Chapter Fourteen #3
“Oh.” He moved to the table, and took several tissues from the box, wiping his eyes. He blew his nose and dropped the wad in the trash. He came back over and reached for my hand. I threaded my fingers with his, knowing the time had come for the heart to heart I dreaded.
“So, listen…the FBI is gonna put you in protective custody with your family.”
He shook his head. “No, Rex. I stay here and take care of you.”
I swallowed hard, knowing he was going to put up a fight, but at the same time, knowing he wasn’t gonna win this one.
“Listen. My recovery is gonna take a long time, Cachi, and even then—” I broke eye contact with him and looked away, swallowing several times to keep the tears at bay.
I had to be strong for what I’d decided to do.
“Rex, I take care of you. I don’t care how long is it. I take care of you.”
I looked back at him, frowning deeply. “I don’t want you to take care of me, Cachi!” My voice was weaker than normal, and I could hear the growl in my words. “I’m a damned cripple without the use of my legs.” I let go of his hand abruptly and roared, “Hell!”
When I glanced back to see his devastated expression, I deepened my resolve.
“I probably can’t even piss without a bag, and you know what that means?
A lifetime of nurses and I sure as hell ain’t gonna let you be one of ‘em.” I stabbed a finger at his face although it took me all my effort to do even that.
“You’re twenty-five years old and you gotta move on with your life.
You understand? You have a future, a bright future. ”
Tears ran down his face. “Si, and I want future with you, Rex,” he sobbed.
I shook my head. “No! There’s no future with me.
” I waved at my legs. “Don’tcha understand?
I’m paralyzed. The doc says I may never get the use of my legs again.
That means I ain’t gonna be able to walk again.
Hell, I won’t even be able to fuck you!” I glanced at the wall of glass separating my room from the ICU nurse’s station to make sure no one overheard that.
When I looked back at Cachi, he had both eyes squeezed shut, his hand over his mouth.
He was shaking his head. When he opened his eyes again, they were filled with misery and hopelessness.
“Rex, I don’t need you to fuck me again,” he said, bleakly. “I want you, Rex. I take care of you.”
I shook my head and lowered my voice, speaking slowly.
“You’re a young man. You cannot waste your whole life takin’ care of me.
You need to go out in the world and find someone to love.
You have so much love to give and another man will be able to love you back, with his whole heart and his whole body.
” The very thought of it made me feel sick as I waved feebly at my feet again. “Not like this.”
I watched him for a few seconds and then tore my gaze away, looking up at the ceiling tiles as he wept like his heart would break, his palms clamped over his eyes.
My own clouded with tears as I heard the pain coming from him through his heart wrenching sobs and looked away, afraid to give myself away.
After quite some time, his sobs slowed and I once again looked over at him.
He was standing close to the bed, and I reached up and ran a finger down the back of his hand.
He instantly looked down at me. His eyes were red and his nose was running.
As I stared, he broke eye contact, turning away, and grabbing more tissues.
He blew his nose and reached for my hand again.
Without thinking, I curled my fingers around his.
“I-I love you, Rex.” The confession came out shakily. “I take care of you. I no care about sex.”
I frowned, snatching my hand away. “That’s just stupid, Cachi.”
His eyes widened. “I stupid to love you?”
I shook my head, growling in frustration.
“No…I meant about…you know.” I waved a hand at my useless limbs.
“You need a man who can share everythin’…
includin’ their body.” I turned away, unable to look him in the eye as I took a stuttering breath and voiced my greatest fear.
“I can’t do that, Cachi. I ain’t no kinda man to you no more. ”
I stared at the wall until he squeezed my hand hard. He was glaring at me as he leaned close. “Tu eres el estupido, Rex!” he spat. “You are the stupid one. I love you!”
“Well, I don’t love you!” I roared, hating myself for the expression he wore. I pointed to the door. “Get outta here and don’t come back. I don’t wanna see you no more, Cachi.” I turned away, feeling my chest heaving as the lie almost killed me.
He said nothing as I stared at the far wall. The increased beeping was betraying me but you could’ve cut the silence between us with a knife until finally, a minute later, I heard soft footsteps and then the door sliding open and shut.
Then I was alone with the beeping of machines, and an empty room. I looked up at the ceiling, hating myself for what I’d said as I wiped away the tears running down my face, hating myself for hurting Cachi. I realized too late that I probably loved him too. It almost killed me.
Half an hour passed before the door slid open again and Candy stepped inside. The deep scowl on his face wasn’t good. “I’ll be putting Cachi in protective custody with the rest of his family until the cartel’s contract on their lives goes away and we have all of them in custody.”
“You’re doin’ that?” He nodded silently. “Thanks, Candy.
The disappointment on his face was easy to read. “I just thought you might want to know.”
I nodded as what he said dawned on me. “Cachi?”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
I grunted, clearing my throat as the weight of his words hit me. “It’s just that you always call him Mr. Adams.”
He shook his head, smiling sadly. “Not with family, Rex.”
My heart hammered in my chest. “What’d’ya mean?”
“Do you hear me call Joshua, Mr. Calder anymore…or Wes, Mr. Chaudry?”
“No, but—”
“Well, isn’t Cachi like family, Rex?”
I frowned. “You don’t…you can’t—” I shut up.
He sighed deeply. “Rex, there are things I admire about you and one of those things has always been your honesty.”
I blew out a long breath. “What’s your point?”
“My point is you’ve always been a good man with a massive heart.
Hell, you’ve always been a glass half full kind of guy, not the opposite.
To prove my point, all I have to do is look at Lola.
You were the one who gave that darling, little girl a second chance at life.
” He poked a finger into my bicep. “You did that, Rex.”
I frowned again. “Yeah, so what are you sayin’?”
He shrugged. “I’m saying like attracts like, Rex.
If we’re good, caring, and loving to the people around us, we attract those kinds of people to be a part of our family.
” He held up his hand to stop any argument.
“And I think Cachi is just like you. So, don’t you think he deserves to know the truth? ”
“Which is?” I growled.
“That even if you’re stuck in a chair for the rest of your life, don’t you think you should give him the chance to decide if he wants that life for himself instead of lying to him about your feelings and sending him away?”
“He lied to me!”
He frowned. “About what?”
“He says it don’t matter if we can’t be intimate.”
“That’s your fear, Rex, but don’t you see? It’s not him who’s afraid, it’s you. You’re driving him away for something that hasn’t happened and may never happen. I think you know that.”
I closed my eyes and turned away, knowing that Cachi had relayed our whole conversation to him. I was so embarrassed.
“Rex?” I glanced back at him. “This job…the job we do…comes with blood and tears and a hell of a lot of stuff that we see that we can’t unsee every day.
Cachi’s seen more than his share of that this last week alone, and you won’t even acknowledge that he’s still here…
he’s been here…worried about you, waiting for you.
” I just stared at him, unable to say anything without crying.
“So, my friend, you think about that while you lie here feeling sorry for yourself.” He started to turn away before glancing back.
“Let me know when you’re ready to see your brothers. ”
With that, he spun on his heel and walked out, leaving me alone to think about everything he’d said. I glanced down at my useless body. The bullet that’d torn through my back had accomplished much more than it’d intended, but the real injury I’d suffered wasn’t the loss of my legs.
It was two broken hearts.