19. Chapter Nineteen Arryn
Chapter Nineteen: Arryn
After Rhowyn left me to speak with Charity, I began mingling with the other courtiers. I watched as Callum followed behind her silently, his eyes scanning the crowd for any threats as Rhowyn remained oblivious to the full scope of the peril that she was now embroiled in. It seemed as if he was taking on the role of protector over not only Rhowyn but the group.
In the maze, he'd put himself between us and whatever danger we’d been facing, prepared to defend us all. While he hadn't quite warmed up to any of us, he was trying, and that was all I could ask of him.
Satisfied that he was watching over her, I turned my attention back to the task at hand. I needed to help garner favor in the Court for her. I glanced around the room to determine who was present and most likely to be swayed into providing that support.
As I stood there, making mental notes about the best way to proceed, Lennox came to stand beside me. “Divide and conquer? ”
I turned to him. “Seems like the only way we’ll be able to accomplish speaking with everyone.”
He nodded and then set off, smiling and calling out to a courtier. He was good at this. Baer stood on my other side, doing his best to not look out of place. “Anything I can do?”
Since Baer wasn't familiar with any of the people present, I figured I could use him as an opportunity to make introductions, letting the conversations drift naturally to extolling Rhowyn's virtues and why she was the best option to support. “For now, just follow me. Smile and play along. We need to do whatever we can to reduce her threat level in court. The way I see it, the biggest issue that most of them have is her unknown status. For now, we'll keep her relationship with Master Jude quiet, at least until we understand more about what happened to her father.”
“Of course,” Baer responded. “Where do we want to start?”
I glanced around. “How much do you know about the members present tonight?”
“Honestly?” When I turned my eyes to look at him, he said, “Nothing. I avoided this life as much as possible. Which was easier once Mom and Dad decided to retire in the country.”
I nodded, looking back to the crowd for the right opportunity. Finding one, I started toward the group. I could sense Baer behind me as I approached my old friends from the Summer Court. I plastered a smile on my face, not exactly happy about having to be around these fae. They'd always been troublemakers, mostly out of boredom. They were too rich and too soft; their family names ensured a safe and easy future.
Unlike them, I had never been blessed with those things. While we weren't poor, my parents didn't have the social standing that my peers did, at least, not outside of our village. “George!” I called out jovially, switching gears, “How are you?”
I slapped him on the back, his smile widening as he recognized me. We hadn't had much opportunity to catch up once I had left the Summer Court to join the Queen's Guard, though I checked in on them when they visited, my history with them telling me that they’d find trouble one way or another.
“Well! If it isn't Arryn Oakley.” He nudged his buddies beside him, drawing them into the conversation. “Look who decided to grace us with his presence.”
“Arryn! It's been years. You took off for the Royal Guard, and we never heard from you again!” Frederick said, smiling at me and giving me a swat on my shoulder.
I laughed in response, doing my best to portray an amiable demeanor. “I was just a little busy. You know, ensuring the Queen's safety and all.”
“Heard you’re now a consort. Quite the rise for you, isn't it?” Duncan asked.
I smiled while nodding. “You heard correct. In fact, I'd like to introduce you to one of my fellow consorts. George, Frederick, and Duncan, this is Baer Hawthorne. Baer, my old friends from the Summer Court.”
He beamed at them as if he was truly impressed at having the chance to meet them, inflating their egos. He was a natural at winning people over. “It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm Rhowyn's Spring Consort.”
“That's right, your Chosen is the human one,” Frederick said, his voice dripping with disdain and disgust, looking down his nose at the thought of a human Chosen.
Baer laughed, not taking umbrage at Frederick’s tone while I did my best to ignore their utter disregard for the fact that they were speaking so callously about my Chosen. Rhowyn should have automatically received their respect since she was selected by Avalonia herself, showing just what fools they were, all puffed up on their own importance despite the fact that they weren’t near as powerful as they believed themselves to be.
“She's wearing a glamor, one that can't be removed. We suspect it's because of the amount of time she's spent wearing it while growing up on Earth,” Baer explained, while also not giving the true reason for our difficulties.
I saw the questions enter their eyes as they considered this news. “Doesn't that make you both suspicious? Some girl appearing out of nowhere and given the highest of honors, the ability to compete to become our next Queen?”
“Of course. We'd be fools to not consider the circumstances, but we've since learned enough to trust her. She's different than the other fae females, and it's been quite refreshing,” I told them, seeing my opportunity to convince them to support her.
“Different how?” asked Duncan, snagging another drink, having drained his fresh glass rather quickly and well on his way to being drunk.
“She is honest to a fault and capable of defending herself, even without having to rely on magic. We've also noticed that her magic is surprisingly strong, if a little unrestrained,” I answered his question.
“Were any of you able to watch the first trial?” Baer asked them, remaining friendly and open, his smile disarming and non-threatening. He was really good at this.
“Of course. We caught the other competitors, too. It was quite exciting, watching the whole thing for the first time in history from the comfort of our own rooms,” George said.
“Then I'm sure you caught how Rhowyn fought a Loathly Worm by herself, saving one of her consorts,” Baer bragged, his pride beaming from him.
“We also watched as she ran straight into a quicksand pit and had to be rescued,” Frederick said, remaining stubborn in his opinion of her.
“That may be so,” I started, needing to sway them all. If I could convince Frederick, then the others would fall in line. “But I'm sure that no other Chosen accomplished as much. She was fearless as she faced down the beast, but also demonstrated her wisdom, listening to her Consorts when they knew the situation better.”
“True. It was something special to watch her dive into that water after Prince Lennox. Not a single other Chosen risked themselves for their Consorts in the same way,” George said, considering what had transpired yesterday.
“Still, she's no Genevieve,” Frederick said, nudging his buddies as he raised his eyebrows, their gazes finding the blonde through the crowd.
She was a handsome woman, I’d give him that, but her personality marred that beauty beyond repair. Baer's gaze followed theirs, stiffening slightly beside me, his smile slipping. I made a mental note to ask him about it later.
“That may be the case for now, but eventually her glamor will break, and she’ll be seen as a competitor on that front as well,” I told them confidently.
“You've got me there.”
We all laughed and joked around while I slowly slipped in positive things to say about my Chosen. Rhowyn eventually came over to speak with us, and I introduced her. They all remained respectful, even while teasing me. They were right, though. I had always been a stickler for right and wrong, unable to compromise my convictions, even as a youngling.
I watched as the Queen arrived, holding my breath that we didn't have a repeat performance of our last interaction between the Queen and Rhowyn, which had left her broken and scarred before me. Even entering the room had her tensing up, but she wasn’t the only one fighting their instincts, which were screaming at me to flee. It was only my military bearing that allowed me to maintain my stoic fa?ade .
Now she was being called to the dais, to be presented with her reward as the winner of the trial, her curtsy rough but passable. Her skin was washed out, and her hands were buried in her skirts, all ways she was trying to hide her fear. Those details were small, likely to be missed by others who didn’t know her like I did. I’d made it my mission to be well attuned to her, studying her every word and action so I could serve and protect her to the best of my ability.
Not hearing a word from the Queen, I continued to study Rhowyn, ready to intervene as soon as she needed me. As the Queen dismissed her, she curtseyed and then froze. It wasn’t obvious to anyone else outside of the people who knew her, that slight hesitation, her hold on the curtsy lasting maybe a minute longer than it should have.
What was obvious, though, was the flinch she gave as the Queen placed a hand on her shoulder for her to rise. I saw it there in the Queen's eyes, the satisfaction at having Rhowyn so rattled.
When she turned around and headed back over to us, Rhowyn's face was stormy in anger, a look I had never seen from her before. All of us Consorts made eye contact, knowing immediately that we needed to get her out of there before all of our work was undone.
I made our excuses to the others, explaining that Rhowyn was still tired after the first trial and needed rest. They didn't bat an eyelash at the lie, hopefully buying every word. The last thing we wanted was for the Court to think we were fleeing. What I regretted was the fact that I wouldn’t be able to speak with any other courtiers, but Rhowyn came first.
Lennox rejoined us as we slowly made our way from the room, trying to make our retreat not seem suspicious. We all rallied around her without the need for words. In this moment, I was proud of the team we were becoming. While we still had a way to go, we were slowly but surely coming together.
We finally made it to the doors and were able to slip out without notice, our postures all relaxing as soon as they closed behind us. All of us except for Rhowyn. Her fists were clenched at her sides, her strides long and quick. Baer tried to speak to her, but she just ignored him as she pushed toward our suite.
I noticed the dejected look on his face, most likely a result of their joining earlier in the day and the rejection he was receiving now. I placed a hand on his shoulder as I caught up to him, his pace slowing after getting no response from Rhowyn. I shook my head and whispered, “Don't take it personally. She's not mad at us.”
“How do you know that for sure?” he asked harshly but still whispering, his eyes darting to our Chosen, who was following Callum since she still didn't know how to navigate the Castle.
I looked at Rhowyn as I tried to find the words that he needed to hear and yet were also the truth. “I've spent a lot of time studying our Chosen. This anger seems to be born more from frustration than from anything that we have done. I've seen her angry with us before and this...” I gestured to her, “...is not the same. This is something darker, something we need to figure out before it consumes her.”
My words sank in, the subconscious thoughts now having a voice, becoming real as soon as they had been set free into the world. The gravity of that truth sank in, and I knew that if I didn't figure this out, we might lose her altogether.
We had so many other problems we were facing that the last thing she needed was this anger eating at her, tearing her and the progress we’d made as a group down. If this thing wasn't nipped in the bud, then it would destroy everything we had been working toward this entire time .
Arriving at our suite, Callum went to turn the doorknob, but Rhowyn slammed her palms into the door, shoving it out of her way to bang into the wall as she barged into the living area, heading straight to her bedroom.
We all stood there in shock for a moment, dumbfounded by this change in her. Sharing glances, we all seemed at a loss for how to fix this. Exhaling to build up my fortitude, I walked to her room, not sure exactly what I'd find but knowing we needed to at least try.
I knew she hadn't had much of a support system back on Earth based on the comments she’d made, but she needed to learn that it was okay to trust us, that we would be there to catch her when she fell, to pick her up when she stumbled, and to stand beside her when she needed it. We weren't going anywhere. Now, I just needed to find a way to get her to see that.
I knocked on the door, getting no response, not hearing a thing. I eased the door open and peeked around it, seeing that she wasn’t in her bathroom or closet. I slipped into the room, searching for her. As I turned to my right, I found her standing there on the balcony, gazing off into the distance in nothing but her underwear.
Staggered at the sight, I inhaled sharply to clear my mind and stay focused on the task at hand. I approached her on soft feet, coming to stand beside her on the balcony, not looking at her. If I did, then we wouldn't accomplish anything.
“Rhowyn,” I said softly, searching for the right words.
“I don't want to talk about it, Arryn,” she snapped, neither of us looking at each other, but her knuckles were white as she gripped the railing.
“Okay. How about something else then?” I suggested.
She turned to me, caution in her puzzled gaze. I sighed, daring to face her, forcing myself to keep my eyes on hers. “Put some training clothes on. We'll work through this by letting you hit something.”
Still guarded and wary, she nodded and walked away. I turned, unable to keep from taking her in. Her shapely, muscled legs were thick and strong. They'd be able to wrap around me and hold on tightly, holding herself up without any help from me if I fucked her against the wall.
I wanted to grab her ass in both hands, feeling the way it overflowed my grip as I controlled her movements. Her flat stomach showed slight lines and hints of muscle with her movements, but there was cushion there too, still soft despite her rigorous training. Her small, juicy breasts were the size of apples and just as inviting. I needed to taste them, nibbling and sucking as she came apart beneath me.
Fuck , I thought as she disappeared into her closet. Breathing deeply a couple of times, I adjusted my erection in my pants to disguise just what she did to me. I had never found any other woman this attractive, this alluring, and it was taking all of my self-control to stay on mission. Which was helping her with her anger. She didn't need me lusting after her while she was this vulnerable, and I'd be damned if I was the type to use her. She deserved so much more than that.
I found the phone that Baer had described to me, picking it up from her nightstand and pocketing it. As much as it would drain us, I felt like she would need the music on it. Baer told me how she had lost herself in the thing the other day, and it seemed like something she would need now.
She popped back into the room, wearing tight leggings, a loose shirt with the sleeves missing and dipping low to show off her bra underneath, and boots. None of what she wore did anything to hide her luscious figure, and I mentally prepared myself for a long night. She was going to test all of my self-control before we were done, I just knew it .
“Okay. Now what?” she asked, a hand going to her hip as she cocked it.
“Follow me,” I said simply, not giving her any idea of where or what we would be doing.
“Fine.” She stomped after me, rolling her eyes as we exited her room, then the suite, marching through the hallways on our mission.
I approached the door Baer had told me about, the one that had the training room Rhowyn had used to prepare for her sparring match against Lennox. It was hard to believe that had been only a few days ago, so much had happened in such a short amount of time. Even someone familiar with our customs and ways would have a hard time adjusting. I could only imagine how she was feeling now.
As we entered, Rhowyn laughed harshly and headed straight to the rack that held strips of cloth and gloves of some sort. I watched as she kicked off her boots and socks and wrapped the cloth around her hands, moving as if she'd done this a thousand times. Then she pulled on the gloves and approached the big bag hanging in the center of the room, her bare feet crossing the cushioned mat that covered most of the floor.
I pulled out the phone and held it out to her. “Here, I thought you might need this.”
She glanced at me for the first time since entering the room, her eyes watering at the sight of the small device. She pulled a glove off and took the phone from me, tapping away at it. Music tinkled from the technology before she amplified the sound using the magic her and Baer shared. Satisfied, she placed the phone on the floor and put her glove back on.
She was completely focused on the bag, her movements powerful and harsh as she began to dance around it. And yet, there was something so beautiful and mesmerizing as she hit and kicked the bag, her actions fluid and graceful in a way that wouldn't be expected.
I watched her as sweat poured from her, dripping down her chest and soaking her shirt. Her hair was plastered to her face as one song bled into another and another. Her breaths heaving with the exertion and yet, the anger remained, not going anywhere.
She stopped, her muscles shaking, and her head bowed as she gasped for air. It took me a moment to realize she was sobbing. Her tears mixing with the sweat as she kept her face hidden from my view.
I approached her hesitantly, wrapping her up in my arms as she sobbed, needing to comfort her. She was having none of it, though, as she pushed from my arms harshly, turning her back on me.
“Don't, Arryn,” she warned as I stepped closer to her again. Whipping around to face me, I almost fell to my knees at the agonized look on her face. “I don't need your pity,” she spat harshly.
“It's not pity,” I whispered, barely audible above the music that continued to play.
She laughed at me, no humor in her tone. “Then what the hell is it? Because if you can't tell, I'm broken. I'm a screw up. I couldn't even stand before the Queen tonight without flinching. I froze completely, and everyone saw it.” Her words poured from her now, anger and disgust evident in every word.
My heart broke for her then. She wasn't angry at anyone but herself. I could see the hate now. She hated herself and truly didn't think herself worthy. Of course, she'd said that before, but I hadn't realized until now just how deep that hate ran.
Not shying away, I stepped closer to her. She stepped backward, trying to escape me. “I'm not worth any of this. I don't know what to do or how to fix things. Just when I thought I was getting the hang of things, I went and screwed everything up tonight by showing that bitch just how much she'd hurt me. I let her see my fear, and now she knows. She knows.” She sobbed out the last two words, breaking completely before me.
I said nothing, just took another step, not scared or swayed. If she didn't believe in herself, then we'd have to show her exactly what we saw. A strong woman capable of anything.
She stepped away again, ripping her gloves off her hands. “I can't do this, Arryn,” she pleaded with me. “I'm not worth all this trouble. I'm not strong enough. I'm so completely out of my depth and overwhelmed, I don't even know what to do. I have no control, and it scares me. I'm so scared.”
This time, she didn’t run when I stepped toward her, her shoulders hunched in shame as she held her chin to her chest, hiding from me in a different way. Her exhaustion evident. Not a physical fatigue, but the kind that comes from always having to remain in control, always having to be the strong one, to present a front of absolute strength and power. I knew exactly what she was feeling.
“Fear doesn't mean you are weak…” I started, but she cut me off before I could continue.
“Yes, it does. I froze, Arryn. I was too afraid to do anything. I just sat there in terror as she gloated, knowing she had won.”
“That's not what I saw.” She scoffed at me. Not dissuaded, I continued. “I saw a strong woman, someone who won the first trial, facing down the person who brutally beat her just a couple of days ago. Someone strong enough to overcome all of that, something that would have caused most people, male and female alike, to hide and run away. Instead, you held your head high as you faced down the thing that scared you the most. You weren't weak, not by any stretch of the word.”
I placed a hand on her cheek gently, guiding her head to look at me, to see the conviction in my eyes. “I saw a glorious woman, who's managed to overcome everything in her life to stand before us. Who even in her weak moments dares to defy anyone who would try to break her down.”
When she remained silent, the tears streaming down her face, I continued. “You may be weak in this moment. We all have these moments, but where you differ and what makes you strong is your ability to pull yourself together every time. The way you pick yourself back up to face the world once more. Again and again, you refuse to remain on your knees. That's what I see.”
“I'm so tired of being strong, Arryn. When will it stop? When will things be easy for me?” she whispered, closing her eyes in shame at the admission.
“That's where your consorts come in. You can lean on us, count on us to help shoulder your burdens. We will always be there for you,” I reassured her, but I could tell my words still weren't getting through to her.
“How can I help you, my Chosen?”
“I don't know. That's the problem. I don't want to have to think about any of this anymore. I want to forget. I want to pretend that things are fine, but they're not. I can't escape these thoughts and feelings, which are overwhelming me. I'm drowning in them, and I can't find a way out.”
Knowing exactly what she needed now, I stepped into her, my body aligning with hers. “Then let me help you forget. Let me take those thoughts away at least for the moment. Let me take control, Rhowyn.”