27. Chapter Twenty Seven Lennox
Chapter Twenty Seven: Lennox
We all stood in the stables the next morning, waiting on the hands to get our horses ready for the journey ahead. Baer and Rhowyn laughed at something across the aisle from where I stood watching them, leaning against an empty stable door. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the sight of her, laughing at whatever joke Baer had made. Her eyes danced with laughter as she pushed him playfully, and I couldn't help the spike of jealousy that shot through me.
I wanted her more than I had ever desired anyone before, a part of her calling to my soul. The way she moved, spoke, and challenged me in every way kept me coming back for more every time. I honestly didn't think it was possible that I would ever grow tired of her. Every encounter with her was new and exciting in all the ways I had ever dreamed of.
I had come so close to taking her against the wall in front of the whole pub last night, Callum the only thing that had kept me from crossing that line. I glanced down at the ground, ashamed of my inability to keep my wits about me. But there had been something different about her last night. Something that called to me on a level I had never bothered to examine too deeply before. She had seemed so free, so uninhibited that I couldn't resist the pull.
Last night, she had represented something that I had dreamed of all my life. Freedom. The ability to be exactly who I was without fear of the repercussions. The things I had been so afraid of before committing to the trials no longer seemed pertinent. It hadn’t been a physical freedom that I had so desired, but the mental kind. The kind that she could offer me.
She accepted me for who I was, even when I frustrated the hell out of her. I wanted to be more for her, to show her the same freedom she had shown me. I needed to be with her in every way that mattered.
Yes, I desired her sexually, to the point that it was painful. I constantly walked around with at least a semi hard on, but the thing I craved the most was the connection to her soul. The one Baer and now Arryn had enjoyed.
Both of them offered her something, gave her strength or joy to get her through these trials. What exactly did I have to offer? She wasn't interested in my position in court, my wealth, or my playboy attitude, something all the other women had fallen all over themselves for in the past.
Rhowyn was different. She was more. So much more.
And yet, last night, I had almost screwed everything up, just like I always did. Everything I touched turned to ash and shadows. From the outside, it seemed I had everything going for me, but inside, I was a mess.
Looking back, I was glad that Callum had stopped me from doing something that Rhowyn would have regretted. I had no qualms about having sex in public, being watched was exciting for me. However, Rhowyn wasn't from Avalon. She had all the hang ups that humans did. She wasn't ready for that kind of exposure.
After Baer had taken her back to our room last night, I had proceeded to drink my weight in ale. While not the autumn ale Rhowyn had enjoyed, it was still suitable for drowning my shame. Callum didn't need to say anything else; my own shame consumed me completely. He'd let the issue drop, but I found that I was unable to let go of the mistakes of my past.
If I could leave, I would. Rhowyn was better off without my messes, without my mistakes adding more to her burden. But as sure as the moon followed the sun every day, I was pulled into her orbit, unable to do anything other than try to be the man she deserved.
The horses now saddled, we all mounted, the Raven arriving just as we had finished our preparations. I eyed the man suspiciously, not sure we could trust him, even if Arryn said we could. There was more to their relationship than he was telling us, more to Arryn than what we'd seen so far. I couldn't help the questions that arose as we set out, leaving the small village behind. Who was this man before he'd joined the Queen's Guard? What were his motives? Was there more to him than what he showed us?
I knew there was; hints of the man's deeper character peeked out every now and then, revealing themselves if we only paid close enough attention. While I didn't think that he would ever do anything to harm Rhowyn, I still feared that his past would come back to haunt us. Were we making a deal with the devil by trusting this Raven?
The hours passed quickly as I remained lost in thought. I caught Rhowyn glancing at me from time to time, questioning my mood, but I couldn't bring myself to release the demons that were haunting me .
We avoided other villages, going around them through the open hillsides, the scenery slowly bleeding from tilled ground to pastures and now the forest that opened up before us. In the middle of this forest, we would find the Arderin Mountains, impenetrable unless allowed passage by the Gwyllion, a task in and of itself. Needless to say, not many made it through.
“Wanna talk about it?” Rhowyn voiced, causing me to jerk in the saddle, not having noticed her ride up beside me as we entered the forest.
“Huh?” I said, confused for a moment by her question, having a hard time switching my thoughts.
She laughed at me under her breath, shaking her head. “You look deep in thought. Just thought you'd like to talk about it.”
My eyes darted forward, taking in Arryn's back, Baer and Charity's men far enough away from us that we could hold a semi-private conversation. Shaking my head as if to dismiss my maudlin thoughts, I answered her. “It's nothing.” When she raised an eyebrow at me as if not buying my placating answer, I decided to give her what she deserved. An apology. “I'm sorry about last night,” I blurted out.
Her cheeks pinked slightly at the reminder of what we'd done, and I struggled to keep my thoughts on the present and not relive those moments that had me almost crossing the line. “It's no big deal.”
I shook my head again. “It is. If you hadn't been under the influence of the Autumn Ale, you wouldn't have let me do what I did in public. I took advantage of you when I shouldn't have.”
She laughed at me, startling me from the serious moment. “Do I look like a child?”
My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “No. But what...”
She cut off my question. “Good. Because I'm not. I'm a grown ass woman who can make my own decisions. I wasn't beyond control. I knew exactly what I was doing, knew exactly what I wanted, and I don't regret a second of it.” Her words came out emphatically, driving her point home.
I opened my mouth to reply, but she cut me off again. “If you continue to insist on apologizing, you’re just going to piss me off. It undermines my ability to make my own decisions for myself.”
Shutting my mouth, I nodded, demonstrating I got the point. “Good. Now...” she started, a cunning smile crossing her face, “...if you want to apologize for the fact that you and Baer both left me high and dry, that's an apology I will accept,” she teased.
Stunned, I barked out a laugh, the others turning to look at us questioningly over their shoulders. This woman was more than I could have ever dreamed of. She was positively perfect for me. She smiled at me, satisfaction and pleasure from making me laugh gleaming in her eyes. “I apologize, Princess. How dare I leave you in such a state. I promise to rectify that situation as soon as the opportunity arises.”
Her honeyed laugh sounded out around us, louder now that we were surrounded by the trees. “I can't wait.”
“Shh...” Callum hissed at us, Arryn holding up a fist and halting our progress through the forest.
I could see the confusion and worry on Rhowyn's face, but there was nothing I could do right now to alleviate those concerns. Now that we were all silent, it was easier to notice that not a single creature sounded out from around us. The only reason for the utter quiet being a predator, something more threatening than our party of fae and horses.
Callum and Arryn scanned the trees, searching for the cause of the silence. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Something was watching us, waiting for the right moment to attack.
After several minutes of nothing happening, Arryn gestured for us to continue. All brevity from before gone as we started walking our horses forward, no one daring to hold a conversation. Even Charity's eyes scanned the area back and forth as we all searched for the culprit of our unease. The only sound now was the creaking of the leather on our saddles as we moved slowly forward, the foliage thickening until only slivers of light remained, illuminating the area sporadically.
I sat up straighter in my saddle as I caught Callum's free hand going to the pommel of his sword, ready to pull it at a moment's notice to defend Rhowyn from the creature that was stalking us now.
Whatever predator it was, it wasn't good.