Chapter 17
17
J a’vari:
“Ja’vari, I’m sorry.” Vanessa spoke slowly.
Radiance had just walked out the door, and I still faced it as if she would turn around and come back. It was hard to process all that had taken place in such a short time. We’d gone from reconciliation sex to her telling me she never wanted to see me again, almost in one breath. I couldn’t process the thought of what Vanessa had done to me, not even knowing she’d scandalously gone behind my back and done such vile shit. Before this trip, she hadn’t given off crazy, but in the last few days, she’d displayed every inch and more of it.
“Get out,” was all I could say, my back still to Vanessa. I was so furious that had I said anything else, it wouldn’t have been good for either of us. Not hearing any movement, I turned, noticing that Vanessa had stood but hadn’t moved. Radiance had done a number on her in such a short time. Her hair was disheveled, face was red, scratches decorated her face, and blood slowly trickled from somewhere. I would never lay my hands on a woman, so I appreciated Radiance getting the job done in such a short time.
“Vanessa, I said get out.”
She parted her dry lips to speak, but nothing followed, so she attempted again. “Can you please let me explain?” The sound finally caught up with the movement of her lips.
Honestly, for the most part, I didn’t want to listen to anything she had to say, but for some reason, a little piece of me needed answers. “You got two minutes.” My tone was flat.
I watched her closely. She seemed to get nervous now that she had the floor. She didn’t resemble the person I’d grown to like over the last few years. “Before we came here, we were okay, Ja’vari. Relationship or not, we were okay and content with what we had going on. The second you found out about the little girl, y—”
“My daughter.” I noticed that every time Vanessa referenced Ja’Lani or even Radiance, she’d do so in a disrespectful way.
“Ever since you found out about your daughter, things shifted with us. Not just your daughter, but I saw in your eyes the feelings you had for her mother.” She paused, sniffling. “We were okay,” she repeated, and I didn’t know why. “Had we not came on this trip, or she wasn’t here, you and I would still be okay. They ruined it.”
I chuckled. This woman seriously didn’t have all of her marbles. “Whether we were okay or not, you thought having a DNA test done on my daughter would make things better for us? Hypothetically speaking, had she not been mine, you think I would have trusted and wanted to be with you after you went behind my back, pulling said stunt?”
Vanessa shrugged. “I don’t know, but it was worth the risk.”
There was a long pause between us. “How’d you do it?” I asked, but when the look of confusion crossed her face, I knew she wanted me to spell it out for her. “The test. How’d you go about getting our DNA?”
“Your toothbrush and your daughter’s dirty diaper.”
“You mean you took shit from her dirty diaper?”
The embarrassed look took over Vanessa’s features before my question was complete. She nodded but didn’t utter any words.
She was crazier than I thought. Hearing how she’d done it paired with her embarrassed expression, I couldn’t prevent myself from cracking up. She’d truly gone to great lengths to prove something that was not. Finally, my laughter subsided. “It was very pathetic of you to do that, low might I add.” I headed for the door. “Whatever you wanted to accomplish, you didn’t, and even if she wasn’t mine, I wouldn’t have been able to trust you as far as I could throw you any longer.”
“Ja’vari?” she called out once I reached the door and opened it.
“I have nothing else to say to you, Vanessa. I will have your things packed up and sent down to the lobby, but you gotta get the hell up outta here.”
Vanessa gasped as if she didn’t know her dismissal was coming. After a brief, blank stare, she headed my way, her head hung low like a dog that had tucked its tail.
“Whatever this was or wasn’t… it’s done. I never want to see nor hear from you again,” I uttered just before slamming the door after her when she crossed the threshold. Before, I was going to end things with Vanessa in a more mature way, but when she violated and disrespected us, I realized she didn’t deserve more than what I had given her.
It had been a few hours since Radiance stepped out of my hotel room. I was giving her time to process things, but now I was ready to talk. Stepping back, I awaited my knock to be answered; I was at Radiance’s room. Seconds after I knocked, the door slowly opened. Radiance stood before me, barefoot, biker shorts, a tank, makeup free, and her natural hair pulled up into a messy bun. Her beauty outshined most, and she did very little to achieve the goal. “You got a minute?”
Radiance looked reluctant to let me in, and I was hoping she wouldn’t deny me. The longer I looked at her, the more I realized her eyes were red and puffy. She’d been crying.
“It’ll only take a second.”
After more hesitation, she stepped back, gesturing for me to step inside.
“Where’s Ja’Lani?”
“My parents took her for a while. I had a lot I needed to process.”
“Oh.”
“What are you doing here, Ja’vari?” she questioned after a moment of silence.
Fuck it , I thought. “I’m sorry, Radiance.”
She snickered. “Kind of said that already. It’s getting redundant at this point.”
She was right. The apologies were starting to sound like a broken record that was long ago out of style. “I didn’t know, Radiance. You believe that. I’d never do anything to hurt you or Ja’Lani intentionally.”
Radiance lifted her tongue to the roof of her mouth, looking away from me. “Maybe not intentionally, but what happened hurt. I left our daughter in your care for a few hours, and look at the aftermath. I can’t trust that she will be safe with you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Her words offended me.
“It means I appreciate you wanting to be in Ja’Lani’s life, but we’re good over here. Continue your life the way things have been before you knew about her, and I will do the same.”
“What happened with Vanessa could have happened with anyone. You can’t stand here and pretend it’s my fault it happened.”
“Yeah, maybe not. The difference is, it’s never happened to me, and I would protect her with my last breath before I allowed anyone to cross or hurt her.”
“You won’t stop me from being a father.” Radiance may not have been trying to, but in so many words, when she dismissed me, that was what she was implying.
“Never said I was going to.”
Silence took over. “What about us?” After sex and we pillow talked, we talked about us rekindling what we’d had, but now I was almost positive it would never be. Radiance was acting as though I was the one to betray her.
Scoffing, she shifted her weight. “It’s no us and won’t be an us again.”
I had already known that to be true, but hearing it hurt more than I cared to admit. I nodded in understanding. “I respect that.” My voice was low. “You and I may never be, but when it comes to Ja’Lani, you can’t stop that. I will make damn sure that I am in her life, and she knows who I am. You won’t go any further with her not knowing.” I meant my words. I would ensure I was in Ja’Lani’s life, even if it was the last thing I did.
Radiance didn’t have a comeback. She even avoided looking at me. I’d gotten my point across, so I wasn’t about to stand here, continuing to say the same things. I’d let my actions speak for themselves. “I’m gone, Radiance, but know this isn’t the last of me.” I walked to the door. “This doesn’t have to be hard, but if that’s how you want to play it, it will be,” were my last words before walking away. I loved Radiance and didn’t want any animosity between us, but I’d follow her lead, and if that was how she moved, then that was how it would go.