Chapter 16
16
R adiance:
With Ja’Lani in my arms, I walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of water from the fridge. I couldn’t believe that after all this time, Ja’vari and I had once again proclaimed our love for each other and rekindled in the best way known to man. It had all been so perfect, and though he said he and Vanessa were done, a piece of me couldn’t give myself fully to him; I was waiting for that ‘just kidding’ moment to happen.
“I am famished.” I spoke out loud to Ja’Lani, resting her on the counter. It was funny that since it had always been her and me, she’d hear most of my conversations and listen intently, even if she didn’t understand or respond back. She was my little person. “Maybe I should order us all something to eat. What you think about that?”
Ja’Lani looked at me and giggled. Whether she understood me or not didn’t matter. I felt times like these were simply our bonding moments.
I adjusted Ja’Lani on the counter so she wouldn’t slip off, before kissing her chubby cheek. “I love you, sweet pea.”
Satisfied that Ja’Lani was good, I began looking through the drawers to find the list of restaurants the hotel and area had to offer. After finding the list of things, I grabbed Ja’Lani and headed for the sitting area. I detoured when I saw a white envelope slip under the door as I passed it. At first, I wasn’t going to pick it up. It wasn’t until I saw the logo and name in the corner. It was from Any Lab Test Now . Under those words, the small letters DNA results caught my eye. Squatting, I placed Ja’Lani on the floor beside me, picking up the large, white folder. Besides what was in the corner, only Ja’vari’s room number was on the envelope.
Most times, I wouldn’t have pried into someone else’s belongings, but it was a DNA test result, and it more than likely involved my child. I had to know. As I began opening the envelope, my breathing increased, and my hands started to shake. It felt almost like when I took the test to find out I was pregnant with Ja’Lani. Pulling the single sheet of white paper with black typed words on it out, my heart shattered. At the bottom, it said, “The alleged father cannot be excluded as the father of the tested child.” Ja’vari had tested our daughter behind my back. I didn’t have a problem with him doing the test because though I had never cheated, I did keep her a secret, but doing it without me knowing hurt.
“Hey, daddy’s baby.” I heard Ja’vari’s deep voice, startling me, prompting me to stand to my feet. I had been so engulfed in the test paper that I didn’t hear him nor notice Ja’Lani had crawled off his way. “What’s wrong?” he asked in a concerned tone, scooping Ja’Lani in his arms.
Swallowing hard, I tried to keep my composure. “Your results are in.”
Ja’vari’s expression scrunched in confusion. “Results?”
“Is this the reason you insisted on having your daughter today? You wanted her, so you could take a DNA to ensure she was yours? Ja’vari, you know me. You know I would have never stepped out on you, and you also know that if I had doubts of her being yours, I would have told you,” I fired off, fighting tears. I couldn’t decide which part was causing the most pain. I just knew I was hurt.
“Whoa, whoa, slow down. Help me understand what you’re talking about.” Ja’vari was playing a hell of a role. He genuinely seemed confused.
Walking to him, I shoved the paper his way but was careful not to hit Ja’Lani in the process. “This. If you had doubts about her being yours, we could have tested together. You didn’t have to be scandalous about it.”
I watched Ja’vari closely, tears stinging my eyelids, and I wanted nothing more than to take Ja’Lani from him and say fuck him forever. Ja’vari looked up from the paper. “I didn’t do this.”
I scoffed. “Why lie, Ja’vari? You clearly took a paternity test on our child since, as you can see, she does belong to you.” I pointed to the results. “Without me knowing.”
Ja’vari parted his lips with a comeback, but it was halted when the suite door opened and in walked Vanessa, all happy go lucky. I instantly realized I’d been played. Ja’vari hadn’t ended things with her. He’d manipulated me for sex and even went behind my back.
“Oh, sorry. I won’t be long. I am just here for my things, and then I am gone.”
“Nah, it’s cool. My daughter and I were just leaving.” I took Ja’Lani from Ja’vari, though I felt resistance. “He’s all yours,” I added, heading to gather Ja’Lani’s things.
In the room, I called Santia, asking her to come to Ja’vari’s room to help me with Ja’Lani. I just wanted to get everything and go. Quickly gathering the things, I could hear Vanessa and Ja’vari talking, and it seemed to be getting loud, though I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Just as I picked Ja’Lani back up, I heard Santia’s voice. She’d come right over so fast that I missed her knocking on the door.
“Everything cool?” Santia questioned when I rounded the corner.
I looked at Ja’vari, and his expression was still of pure confusion, but I wasn’t buying the act he was putting on. “Radiance?” he called just as I passed him. I only had on a robe, but I didn’t care. My room wasn’t far, and I needed out of Ja’vari’s space.
With my back to him, I handed Ja’Lani off to Santia. “Give me a moment?” I asked just above a whisper, and though she nodded, she didn’t move nor actually speak. Exhaling, I turned to face Ja’vari. This man held my heart. I loved him more than I could have ever imagined, and for one second, I just knew he felt the same. “You didn’t have to do it this way, Ja’vari. I would have easily given you a DNA test if I knew you had an ounce of doubt.” My voice cracked as I spoke because the longer I stared at him, the more I realized I was truly hurt by his actions.
“Ja’vari, what the hell?” I heard Santia say.
“Um, I’m gonna grab my things and go.” That was Vanessa.
I could hear the movement around me but didn’t know who was moving as my eyes were fixated on Ja’vari, and as if something clicked, his eyes widened. “Nobody fucking move.” His deep voice startled me, and any and all movement ceased. Ja’vari didn’t talk like that, even when extremely angry. “Vanessa?” he called out firmly, his eyes still on mine.
“I have to go.” I couldn’t see her, but she seemed scared, and I heard her movements.
“I said nobody move!” This time, his voice was a little louder, and through his authoritative shouting, I was surprised Ja’Lani hadn’t reacted. “You did this?” he questioned.
My brows furrowed. Wait, so it wasn’t him? I stared at him as he pleaded with me with his eyes, though I saw rage filling them.
“Ja’vari, listen…” Vanessa’s words trailed, and both Ja’vari and I shot a look her way. She stood there with her eyes doubled in size, her bottom lip trembling, and fear as her expression.
“Oh gosh.” I heard Santia, but it was hazy, as I was too focused on Vanessa.
Shocked, I looked to Ja’vari as he pressed his hands together as if he were praying, bringing his hands to his lips. “Please tell me you didn’t do what the hell I think you did.” His voice was calm, but a blind man could see he was anything but that.
Vanessa’s eyes began to water as she looked from Ja’vari to me, and then Santia and Ja’Lani before they settled back to Ja’vari. “Ja’vari, we were just fine before you ran into her.”
This bitch , I thought. I heard Ja’vari, even saw him, realized Santia and Ja’Lani were still in the room, but in the moment, my tunnel vision was on Vanessa. Casually, I walked to her, and before anything could process, I had punched her, sending her to the ground. I may have played with and about a lot of things, but Ja’Lani Daire St. Clair wasn’t one of them. I blacked out in the moment, throwing punches, each one landing some place on Vanessa’s body. I wasn’t only fighting her for crossing the line with my child, but I was releasing punches for the many times she came at me. Just as I landed a right punch to the side of Vanessa’s temple, I felt my body being hoisted in the air, but it was not before my bare foot collided with her side. “Get the fuck off me.” I squirmed, still swinging and kicking, trying to get at Vanessa.
“Yo!” Ja’vari placed me firmly on my feet when one of my wild hits connected to his jaw. “You gotta chill.”
“Chill?” I questioned in disbelief. “How you telling me to chill when yo’ bitch violated in the worst way possible? Nah, ain’t no calming down, Ja’vari.”
“I get it. She violated, and I will deal with that, but you ’round here socking me like you Muhammad Ali not it.”
Vanessa lay on the floor, whining like a big kid, and had it not been for Ja’vari standing in the way, I would have kicked her ass again.
“This shit ain’t my fault, Radiance.” Ja’vari sounded defeated, and I could tell he felt bad that it had happened.
Feeling bad or not, I had to protect my child as I always had since she’d been born. “She is my child, and I have to protect her, and what happened here wasn’t protection.”
“ Our child, Radiance! Ja’Lani belongs to the both of us.”
Looking to Santia and Ja’Lani, I smiled weakly. Ja’Lani seemed to not care, and Santia just stood there, her mouth agape. Ja’Lani was my reason and purpose, not this bullshit I was standing here facing. Here I was, in my mid-twenties and a mother, fighting, something I hadn’t done in years. This wasn’t how I moved. I turned back to Ja’vari. “You’re right. She is ours. The thing is though, I’ve protected her since day one, and you had her for one day and couldn’t do the same. You and Ms. Weird Ass Lady over there can have the bullshit. I walked away years ago and looked back this weekend, Ja’vari. I am walking away this time, and it’s no coming back.” I said those words, and my voice cracked as my heart shattered. This time seemed to hurt worse than the first time, and he and I weren’t even together.
“Radiance…”
I held my hand up while shaking my head. “Nah, Ja’vari. It’s cool,” was all I said before turning and walking to Santia, taking Ja’Lani from her. “You’re a psychotic hoe, and you should seek help instantly.” I looked over at Vanessa as her silly ass still rested on the floor. With that, I was out the door with Santia in tow. Ja’vari called after me, but it fell upon deaf ears, as I never looked back.