Chapter 14
A night of firsts.
ADITYA
The body-hugging, bicep-bursting navy-blue t-shirt comes off. I squirm and gather the blanket around my waist. Until now, what lay beneath his clothes had remained in the realms of my imagination. Not anymore.
When the black vest rises, first uncovering the V leading to his groin and the six blocks carved on the abdomen, followed by the well-demarcated chest, my breath hitches.
What am I doing with this young... boy? Shame washes over, and I squeeze my eyes shut.
A finger taps my nose, but I don't relent. My eyes stay closed. He takes off my specs. A warm breath caresses my lashes seconds before wet lips touch the lids.
“Jimmy?”
He silences my protest with a peck on my lips. I tug back the blanket he had pulled away. Prying my clenched fists open, he places my palms on his hard, rounded shoulders, the muscles rippling beneath my fingers, and straddles me.
He pulls my vest up. I lower my head, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes.
“You can stare at me, beautiful.” The whisper in my ears makes me look up.
“I. I am not worthy. I am old. Soft. Round in all the wrong places.”
Jimmy catches my chin when I turn my head away from him.
“You know what attracted me about you the first time we met?”
He waits for my response. I continue to stare at him.
“Your vulnerability. Your honesty. This glowing face.” He runs his index finger on my cheek.
“The spark in these eyes.” He kisses my eyelids again.
“And these lips.” His thumb traces my cupid’s bow.
“Addy, the most attractive part of you is...” With our gazes locked, he places his palm over my heart.
I have no words to express my gratitude for the tenderness and care he has shown. No matter what happens in the future, I am diving in.
“Can we shut a few lights?” I request him, hoping to lessen my awkwardness at the disparity between us ? a sculpted Greek Adonis and a mortal.
“We can do better. Do you have candles?”
His question leaves me perplexed. I guide him to the drawer on the side table. He lights three candles and places one on the windowsill, another in the candle stand on the table, and a third near the mirror.
“Are you trying to summon spirits?”
“Why?” He cocks an eyebrow. A grin blooms on his face. “Do you want Sir William to watch our romp between the sheets?” He chuckles.
“Sir Wilfred,” I correct him.
“Whatever. I doubt he is a voyeur, but he is free to watch. Unless you don’t wish to corrupt his mind.”
Batting his eyelids with innocence, Jimmy shuts the light.
The room plunges into a soft yellow glow, the shadows dancing to the flickering candlelight.
When my eyes adjust to the dim light, I am left speechless.
Jimmy walks toward me. Naked. His cock ? hard, erect, and swinging.
The soft yellow glow of the candle lights accentuates the muscle lines on his body as he struts toward me.
He taps my gaping mouth shut. “Sweetu, let me make love to you.”
Jimmy pulls my vest over my head and throws it by the bedside.
“I am a virgin. A gay virgin.” I stutter when his hands grab the waistband of my boxer briefs.
“Hmm. I know.” He pushes me down on the bed, and in one swoop, relieves me of the last piece of clothing on my body. He crawls over me like a tiger. Hunger shines in his eyes, tongue wiping across his lips.
His calloused hands squeeze my love handles, making me shiver in anticipation. “Mhm. So lucky to have all this to hold and cherish.”
My insecurities resurface. I squirm to shift away, but he pins me to the bed with his body weight.
The friction of our hips rubbing together sends sparks of lust through my body, washing away the doubts and despair of my inexperience.
Jimmy bites my right nipple, followed by the left, and lowers himself on me, planting kisses and nuzzling his nose along the way. His stubble against my soft curly body hair lights tiny tingles.
“Let me make this special for you.” He traces a trail of wetness as his tongue sweeps the edge of my hip bone to the tip of my stiff cock.
“Jimmy.” I croak and arch my back.
‘Mmm’ is the only sound I hear as his heavy arm lies over my stomach and stops me from squirming. The wet, hotness of his mouth on me sends my eyes rolling back, and a moan escapes my mouth. I let him drag me into the vortex of sensual exhilaration.
Unhinged. A blubbering mess. I float, ready to be taken apart by this man. Stars swim before my eyes when his finger nudges my hole, his mouth still wrapped around my dick.
Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai. Yes, I want to live again. This time as my true gay self. I clutch the bedsheet. My breaths become ragged. “Jimmy, please.”
“Please, what? What do you want?”
“More. Please.” I manage single words as his thumb joins his finger around the rim of my hole. Prodding and poking.
“I got you, Addy. We have all the time.”
The bubbles of lust fire up every cell in my body. My moans become louder with each bob of his head on my hardened shaft.
I am undone. My pleas make him double down, increasing the pace of sucking. I blubber on. The throbbing in my cock is the first sign I am about to come. I try to push his head away, but the fingers of his free hand dig into my waist.
“JIMMY!” I shout and release into his mouth as his finger breaks the barrier of my butthole.
***
“Shit. Give me a second.” I try to catch my breath. My heartbeats still galloping at the speed of a superfast train.
As I come down from the stratospheric high, the reality of crashing to the ground increases by the second. What now? My ineptness gnaws at my insides. Questions rake the brain. Am I supposed to return the favour? But how? I have never given a blowjob. What is the post-orgasm etiquette between guys?
“Stop chewing your lip.” Jimmy crawls over me, placing kisses.
“Take this off. I want the complete view.” He swipes away the blanket I had pulled over my chest.
“This is better.” He licks my jaw while caging me between his arms and legs. He leers at my naked body like a predator about to devour its prey.
But his young, handsome face makes the worry worms return. Is this a hook-up for him? Will he want more with an inexperienced older guy?
What have I done? The age difference cuts through my high. How did I allow this to happen? I am the mature guy here. The man who should not be throwing himself at Jimmy. And yet, here I am.
I search Jimmy’s face for answers to the apprehensions nagging me.
Will I be able to walk away from this one night, expecting nothing more than satisfying my need for sexual exploration?
No attachments or feelings. Only pure lust. The years of yearning exploded the moment his lips touched my skin, setting off a carnal fire only Jimmy had the power to quell.
And here he is, above me, offering himself.
The look in his eyes makes me want more.
But do I deserve more with what I have set in motion? My lies.
“Take your time, old man. I am not done with you.”
His words bring me back to the moment. I study the mirth in his eyes and play along. Why ruin his night? A lame excuse to escape from the cauldron of poison brewing inside me.
“Am I now?” I tickle his waist and put on an innocent, fluttering eye display while trying to stop the smile from curling my lips.
Jimmy drops on all fours, crashing his mouth on me.
He bites and nips his way to my nipples.
The lick, followed by the sting of his teeth, makes me arch my back and press into him.
He continues his ministrations, first on the left before moving to the right nipple.
“Oh, God. Where did you learn all this?”
“Remember, I am the older gay between us.” Jimmy winks and goes back to marking me with his teeth. My thoughts are so conflicted on this. The jealous serpent rears at the mere inkling of Jimmy with someone else. But, on another plane, I am thankful. At least one of us is experienced in bed.
“Jimmy, I should—”
He stops me mid-sentence, dipping his finger into my mouth. “Shh. Tonight is about you. Watching you fall apart is my guilty pleasure.”
He twists my nipple, making me cry out, and captures my moan in his mouth. His hand moves between us, capturing both our cocks together. I am hard again. This is crazy. I have never been so turned on.
***
The room is dark. The candles have burnt out.
Moonlight trickles through the open window.
Jimmy’s warm breath ruffles over my chest hair.
He agreed to my request to stay the night.
No way was I throwing him out at midnight.
We cleaned up and snuggled under the blanket, sharing the warmth of our naked bodies.
The gentle autumn breeze flips his forelock.
The night critters twerp outside. With each rise and fall of his chest, the realisation dawns on me.
I have found my home. Jimmy is the embodiment of what I had been searching for.
I grip him tighter, afraid the night is now slipping away.
Soon the sun will rise, forcing me to face the events of the past twenty-four hours.
A line has been crossed – both physical and in my heart.
His painful life story firms up my resolve. While I run my fingers through his hair, I make a promise to him and myself. Even if Jimmy decides not to go ahead with the acting gig, I will do everything I can to help him achieve his dreams.
Snuggled, my eyes trace every outline of his face.
From the curls lying at leisure over his forehead, down the slope of his sharp nose, around those lips I had only a few hours ago touched with mine, and moving to his chiselled jaw.
Gosh, he is so young. His whole life is before him —a canvas with vast swathes awaiting life's colours.
Whereas mine is an ancient edifice resting on some weather-beaten stone about to crack and bring the whole monument of my existence down to rubble.
I have no right to hold a brush to paint Jimmy's life.
But I want to. For selfish reasons, I yearn to be that painter.
I wish to experience the vibrancy of love and the hues of an intimate relationship with him.
The warmth of a body. His body next to mine.
These are stolen moments from the inevitable. An expiry date keeps flashing before my eyes. The day Jimmy realises I am not enough, the day he discovers the truth. But like a thief who knows a prison is inevitable, I will go on stealing these kisses and touches from time.