Chapter 12
12
R adiance:
“There go your man over there.” Santia smirked, and my eyes followed where she was looking. Ja’vari was headed our way. We were on the lounge chairs, poolside. We’d just had breakfast. I really wasn’t into the whole eating while sitting beside a pool, but it was Santia’s wishes, so I was supporting my girl.
Behind my oversized designer shades, I rolled my eyes but not before my eyes roamed Ja’vari. With slides on his feet, shorts, a tank top displaying his muscles, and shades on his face, as always, it was something so simple, yet he made it look good. “He is not my man,” I muttered as he neared us.
“Yet since you ran back into him, he has found a way to be in your space every day.”
I nervously laughed. “We do have a child together that he just found out about.”
Pulling her shades down, peering over them, Santia swiftly looked around before laughing. “Yet my beautiful god baby is nowhere in sight, so that can’t be the reason for him being here right now.”
“Shut up.” Ja’Lani was actually with my parents, so other than the fact that Ja’vari had texted saying good morning, asking our whereabouts, and him knowing Ja’Lani wasn’t with me, he didn’t have a reason to be present.
“Good morning, ladies.” Ja’vari’s deep voice sent a shockwave I didn’t care to admit I was experiencing throughout my body. Though he spoke to both of us, his eyes were fixated on me. As if the years hadn’t passed, his eyes always seemed to gravitate my way, and it seemed as though he was truly searching my soul.
“Morning, Ja’vari.” Santia spoke all quirky. “What you doing out here so early? You joining us for our lady’s breakfast?” She giggled, looking my way. I swore I loved my best friend and disliked her at the same time.
When Ja’vari finally looked away from me, I exhaled a deep breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. “Nah, I don’t want to interrupt anything y’all have going on. I just came down for some breakfast and might hop in the pool before my lunch meeting.”
“Hmmm, that the only reason you down here?” Santia shot back.
“Santia.” I spoke in a loud whisper. Her little jokes were funny, but I was also over the bit of embarrassment I found behind them. I was childishly embarrassed, but embarrassed, nonetheless.
“What? I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t looking for something else, ya know? Have to make sure my brother from another mother is okay the same I do with my sister from another mister,” she teased with a smirk and a wink before pushing her shades back onto her face.
Once again, Ja’vari chuckled. Since most times he didn’t indulge in Santia’s harmless jokes, even back in the day, when he parted his lips, I knew today was about to be different. “Being that I found what I was looking for years ago, it’s no longer a need to look, just a matter of knowing if it’s worth fighting to get back.”
There was no joke nor smile on his face while he spoke to Santia, glaring my way. “Well, shoot, slap me and call me Sally, ’cause one thing that ain’t changed about you, brother, is that straightforwardness, and I am here for it. I know the actual phrase says slap my ass, but ya my brother, and considering them words you just spewed, ain’t no way I’m stepping in the way.” Santia sat up from the laying position she was in. “I am going to head back to my room. Carlo texted me.”
Sitting up, I pushed the shades on top of my head, dropping my eyes to the bag that sat in the middle of our chairs. Santia’s phone was right there and hadn’t made a noise or lit up. “Really?” I questioned with a raised brow.
Santia stood, adjusting the wrap over her swimsuit. “I know when my man calls, even if you don’t see nor hear my phone.” She winked. “Later, Ja’vari,” were her last words as she passed him and continued on her way.
“Wow. She stay trying to force people on each other, even if they don’t want it,” I nervously said.
“Kinda how you and I got together in middle school, remember?”
With a slight nod, my mind drifted back to the day Ja’vari and I realized we were crushing on each other.
“Hey, you have your Algebra One Honors book?” I asked Santia, walking up to her as she was switching out her books for her next class.
“Girl, I don’t think so. You know I have Algebra One on A days, so I try not to bring the extra books.”
“Ugh.” I pouted. I normally did the same as Santia, and I was usually good about remembering my books, but I was running late and had all my A-day books, though it was a B day. I was about to ask who else I could ask when I noticed Santia’s eyes shift behind me, and that smirk when she was about to be up to no good appeared. “What?” I turned. “You better not.” I spoke in a whisper after seeing Ja’vari head our way. She never even answered about the book.
“Hey, Ja’vari.” Santia waved him over as if he wasn’t already headed this way.
I was in the eighth grade and was in most of the honors classes, so unlike a lot of my peers, I was late blooming with having a crush because I was always studying. That was until I met Ja’vari St. Clair. The moment my eyes landed on him, I was head over heels, and Santia was the one and only person to know that I secretly dreamed of marrying him one day.
“What’s up, Santia?” Ja’vari casually greeted, his voice cracking in the process, indicating he was more than likely going through the puberty stage.
“Hey.” She spoke again, popping her lips as if she were chewing gum. Santia had always been so extra while I was a bit calmer, and that was what made our bond so close.
When Ja’vari looked from Santia to me, something in my stomach literally felt like it was doing summersaults. The hairs on the back of my neck stood out, and my hand got sweaty. The feeling was crazy yet invigorating.
“What’s up, Radiance?” He nodded as he smiled with his eyes.
“He-hey.” I had to clear my throat.
“Okay, so anyway,” Santia interrupted, “I called you over here because my good sis over here left her algebra book at home and was wanting to know if she could borrow yours?”
You would have thought Santia told my secret by the way my heart stopped, and I instinctively pinched her arm out of embarrassment.
“Oh yeah? Of course. Let me grab it out my locker.”
Santia smiled just as the first bell rang, indicating we only had seven minutes to get to class before the next bell would ring, and we’d be late. “See, that was easy. Gotta get to class.” She stepped around Ja’vari. “See ya.” She took a few steps before she stopped, turning and placing her finger to her chin as if she’d forgotten something, and I already knew it was about to get real. “Ja’vari, gone tell my girl you crushing on her, and Radiance, gone tell him the same. I’m kind of over hearing it daily from both of y’all. Not only that, y’all make a cute couple anyway.”
“Santia!”
“Would you look at that? I do have my book after all, but you don’t need mine since Ja’vari already giving you his. I’ll catch y’all later.” She tossed up two fingers and strutted away in proudness.
Ding, ding, ding.
Hearing the dings indicating I had a message pulled me from the short memory that had been a favorite one of mine. Santia was pushy, but not in a way that it was bossy. Every time she pushed me, it was for my benefit, and I’d come out on top. Grabbing my phone, looking to the screen, I realized it was Santia that had texted. Since my preview was on from my lock screen, I read her message from there.
Santia ????????: Friend, sorry for leaving you but I know the feelings you “buried” for Ja’vari are there, and I don’t want you messing up for a second time. He’s ya endgame, play the game smart and get your man. Love ya, bye.
Her message caused me to smile and pissed me off at the same time. Even if I did admit my feelings, Ja’vari was now involved with someone else, even if he didn’t see it as serious. I was never one for the drama in any situation, but I surely wasn’t going to fight over a man I’d let go of or even one that was mine. If he wanted to go, or didn’t want me, I’d accept that as my fate.
“Radiance?”
Ja’vari’s voice caused me to look away from my phone. Meeting his gaze, he wore the perfect smile. I returned the smile. “Yes?”
“You gotta run outta here, too, or you mind if I grab something to eat and come back and kick it with you for a min?”
I wanted to instantly say yes; however, considering how things had played out at dinner the other night, I was relucent to agree. “Your girlfriend joining us?” I looked around, positive she wasn’t too far behind. Ja’vari chuckled. “What’s funny? I had my daughter the other night, so I kept it together. Today, though, she show out, I can’t promise it will be the same.”
The chuckle I heard halted almost instantly, and a serious expression was now plastered on his face. “First thing,” he held up his index finger, and I already knew from the tone of his voice that he meant whatever he was about to say, “Ja’Lani is our daughter. That was your last time referring to her as just yours.”
Well, shit. “Okay.” I felt so much like a child being scolded that my grown ass didn’t even have a comeback.
“Two,” his second finger went up, “Vanessa is not my girlfriend. We kicking it ’cause we grown, and we work together, but let’s not confuse the two with her being my girlfriend.” His pitch never adjusted.
“Okay.”
“So, can I get my food and come back and chill with you for a minute?” His smile was back.
“Sure.” I tried my best not to seem excited, but seeing his smile widen, I knew he wasn’t convinced.
Ja’vari winked. “I’ll be right back.” He casually strolled off, and before disappearing into the poolside restaurant, he looked at me. I quickly averted my eyes as if he hadn’t already caught me.
“Whew, shit,” I mumbled. I had it together at first, but now knowing he was single, all bets were off, and I wasn’t sure how much I’d be able to pretend my feelings for him were gone.
“What the hell?” I muttered under my breath, hearing the faint knock on my hotel door. I was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine and bag of popcorn. My feet were tucked under my butt while watching Manifest . At the pool earlier, Ja’vari and I chatted for hours, catching up, laughing, and joking until it was time for his meeting with his job. I’d learned that he was in Vegas for training. Ja’vari had been offered an executive position for their headquarters in California, so he’d be moving back to the states and running the show. Once he and I parted ways, I went and had lunch with my parents and Ja’Lani. Since Santia had gone out with Carlo for the night, I ended up back in my room, enjoying the company of myself, since my parents also insisted on Ja’Lani spending the night. I was forever grateful for my parents and the relationship they had with my child, but they surely hogged her.
Hearing the light knock again, I looked to see the time, along with seeing if I’d missed a text or call from my parents or Santia saying they were coming. Seeing no notifications, my mind went to Ja’vari stopping by unannounced. I was slightly hoping it was him, simply because being in his presence was bringing me comfort.
Standing, I ambled my way to the door, my soft, pedicured feet sinking effortlessly into the thick, fluffy carpet. Lifting on my toes at the door, I looked through the peephole, my brows dipping in confusion. “Can I help you?” I asked with a bit of an attitude, opening the door with the chain still on it. Vanessa was at my hotel room door. How she had even gotten my room number was amongst many other questions I had.
Vanessa smiled. “You mind if I come in?”
Hell no. Have you lost your damn mind? were my thoughts and were about to be my words, but Vanessa spoke before I could.
“I just really want to apologize about the other night.”
Pondering, I surveyed Vanessa’s eyes as I was typically good at reading people. Her smile and the expression on her face seemed genuine. Without saying hold on, I pressed the door shut before removing the chain and reopening the door. “Come in,” I said the words and gestured as I stepped back.
“Thank you,” Vanessa said politely as I closed the door before turning to face her.
We stood in the suite, awkwardly staring at each other. I was waiting for said apology, and Vanessa was looking like she wanted me to offer her a drink or something. A little over the staring and wanting to get back to my show, I cleared my throat and shifted my weight from one leg to the other.
“Oh, sorry.” She nervously laughed. “First off, I want to sincerely apologize for how I reacted the other night. It’s no excuse, but I was three cocktails in, and Ja’vari and I had already had a disagreement, so I was a little overwhelmed. When I saw you three together, all I saw was red. It wasn’t right, so I am sorry.”
Vanessa was well spoken, nothing like the other night, and she seemed remorseful. “It’s fine,” I dismissed. I appreciated her apology, but we weren’t friends, so there wasn’t much for me to say.
“It’s not, but I can understand your need not to talk about it.” She offered a smile. “I’ve known Ja’vari for some time now, and though we aren’t technically in a relationship, we don’t mess with other people, and you being his baby mother, I want us to get along.”
Baby mother? I thought. Technically, I was Ja’vari’s baby mother, but to be referred to as one was insane to hear. Forcing a smile, I nodded. “I understand completely, and I do appreciate your apology. With me being the mother of Ja’vari’s child and you two in connection somehow, I do hope you and I could be cordial.” My tone was different as hearing who I really was out loud stung a bit, so I was wearing my feelings on my shoulder.
The twitch in Vanessa’s eyes didn’t go unnoticed, and I almost apologized for how I had responded, but my ego had been slightly bruised. Vanessa had the love of my life, who I’d let go, at her disposal, and I was simply his baby mother.
“I get it. Plus, if things go right, you never know. I may be your child’s stepmother.” Her words, paired with the raggedy ass giggle and body language, pissed me off even more. I wasn’t even sure if she was genuinely being nice or patronizing me. “But I am glad we cleared this up. I am going to head out since I told Ja’vari I’d be right back, and it seems you’re having a nice time by yourself.” She smirked, gesturing to the TV and me being alone.
This bitch , I thought. Yeah, she, for sure, was no longer being genuine. She was being petty, but I could be pettier. “Yeah, yeah, have a good night.” I turned, opening the door. “Could you let Ja’vari know I’ll be dropping our daughter off in the morning, and I can pick her up at the time we discussed earlier at breakfast?” I smirked, watching the expression on her beautiful face change. Check-fucking-mate , I thought. “Have a good night,” I added again after she stepped over the threshold before closing the door after her.
“What the hell?” I whispered out loud. I may have been confused at first about Vanessa’s genuineness, but it was clear it was fake. I didn’t know how to process all that had happened in such a short time, but I did know it was affecting me something bad, and I had to find a solution. Neither my life nor Ja’Lani’s could be this way forever.