Chapter 13
13
J a’vari:
“What’s up with you?” I looked over at Vanessa as she slammed another glass on the nearby wet bar. It was a little before seven, and she’d been up since around five. She’d been slamming shit around since, and I had ignored her up until now.
“Nothing.” Her response was dry and sharp.
She said nothing was wrong, so I wasn’t about to keep pressing her like she was an incompetent child who didn’t know how to communicate. “A’ight.” I relaxed back on the couch, continuing to wait for Radiance to bring Ja’Lani to me. At breakfast yesterday, she mentioned Santia having a brunch party bus for her and all the ladies, and Ja’Lani would be with her father. Since I was free and I wanted the time with my daughter, I offered to take her. At first, Radiance was hesitant, but after a bit, she agreed. I was like a little kid in a candy store, excited that I’d get to spend time with my daughter.
“Pathetic,” she mumbled under her breath. The word wasn’t directed directly to me, so I acted as though I hadn’t heard her. After a few seconds of me not responding, Vanessa’s movements stopped, and I could feel her eyes fixated on me. “You was with her yesterday when you were gone all that time before the meeting?” she asked when I still hadn’t reacted.
“Whatchu mean?” I knew exactly who she was referring to, and it wasn’t that I was sneaking around, since I was a grown man, but I wanted to know how she knew.
Vanessa let out a deep air of frustration. “Really, Ja’vari? You going to play stupid?”
Until this trip, I didn’t realize how insulting Vanessa could be, and it seemed like with each passing conversation, she was getting more and more disrespectful. “Stupid?”
“You really left me up in this room to go sit with ya baby mother and then have the nerve to bring her daughter up in here without even talking to me?”
The hearty laughter that rose from the pits of my guts couldn’t be prevented, even if I wanted to. It was funny she called Radiance my baby mother one minute and then called Ja’Lani only her daughter. She was on some weird shit. “Don’t you have a conference to head to?” She wasn’t about to get a rise from me. This space was clear, and I wanted to try to keep it as best I could with Ja’Lani coming. Since Vanessa and I were offered jobs at two different locations in different parts of the world, though she had a conference today, I did not.
Huffing loudly, Vanessa grabbed up her things. “You know what, Ja’vari? It doesn’t even matter. I don’t even know who you are anymore, and it’s a little sad, to be honest.” She headed for the door. “I am going to see about another room because this obviously isn’t working out how we expected.”
Vanessa roughly snatched the door open, allowing it to slam after her. The many emotions she ran through in seconds was mind-blowing and hard to keep up with. I guessed Vanessa thought her mentioning getting another room would affect me, and that was wild when she was the reason we were room sharing now. I’d suggested we get rooms close by, to still be around each other but still have our own privacy, but she insisted us being together would be easier, so I eventually gave in.
Knock, knock, knock, knock.
Hearing the taps on the door, I ran my hand down my face. I knew it was Vanessa coming back, and she wasn’t done with her antics. Not in any hurry, I dragged my feet slowly to the door. Reaching it, I answered, not even looking. “Forg…” I started but stopped, noticing it was Radiance standing there, holding Ja’Lani in her arms.
“Uh, everything cool? Your girlf… I mean, Vanessa just hopped on that elevator, pushing the hell out of the buttons like somebody was after her.” Radiance pointed over her shoulder.
“Yeah, umm, everything cool.” I’d barely completed my sentence before Ja’Lani was smiling and reaching for me to take her.
“Well, alright then.” Radiance had little control as Ja’Lani damn near leaped from her arms into mine.
I chuckled, taking her. “What’s up, princess?”
Ja’Lani giggled as I kissed her chubby cheeks. I couldn’t believe I’d missed the announcement of Radiance’s pregnancy, doctor’s appointments, the birth, first smile, crawling, steps, even her first birthday. None of that mattered now, though, because the moments we were sharing filled the holes I didn’t know were empty.
“You coming in?” I pulled my attention from Ja’Lani as I stepped back.
“No, it’s okay. I have to get going. They’re waiting for me in the lobby.”
“A’ight. You look nice.”
She bashfully smiled. “Thank you.”
Radiance stood there. I could see she really didn’t want to leave, but she was trying her best to seem okay. “Okay, um, here.”
I took the diaper bag from her. “She’s in good hands, Radiance. I know you have only probably left her with your parents or Santia, but I got this.”
Pressing her lips together, she forced a smile. “Call me if you need me for anything. Please?”
“Got you.”
“I love you, baby girl.” She leaned in for a kiss, almost missing Ja’Lani’s cheek as she grasped my shirt, pulling back. We both had to laugh. “Well, damn. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Enjoy yourself.”
Offering me a warm smile, Radiance slowly turned, walking away, and I probably should have headed in the room. Instead, I found myself watching her. Radiance walked with poise, commanding attention without demanding it. Her calves flexed with each step, while her heels tapped the marble floors, and her loose curls bounced effortlessly with each step. She was beautiful even without seeing one feature of her face. Reaching the elevator, she pressed the button, looking back just when the door opened. The smile and wave combo she did before disappearing inside had my big grown ass feeling some type of way.
The fact that I was stuck let me know that after all the time we’d been apart, what I always felt for Radiance was still very much present.
“Got a minute?” Vanessa rounded the corner with a bottle of water in her hand.
I had hoped she’d gotten her own room as she stated before storming out, but when I heard her come in, I knew she hadn’t. I looked to Ja’Lani as she slept, stretched out on the sofa beside me, before I looked back to Vanessa. “Now’s really not a good time. My daughter’s sleeping.” I spoke calmly since I didn’t want to trigger Vanessa and she have one of her many fits she’d recently been displaying.
She smiled. “I come in peace. I promise.”
I searched Vanessa’s eyes to find some truth or even a lie, but lately, I hadn’t been able to read shit about her. I didn’t speak, but I did gesture that she had the floor. I’d allow her to say what she needed, and if for whatever reason things took a turn, the conversation would be over.
“Ja’vari, I know I’ve said this before, but this time, I genuinely mean it. I am sorry. I have hated how I reacted to this whole situation and even how I talked to you. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and get in the way of things, and I am sorry. I know it won’t happen overnight for me, but give me some time, and I can be okay with this. I really just have to get over the initial shock of it all. But I want what we have to work and continue as it was before we left Korea. You never know where things might lead us.” She nervously laughed at the ending part.
Sitting up, I rested my elbows on my knees. “I’m going to be honest with you, okay?”
“Okay.”
“You and I worked for so long because you knew your place and where you and I stood. The last couple of days, though, you have shown me your hand, and I can’t rock with it. It’s one thing to play in my face or move how you do, but now it’s involving others, and I can’t let that happen. Before this trip, I didn’t know I had a daughter, but now that I do, it’s a must I protect her at all costs. You have disrespected her each time you’ve disrespected her mother, and it’s not something I am going to deal with.” I spoke firmly.
“What are you saying, Ja’vari?” she questioned just above a whisper.
I knew Vanessa knew what I was saying, but I guessed she needed me to spell it out for her. “This kicking it shit we had going on, it stops now. We can still be friends though.”
Vanessa gasped. “I can change. I am okay with us being friends. I also won’t cross any more lines. I promise.”
“It’s not even just about you. I gotta do this for me.”
Silence fell upon us. “So, this is it?”
“Yeah, it is.” I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but it had to be done. There was no need in continuing to drag her along when nothing more than what we had would become of us.
Vanessa slowly nodded as she stood. “Got it, Ja’vari,” she muttered before walking off to the bathroom. I saw she was fighting tears, and I hated to be the reason for them, but there was nothing I could do about them. I felt how I felt and was standing on it.