Chapter 26
Anna had not wanted to discuss all that had happened, not yet, but that did not mean she could stop herself from pacing the floor.
Why had he chosen that moment to bring Sophia home? Why not before? Or never? She seemed a nice enough lady, albeit standoffish, and she seemed grateful enough to be there, so it simply did not make sense that so much time had to pass before she would come to their home.
But just as she had decided to go to him, he arrived.
“I was coming to see you,” she explained as he took a seat in her armchair. “I did not want to have this discussion with your sister present.”
“I agree,” he nodded. “She is uneasy about all of this as it is, and I am pleased that you did not speak of your apprehension in front of her.”
“What makes you think that I am apprehensive?”
“I could see it in your eyes.”
She bristled. She had never expected to be known by her husband, not well enough to be read by a single glance. She took a seat at the edge of her bed, her feet dangling.
“Well… It’s good for the boy that you brought him here. He will be far better off for it. What I cannot understand is why you did not tell me before. You could have at least written to me, Spencer. You promised that you would.”
“And I had every intention to, but then when I arrived, I realized that I had another plan, and by the time any letter would have arrived, I would be home. Not only that, but I did not want to tell you what I planned, only for it not to work.”
“And what was your plan? To drag Sophia here kicking and screaming?”
“Not at all, which is what I meant by it not working. I have always wanted her to be closer to our home, so that I would not have to be away as often, but she is a proud woman. She sees leaving to be supported by me as a failure, and believes truly that it is her responsibility to care for Gilbert alone.”
“So you at last convinced her?”
“It is the only good thing about the boy being unwell. She knows she cannot care for him adequately, and if she wants him to feel better, then she needs to be here with him. Fortunately, she did the sensible thing and came with me.”
He rose from his seat and sat beside her, his hand resting gently on her thigh.
It had only been a week since she felt his touch, but it was intoxicating.
Anna had to will herself not to give in to him completely from that alone, for she wanted nothing more than to stop talking and engage in one of the many things she had missed about him being there.
“I know you may not understand completely, and truthfully, I cannot ask that of you, but I thank you for at least trying. I will find a solution for all of this, one where all of us are happy.”
“Must it truly be so difficult to do?”
“Anna, our reputation is hanging by a thread. An illegitimate sister is enough to ruin us entirely, which leaves me unable to care for either of you.”
“It is hardly hanging by a thread,” Anna pointed out. “Since your return, we are being seen as far more respectable. Not only that, but that awful cousin of yours was run off when you told the trustees what had happened. All is well, as far as I am concerned.”
“And you are not the only one concerned,” he reminded her gently. “My sister is afraid that people will gossip, something that did not happen where she lived before. Nobody had time to idly discuss everyone else, and that was what she needed in her circumstances.”
“And what precisely were those circumstances?”
He shifted uncomfortably, unable to look at her.
“It is best that she tells you herself. It is a sore spot for her, a wound even.”
“Very well. I know how it feels to have secrets, after all. Perhaps I might take her to meet my group? I am set to host on Wednesday.”
“That would be brilliant.”
“As for us,” she said tentatively, “where does this leave you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know precisely what I mean. Will you be leaving often, even if we find somewhere nearer for her to stay?”
“I do not know. It depends on what is needed of me. Sophia’s vision is fading, and that means she is not particularly self-sufficient, and she recoiled at the suggestion of servants when I offered.
She told me that she is not completely useless, and the discussion ended.
If I can convince her to stay closer, I will still need to ensure everything is as it should be where she is, though I am sure you could accompany me. ”
Anna bit her lip, looking up at him.
“And what if she did not need to be too far away at all? What if she could stay here?”
“Out of the question,” he said firmly, standing.
“But we need not say she is your family.”
He looked at her then, in such a way that she expected him to tell her not to help him. His eyes flickered down to her chest, and then back up again as though he were committing a sin.
“We could say that she is a cousin of mine,” she continued. “We could say that her husband passed away, and that she is staying with me for a while. Perhaps, in that time, she might meet a nice gentleman, and–”
“Anna–”
“Yes, I know. You see this as an act of pity and nothing more, and you cannot accept your wife’s help again. You find it demeaning, and you cannot allow it. That pride you claim your sister has is clearly a family trait.”
But instead of arguing, he stepped forward, pressing his lips to hers. Her eyes widened briefly before closing, reciprocating with enthusiasm. He pulled away briefly, smirking playfully.
“I can accept my wife’s help. I only wish that she would, at times, be quiet and let me talk.”
“Did you want to talk?” she asked.
He chuckled, gently pushing her back onto the bed so her hair flowed around her.
“Not particularly. Not now, just as you asked.”
He was hovering over her, one hand by the side of her head and the other gently sliding her skirts up her legs. He kissed her neck, and she quivered. His touch was gentle, but it burned her. Her back arched, impatient.
“You are rather eager tonight,” he mumbled in her ear.
“Is that a crime?” she asked. “There is a longing in me that has yet to be fulfilled, after all.”
“I would say that I have left you feeling quite fulfilled before.”
But he pulled away, and she bit her lip again, trying to tell him just what she wanted with her eyes. It was clear that he knew precisely what she wanted, but his playful grin told her that she was not going to get what she wanted so easily.
“You know what you must do,” he reminded her. “You know what you like, so guide me.”
And so, she took his hand that had been on her leg, and moved it to her inner thighs, not daring to place him entirely where she wanted. Fortunately, he did the rest himself. She was already wet for him and had been from the moment he had instinctively placed his hand there.
“Eager indeed,” he chuckled. “Now, my duchess, do you want me to do only this–”
He moved his thumb across her most sensitive place in circles, causing her to whimper as she threw her head against his chest.
“Or would you like more?”
“Mm–Mm–”
“Use your words, Darling.”
“More,” she said at last, and he slid a finger inside of her.
She trembled at the sensation, for though she had come to learn of what pleased her, it was entirely new for anyone else’s hand but her own to cause it.
And yet, he was entirely in control, seemingly not as affected as she was. She had to have concern etched in her features, for he paused, a half-smile on his lips.
“I am enjoying this,” he promised. “You have given me pleasure, and I wish to reciprocate. That is all.”
“But I–”
He hushed her with a kiss as his fingers worked inside of her, his thumb continuing to circle her.
“You might be ready for me soon,” he groaned. “So wet, so warm.”
“I am ready now,” she protested. “Please, Spencer, please–”
“It will hurt, Anna. And I don’t wish to hurt you again.”
It was then that she noticed his own breathing was ragged, as if he truly believed he would hurt her. Granted, she knew of his size, and that the first time for a lady would hurt, but looking into his soft eyes, she swore that he could not hurt her.
“That fact will not change,” she said softly. “Nor will it change the fact that I–I need you. Now.”
That was all of the convincing he required.
He lifted her, moving her back so that her head was on her pillow, and then moved his hands to the back of her nightgown, unlacing it with ease.
He pulled it away, exposing her bare skin, and instinctively, she tried to cover herself from the cold, but he gently took her wrists and placed them on either side of her head.
“Not so fast,” he said. “If this is what you want, then I must also have what I want. And that is to look upon you as I take you.”
She shivered, but that time it had nothing to do with the cold. His eyes roved over her skin like a caress, the playful smirk replaced by sheer intensity.
He removed his shirt first, and that was a sight that she would never tire of.
His trousers followed, and he continued until he was just as bare as she was.
She trembled at the reminder of just how large he was, and she knew that it would, indeed, hurt, but she was ready for it.
She needed it, and she did not know how much longer she could wait.
He returned to her, two fingers sliding back inside with more ease than before. She jumped at the intrusion, causing her breasts to bounce. He took that as an invitation to lower his lips to one of them, his tongue flicking deftly over the nipple.
“Spencer,” she gasped. “Spencer, please.”
“So demanding,” he chuckled, his breath hot against her. “Allow me my fun, first.”
She loved that he took pleasure in giving it to her, and she would have allowed it to continue for hours, but she was already nearing climax, and she did not want it to happen without him doing the same. She writhed beneath him, trying to fight it, only for him to release her.
“You can let go,” he assured her. “I will simply continue until you do it again.”
That was all that she needed to hear. His name escaped her lips as her body tensed, throwing her head back as she whimpered against him.
“Good,” he whispered, and his fingers left her.
She missed the feeling, but only for a few mere moments, as they were replaced by something else at her entrance, something as demanding as she had been. Spencer gritted his teeth as though he was to feel pain himself.
“How do you want it?” he asked. “Slowly, or all at once?”
“Whatever you want. I trust you. I–”
He pushed forward slowly, and there was that intense pressure that she had expected. He took her inch by inch, clearly trying to give her time to adjust to him, and that care gave her the strength to tell him what she had been trying to say.
“I love you,” she finished.
At her words, he stumbled, thrusting into her entirely. A harsh moan escaped her, her jaw tightening. He remained still for a moment, and she was dazed entirely. He pulled away from her just enough to look at her face.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“Yes, quite.”
“I will not move until you tell me to.”
She adjusted her position and tried to slow her breathing. After a moment, she nodded for him to continue, and he did so slowly. The pain subsided quickly, mostly because she was so aroused that she was ready for him, but also because she was so focused on how good it felt.
Soon enough, he picked up his pace and was thrusting into her as though it was a necessity that he took her. She felt incredible; desired and needed in a way that she had never thought possible.
“Spencer,” she whimpered, “if you do not stop, I will–”
“That is fine by me,” he replied, breathing heavily. “I want to make you feel good.”
She tried to fight it, but she knew that she could not. There had never been any use in fighting how she felt for him, nor in pretending that he did not have such a profound effect on her. Her hands flew to his back, her nails pressing into his skin.
“If you do that,” he warned, “I shall not last much longer.”
“Good,” she said firmly.
She pressed harder, and she felt him losing his rhythm. He needed her as much as she needed him, she could tell, and the reciprocity of it all was enough to send her over the edge. His name escaped her one final time as she dug her nails in hard in an attempt not to scream.
“Anna,” he muttered into her ear, thrusting one more time before going still.
She felt him pulsing inside her, filling her before withdrawing completely. She felt his absence in a way she had never anticipated. It had been her first time, and yet she felt the insatiable urge to take him again. He had made her into a wicked woman, and she adored it. She adored him.
And yet, as they lay in each other’s arms, Anna could not stop thinking.
It was a foolish thing to focus on, she knew that even as she felt herself falling asleep against his chest. He had given her all of the proof that she needed that he cared for her, but that did not take away from the empty feeling in her stomach.
As he breathed deeply against her hair, sleeping soundly, she wondered the same thing until she fell asleep herself.
She had told him she loved him. And he had said nothing in response.