Chapter Fourteen #2
“I did!” I snapped. It came out mostly strangled, but he simply nodded as I felt panic rising.
I looked over at Candy who came back to the bed.
He reached for my hand, and I took it. “Candy, I can’t move my toes,” I rasped as tears burned behind my eyes.
I wanted to be brave in front of him, but the implications of paralysis were terrifying.
“Wait till the doc is done, Rex,” he said, frowning.
We both turned back toward the doctor who was running the pen-like object up the bottom of my foot. Intellectually, I knew I should be able to feel something, but when I couldn’t, I felt a sinking feeling in my gut.
He glanced at me. “Feel that?”
I shook my head. “Nothing?”
“No.”
He repeated it on the other side, then moved to the side of the bed.
He ran the pen up the back of both calves and when he got to my thighs and I still didn’t feel anything, he moved higher.
I let go of Candy’s hand as he moved up to my waist running the pen over my lower abdomen, upward until I could finally feel something about waist high.
I raised my hand. “I can feel that.”
He nodded and smiled. “Very good.” He replaced the blanket again.
I couldn’t feel it on my bare legs or lower extremities at all and honestly, I was beginning to panic as he walked back, standing next to Candy who’d retaken my hand. I was clinging to my friend like a lifeline.
“Okay, well, you seem to have no feeling below the waist.” He held up both hands in a placating gesture as I opened my mouth to ask a million questions. “Let me finish, please.”
I nodded.
“It’s early days at this stage but as I told your captain, this is not unusual with the amount of swelling you’re experiencing.
Some of the paralysis can be caused by anesthesia from surgery, but it’s much more likely spinal shock.
At this point, there’s absolutely no way of knowing whether the paralysis is permanent or temporary.
I don’t want you to panic. We have to give it more time to resolve.
All I can do is keep you here and repeat these tests again tomorrow, Mr. Monroe. ”
He was speaking so matter-of-fact…like telling someone their whole life was over…was just another day. Which, come to think of it, as a neurosurgeon, was probably accurate. “So, the feelin’ could come back?”
He nodded. “Yes, and like I said, these findings are very common. All we can do now is wait.” I nodded. “Do you have any other questions for me?”
I felt my heart breaking as I slowly shook my head. “No, Doc. I guess not.”
“Okay.” He smiled and looked at Candy. “I’m going to leave you with Captain Sorensen then. I’ll be back to check on you later. You hang in there, Mr. Monroe.”
“Thanks, Doc.”
He shook Candy’s hand, and I watched him go. I felt sick inside as Candy gave me the tiniest smile. “Well, that could have gone better, Rex, but like he said, we have to wait. We knew this was a possibility.”
I nodded, jerkily, feeling like I wanted to cry. I really didn’t want to lose it in front of the boss, but if I did, I knew nothing would change between us. The one thing I didn’t want to read in his expression was pity, and thankfully that was absent.
“Do you feel like seeing the guys? They’re all outside, champing at the bit.”
I smiled. “Yeah.”
He nodded. “Oh, and Mr. Adams is here.”
I frowned as memories came rushing back, hitting me like a ton of bricks.
Dance Hall Boys. Cachi. The cartel. I’d promised Cachi I’d pick him up from work.
That’s why I’d been at the club to begin with.
I shut my eyes tightly, picturing the gorgeous man I’d fallen so hard for. I opened my eyes and looked at Candy.
“Cachi’s here?”
He nodded. “He insisted we bring him here after the cartel put a hit out on all the valets and their families.”
I felt my eyes widen. “What?”
“We went to his house to take him, his mother, aunt, and uncle into protective custody, but he insisted on coming to the hospital the moment he learned what happened.”
“So…he’s been here—”
“For two days,” Candy said.
I couldn’t believe it. “Two days?”
“We’ve all been worried, Rex, but that man has been utterly beside himself.
” I knew Candy well enough to sense his honesty.
My friend rarely hid his feelings about certain situations.
When Nash and Joshua got involved, he’d sat Nash down and told him what he thought about him falling in love with a man he was protecting.
And when Wes had become the man in Patsy’s life, he’d talked to him about it.
The way he was talking about Cachi now, made it clear to me that he understood the two of us meant something more to each other than mere friendship.
I swallowed hard. “He’s been worried, huh?”
Candy nodded slowly. “He hasn’t changed clothes, has barely slept, and if it weren’t for Joshua forcing him, I don’t think he would have eaten anything at all.”
“Joshua’s here?” I asked in surprise.
He nodded. “And Wes. Like I said, Rex, everyone has been sitting on pins and needles, waiting for you to wake up.” He hesitated, staring at me long and hard before speaking again.
“Do you want to see him? I can send him away to join his family at our safehouse if you say no. It’s okay.
He’ll be safe there until we get the cartel goons who ordered the hit on the valets.
And we think probably you. Whatever you want, brother. You just tell me.”
I held my breath for several seconds then tore my gaze away from him, looking down at my useless legs. “I-I…he’s been waitin’ huh?” He nodded. “Does he know…about the…damage?” I said slowly.
Candy nodded solemnly. “He’ll know about everything the doctor said in a few minutes. I’m headed out there right now to talk to everyone.”
I digested that for a minute before making a decision. “Lemme see Cachi first, and then the guys, okay?”
Candy smiled. “Good. When I’m done breaking the news, I’ll send him in.”
“Thanks, boss. Really, thanks for everythin’.”
He squeezed my forearm. “You’re my brother, Rex. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I hope you know that.”
“I do, Candy. Thanks.”
He nodded, and I watched him leave the room before shutting my eyes. I knew what I had to say to Cachi was going to break his heart.
Just like it was breaking mine.
I opened my eyes when the door slid open again.
Cachi was silhouetted in the doorway looking like he was afraid to come close to me and for the first time since I’d known him, I felt sick about it.
I didn’t want what we’d started to end, but I couldn’t see a way forward, not with everything that had happened.
That bastard, Wallace, had allowed Cachi to be put in terrible danger just because he’d been trying to prove he was part of the cartel. The FBI had done that to him, and now, he and his whole family were in danger because of something my own agency had done. I felt guilty as hell about it.
I signed, lifted my hand, and beckoned him in.
He silently approached the bed and when he got close, I saw the dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes and took note of how exhausted he looked.
It was obvious to me that he’d been crying, and his normally golden skin was pale, his cheeks drawn.
I could honestly say I’d never seen a more beautiful man, but right now, Cachi looked like he’d been through a woodchipper, chewed up and spat out.
“How are you, Rex?” He smiled slightly and then leaned toward me with a look in his eye that couldn’t be missed.
I turned away, looking toward the far wall, not wanting him to kiss me because if that happened, I couldn’t do what had to be done.
I just couldn’t. I heard him let out a long sigh, and I turned my head, meeting his watery eyes with my own.
He was so young and pretty, every gay man’s dream.
If he could just forget me and move on, his life would be better.
But that look…that heartbroken expression on his face… was chewing me up inside.
“I’m good, Cachi.” I said bitterly, waving at my legs. “Well…except for that.”
Cachi stared at my legs for a long time and when he turned back to me, tears were rolling down his face. My breath caught as he let out a strangled sound. “Is my fault, Rex.”
“What?” I blinked. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “No, Cachi, it’s not your fault. I got shot because some fuckin’, cowardly, scumbag snuck up on me when I wasn’t lookin’. How can you say any of that is your fault?”
He reached for my hand. When he touched me, the warmth of his skin made me shiver.
“Is my fault they come to the club. I forget you come to pick me up and I no call you. If you not there, you no get shot. Is my fault you shot, Rex.” His voice cracked with emotion and the devastated expression on his face tore me up inside.
He blamed himself for what happened to me but that was the farthest thing from the truth.
I shook my head. “No! Them guys…they went there to find you. Don’t you understand?
They was gonna kill you. It’s just my poor timin’ showin’ up when I did.
When they spotted me at the club I guess they figured if they couldn’t get to you, I was the next best thing, so none of this is your fault.
Count yourself lucky to be alive, Cachi. I do.”
More tears fell, and I watched them tracking down his cheeks.
Seeing that felt like a knife to my heart.
The last thing in the world I wanted was to see him cry.
I looked over to the rolling table where my water cup sat.
I pointed to the table, and Cachi’s gaze followed my hand before he looked back with wide eyes.
“You want water, Rex?” He immediately picked up the cup.
I shook my head. “No, sugar. There’s some Kleenex over there. Wipe them pretty eyes.”