondered why his father had washed his hands of Sophia from the moment he learned of her existence.
“I know what I am doing,” Spencer lied. “I have a good wife who understands my predicament, and a sister who does not. It is not neglecting my wife to care for my family.”
“No, because your wife should be your family, though I suppose you are forgetting that.”
Spencer left soon after, under the guise that he had planned to have his lunch with the ladies, but the truth was that he could not bear to hear any more.
In allowing himself to build a closeness with Anna, he was making it so that he would inevitably hurt her even more, and though he had enjoyed their time together, he could not handle what it meant would eventually happen.