16. Jett
16
JETT
“Come get ready with me while I?—”
Using my thumb, I scrolled to the next video.
“Do you know what happens when?—”
“Have you ever wanted to make bread but?—”
“I was today years old when I learned?—”
Staring blankly at my phone screen, I scrolled through the videos on my FYP. What the fuck happened to my algorithm? None of this was my usual content.
A familiar stage caught my attention. I froze, letting the video play as the guys from Crimson performed one of their closing numbers.
Nick and Quinn had started social media channels for the club a few months ago, but it wasn’t often their videos randomly showed up on my FYP, even though I followed them.
Instead of being happy the club was getting exposure or enjoying watching my insanely hot coworkers gyrate around the stage half-naked, loneliness tugged at my chest.
It was Friday night, and I was sitting in my apartment alone while everyone else was at work. Things had been slow at the club lately, and Biggs had cut the bar staff’s hours. I wasn’t scheduled to work at all this week.
I wasn’t used to having my weekends off, and I had no idea what to do with myself.
Chanel was working, and Becca was busy being a mom. The guys were all at Crimson, and Wes and Ez were at Envy, picking up some random so they could forget about me.
Hurt warred with the loneliness that was threatening to take over as I stared at my phone, not even blinking when River and Zane did some of their insane tumbling, flipping, and tossing each other around like gravity wasn’t a thing.
I’d overheard Ez and Wes during our break on Friday talking about going back to Envy tonight. They hadn’t expressly said they were going to pick someone up, but why else would they go? That was their thing, right? That was how they found me.
My sadness melted into anger, and I scrolled past the video without interacting with it, too hurt to care about boosting the club’s channels.
I made it about three seconds into the next video before I had to scroll again. The happy-as-fuck couple making moon eyes at each other while they did one of the viral dance challenges going around only reminded me of how alone I was. It didn’t help that they were my age, and the guy had the same general build and dark hair that I did. I’d never had that kind of connection with anyone. Never shared those long looks or adoring gazes with someone. Not even when I was married.
The next video wasn’t any better, and more anger flowed through me as two ridiculously hot guys, one with dark hair and tattoos and the other with blond hair and a bright smile, did one of those transition videos where they started off fully clothed and did a cool effect to flip to a clip of them in leather pants and not much else.
I wasn’t really into fetish gear, but the tight fit of the pants and how they clung low on their hips, showing off their incredible bodies, was hot.
And of course they reminded me of Ez and Wes and how they were probably getting ready to go out in their club wear.
Angrily, I closed down TikTok and opened my texts.
Who would I text? Everyone was busy.
Now the loneliness hung over me like a dark cloud, slowly closing in on me like a boa constrictor squeezing its prey.
Loneliness that was all too familiar.
I might have grown up in a big family and a tight-knit community, but I’d always felt like an outsider looking in. Like I didn’t really belong there and no one would miss me if I disappeared.
And I’d been right. No one cared that I was gone. No one missed me. They missed what I did for them, but they didn’t miss me .
If they did, they would have kept in touch. They would have cared enough to pick up the phone and message me. They wouldn’t have ignored me when I tried to reach out to them.
Instead, the people I thought were my friends had abandoned me. My family had disowned me. And my community had betrayed me.
All because I wasn’t who they wanted me to be.
Angrily, I tossed my phone onto the couch and jumped up, needing to pace or move. To do something to stop the itchy feeling in my brain and the restlessness in my body.
It was stupid, but what I wanted more than anything in the world right then was a hug. Just a regular hug from someone who cared about me. Something, anything, to help me feel less alone and remind me what genuine affection felt like.
My apartment wasn’t big enough for pacing, but that didn’t stop me. I stalked across the room in four big strides, then turned on my heel to head back and repeat the pattern.
I had no idea what the fuck was going on with Ez and Wes, and it was driving me crazy because I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Nick had offered, and he’d been helpful last time I’d been out of sorts like this, but I wasn’t ready to tell him about the clusterfuck that was my life and marriage, and I’d have to in order to give him enough context to follow my ramblings.
Telling Ez and Wes about my past and everything that had happened before I left home had been cathartic, but it had also brought all that trauma and hurt to the surface, and I was having a hard time putting it away again.
I didn’t regret telling them, but I hated how vulnerable I’d been in front of them. They’d been perfect, saying all the right things and letting me talk without judgment, but they had to be judging me, right?
How could they not?
I was a twenty-three-year-old divorcé who’d grown up sheltered as fuck and had no real-world experience with dating or sex. I’d gotten married at eighteen to someone I didn’t love because my family told me to, even though I’d known it was a mistake. Then my wife cheated on me with my best friend, and I’d had no idea.
Another pang of hurt detonated in my chest. I might not have known about Naomi and Jacob, but everyone else did.
My parents. Her parents. Their friends, people at church. Hell, even our neighbors knew because they hadn’t bothered to hide it.
I was the dumbass who’d trusted them. Who thought that twenty years of friendship was enough to make them keep their damn pants on when I wasn’t around. Who was completely oblivious while everyone had a laugh at stupid, clueless Jett.
Everyone who was supposed to love me had betrayed me. They lied to me for months, and I wasn’t allowed to be angry at them.
The same people who wouldn’t even say the word ‘sex’ out loud and refused to teach their kids about bodily autonomy and the full spectrum of reproductive health had no issues discussing my dick in great detail. And they never shied away from talking shit about my inability to have kids like it was nothing and they had all the right in the world to gossip about something so incredibly private.
And I’d told Ez and Wes everything. Just spilled my soul in a giant trauma-dump and showed them exactly how pathetic I was.
No wonder they were looking for someone new.
Embarrassment mixed with the sadness inside me. How could I have ever thought they’d want more than just a fuck?
They’d been honest with me from the start. They told me exactly what they wanted and how things worked. I was the idiot who let his fanciful brain take over and even considered they could want me as more than just a piece of ass.
I skidded to a stop as my brain latched onto that thought.
If all I was to them was a piece of ass, then why not go to the club and see if they wanted another taste?
We might have decided to be friends, but that hadn’t stopped them the night they helped me move.
If they could change the rules, why couldn’t I?
Sex with them was incredible. It was one of the only times in my life I could shut my brain down and just exist. Where I only had to think about what was happening in that moment, and the rest of the world and the noise faded away.
I needed that now.
And they were the only ones who could give it to me.
Fuck it.
Spinning on my heel, I rushed into my bedroom and dug through my dresser to find something to wear.
A part of me was screaming that this was a terrible idea and would ruin the friendship we’d built, but the bigger part of me didn’t care.
I’d care later when the damage was done, but my impulsive side had been activated, and it was either go with it or try to hold off and end up doing something even stupider later.
The atmosphere in the club was different from the last time I’d come. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was different, but the vibe was off.
Whatever. I was here for one reason and one reason only.
Bypassing the bar, I made my way through the club and stopped at the edge of the massive dance floor.
It was busier than the last time I’d been here, and I scanned the dancing couples, my nerves fraying a little bit more with each passing second.
Had they come yet? They’d said they liked to show up early because it made it easier to find someone who hadn’t started drinking.
One thing about them was they took consent seriously, which was the only reason I wasn’t smarting from them not reciprocating my lame attempts at flirting after we’d smoked that joint the other night.
Moving to the other side of the dance floor, I scanned the crowd again, peering through the flashing lights and darkness for any sign of them.
Nothing.
Disappointment simmered in my gut as a sense of dread descended on me.
What if they’d already found someone?
What if they were in the back room with him right now?
Defiance and anger replaced my disappointment.
So what if they had? It wasn’t like they were the only guys in the world. The club was full of hot, queer men.
They could fuck whoever they wanted, and so could I.
I scanned the room again. A few guys made eye contact with me, their gazes showing they liked what they saw, but they didn’t do anything for me, so I kept looking.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I was looking for if it wasn’t Ez and Wes, and I had no idea how to go about actually getting them if I did find it.
All my experience with flirting or hooking up had me in the passive role. Chanel had introduced me to Mia and done all the legwork, so all I had to do was accept a party invite, and suddenly I was on a date.
The same with Ez and Wes. They’d done all the work, been the aggressors and the seducers both times we’d hooked up. All I’d had to do was consent and go along for the ride.
But how hard could it be?
I was young, decently attractive, and confident. Or at least I was good at faking confidence. According to everyone I’d talked to about dating culture, that was half the battle.
And it wasn’t like I was looking for a boyfriend. I didn’t have to like the guy, just be able to get my dick up for him and not be disgusted by the idea of touching his.
“Hey.” A guy around my age with platinum blond hair and black nail polish sidled up to me, giving me a very obvious once-over.
“Hey.” I checked him out, not bothering to be subtle since he hadn’t. His skinny jeans were so tight they looked painted on, and the fishnet crop top showed off his lean stomach and tight chest.
Not my type, but not terrible.
“You waiting for someone?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Want to dance?” He ticked his head toward the dance floor.
“Sure.”
Why the fuck not.
Grinning, he took my hand and pulled me to a clear space between couples.
I’d never danced with anyone other than Ez and Wes. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. I’d danced with women in the past, but that was either at church events or weddings. That kind of dancing wasn’t much more than swaying back and forth and keeping as much distance between you as possible so you didn’t get in trouble for indecency.
Blondie definitely didn’t dance like that.
I tried to relax and let the music take over, but everything about the moment felt wrong.
He wasn’t who I wanted, and I couldn’t get into it.
Just as the song ended and I was about to make a polite exit, a big, hot body pressed against my back.
My hackles instantly rose, but I fought the urge to shove the guy away.
Blondie grinned at whoever was behind me and stepped closer, boxing me in.
My hindbrain screamed that this wasn’t right. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn’t.
I didn’t want them. I didn’t want anyone except Ez and Wes.
I was just trying to figure out a way to politely untangle myself from them when the guy behind me wrapped his arms around my waist, locking me against him.
Before I could react, Blondie was against my front, sandwiching me between them so tight I had to hold my breath against the smell of alcohol. Were they drunk? How had I missed that?
Fear tightened my chest. I needed to get away before I went into panic mode and started flailing.
“No,” I said, my voice clear and loud enough to be heard over the music.
They ignored me.
“Let me go.” I tried to wiggle out from between them, but they just held me tighter.
A loud rushing sound filled my ears as my vision went hazy around the edges.
I wasn’t a small guy, but I also wasn’t a fighter. I’d spent my childhood grappling with my little brothers, but there was an enormous difference between play wrestling with someone smaller than me and trying to fight off two guys who were my size and bigger.
“Get off.” I planted my hands on Blondie's chest and shoved.
He fell back a step but was right back on me a second later.
Reacting out of sheer instinct, I shoved him again, putting all my strength behind it. “No!”
He stumbled into the couple behind him. His friend either hadn’t expected that, or he didn’t want to be next, and he let me go.
Taking advantage of their surprise, I darted out from between them and hightailed it toward the exit.
Time to go home.
This was a stupid idea anyway.
Ez and Wes were done with me. I needed to accept it so I could move on. But tonight wasn’t the night.
I was so focused on my quest to flee that I didn’t notice Ezra until he stepped in front of me.
His hands on my shoulders knocked me out of my stupor, and my tunnel vision faded.
“Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” he asked, his eyes glowing with rage and his nostrils flaring.
Oh fuck. I’d never seen him look that angry before, like he was ready to tear those guys apart and enjoy every second of it.
“I’m okay,” I said quickly, flicking my gaze to Wes. He looked even more enraged. His hands were balled into tight fists, his body tense and ready to strike. But the scariest part was his expression. His normally happy demeanor and quick smiles were nowhere to be seen and had been replaced by a mask of pure, unadulterated rage. “They didn’t hurt me.”
Ez relaxed, and his expression shifted to one of concern. “Come on.” He slid one arm over my shoulders and tucked me against his side.
Gratefully, I went with him, sighing in relief as Wes stood on my other side like a sentry, one hand on my back as he glared daggers at anyone who stepped too close to us.
Once we were outside, I breathed in the crisp night air, using it to ground myself and let go of the last of the fear lingering inside me.
“Are you okay?” Ez asked, pulling me to a stop about a half block from the club.
I nodded.
He blew out a breath and looked at Wes.
I slid my gaze to him, bracing for the lecture I was sure was coming. All of this was my fault. I shouldn’t have come to the club alone, and I shouldn’t have danced with Blondie.
“Are you sure they didn’t hurt you?” Wes asked. His voice was soft, but his expression was grim.
I shook my head. “It didn’t get that far. They just surprised me. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have just stood there and let them?—”
Ezra pulled me into a hug, wrapping his strong arms around me and holding me close.
Something inside me cracked, and I had to blink back tears.
Why the hell was I about to cry because Ez hugged me? How pathetic was I?
“It’s not your fault.” He rubbed my back, his voice low and soothing.
“But nothing happened,” I protested, even as I clung to him like a baby koala. “I’m being dramatic. So what if a couple of guys wanted to dance with me? That’s what happens at clubs?—”
“You’re not being dramatic.” Ez dropped a kiss on the top of my head. “No one has the right to touch you when you say no. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a club or on the street.”
More tears prickled my eyes, but I blinked them back. I refused to cry over something so stupid. Something that wasn’t a big deal.
“I swear to fuck, I have half a mind to go back in there and beat their sorry asses.” Wes flexed his hands like he was trying to let go of his anger. “Did you drive here?”
“No,” I said into Ezra’s chest, still clinging to him.
My fear was quickly turning into embarrassment, and my cheeks burned with shame.
Why did I always have to look like an inexperienced and naive kid around them?
Letting go of Ezra, I stepped back and tried to paste on a neutral expression.
“Thanks for the save.” I ran a hand through my hair, going for casual and breezy but failing miserably since my damn hand was shaking for some stupid reason. “Guess that’s my sign it’s time to head home.”
Ez and Wes exchanged a look I couldn’t read.
“Enjoy your night. I’ll see you on Monday.” Tossing them a quick wave, I turned on my heel.
Ez’s hand on my arm stopped me before I could take a step.
“Look at me.”
I did, unable to resist his raspy command.
“Why did you come here tonight?” he asked, his gaze so piercing it felt like he could see into my soul and read my every thought.
“Why not?” I hated how petulant I sounded. Why did I always turn into a brat around them? “I had the night off and wanted some fun.”
Ez nodded slowly. “And?”
“And I figured it would be a good place to find a dick to play with.” I crossed my arms. Partly to ward off the chill of the breeze moving over my bare arms, but mostly because I still felt off-kilter and vulnerable.
“You came here to hook up with someone?” Wes asked, his voice a strange monotone.
“Why not?” I asked defiantly. “That’s why you’re here.”
They exchanged another look.
“Anyway, thanks again for the save. Hopefully you can get back in without having to pay the cover again.” Unable to meet their eyes, I dropped my gaze to the pavement. “Enjoy the rest of your night.”
“Jett.”
I looked up at Wes's soft tone and was met with a look of concern that did weird things to my stomach.
“Please come home with us,” he said softly. “We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk,” I said, more of my petulance coming out without my permission. “I don’t need to talk. You already said everything you need to.”
Ez held out his hand to me. “This is my fault. Please let me fix this.”
“Fix what?” I asked, uncrossing my arms and slipping my hand into his before I was even aware I was doing it.
“I’ll explain everything, I promise.” He gripped my hand tight. “Will you come home with us?”
The last of my embarrassment melted away, leaving exhaustion in its wake.
Tiredly, I nodded.
The walk to their car was silent, as was the drive to their apartment. That was probably mostly due to me staring out the window and trying to keep my mind blank so I didn’t have to think about anything.
Thinking was what got me into this mess in the first place.
When we were inside, they brought me into their living room and parked my ass in the same easy chair I’d occupied the last time I was over and settled on the couch together.
“I’m sorry,” Ez started.
“Why are you sorry?” I asked. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Yes, I did.” He raked a hand through his dark hair, his face a mask of anguish.
What the hell? Why was he so bent out of shape?
“I forgot that you don’t have the same life experience we do. And things that would be obvious to us might be confusing for you.”
My defenses instantly went up. I knew I was naive and stupid. I didn’t need them to remind me. “I understand fine. We’re friends. That’s it.”
“No, we’re not.”
My brain did a little skip at Wes’s words. “Huh?”
“We’re not just friends.” Wes looked just as torn up as Ezra.
What the hell was happening?
“You might have noticed we’ve been different lately,” Ez said, his tone gentle. “How things between us have been different.”
“They have?” My voice was barely a whisper. I hadn’t imagined things?
“Yes, but we’ve been giving you so many mixed signals it’s no wonder you’re confused.” Ez winced. “I can only imagine how hard this has been for you. I know you need to talk things out in order to understand them, and you haven’t been able to do that, right?”
I shook my head, still half in a daze. What was he saying?
“And that’s our fault,” Wes said sadly. “We asked you to keep our secret and took away your ability to process the situation. Then we left you to deal with this alone and didn’t step in to give you another outlet.”
I stared at them. What the hell was happening?
“And I didn’t realize until the other day just how…inexperienced you are,” Ez stumbled over his words a bit. “And I don’t mean that in a bad way,” he hurried on, most likely sensing that my walls were about to go back up. “I just mean that you haven’t had a chance to understand how things work in the dating world because you never got to be part of it.”
“Dating world?” I had to ask. “But we’re friends…”
“We’re not just friends,” Wes repeated gently. “And we were going to talk to you about all this tomorrow because we realized how much we must be hurting you. But it’s too little, too late.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” I said, an edge of panic creeping into my voice.
This couldn’t be happening.
“Things have been different because Wes and I have been trying to figure out how you fit with us.”
My mind went completely blank for a few seconds as my confusion was replaced by shock.
“And we should have told you that’s what we were doing.” Ez looked pained. “We were so focused on what it meant for us that we didn’t think about how it would affect you.”
“What?” I whispered, my thoughts bouncing around so fast I couldn’t keep up with them.
“That night we all went to dinner. Did that feel a bit…different to you?” Wes asked gently.
I nodded, barely breathing.
Were they saying what I thought they were saying?
“And the same a few nights ago when we were here?” Ez asked.
I nodded again.
“I guess you could say those were dates.” Wes’s smile was more of a grimace.
“Dates?” I whispered, my heart pounding in my chest so fast it felt like a horse was galloping away under my ribcage.
I’d been right?
“Yes.” Ez glanced at Wes. “That night after we helped you move. Things changed between us that night.”
I held my breath. Keep talking. Please keep talking .
“We broke our rules for you without a second thought. The only reason our arrangement worked was because of our rules. No emotions, no feelings. It was only ever supposed to be about sex.”
“It wasn’t with me?”
“No.” Ez sighed. “That first night was different. Special. It’s never been like that for us.”
Hope flared in my chest, but I ignored it and focused on their words.
“It took a while for us to understand it and to come to terms with it.” Wes rested his hand on Ezra’s thigh. “But we have feelings for you. Both of us.”
My mouth fell open.
“And we didn’t know what to do with that,” Ez said. “How to reconcile it or explore it. Even if we should explore it. I’ve never felt anything for anyone other than Wes. He was my first crush and my first love. We’ve been playing with thirds for years, and it’s only ever brought us closer.”
“But things were different with you, and the more we got to know you, the more confusing things got.” Wes worried his lip between his teeth. “That second night changed everything, and we were both struggling with our feelings and not talking about them. When we finally did talk it out, we realized the only way to deal with our feelings for you was to figure out if they were real or just a weird fluke because we’d never hooked up with someone we knew before, and we’d never done a repeat.”
“You have feelings for me?” I asked, my brain still trying to play catch-up.
Ez nodded as Wes said, “Yes.”
My brain did that going completely blank thing again.
“And instead of talking to you about it, we made a bunch of rules for ourselves and took you out on dates without telling you.”
“We should have communicated with you better,” Ez said. “ I should have communicated better. I didn’t realize how much leaving you on the outside would hurt you. I’m sorry.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, not daring to hope that they were telling the truth. “You’re Ez and Wes. You’ve been together forever. You’re literally the perfect couple. How could you feel anything for me?”
Ez’s mouth tipped up in his trademark smirk. “That’s the same thing we asked ourselves. Obviously it means you’re pretty awesome.”
I let out a bark of laughter as I was hit with a weird wave of euphoria. “You think I’m awesome?”
“Yup.” Wes’s usual grin was back. “And we’re awesome, so it makes sense that we’d be super awesome together.”
“Super awesome?” I teased. “Is that like next-level awesome?”
“You know it.” Ez’s smirk-smile was doing things to my insides, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to keep my dick from reacting.
They liked me? And I wasn’t crazy and those had been dates?
“So what happens now?” I asked, my happiness fading as quickly as it had appeared.
“Now we decide what we want to do about all of this. The three of us,” Wes added.