Chapter 4 #2
Her mouth twitched as the unexpected load nearly wrenched my arm out of its socket.
“Goddamn, woman. Did you buy bricks for breakfast?”
“Not today,” she joked. “Noah weighs like forty pounds and I still lift him sometimes. It’s a good workout.”
“Damn. I’ll say.” I dumped the bags on the kitchen counter. “Show me those guns.”
“I’m not showing my guns.” Amused, she crouched in front of her son, straightened his jumper and attempted to wipe the ink from his cheek.
It was fascinating watching her interact with this little person I had no idea existed. Ellie and I still had so much to learn about each other, but she’d already had the kind of life experiences I hadn’t even contemplated, and she was only twenty-five.
My mind? Blown all over the room.
“Why don’t you go play in your room for a bit, okay?”
“Okay.” Noah clutched his book and Zog as he ran off down the hallway. “Bye Jake!”
“Oh, bye.”
Ellie’s brow almost disappeared into her hairline. “He knows your name?”
“We introduced ourselves, yeah.”
She peered at me for a moment, then started to unload the shopping without a word. Probably my cue to leave, but I needed to know what she was thinking. Now. So many questions I didn’t know where to start.
“So… You have a kid.”
“Is that a problem?”
The bite in her voice surprised me. Ellie never showed annoyance at anyone, and it wasn’t like there was a shortage of dickheads at the bar.
“Not for me. I was surprised, but it’s not like you owe me your life story. It’s cool.”
“I’m sorry.” The fight disappeared from her shoulders. “I didn’t mean to snap. The truth is, I’m embarrassed.”
“About what?”
“About not telling you,” she admitted. “I wanted to. But I’m not... I’m not great at opening up to people, and to be honest I wasn’t sure how you’d react. You always seemed…”
I perked up, curious. “What?”
“Anti kids? I don’t know. I might be wrong.” Hesitance shadowed her eyes. “Am I wrong?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. I didn’t know the first thing about kids, which probably needed to change given that Talia planned to make me an uncle at some point, especially if my mother was to be believed.
But it wasn’t like I hated kids. I’d just never given them much thought beyond the fact that other people had them.
“Right.” Ellie nodded. “I get it.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Your silence gave it away. It’s okay, Jake. Really. I mean that.”
“No, I was thinking. I’m allowed to think for a second.”
Her mouth opened then closed. “That’s fair.”
“Huh.” An eerie sense of déjà vu swirled around me as threads of our conversation last night popped into my head. “You didn’t say sorry.”
“Well, someone told me I need to stop saying it, so I’m taking their advice.”
“Sounds like an intelligent, incredibly handsome someone, if I say so myself.”
Ellie shook her head like she didn’t know whether to laugh or strangle me, an expression I was all too familiar with.
“I am though,” she said. “Sorry that I didn’t tell you.”
“And now you ruined it.”
“Jake.”
“I’m kidding. It’s what I do.”
“I know. But I mean it. I’m not ashamed of Noah. I wasn’t hiding him on purpose. But it takes me a while to feel comfortable enough to open up, and then it felt weird broaching the subject because so much time had passed. I got trapped in my head, and I’m sorry.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation. And I’m not anti-kids, so you know. I’m more ‘I’ve-never-thought-about-kids, kids.’ I don’t hate them.”
Ellie seemed pleasantly surprised by that, and to be honest same. I’d never had the need to figure out my feelings on the subject before.
“Oh. Well, good. I guess? It doesn’t matter if you were,” she hurried to add. “Not everyone likes kids and that’s okay. I really do understand so you don’t have to placate me or anything.”
“You’re so damn polite. I don’t placate anyone, you know that. But you don’t have to worry. I’m not gonna scare your kid or anything.” A second’s pause. “I hope.”
“He’s pretty resilient so I’m not sure you could.”
“Although, it’s possible I did convince him he could talk to strangers.” I winced when her mouth dropped. “It made sense at the time.”
“Oh my god.”
“I’ll tell him it’s wrong. Don’t worry. I’ll sort it.”
“Okay.” She grinned, folding her arms. “Out of interest, how are you gonna do that?”
“I don’t know. I’ll tell him he can’t talk to strangers. It’s no big deal.”
“What if he asks why? Because he will. Trust me. It’s his favourite word.”
“I’d tell him the truth, I guess? I don’t know about you, but I never understood parents who make up some cutesy palatable reason or name for something. The truth is always better, if you ask me. Just call a penis a penis, you know?”
Ellie blinked at me. “How did we get from stranger danger to penises?”
“I have no idea. My brain is weird.”
“You’re telling me,” she said, and we shared another laugh. After a moment, Ellie started to unpack the rest of the groceries, glancing at me a couple of times. “Um. Would you like to have lunch with us before you head off? It’s nothing fancy, just sandwiches.”
I wanted to say yes, not least because she looked so nervous asking me and I didn’t want to turn her down—and also because I fucking loved sandwiches—but my stomach roiled at the thought of food. “Usually I’d jump at the chance, but I can’t stomach anything right now. Rain-check?”
“Oh, of course. It’s a standing invitation.”
“Thanks, and thanks for last night. I was a mess and you saved me.”
“It’s okay. I couldn’t let you sleep on a park bench. I would’ve been worrying about you all night. Believe me. I’m a worrier.”
“Wow. Okay. So you really did save me then.”
She gave a dismissive shrug, clueless to the enormity of her kindness. But if I knew one thing about myself, I was a stubborn bastard, especially drunk. Once I got something stuck in my head, there was no shifting it. I would’ve slept on that bench if it killed me.
“Will you be okay now?” Ellie asked.
I thought of the mess of Saturday night, the awkward conversations ahead of me, and bit back a groan.
“Of course. You know me. I’m a bouncer. I bounce back quickly.”
“Well, the sofa is yours again if you need it,” Ellie said softly, seeming to understand all the things I couldn’t say out loud. “It’s actually a sofa bed, but you were too drunk to wait for me to set it up.”
Of course I fucking was. “I don’t deserve you. You’re a gem, Ellie Brooks.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.”
“I do.” I kissed her cheek, triumphant when the flush deepened. “See you around for that rain-check, okay?”
“Uh yeah. See you around.”