Chapter 10
10
R adiance:
“Alright, friend. I’ve been quiet long enough. What happened last night with you and Ja’vari?” Santia spoke from the other side of the dressing room door. We were at the local bridal shop for her final dress fitting. Up until now, she hadn’t mentioned Ja’vari at all.
I wasn’t even surprised when Ja’vari was at my door. I knew he would come. I was shocked it had taken him as long as it had. “Nothing happened. He said his words, left, and then a few hours later, came to my room.”
“He came to your room?” Santia said, a little too happy while poking her head out of the door. “Ohh, tell me more, friend.”
Sucking my teeth, I crossed my legs. “Girl, not like that.” I rolled my eyes. When Ja’vari and I broke up, Santia was there with me every step of the way. She’d even voiced her opinion on us getting back together multiple times.
With a disappointed expression, she backed back into the dressing room. “Then how?”
“Ja’vari apologized for the way he reacted to finding out about Ja’Lani, and then he got her to sleep for me.” My tone had been blasé, as if it wasn’t a big deal to me, but truth was, watching Ja’vari get Ja’Lani to sleep warmed my heart and made it ache at the same time. It was a beautiful sight, but like Ja’vari had said, I’d stolen those moments from them both for my own selfish reasons.
“So, nothing spicy or anything like that?”
“Girl, what the hell?” I chuckled. “I haven’t talked to Ja’vari in what seemed like forever. He finds out he has a kid that I neglected to tell him about, and you think some spicy shit happening?”
I heard the laughter from the other side of the door. “I mean, no, but shit. It’s been forever since something climbed between them legs. I was just hoping for a little piece of hope.”
I couldn’t contain my laughter. Santia had no chill, and whatever came to mind would more than likely come out of her mouth. She was right though. I hadn’t had sex in what seemed like forever. At first, it was because I was pregnant with Ja’Lani, and then, I was a new mom that didn’t have the time. Now, I was just content with life. I missed actual sex, but lately, my rose was getting me off in seconds, and I didn’t have to have any drama connected to it. So, I was years without a man and sex and content. “Girl, even if I wanted to, which I don’t, who’s to say he ain’t got a girlfriend or, hell, married?” Ja’vari was fine, a good man, and handled things in the bedroom. I was certain he was taken.
Santia sucked her teeth from the opposite side of the door. “So the hell what. What that mean? Even if he’s taken, everybody, including you and Ja’vari, know y’all are endgame and belong together. So, if he is with someone, it’s just to pass time until his true queen is home.” She spoke with so much confidence.
Hearing Santia call Ja’vari my endgame caused my mind to drift to a time that would forever be etched in my brain.
It had been at least six months since Ja’vari and I last saw each other, and I missed him tremendously. We were both in our second year of college where he attended Berkley University, and I went to Grambling State University. We hadn’t seen each other in some time, because we both had opted to take summer classes in order to graduate earlier. Things had been rough, but we had managed to make it work, and we would finally be face-to-face. Ja’vari’s and my time apart had been everything the opposite of amazing. He and I went from a relationship everyone envied to one I wasn’t even sure I wanted anymore.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Southwest welcomes you to Oakland, California. The local time is four seventeen in the afternoon, and the current temperature is eighty-two degrees. For your safety and the safety of those around you, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened and keep the aisles clear until we are parked at the gate.” My hands began to sweat while I listened to the flight attendant announce our arrival. The excitement to see Ja’vari was real, but the nerves overpowered it. Ja’vari and I had broken up more times than I cared to admit since separating for college, and we were trying our best to make it work. This trip was our last chance.
“Ma’am, is everything okay?” the flight attendant asked, getting my attention.
Looking around, I noticed the plane was empty except for the flight crew and me. I had been so consumed with my nerves that I had missed everyone disembark the plane. “Uh, yeah.” I stood, shaking my head. “I’m okay. Thank you.” I grabbed my carry-on suitcase from the compartment before walking the aisle. Nervous or not, I had to get out my head and head to baggage claim.
I’d walked the huge airport from one side to the other until I reached the carousel the bags would come down on. It took me a minute to catch my breath. I never understood why you had to walk an entire airport to get to the next destination; they sure knew how to inconvenience you. Finally, with even breathing, I stood, half-watching the luggage be dropped and spin on the slow-moving machine while I checked my Facebook. I was supposed to let Ja’vari know when I made it, but I was buying myself time on facing him.
Lifting my eyes, I noticed my bag with my distinctive luggage tag on it had dropped, and just as I prepared to walk to get it, a feeling took over my body, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood out. “I was trying to see how long you’d stand over here before letting me know you made it. Considering I never got a text, I guess you were going to hold out a little longer.” Ja’vari’s deep yet soothing voice sent shockwaves throughout my body.
Slowly turning, I forced a smile that turned natural once my eyes met his. Ja’vari stood there as fine as his beautiful parents had created him. He had been their craft, and they both had perfected him. “Hey.” My eyes surveyed him. Ja’vari stood at an even height of six feet, four inches, muscular, dark yet intriguing eyes, a smile that could light up any room. He was the definition of tall, dark, and handsome.
Ja’vari smiled with his eyes and a smirk on his face. “Sup, beautiful.” The greeting had barely escaped his lips before he had encased my waist, pulling me closer to him. “I missed you,” were the words I heard before I felt his lips gracefully brush against mine. We stood there, kissing, our tongues dancing slow yet forcefully as one, seeming as though we hadn’t lost any time. My nerves had been shot, but I was back in my man’s arms, and I never felt more at ease in my life.
“Promise me something?” Ja’vari asked as he held me close to him.
“Anything.”
“One day you will be my wife.”
“I promise,” I uttered with no hesitation.
“You’re my endgame, and I don’t want to do life without you.”
I smiled. “Endgame? I like that.”
“Yeah, you’re my past, present, and my future.”
“I am your endgame.” I smiled widely just before tiptoeing his way to kiss his lips. I loved everything about him, and I would keep my promise and be his wife one day.
“Earth to Radiance.” Santia stood in front of me, waving her hands to get my attention.
I wasn’t sure how long I had checked out for, but it was long enough that Santia was now standing in front of me fully dressed in her wedding attire. She was beautiful.
“Girl, your ass better not be about to cry,” Santia said, already fanning her own watery eyes.
I stood, looking to the ceiling, trying to prevent the tears from falling. I didn’t want to be a ball of tears, but I was truly happy for my friend, and she deserved every bit of happiness she was receiving. “I’m sorry.” I swiped the tears that I’d failed to contain.
“Damn it, girl, just wait until the wedding at least.” Santia pushed her tears away before stepping in front of the mirror.
“I am just happy that you have your forever. I can’t think of anyone more deserving than you.” I smiled, staring at her through the mirror. “I am grateful to share this journey with you.”
Santia smiled widely, and then it seemed to stop abruptly.
“What?” I was confused on the change.
“I’m not the only one deserving.” She smirked.
My arched brow raised higher than it already was. “What you mean?”
Turning, Santia faced me. “Ja’vari didn’t come back for fun. I feel like it is destiny, and after all this time, you need to get your endgame back.”
Even before Ja’vari reappeared, Santia always hinted at me trying to find him. Most times, I brushed her off because, though he’d forever have my heart, that chapter in my life was over. “You’re crazy.”
“Just as crazy as you still wearing that promise ring,” Santia said in a snarky tone while pointing to the ring I’d never taken off.
“Tsk.” I sucked my teeth. “Girl, this ain’t about me, and you know I have never taken this ring off because it’s damn near embedded into my skin.” I rolled my eyes. At one point while I was pregnant with Ja’Lani, the ring was impossible to take off due to swelling. Now, it was just me not wanting to fully let go. “Plus, I am positive Ja’vari has someone, and lastly, the ship him and I rode in on has long ago sailed.”
Tossing her hair over her shoulder and snickering, Santia faced me. “Be honest with yourself, Radiance. You don’t have to pretend for me, because I know you very well. I know that you have suppressed your feelings for years because you hate the choice you made back then, but stop fooling yourself. You love Ja’vari, and I am sure seeing him last night caused all those old feelings to surface.”
Listening to Santia, I twirled the ring on my finger out of habit. It could come off, and it really should, but I was having detachment issues. In my mind, once the ring was removed, so was any part of Ja’vari. So, like Santia said, maybe it was guilt keeping me from taking it off. “I guess,” was my simple, low response to Santia. I wouldn’t admit if she was right, and I wouldn’t keep defending what I wanted to be true. Ja’vari was present now, but the history he and I had was just that… history.