Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Sometimes heartbreak can be caused by many different things. I think it’s up to you to decide if you’re going to let it run you over like a truck or use the opportunity to better yourself and move forward.” – Molly
DEREK
Celine Dion really knows heartbreak. Her voice croons over the loudspeakers, both calling out for attention as I rot on the couch in the middle of the loft.
I called Birdie. Twice. I left desperately sorry voicemails. I sent three text messages that were all delivered and unanswered.
So now, I’m lying on the couch, my eyes watering as I stare up at the ceiling and listen to my girl sing me sad songs that make my heart ache and wishing I hadn’t royally fucked up.
After taking some time to think over what Birdie was showing me, I realize now she wasn’t trying to do anything that was unreasonable.
The way I lost my cool is embarrassing. I’ve never done that before, ever.
The last time I lost it on someone was when I found out that my dad was sick and didn’t tell me.
Birdie doesn’t deserve my words or my actions. She deserves to be heard and respected for the plans she’s made for my store. Our store, if I’m being honest.
I just can’t fucking afford any of it. I am so broke that I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Looking back, I don’t know how I’ve managed to stay in business as long as I have.
Owning a hardware store is tough, competing with big corporations that can match the bottom dollar sucked.
Competing with online shopping doesn’t help either.
I reach up, wiping a tear away. I don’t know how to fix what I broke. I know that Birdie deserves way better than me at this point. She doesn’t need a man child to take care of, she needs a man.
“What in the hell is going on in here?” I hear footsteps shuffling into the house, the sounds of crinkling bags and low voices, followed by the front door shutting, alerting me that the group is home.
“Derek?” I peek open my eyes and see a worried Jane and Warren hovering over the back of the couch. Jane rubs my arm affectionately. “You okay, honey?”
Celine’s voice cuts off abruptly, and I nod. “Fine.”
“Derek, what the hell happened?” Garrett asks, looking mildly concerned, which is actually “very concerned” for him.
“Nothing,” I croak out, pushing myself up to sit on the couch and eyeing my friends. Who are… all here.
“What happened to Derek?” April asks, pushing her way around the couch and sitting on the edge, immediately pulling me into a hug. I let her, leaning on my longtime friend for comfort.
“We don’t know, but he’s got Celine blasting, which is not a great sign.” I recognize Enzo’s voice and nod, agreeing with him. “Yeah, I did the same thing.”
I hear Nora ask, “You listened to Celine when we broke up?”
“First of all, we never broke up,” he argues. I hear shuffling, but I keep my eyes closed and lean on April harder. “But yeah, Celine knows what’s up.”
“Aw,” I hear her say and hear the sounds of lips touching.
“Excuse me, I’m having a real crisis over here.”
I hear more bags rustling and the sounds of everyone settling in around the coffee table.
“Bro, what happened?” Archer asks, and I finally open my eyes and release April, who scoots next to me. I throw my legs over the edge, my feet landing heavily on the floor, and hunch back into the couch, feeling miserable.
“Elizabeth and I,” I start, and see worried faces all the way around the circle, “are taking some time apart.”
“Damn.”
Mutual groans of dismay chorus around the room, and shockingly, it doesn’t make me feel any better than before.
“Here, have some kung pow chicken,” April says, and I accept the carton and chopsticks, even though I don’t feel hungry whatsoever.
I glance up and find Viv crying softly, shoveling food into her mouth. Archer is watching her with concern and rubs her back.
“Okay, but what actually happened? You two were talking about some serious stuff, weren’t you?” Archer asks, obviously referring to our conversation about me taking everything to the next level.
“I was thinking about it,” I admit softly, not wanting to outright say we never really discussed it.
“But she wasn’t a part of that conversation?” Jane asks, watching me and not even touching the food. There’s a furrow to her brow that tells me she wants to get to the bottom of this whole thing.
I would let her, but then I would have to admit that I was drowning. That my whole facade over the last year was an act that I put on to make sure no one knew I was hurting.
“Not yet. I wanted to get some things in order before I did that,” I say, looking down at the carton that rests in my hands and willing my phone to vibrate in my pocket.
It stays tauntingly silent.
Viv sniffs and shakes her head. “I’m guessing, if she’s anything like me, she would have appreciated being thought of and spoken to like an adult.”
Archer watches her with concern, maybe concern for a fight he doesn’t know he has coming, but he looks at me with a little bit of panic and says, “Yeah.”
I’d laugh at his obvious fear if I wasn’t so damn miserable.
“I was going to. I just had to.” My throat locks up, and I feel that terrible, horrible, awful sting pierce the back of my nose. I hand off the food to April and lean forward, covering my face with my hands and feeling that sob burn in my throat.
I’m not just embarrassed, I’m ashamed. Ashamed of how I’ve failed my dad, ashamed of how I’ve failed myself, and mostly ashamed of how I’ve let the one person in the world I love most down.
“Derek, hey.” Chris is suddenly next to me, and his arm is around my back, holding firmly. “You need to tell us what’s going on. Right now.”
I sniff and pull my hands away, looking around the room at the concerned friends—my family—watching me carefully. Almost everyone has ceased eating and are waiting for me to spit it out.
Finally, I sigh, letting out the one sentence I swore I’d never have to speak. “I’m broke.”
For a moment, no one says anything. They just toss concerned looks around at each other.
“Broke? How? I thought the shop was doing great. You’ve had all those events and tons of people coming through.”
I nod at Enzo’s statement. “It’s been better, thanks to Birdie. But I have so much debt and medical bills and things that I haven’t been able to pay for for a while that are taking a chunk out of me. Which means I’m barely able to keep the lights on.”
“So wait,” Garrett starts. “I mean, that sucks. But what does that have to do with Elizabeth? She found out you’re broke and dumped you?”
Viv gasps. “That bitch!”
“Whoa, hey, don’t call her that,” I say firmly.
“Well, she left you because you’re broke? That’s not okay!”
“She didn’t leave me because I’m broke, she left me because I’m an asshole!” I nearly shout the words, feeling my insides threaten to crumble all over again.
“Okay, take us through this,” Chris says, patting my back. “What happened that made you get to needing space?”
“I don’t need space, she asked for space.”
“Okay, why?”
“Because she has this amazing, incredible, well-thought-out plan to expand the business, and I had to freak out because she didn’t know that I was barely hanging on by a thread to keep the shop open,” I admit, running my fingers through my hair.
“And then I lost it. I freaked out and told her that she doesn’t need to help me, that I don’t need her saving me, and that I was the one who was supposed to help her. ”
Warren whistles, shaking his head. “That went over well, I take it?”
“No. No, it did not.”
“Well, of course not,” Jane says, shaking her head. “This woman put herself through college, got pregnant, has been raising her baby all by herself with no financial help from anyone, and is brilliant in her marketing tactics as far as I can tell.”
“She is,” Viv agrees, resuming the stuffing process of her face. “She’s really pulled Fowler out of the hole when it comes to foot traffic. That’s not easy to do.”
“Yes, exactly. And then she comes up with ways to make it better, something that sounds like she put in a ton of effort on, and gets told to butt out,” Jane reiterates, as if I forgot how much of an asshole I was.
I haven’t, by the way. Fully aware.
“I didn’t.” I start to defend myself but stop short. I kind of did tell her to butt out.
“What was her plan? What was going to get you to expand?” Archer asks, handing Viv an egg roll.
Reaching forward, I grab the tablet that she left at the shop that I put on the coffee table and flip it open, typing in the code Birdie gave me months ago when we let Rora use it to watch a show at the shop. The thought of that simple gesture brings another round of tears to my eyes.
“She left this behind,” I say and hand it over to Chris.
Inside is more than just the listing she found, but the entire laid-out business plan with projections and prices and timelines.
If I were able to do this, I would be well in the black by the end of summer and be able to hire some help as well.
It’s a brilliant plan, just not one I can execute yet.
Chris blows out a breath and hands it across the coffee table to Archer. “Looks like a great plan.”
“It is a great plan,” I admit. “It’s fucking brilliant. I just have zero credit to get it started.”
Archer looks over the plans, humming at certain parts and lifting his brows, impressed at others. I know she’s a brilliant, brilliant woman. Which is probably why she left me in the first place.
I know that needing space is a gateway to a breakup, but my heart physically aches at the thought of actually letting her go. I can’t do it. I can’t let her leave me and take Rora with her. I can’t let them run out of my life like the last seven months never even happened.
They are my family. The three of us are a unit now, and I’m not letting them go.
“Okay, we can make this happen,” Archer says, confusing me.
“What do you mean? I have no credit.”
“We can figure that part out, but I know for a fact that I have an empty storage container that you could use as a startup warehouse. It’s just for storage anyway, so you can start there,” Archer says, nodding his head.
“I know about half a dozen contractors that are sick to death of the people we’re working with not getting their supplies on time.
If I get your name out there, we can have clients rolling in in no time, Derek.
But it’s hard work, you have to be on time, and you have to get after these suppliers to get the products as soon as possible. It’s what keeps the contractors happy.”
“Okay,” I say, my brows furrowing and my heart hammering in my chest. There it is, on the outer edges of my mind. The tendril of hope.
“As for investors,” Jane starts, smiling softly. “I happen to like investing in my friends.”