5. Ezra
5
EZRA
A strong hand closed over my wrist. I looked up to find Wes giving me his ‘we need to talk’ face.
I nodded. He wasn’t wrong. We’d been at work for almost three hours and hadn’t had a chance to talk alone yet.
I’d spent the time cracking jokes with the other guys and pretending we hadn’t already met Jett in the biblical sense. Assimilating into a new crew was hard enough but doing it when you were harboring a pretty massive secret about one of your coworkers was a mental battle.
Wes had done the same as me, doing his best to pretend like we were the chill new guys, but I could see how much he was struggling with every furtive glance at Jett, how his smiles and laughs never reached his eyes, and how he got that faraway look that told me he was catastrophizing.
“What do you think?” Quinn asked, tipping his wrist to look at his watch. “How about we take twenty now, finish this room, then break for lunch?”
The other guys murmured their assent, putting their gear down.
I let Wes drag me out of the room and behind the house where we could talk without being overheard.
“What the actual fuck?” Wes demanded, his voice hushed since we were out in the open. “Did you see how he reacted when he saw us?”
Nodding, I leaned against the siding. Seeing Jett have a panic attack when he recognized us had shaken something in me, and I still couldn’t pinpoint exactly what.
We had a strict one-and-done rule, and until now, we’d never come face-to-face with one of our play partners. We’d come up with all sorts of scenarios and talked about what we’d do if it ever happened, but none of our plans had included how to handle our play partner freaking out and being sent into a panic. Or what we’d do if they turned out to be one of our new coworkers.
“Do you think we coerced him at all?” Wes chewed on the corner of his lip. “Is that why he’s freaking out?”
“I don’t think so.” I pushed back the ugly feeling that had been churning in my gut since Jett’s panic attack. “But he seemed really inexperienced. It’s possible we pushed him into something he wasn’t ready for.”
“Fuck.” Wes dragged his hands down his face. “I thought he was into it. I thought we all had a great time.”
“We did.”
Both Wes and I jumped at the soft voice. Jett stepped out from around the building, his cheeks pink and his eyes downcast.
“That…” He waved behind him. “That wasn’t because you guys did something wrong. You gave me every chance to say no. I was a willing participant.”
“Oh, thank fuck.” Wes’s shoulders sagged with relief.
“I swear we had no idea you worked for Quinn or even knew him.” I needed him to know this wasn’t a setup.
“I know.” He clasped his hands in front of him and peeked up at us through his impossibly long lashes. “That wasn’t about you. Well, it was mostly about you, but not totally.”
Wes and I exchanged a look.
“Some shit happened on Friday night before I went to the club. It messed me up more than I wanted to admit. I never would have gone to Envy if it hadn’t happened, and I definitely wouldn’t have done…that.” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t freak out because of what we did. I panicked because I’m not out.” Red spots stained his cheekbones. “Nobody else knows I’m bi.”
Wes and I exchanged another look. Now his panic made more sense.
“We won’t tell anyone,” Wes said, his tone sincere. “It’s not our place. We’d never out you.”
“Thanks.” The corners of his mouth ticked up in a quick but barely there smile. “I appreciate that.”
“I think we can all agree that what happened, happened,” I said carefully.
Jett lifted his gaze to mine. Something in my gut tightened at his seeking expression. At how young and vulnerable he looked.
He’d seemed older at the club, around our age. Had we been wrong? He had to be at least twenty-one to get into Envy. It wasn’t the most reputable place when it came to hedonism and public sex, but it had a strict carding policy.
But he lived in a college town. How hard would it be to get a fake ID?
“And the best thing for everyone moving forward would be to just put it behind us,” I continued. “We’re all adults, and we made a choice. Now we can focus on being coworkers.”
Jett nodded, looking at Wes for confirmation.
Wes also nodded. “Yeah.”
“How old are you?” I asked, needing to know.
He smirked, the last of his shyness fading. “Old enough.”
I pinned him with a look. “And how old is that?”
“I’m twenty-three.” He glanced between us. “And you guys are what, thirty?”
“Fuck off.” Wes grinned. “We’re twenty-four. Or at least I am. Ez turned twenty-five last week.”
“Last week?” Jett raised one eyebrow teasingly.
“On Thursday.”
“Interesting.” Jett chuckled, but it wasn’t a humorous sound, more playful. “So was I your birthday present?”
Wes barked out a laugh and shot me an incredulous look. The guy who had a literal panic attack when he saw us a few hours ago was making jokes about our threesome?
Maybe we would be fine.
Wes lightly punched me in the shoulder. “Let’s just say you were a gift for the both of us.”
This time Jett’s chuckle sounded real. “Hopefully I was a good present.”
“Best one ever,” I said honestly.
Jett’s expression flickered to that needy, seeking one but quickly settled back into a smirk. “Good to know.” He hooked his thumb behind him. “I’m gonna head back before anyone starts asking questions.”
When he was out of sight, I checked the time on my phone. We had about ten minutes left of our break.
“Do you think he’s in shock? Or is he really fine with everything?” Wes asked.
“No clue.” I slipped my phone away. “Honestly, I think he’s still in panic mode. But if he’s able to crack jokes and he sought us out, then hopefully that means he’ll be okay when the dust settles.”
“What are the freaking odds he’d be here?” Wes leaned against the building next to me. “Like, I’d love someone to do that math because this whole situation is insane.”
“It is.” Slipping my hand into his, I gave it a gentle squeeze. “But I think it’ll all work out.”
“You do?” Wes rested his cheek against my shoulder.
“I do.” I squeezed his hand again. “We’ll give him lots of space, be prepared for some weirdness, and eventually it’ll blow over and be a funny story.”
He snort-laughed. “It’s a pretty funny story now. Showing up on our first day at a new job and seeing the guy we railed into oblivion is the kind of shit that happens in movies. Not real life. How the hell are we going to face Quinn or Jesse again if they find out we like to play with thirds?”
Sighing, I let go of his hand and threaded my arm behind him so I could hold him against my side. “We knew the truth would come out eventually.”
We weren’t ashamed of our arrangement, and I didn’t give a flying fuck who talked shit about me or what I did in bed, but Wes was different. He cared what people thought. Being the subject of gossip and having people dissect his sex life and make assumptions based on what they thought they knew about us hurt him.
And anything that hurt Wes hurt me.
“Yeah.” He leaned more heavily against me. “I just hoped it wouldn’t be at work. I know Quinn said the guys are cool, and they seem nice, but they’re all in committed relationships. They’re not going to understand that we’re just as committed to each other as they are with their guys, we just have a different arrangement.”
“I know.” I pressed a soft kiss against his hair. “But right now we need to focus on what we know about the situation,” I said, trying to give Wes’s brain a break from catastrophizing. “So far Jett is the only one who knows about what we do. He’s not going to tell anyone, and we don’t know what anyone else’s reactions are going to be. Quinn and Jesse are sex workers, and I’m pretty sure strippers are technically sex workers, so we really have no idea what they’ll think about it. I’m not saying they’ll be cool with it because of their jobs, but you’d think sex workers and their partners would be more likely to be open to the kind of stuff we do.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “Is it weird that I kinda wish it hadn’t been so good with him?”
“I get what you mean.” I kissed his hair again. “If it had been like the other times, then it wouldn’t be as big of a deal.”
“It figures we’d find our unicorn, the one guy who can give us both what we need, and this happens. The universe couldn’t just let us keep the memories. She had to make him our new coworker.”
“She has a twisted sense of humor, that’s for damn sure.” I squeezed his hand again. “We should head back. Our break will be over soon, and you need to eat something.”
“Yeah.” Wes made a grumbling noise; the same one he made when I woke his ass up in the morning and he didn’t want to get out of bed. “Can we do movie night when we get home? I need cuddles and a comfort watch after today. And takeout. Something with lots of carbs.”
“You got it.”
I gave him a few more seconds to compose himself, then gently tugged him away from the wall.
Time to go back to work and try to make a good impression on our new crew.
“Is no one going to bring up the elephant in the room?” Gray asked from where he was perched on Noah’s tailgate.
We were five days into working with our new crew, and so far everything had gone smoothly. Jett still got a little pale when he saw us in the morning, but we’d all managed to keep our shit together and pretend nothing happened.
We were settling in and had fallen into an easy camaraderie with the rest of the guys. They’d been nothing but welcoming. Hopefully they’d keep that energy if they ever found out about our private life.
River looked around in confusion. “But we’re outside.” Realization dawned on him, and he grinned. “And this is why I ran away from an invisible bee in the sixth grade.”
“Translation?” Quinn asked Zane.
“One of his bullies called him dumb in sixth grade,” Zane said. “But he was trying to be fancy and spelled it out and said Riv was D-U-M. I pointed out that there was a bee, and Riv ran away because he hates bees while his bully started smacking himself in the face and shrieking about getting stung.”
Gray and Noah laughed.
“You took things literally as a kid?” Wes asked.
“Yup. Still do.” River shrugged. “My brain is weird.”
“Mine is too.” Wes peeled the wrapping off his sandwich. “My older brother told me I had beans in my ears when I was little, and I ran to our mom screaming because I thought there were actual beans in my ears.”
“Beans in your ears?” Quinn asked.
“It was something he heard her say to our dad a few times. Apparently it means you’re not listening. It was the first time I’d heard it, and my dumb ass took it literally.”
“I have soooo many stories like that.” River shot Wes a commiserating smile.
“Same.” Quinn shook a big container filled with salad fixings. “It took me a long time to figure out the concept of sarcasm.”
“I still don’t really get it, TBH.” River took a bite out of a shiny red apple.
“How long have you guys been together?” Gray asked.
I glanced at Wes, dragging my gaze over Jett in the process. He was staring into his lunch container, but I could tell he wasn’t really seeing what was inside and was focused on the conversation.
“Almost eight years.” Wes took a bite of his sandwich.
“Eight years?” Noah spluttered. “How old are you guys?”
“I just turned twenty-five. Wes is twenty-four.”
“You’ve known each other since you were sixteen?” Zane asked.
I uncapped my water. “We started dating when we were sixteen, but we knew each other for a year before we got together.”
“Jesus.” Gray whistled through his teeth. “I was such a shit at sixteen. I wouldn’t have dated me.”
“Same.” Noah toasted him with some of the peel he’d just pulled off his orange.
“You’re still a shit.” Zane batted his eyelashes at Noah.
“Takes one to know one.” Noah tossed the peel at Zane, who caught it and dropped it into his lunch bag.
“And you’ve been together this whole time? No breakups or anything?” River asked. “Our parents were high school sweethearts too, but they broke up a few times before they graduated. Not for long, only a month or a couple of weeks. Did that happen to you?”
“Nope.” Wes leaned back on one hand. “Once we got together, that was it. He’s it for me.”
“That’s really sweet.” River made fake moon eyes at us. “I’d be super jelly if I didn’t have Hayden.”
“I’m so sorry if this is too personal, but I have to ask.” Gray looked like he was about to explode from either curiosity or from physically holding in whatever question he was about to blurt out. “Were you guys each other’s firsts?”
“That might not be the most appropriate thing to ask at work,” Quinn spoke up, shooting us an apologetic look.
“Sorry,” Gray said sheepishly. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Especially not here. It’s just hard for me to picture being out in high school and having a boyfriend.”
“It’s fine.” I dug a protein bar out of the bottom of my cooler. “I get it. We weren’t out when we started dating. We were outed, but we tried to keep it quiet.”
Quinn’s look told me he remembered exactly how bad things were back then.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Gray said guiltily.
“It’s fine,” Wes echoed and sipped his water. “High school sucked for a lot of reasons. Being gay was just one more layer to a shitty time.”
“And to answer your question, yes. Wes and I were both each other’s first everything.” I tossed Gray a smirky smile.
“I can’t wrap my brain around that,” River said thoughtfully. “I mean, I get it in Zane’s case, but imagine only ever being with one person? Like the person you spend the rest of your life with is the only person you’ve had sex with?”
I glanced at Zane. He and Noah were together, but he’d never been with anyone else?
“I thought I was ace but realized I’m demi when I met Noah,” Zane said, his tone casual, like he was telling us his coffee order.
“It’s weird,” Jett said softly. “At least it was for me.”
“That’s right, you were pure as the fallen snow when you married your ex-wife,” River said.
Wes snapped his gaze to mine, his shock mirroring my own. Jett had an ex-wife, and he’d been a virgin when he married her? Was this a religious thing?
“Yup.” He picked a piece of tomato off his wrap and popped it in his mouth, his eyes on his food. “Don’t recommend it. It’s like the blind leading the blind, especially if you’re not compatible.”
“I feel like I should be shutting this conversation down.” Quinn glanced around, his gaze lingering on Jett. “Is that what a good boss would do?”
“Probably.” River grinned. “But you’re not a good boss. You’re our boss.”
Quinn laughed. “Good to know I’m not a good boss.”
“You know what I mean.” River pretended to flick something at him.
“Everyone still good for tonight?” Quinn asked, obviously trying to change the subject to something not so personal.
The other guys all nodded or offered various confirmations. I glanced at Wes.
Quinn had invited the crew over to his house for a barbeque before the rest of the guys went to work at the club. But it wasn’t just a work thing since Quinn had also invited his and his boyfriend’s families. If it had just been the crew, Wes and I would have politely bowed out, but Jesse had been blowing up our phones about going, and there wasn’t an excuse in the world that would fool our oldest friend. He’d know something was up with us the second we said no.
“We’re still a maybe,” I said evasively.
Jett visibly relaxed.
I glanced at Wes, who was concentrating on carefully folding up his sandwich wrapper so he wouldn’t have to look at anyone.
One barbeque didn’t have to be the end of the world. We’d go, hang out with Jesse, put in some face time with the crew, then head out early.
It should be fine.