4. Jett
4
JETT
What the fuck had I done?
Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I forced myself to pay attention to the road. I couldn’t remember most of the drive so far, and the last thing I needed was to lose control and crash because I was too busy thinking about getting double-teamed by the world’s hottest couple.
Jesus.
How the hell had I gone from dude virgin to getting fucked by two guys in one night?
“Go big or go home, right?” I muttered to myself, a weird-sounding laugh bubbling up in my chest.
My ass stung a bit as I shifted in my seat. Taking a real dick was so much different from using a toy. My threesome partners had been gentle with me, but I was going to be feeling it for a bit.
My threesome partners. Jesus fucking Christ. How had this become my reality?
I’d arrived at the club as nervous as a deer during hunting season, positive that my inexperience was written over my head in neon and I’d get called out for being a tourist or a lurker.
But that hadn’t happened. Everyone had been so into what they were doing that they barely paid me any attention.
Witnessing so many men being outwardly affectionate with each other awakened something in me. A hunger I hadn’t realized was there. Seeing strong male bodies pressed up against each other, watching them kiss and dance, turned me on so much because of how forbidden and taboo it was. At least for me and my sheltered ass.
No one else seemed shocked or even distracted by the hand jobs and even a few BJs happening right there in the open for everyone to see.
I’d never experienced that kind of hedonism and sexual freedom, and all the years of repressed want and need hit me in a swell of desire so strong it literally took my breath away.
Then I saw them.
I still couldn’t pinpoint why they’d drawn my attention over everyone around us. They were arguably two of the hottest men I’d ever seen, but it wasn’t their looks that distracted me.
It was how they held each other. The hot looks and roving hands. Their confidence and how they played off each other. I wanted that, even if it was just a taste of what they shared.
Ezra was the typical bad boy who was covered in ink, had multiple piercings, and the classic combo of nearly black hair and blue eyes that were so bright they bordered on clear gray.
Wes was his opposite, with golden hair, amber eyes, and untouched skin.
Both men were big and strong, with Ezra being about two inches taller than me and an inch taller than Wes. Wes had broader shoulders and was more heavily muscled than Ez’s leaner frame, and both were in fantastic shape.
But I couldn’t blame their looks on why I’d been so eager to lay down for them and practically beg to get fucked.
Or why I danced with them.
I honestly had no clue what would happen when I accepted their invitation to dance. I hoped for some grinding and maybe a frotting O, but the longer they sandwiched me between their bodies, so warm and strong and comforting, like being snuggled under a weighted blanket, the more I wanted.
They gave me every opportunity to stop them, and even in my lust-induced haze, I trusted them when they said I was in control, and they’d stop if I asked or said no.
I had no fucking clue why I’d trusted a couple of random strangers I’d known for twenty minutes, but I had. And they’d delivered everything they’d promised.
I shuddered, once again forcing myself to focus on the road and not on the instant replay of my sexcapades that were running through my head in a constant loop.
The shit that had come out of their mouths affected me in ways I wasn’t ready to unpack or even really acknowledge. Getting hot and bothered because someone called me a good boy was one thing, but getting turned on because a stranger called me a cockslut? What the literal hell was wrong with me?
A laugh bubbled out of my chest.
I basically let a couple use me like a sex toy, but I didn’t feel used.
They delivered exactly what they promised, and they didn’t kick me out after.
I’d expected them to tell me to leave as soon as the afterglow faded, but Ezra had wrapped the spare blanket from the closet around my shoulders, and Wes had given me another bottle of water. Then they sat with me, making jokes and keeping things light while I got my head in order.
When I felt somewhat normal again, they offered me another shower and to call me an Uber when I was done.
They seemed relieved when I told them where I lived and that I’d driven to the club. Almost as relieved as I’d been when they told me about their hotel room. Locals wouldn’t bother renting a room just to go to a club, so the chances of seeing them again if I didn’t go back to Envy were practically zero.
Blowing out a breath, I exited the highway and headed toward my aunts’ neighborhood. Thank fuck they lived on the outskirts of town, and I could take the back roads. It wasn’t late, but with the college in session, the main streets would be packed, especially around the areas that were dedicated to student housing.
I had two choices about tonight. I could overthink and overanalyze every detail and come up with all sorts of reasons to convince myself it was a mistake and I was a horrible person for enjoying it. Or I could accept it for what it was—a consensual encounter between three adults.
At least I never had to see Ez and Wes again. That would help me move on and work on the next step in my sexual awakening—telling the people in my life the truth.
“How’s Aria?” I asked Noah, who was Becca’s older brother and roommate, as he leaned against the side of his truck. “Becks said she was feeling better yesterday.”
He sipped from the thermal cup in his hand. “She was. I left before she woke up this morning, but from what I can tell, she slept through the night.”
“That’s good.” I rocked on my feet awkwardly.
I’d worked on the crew for a few months now, but I still felt like the odd guy out, the perpetual new guy who didn’t quite fit in.
None of that was my coworkers' fault.
The contracting firm we all worked for was owned by a mutual friend, who was basically everyone’s bestie except mine.
I’d met Gray, Zane, River, and Quinn at the strip club we all worked at on the weekends. I was a bartender, and they were all dancers, which immediately created a divide between us because I spent my time behind the bar and only really hung out with them when they ventured out of the dancer areas and were in mine.
Noah didn’t work at the club, but he was Zane’s boyfriend and had started working on the crew with them almost a year ago. He was one of them, and I was the perpetual outsider.
Quinn, our boss, and I had gotten close when I first started at the club. He spent a lot of time hanging out with us at the bar after hours, back when there’d been some tension between him and the other dancers. I didn’t know all the details, but they’d worked things out, and now Quinn spent most of his time in the back room instead of the bar. We were still friends, and he included me whenever something social was going on outside work, the same as the other guys, but I felt like the little brother they put up with and not like a true equal.
Again, that was a me thing, not because of anything they’d said or done.
I was a few months older than Gray, who was the youngest in the group, but I felt like a kid compared to them. They’d all been on their own for years, had their own apartments, and had been working since they were teenagers.
Then there was me, the kid who’d moved from his parents’ house into a house with his wife, then in with his aunts. I’d never lived alone, and until I moved away, I’d only worked for family members.
Even my job here was thanks to my ex-father-in-law, who’d taken me on as an apprentice and taught me carpentry so I could provide for his daughter.
“Donut?” River shoved a half-full box of powdered donuts in front of me.
“Thanks.” I pulled one free and took a bite.
Zane leaned against the car next to Noah, a donut in his hand and powdered sugar around his mouth. “I still can’t believe you don’t drink coffee.”
“Right?” River asked, shaking the box under Noah’s nose. “You know you want another one.”
“You’re an enabler.” Noah shot River a look and grabbed another pastry.
“You know it.” River grinned and nodded to Gray, who was just putting his phone in his pocket. “Stop sexting and come get one before Noah eats them all.”
“Asshole.” Noah kicked River’s boot with his.
Gray came to stand with us and swiped a donut out of the box. “Don’t be a Jelly Clarkson.”
Noah barked out a laugh. “A what?”
“Jelly Clarkson,” Gray said around a bite of donut. “Jelly. Jealous.” He rolled his eyes dramatically. “You’re such a millennial.”
“Fuck off.” Noah kicked his boot. “I’m Gen Z, asswipe. And don’t let Quinn hear you talking smack about his girl Kelly.”
“I’d never talk smack about the gloriousness that is Ms. Kelly Clarkson.” Gray ripped his donut in half and shoved the larger piece in his mouth. “Bite your tongue,” he said, but since his mouth was full, it sounded more like ‘ite oar ung.’
“So, back to you and not drinking coffee.” River fixed his gaze on me. “How can you work the same hours as us and not need gallons of caffeine to function?”
I shrugged, my face heating slightly as they all turned their attention to me. “I guess I just got used to not needing it.”
“Yeah, but you said you didn’t drink it because you weren’t allowed. Was that a ‘caffeine will stunt your growth’ thing?” Noah asked. “Or was it ‘caffeine is a drug and is therefore forbidden’ thing?”
“The second one,” I said, trying to look blasé and casual.
“I grew up like that.” He tipped his cup to me. “Good on you for not getting hooked on the stuff like I am. I wish I could go back to the days when I could roll out of bed and be alert in a few minutes and not have to wait for my magical wake-up juice to kick in.”
“Hear, hear.” Gray toasted him with his cup. “I remember those days fondly.”
Zane and River smirked. Neither of them drank coffee either. River didn’t because it had the opposite effect and made him sleepy, and Zane was one of those people who could fall asleep and wake up on command.
I didn’t drink it because I didn’t like the taste, and even covering it up with sugar and cream wasn’t enough to make coffee worthwhile for me. Plus, the caffeine buzz didn’t last long, and I ended up more tired than when I started.
“Did you hear anything more about the new guys?” Zane asked.
“I texted Quinn all weekend trying to get more intel, and he just said I’d have to wait until this morning to learn more.” River made a face. “But I did get him to spill that they’ve been friends with his stepbrother since high school, and he’s known them for years.”
“Have you met his stepbrothers?” Gray asked. “They’re gorgeous. How is one family so genetically gifted?”
“Said the guy who makes a living being hot and tearing off his clothes and whose little brother has turned down actual modeling jobs random people have offered him even though he’s an academic and not a model.” Zane toasted Gray with his last bite of donut, then shoved it in his mouth.
I bit back a snort-laugh. Zane and River were identical twins and were just as hot as Gray. Even Noah, who wasn’t a stripper, was hot as fuck. It was like working on a crew of models. Thank god I didn’t have self-esteem issues on top of all my other ones, or I’d spend my days feeling like a troll and hating myself.
“Well, I’m curious.” River grabbed the last donut out of the box. “I thought they were old until Quinn said they were his younger brother’s age. Ezra and Wesley. Don’t those sound like old people names?”
The world around me tilted to the left, shimmered, then slowly righted itself. A low buzz filled my ears, and my heart beat so fast and hard I had to stop myself from clutching my chest.
Ezra and Wesley?
No.
No fucking way.
It couldn’t be them.
It was impossible.
Wasn’t it?
“Hey, kids.” Quinn’s voice broke through my haze, but it sounded weird. Faraway and thready, like I was listening to him through a wall.
The rest of the guys called out their greetings, but it wasn’t until River said “totally not what I expected them to look like” that my gaze snapped up of its own accord.
Standing next to Quinn in all his tattooed glory was Ez, and next to him was Wes.
The couple I’d let fuck me in a hotel room three nights ago.
The world around me flickered and went snowy.
Shitshitshitshitshitshit .
Barely aware of everyone talking around me, I dropped my eyes to the ground unseeingly and breathed through my nose, trying not to be obvious or let anyone else know I was seconds from passing out.
Nononononono .
This couldn’t be happening. This had to be a dream. Or a hallucination. Any second, I was going to wake up or snap out of it.
“Jett?”
I gulped in a breath.
Any second now.
“Jett?” Strong hands gripped my arms. “Look at me.”
The sharp voice was enough to partially drag me out of my panic. I lifted my eyes. Quinn was in front of me, concern written all over his face. He loosened his hold on my arms but didn’t let go.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” he asked. “Do you feel faint?”
I wanted to lie and say I was fine, but I could only nod. My mouth wasn’t listening to my brain, and I was so dizzy I would have fallen if Quinn hadn’t been there to ground me.
“Come on.” Quinn wrapped my arm over his shoulders and gripped my wrist and waist to keep me in place. “Walk with me. You’re okay.”
Numb with shock, I let him pull me to the back of Noah’s truck. River was already there and pulling down the tailgate.
“Sit.” Quinn helped me perch on it.
“Here.” River stuck my water bottle under Quinn’s nose.
I dropped it?
I looked at my hand, which was empty. When had that happened?
Quinn flipped up the cap and held the bottle to my lips.
Fuck.
Not now.
My chest was so tight it felt like I was being squeezed in a vise. Every breath was a chore, and my mind was spinning so fast everything around me was a blur as my brain and body seemed to detach from each other.
“Drink some for me,” Quinn said softly. “Do you get panic attacks?”
I nodded, dribbling water down my chin because I couldn’t get my throat to work properly and swallow.
“Can you guys take Ez and Wes on a tour of the site?” Quinn called over his shoulder, never taking his eyes off me.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked.
“Don’t be sorry.” Quinn rubbed my arm comfortingly and put my bottle on the tailgate next to me. “Just tell me what you need.”
“I’m…fine,” I managed to gasp just as the shakes set in.
“Look at me,” he coached softly.
I did.
“Good. That’s good.” He ran his hands up and down my arms.
My lips and hands tingled with pins and needles.
I hated this part, feeling like my body was shutting down and there was nothing I could do to stop it. The shaking, numbness, feeling unnaturally cold even with all my gear on, not being able to breathe but not gasping. It was the worst feeling in the world.
“It’s okay, Jett. You’re safe here. Just ride it out.”
“I…hate…this,” I hiccupped, which set off another full-body shudder that nearly sent me toppling off the tailgate.
Quinn tightened his grip and held me in place. “I know. But you’re doing good. Just focus on me. Can you do that?”
I nodded, my chest aching as my heart slowed to a less frantic pace.
“Now try to breathe with me. Copy what I’m doing. It’s okay if you can’t, but can you try?”
I nodded again, my chest opening up a bit at his soothing tone.
“Now breathe in through your nose. Good. Hold it, just another second, now let it out. Good. That’s really good.” He smiled encouragingly. “Let’s try that again, only a bit slower.”
I followed his instructions, my head clearing a bit with each passing second.
On the third round of deep breaths, the last of my haze lifted and was replaced by horror. I just had a panic attack at work. How was I supposed to explain what had set me off?
Sorry I freaked out on you, but your new hires have seen my O face because I let them spit-roast me in an anonymous hookup.
A laugh escaped my lips, bubbling out of my chest without warning.
“Sorry.” I reached for my water bottle. My hand closed over the metal casing, and I gripped it hard.
“Don’t be sorry.” Quinn stepped back, his hands still out and ready to grab me and save me from face-planting at the slightest indication. “It’s not your fault.”
“Do you get them too?” I asked, my voice rough like I’d just spent the last hour screaming at a concert.
He nodded. “It’s been a while, but yeah. They used to be really bad when I was younger. Did anything trigger this one?”
I dropped my gaze again, unable to look him in the face while I lied. “No.”
“Are you sure? You don’t have to tell me, but talking about it might help.”
I looked at him and slowly brought my water to my lips to take a drink. Not because I was especially thirsty, but because I needed to stall and get my brain functioning again.
He seemed so sincere, and he’d been nothing but good to me. Quinn might be my boss, but he was also my friend.
Too bad I couldn’t tell him, or anyone, the whole truth.
“I had an incident on Friday,” I mumbled. “My family… It’s complicated, but something happened, and it messed me up. I guess I thought I could just pretend like it wasn’t a big deal. Spoiler alert, it was.”
Quinn smiled at my lame attempt at humor. “Family stuff is always complicated. Is it something you want to talk about?”
I shook my head.
“Are you okay to drive home? Or maybe I should get the twins to drive with you?—”
“I’m fine,” I said, only half lying. “I don’t need to go home.”
I wasn’t fine now, but I would be in an hour. The aftereffects of the attack would fade, and going home now would just mean spending the whole day alone and freaking out, which would probably trigger more attacks.
And as much as I didn’t want to, I needed to talk to Ezra and Wes before they told the crew anything. The guys didn’t even know I liked men, even though I’d had a million chances to tell them. How the hell would they react if they found out I was into getting double-teamed by strangers?
“Are you sure?” Quinn asked. “You’re pale as fuck and look like you’re about to fall over.”
“I’m sure.” I sat up straighter. “I’ll be fine in a few minutes. Not my first rodeo.”
“I don’t feel right about this.” Quinn glanced around, but the rest of the guys were still out of sight. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I will be,” I said, going for honesty. “It takes a bit, but I’ll be back to normal soon. Going home won’t do anything.”
“Okay.” Quinn chewed his lip. “But you’re keeping your ass parked here for the next thirty minutes. I need to go over some stuff with Ez and Wes, but I’m sending one of the guys to sit with you. Any indication that you’re not fine and I’m taking you home.”
“Deal.” I sipped my water, trying to look as normal as I could after all that.
He hesitated. “Don’t move.”
“Not planning on it.” I tried to smile, but it probably came out more like a deranged smirk.
Quinn shot me one more concerned look, then left me with my thoughts.
Taking another sip of my water, I tried to think about the situation logically.
We hadn’t done anything wrong, and it wasn’t anyone’s business what I did in bed. We were adults, and we’d all consented to it.
I just needed to keep that energy the next time I came face-to-face with them instead of having a panic attack and needing my boss to talk me down so I didn’t pass out.
Happy freaking Monday.