Chapter Sixteen
REX
“Come on, Rex. You need to try, old bean. The doctor won’t sign your discharge papers until you learn how to use it,” Alain said.
I hated his fucking British accent sometimes.
I also pretty much hated him since he was the one who spent the most time bugging the shit out of me these days, even though all my teammates made a nuisance out of themselves.
I took my frustration with my situation out on all of them on a daily basis even though I knew they were only trying to be encouraging and offer any help they could.
Although, it didn’t stop me from trying to push them away.
I was a total shithead, and embarrassed by my behavior but couldn’t seem to get past my anger.
One of these days, I knew I’d push them too far, but for now, they hung in there.
“I don’t get why the fuckin’ VA couldn’t just give me an electric wheelchair.
And why’d they move me to the damned VA to begin with?
” I was sitting up after Alain had helped me move closer to the edge of the bed so I could try to use the wheelchair once again.
I looked at the ancient thing, certain they’d dug it out of the basement where all their broken-down equipment was kept.
“I’d think that should be jolly well evident, my brother,” Alain drawled in a rather bored voice. “Your FBI medical benefits required that Cedars-Sinai transfer you to the VA as soon as it was safe to move you.”
I frowned at him. “So, tell me again why I’m bein’ forced to use a wheelchair from the Stone Age,” I growled.
“You know, that won’t work with me, old chap.” He wasn’t looking at me, instead, holding up his hand and examining a damned near perfect manicure.
“What won’t work with you?”
He cut a glance toward me and sniffed delicately.
“You can have an atrocious attitude. It’s absolutely no skin off my nose, Rex.
” He smiled so sweetly, all I wanted to do was punch him in his perfect, aristocratic nose.
“I’m quite certain it’s why the captain assigned me to be your somewhat constant companion, old boy. ” He poked a thumb into his own chest.
“Like a boil on my ass.”
“Has anyone ever told you what an utterly charming ray of sunshine you are?”
I rolled my eyes. “And you’re with me because while I’m on leave, the team needs to be even more shorthanded than they normally are, right?”
“You’re well aware that everyone is in the process of identifying the individual cartel members who attended that party at the Hernandez house, Rex.
Besides, I think you should be grateful that we’re trying to put those rather unpleasant people away, especially considering the circumstances and what happened that day.
Our team can’t do anything until we’re sure we have all of them in our sights.
Lincoln Snow’s team is on the identification, and Candy is champing at the bit.
He wants the team to move as soon as possible, but since nothing can be done by you or any of us until we ID them all, you have one job.
That’s to get better, go along with your physical and occupational therapists, and stop being a total arse to everyone who’s trying to help you. ”
“I ain’t a total ass,” I argued, even though I knew I was.
“Really? Well, you’ve managed to tell everyone what you think of them when they come to visit. I’d say that fits.”
I flushed with embarrassment since that was exactly what I’d done. I’d still deny it to my dying days. “I don’t do that.”
“Oh, no, of course not,” he drawled. “Candy and the rest of us simply adore it when you call us names and act like a bloody child.”
I shook my head, pointing at him. “Pfft. There, you’re wrong.”
“I certainly am not!”
“I never called Candy any names,” I grumbled under my breath.
“Well, you may as well have. You’ve treated all of us appallingly for the last two months. You’ve been ghastly. Why should he get special treatment?”
I let the guilt of that statement wash over me.
It was becoming a damned constant companion, my guilt.
I felt like shit every time one of them had to help the nurses.
Changing clothes or putting on my fucking socks, just so I could humiliate myself during the painful physical therapy I was forced to do three goddamned times a day.
I hated being so dependent on everyone, and I missed the fuck out of Lola even though I knew the guys were taking good care of her. They’d snuck her in a few times.
And then of course, there was the unspoken heartbreak I went to bed with every night because I’d made the worst mistake of my life in hurting Cachi the way I had.
I held up both hands. “All right. You’re right and I suppose I had that one comin’.”
He sat beside me on the bed. I’d been practicing holding myself up in a sitting position ever since the first time PT came in to take me through my paces the day after my surgery. I was still wobbly and the minute Alain sat beside me, I had to grab the mattress to keep from listing sideways.
He immediately stood. “Gosh, sorry, old chap, wasn’t thinking.”
Tears burned behind my eyes. “What am I doin’ by pushin’ everyone I care about away, Almond?”
He gave me a soft smile at the nickname.
“You’re coping better than most, Rex, but listen, old fellow, fighting with everyone isn’t helping you get well.
If you’d put as much energy into your recovery as you put into fighting the fact that you’re wheelchair bound for the moment, you’d see improvement. ”
I balled both fists and hit the top of my thighs as the tears spilled over. I couldn’t feel anything. “I’m not improvin’, Alain!”
He caught both my wrists when I went to do it again. I stared at him. His expression looked shattered. “You will improve, Rex, and if you never get the feeling back, you’ll learn to live with it.” He reached for a Kleenex and handed it to me. I swiped at the tears.
“I want to work again. I wanna be useful to the team. Can’t you see that?”
“You will be useful. There are oodles of ways to be useful to the team even if you must do it from a chair. Look at Noah Burgess. He handles all Lincoln Snow’s tech from a wheelchair.
He lost the use of both legs in Fallujah and he’s more than useful.
Much of his team’s success can be attributed to that bright, young man even though he can’t go out in the field. ”
I stared at him. “I heard that Candy has Raven doin’ exercises with the team now.”
“That’s true but it’s only because Mathis needs the training. We have Judy Mendez at the computer, so we don’t really need two people in tech unless we have an ongoing Op.”
I knew that wasn’t true. Miguel Huerta and Raven Mathis, my married teammates, had come over to the team shortly after we’d moved from Houston.
Once here, Raven had worked primarily with Judy in the office.
He’d been an expert tracker along with his husband, Miguel.
But without the field training that Miguel had as a RECON Marine, Raven had been relegated to working behind screens and he did his job exceptionally well.
I had no doubt he’d be useful in tracking down the people who’d been out at the scene the day Cachi was working as a valet.
“Candy’s no dummy, Alain. I know Mathis is bein’ trained to replace me.”
He stared at me for a long minute. “Mathis is no sniper, Rex. He’ll never replace you.
He’s training with the team because he needs field training.
No one is trying to replace you. Candy would never do that, especially since he’s seen plenty of guys become well.
And even if—and I say if—he was planning on having Mathis in the field permanently, he’d tell you first.” He sighed before going on.
“It’s only been two months since you were injured.
Give yourself time to recover, Rex, and don’t be so blasted hard on yourself and everyone around you.
We all want you back in the field…more than you know. ”
There was no use in arguing with him. No one was going to just let me give up.
No matter what, they were all determined to make me believe I’d get better.
And if I was being truthful, had this happened to any of my brothers, I’d be doing exactly the same thing.
I loved them all just like they loved me, and yet, none of them really had any idea how hard this was.
“Fine. I’m really sorry for bein’ a dick, Alain. Thanks for tryin’ to be encouragin’.”
He sat on the bed again and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I love you, brother. Now, let me help you get into the chair.”
I held up a hand as he let go. “No, just bring the thing close. I’ll get into it on my own. That hard ass, Theo, told me I need to learn how to do this myself.”
He chuckled as he stood up and grabbed the bed controller to lower the bed as far as it would go. “Theodora is a darling girl.”
“Theodora is a bull dyke who scares the livin’ shit outta me.”
He laughed hard at my description of my physical therapist. His laughter made me smile.
He leaned down and lowered his voice. “She scares me too, she’s rather frightening.
That girl has more metal in her face than a robot.
” He pushed the wheelchair toward me. The wheels squeaked as he moved it into place, lining it up with the bed.
Alain stood close enough that if I lost my balance, he’d be there to catch me.
I leaned forward and manually angled each leg to the edge of the bed.
They spasmed and dangled pathetically at odd angles.
I had to wait for the tremors to subside, which took several minutes of massaging and manipulation.
Impatience welled up and embarrassment, then the bridge of my nose prickled and my eyes swam. God, I hated this.