Chapter 4
JAKE
I woke with a raging thirst and a roaring headache, scrunching my eyes against the brightness piercing the window and squeezing the soft object tucked in the crook of my arm.
Did I fuck someone last night and not remember?
Wouldn’t have been the first time.
It took a few minutes to muster the strength to squint at my surroundings. I didn’t recognise the sofa, or the bright orange cuddly toy dragon I had near strangled.
Where the hell am I?
I hadn’t been this drunk since my thirtieth birthday when Leo took me and a bunch of mates to Prague for a boozy celebratory weekend, and I’d needed a week to recover.
“Why do I do this to myself, and what are you looking at?” The dragon’s plastic beady eyes felt weirdly judgmental. I tossed it out of sight, along with the scratchy blanket covering me. “Now I’m talking to a toy for fuck’s sake. Get a grip.”
I wrenched myself upright, needing a few seconds to get my balance and let my stomach settle before glancing around the room. Nothing familiar jumped out. My clothes were neatly folded on the coffee table, and a note was propped against a glass of water and a blister pack of pills.
I drained the glass immediately.
Jake,
Had to pop out. Help yourself to water and paracetamol. If you leave before I get back, take care getting home it had taken over a month of pub visits to get her to look me in the eye without blushing first, and trying to get personal details out of her was like prying open a pistachio with gloved hands.
But I liked her company and considered her a friend. I couldn’t complicate that with sex. Besides, I was rarely in the country long enough for anything more than casual, and Ellie was not the casual kind of girl, and I respected that.
“What did she mean by park bench though?” I wondered out loud—actually, strike that. Some things were better off not knowing.
Eventually, I dressed and staggered to the kitchen.
There was nothing in the fridge except a few kid-sized yogurts, so I scrounged a slice of bread and only dry-heaved twice choking it down.
Then, I knocked back two paracetamol, splashed my face, used some of Ellie’s deodorant, and smeared a glob of toothpaste around my teeth.
Life was always better when my mouth didn’t taste like ass.
After straightening out the sofa cushions, I scribbled a thanks on the back of Ellie’s note before heading out. I’d buy her some flowers later. Chocolates too.
“Oh.” I halted immediately, unsure what else to say to the little boy outside the door blocking my way. “Uh. Hey, kid.”
He blinked up at me with curious blue eyes, but didn’t say a word, didn’t move an inch. I could’ve walked around him, carried on about my day, but that didn’t sit right when he seemed to be alone.
What do I do now?
I didn’t know anything about kids. They scared me a bit, or maybe it was the responsibility that came with them. Either way, terrifying.
If I had to guess this one was four, maybe five.
His light brown hair curled at the ends, and he had green pen scribbled on one cheek, a smudge of green ink on one of his trainers, and another line of it across the sleeve of his blue jumper which had a cartoon crab and ‘crabulous!’ printed on the front. I bit back a grin. That was kinda cute.
“Are you okay?” I asked him. “Are you lost?”
Another beat of silence, then, “Mummy says don’t talk to strangers.”
Well, shit. He had me there.
“She’s right. But you talked to me just now so you might as well carry on.”
His little brow furrowed and his head tilted to one side. After a moment of deliberating, he shrugged. “My name’s Noah. I’m four and a quarter.” He wiggled four fingers in the air to prove it.
“A whole quarter, huh?”
Does he even know what that means?
His nod was slow and exaggerated, like he’d only recently learned how to do it. “Uh-huh. Who are you?”
“Jake. I’m thirty-one and a quarter.”
“That’s old,” he said in wide-eyed wonder.
The amusement took me by surprise. “I guess. You’ll be that old one day.”
“Not for forever.”
“It might seem like that, but one day you’re four and the next you’re eighteen, then twenty-one, and before you know it, you’re thirty and wondering what the hell happened.”
Noah stared up at me blankly.
Yikes. Tough crowd.
“Anyway…” I searched the corridor again, but maybe he’d wandered from another floor—something I would’ve done.
According to my mother I loved nothing more than walking off when she wasn’t looking and scaring her half to death.
Apparently, I’d shaved ten years off her lifespan by the time I was six years old. I was nothing if not an overachiever.
This boy was so young though, and not wearing a coat despite the freezing weather. I had to help him find his way home, even if it did make me wary walking around with a kid I didn’t know.
“Where’s your mum?”
“With the shopping. I’m not allowed to help.”
His blatant annoyance made me smile.
“Enjoy it while it lasts because once you’re old enough you’ll be carrying all the shopping all the time, and other stuff too. The limit on chores is endless. Trust me.”
Not even a blink in response.
Am I not talking loud enough or something?
“So, uh, where do you live?”
Noah traced a random pattern on the wall, clearly bored by me now. “Here.”
“Right, but what flat number? I can help you find it if you want. Your mum must be worried.”
“I live here,” he said, then dashed through the door still open behind me.
“Ohshitnowait.” I spun in a circle like a goddamn dog doing tricks, and only made it inside in time for Noah’s running leap onto the sofa. He bounced up and down, giggling.
“Hey, no. Stop. You’re not supposed to be in here.”
“Zog!” He jumped down and grabbed the toy dragon I’d thrown earlier. “Why are you on the floor? Silly billy.”
“Zog?”
“That’s his name.”
Wait.
What?
Noah circled the room like he was powered by sugar, roaring as he flew Zog through the air, and I might’ve been hungover but there was no mistaking what that meant.
My pulse thundered in my ears.
“Is your mum called Ellie by any chance?”
“I dunno. ROOOAAARRRRR! Breathe fire, not snow!”
“Uh, okay…”
What the hell is happening?
Am I even awake right now?
Frantic, I glanced around the room again.
A container filled with toys was pushed into one corner, and the bookcase was stuffed with kids’ books.
Photographs of Noah cluttered the mantlepiece, mixed in with some of his artwork, including one that looked like a giant dick surrounded by some squiggly yellow lines.
Goddammit, how did I not see any of this earlier?
Curious, I reached for the sole picture of Ellie propped up in a hospital bed, tired, sweaty and unbelievably young. She looked happy, but there was a hint of terror as she cradled her newborn son, and for a split second I felt that terror as if it were my own.
Her son!
“Why are you in my house?” Noah had abandoned Zog for a book bigger than his head, and for the first time in my life I didn’t have a single clue what to say. No jokes, no bullshit. Nothing.
A kid.
Ellie has a kid.
I didn’t know why that was so astounding, but the knowledge knocked the wind right out of me. I needed to sit down or something.
Fuck, am I sweating?
The front door banged shut, and I almost dropped the picture frame in my rushed attempt to put it back.
“Noah, I told you not to use the lift by yourself,” Ellie called out. She appeared a second later wearing a soft pink jumper and jeans, distracted and juggling four bags of shopping. “You can’t run off like that. Did you take my keys?”
“I mean, possibly,” I told her, “but I don’t remember.”
“Jake!” Ellie’s gaze bounced between us multiple times. “You’re still here. I… I thought you’d be long gone. How are you feeling?”
“Like shi—rubbish,” I corrected the second I remembered there was a child in the room.
Ellie has a child!
I still couldn’t believe it.
“The water and paracetamol helped though. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I also used your deodorant.” A pointless thing to say but what else was there? Everything I thought I’d known about this woman had flown right out the window. The assumptions I’d made…
Was she even single?
Shit.
Was I about to get an angry visit from Noah’s dad for staying over?
No, that couldn’t be right. I was sure she mentioned something about dating apps yesterday…
“Oh, that’s okay,” Ellie reassured. “As long as you don’t mind smelling like grapefruit and lemongrass, knock yourself out.”
I jokingly gave my armpit a sniff. “Is that what that is?”
“Apparently.”
We smiled, the silence tinged with awkwardness. Probably more on my part than hers. I’d slept drunk on a friend’s sofa a few times, but Ellie was a whole new territory. I dreaded to think what a mess I’d been last night.
“Here.” I reached for the shopping, the weight turning her fingers white. “Let me give you a hand.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to.”
“I’m a gentleman, Ellie. What kind of gentleman would I be if I let you struggle with all these bags?”
“You’re a gentleman?”
“Apparently?”
Her grin was contagious. I didn’t feel one way or another about smiling, but right now it felt pretty good, especially when hers brightened more in response.
“If it will make you feel better carrying them two feet, here.” Ellie handed them over. “Go ahead.”
“It will. Think of it as my good deed for the day.”