Chapter 18
18
R adiance:
Wedding Day
“You look so beautiful.” I smiled widely, staring at Santia as she sat in the chair just after getting her makeup completed. Today was finally the day my sister from another mother, best friend, and true person would say I do. Every amazing thing happening and that would happen, Santia deserved it all. I was proud to be by her side.
She matched my smile. “Thank you.”
I went to turn but was stopped when Santia grasped my wrist. “Something wrong?” I asked after facing her, and she hadn’t spoken.
“Have you talked to him?”
Facing her fully, I smiled. “Today is your day. What I do or haven’t done is not the concern today. It’s all about you, love.”
Santia pressed her lips together, forcing a smile, before she parted them to speak. “You let him go once, Radiance, and got a second chance. Don’t do it again, because it won’t be a third.”
I smiled. I’d thought about Ja’vari since I walked out of his room that day, and as bad as I wanted to reach out, I felt it was best to leave well enough alone. Ja’vari was the love of my life, but when we broke up years back, it was the end of what we knew. “It’s your day, babes.” I didn’t want Santia to continue to make it about me when it was her wedding day. “Let that be your focus.”
“It is my focus, but so is the happiness of my stubborn best friend.”
I giggled. “Whatever.”
“Last thing I am going to say then I am leaving it alone. Ja’vari can’t help that Vanessa was a lunatic, so don’t hold that against him. You and I both know he would protect Ja’Lani just as much as you would. You kept her from him, and he sprang into action as her father the moment he knew about her. Don’t be selfish because you’re scared to be loved by the person you know is for you. You deserve Ja’vari, and your daughter deserves her father. You’ve set him free. He came back. Girl, get your man.” With her last word, Santia stood, walking away.
There was really no reason for me not to have Ja’vari except, like Santia said, I was scared. It may have sounded cliché, but I was afraid of being loved how I knew I deserved, and I knew I’d find a way to ruin it. I shook my head to rid my mind of the thoughts of Ja’vari and anything involving us, I had a best friend to marry off, and like I told her, she was the focus.
Standing off to the side, I smiled as Santia and Carlo shared their first dance as husband and wife. It was beautiful. Their ceremony was intimate and beautiful, leaving most of the guests in tears at their heartfelt vows. The love the pair shared was something right from a romance novel.
“You want that one day?” Ja’vari’s deep voice startled me, but I did my best to keep my composure.
I shrugged. “Never really gave it much thought,” I lied.
Ja’vari chuckled. “Since when? We’ve talked about marriage since we were in the ninth grade. What changed?”
Lifting my champagne flute filled with champagne to my lips, I swallowed deeply. “Life.”
“I see you still downplay ya feelings when it’s not necessary.” He looked my way. “You gotta stop being so stubborn and let shit happen as it should.”
“I am not stubborn.”
Ja’vari faced me fully. “Look at me.” His tone was calm yet commanding. My eyes slowly rose to his, and when they met his, I melted. I was suppressing my feelings but folding right under his watchful eyes.
“What?” I asked lowly after he only stared at me.
Before speaking, he lifted his glass with his liquor on the rocks, taking a drink, having no reaction to the potent liquid. “I am not going to stand here and beat around the bush. I love you, Radiance, never stopped loving you. Knowing that you have my daughter intensified the love I have for you. I know what I want, and that’s you. The life we dreamed and talked about, I want that with you, and as much as you try to run from this, I know you want the same. I want to love you; let me. I leave in the morning. Come with me?”
I fought tears, listening to Ja’vari. I loved him, but things would never be what they once were. Too much time had passed. “Ja’vari, I ca—” I started, but my sentence was interrupted when Ja’vari grasped my waist, pulling me to him and kissing me.
The kiss caused my knees to buckle, and it felt so familiar. It felt just like that day he walked out of the hotel. “As much as I love you and want to do this thing called life with you, I can’t keep allowing you to break my heart by not letting our love happen.” He pulled back from the kiss, standing to his full height. “I am going to be a father to our daughter, but this is it.” He pointed between us.
My heart hurt. I didn’t want Ja’vari to chase me, but at the same time, I didn’t want what we did or didn’t have to be over. He lingered a bit before he nodded as if me not saying anything was the final answer he needed. The second Ja’vari turned from me, I exhaled a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and the tears I’d been fighting fell. My emotions were all over the place. I was so caught up in Ja’vari that I hadn’t realized the first dance was complete, and Santia was staring my way. She didn’t speak, but her expression was loud. She was telling me not to let him go.
I shook my head. “I can’t,” I mouthed.
With tightly pressed lips, Santia tilted her head in the direction Ja’vari had just walked away to. My heart raced, and my mind was in overdrive. I was scared, but scared or not, I knew I couldn’t let Ja’vari go again. Not this time. “What am I doing?” I mumbled. I couldn’t let this happen again. Gathering up my dress so I wouldn’t trip over it, I hurried after Ja’vari. I was moving so fast in my heels I felt like Cinderella when she was hurrying out of the ball before the clock struck twelve.
Just as I reached the top of the stairs, I spotted Ja’vari heading for the door. “Ja’vari?” I called after him, taking the stairs carefully so I wouldn’t fall. “I’m scared, really scared,” I admitted once I was near him. “But I want to do life with you. I love you, so scared and all, I want to take that leap with you,” I said breathlessly.
Ja’vari smiled. “I love you too.”
Matching his smile, I wrapped my arms around his neck, tiptoeing his way before kissing him passionately. I couldn’t let him go; he felt so right for me. I had my man back.