Chapter 5
FIVE
Grey
I am an asshole.
I wish I could say I’ve sat in this room enjoying the meal Felix made me, but that’s not the case. Okay no, I did enjoy the pizza. It was damn good. I don’t know what came over me. Seeing him standing in my office just set me off.
It’s been about an hour, and my mind screams at me to find him and apologize. He shouldn’t have snooped, but seeing him flinch that way when I slammed the door took me back to a place I have nightmares about.
Don’t be like him.
Fuck, how bad have I gotten?
This isn’t me. I’m not this person. I don’t get angry, and I sure as hell don’t take it out on strangers. Yes, Felix was in my room, but maybe he was telling the truth and he was just looking at my things.
Or maybe he’s another fan pretending to be a caregiver and he’s already robbed me.
Even as I think it, I wave the thought away.
I don’t think he is. Alyssa is really careful about that now.
She’s giving me one more chance and I’m already fucking it up.
I grab my plate and go down the hall. I stop at his door and lean in, hearing a faint, familiar noise.
My stomach plummets when I hear the soft sounds on the other side of the door. “Fuck.” I go back to the kitchen and drop off my plate, and I check the time. It’s nearly seven now, and I’ve been cooped up in my room all day.
An idea comes to mind. I have someone else in the house to help me now, so I should be fine.
I walk back to his room and knock softly. For a moment I hear nothing, so I knock again. “Felix. Can we talk?” Still, it’s quiet.
I jolt as the door opens a sliver. His face is blotchy and he rubs his eyes, embarrassment bright in them. “Are you okay?” He looks down at my knee.
“Yeah, um, I am. Actually, no, I’m not.” I’m not good at shit like this, but I upset him, and worse, I scared him. I feel like shit. “You want to go outside? Talk for a bit?”
He takes a deep breath, shaking his head. “I don’t have a coat or anything with me.”
What? It has to be like forty out right now. “One moment.” I limp down to my room, checking my closet and finding an old flannel coat I grew out of years ago. I walk back down to him. “Here.”
He reaches through the door, still not opening it all the way. “Um, okay. Alright.”
I nod. “I’ll be outside starting a fire.
” I walk down to the kitchen wearing only a hoodie and my boxers.
I look fucking ridiculous, but you couldn’t pay me to wear pants right now.
My knee has a heartbeat. I grab the six-pack of beer Alyssa got me from the local brewery then grab my cane.
My knee is screaming at me, but I just need to start the fire.
I can do that. It’s easy. Then I can sit.
Halfway to my fire rack I need to stop. It’s just pain.
I’ve dealt with pain. It’s fine. Nausea rolls through me.
I take a deep breath. Then two. I’m fine.
“Let me.” I turn at his voice, and Felix doesn’t wait for me to agree, he just grabs a bundle from the wood pile and carries it over to the pit.
“Thanks.” I follow him over and get to work putting the sticks down and cross hatching another bundle.
With the fire set up, I light the papers inside and watch as it ignites, then I put the mesh lid over the top and let it burn.
It’s been a while since I’ve sat out here and my legs are freezing, but I’ve missed this too much to go back inside right now.
It’s been too risky to do this alone. If something happened, I wouldn’t be able to move quickly enough. The fire will warm me up soon.
Felix takes one of my Adirondack chairs and I can feel the tension coming off him.
His fight or flight is in overdrive as he sits on the edge of the chair, uncomfortably awkward, looking at the fire.
“I want to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean—” he starts, but I hold my hand up and watch the way his eyes track its movement.
“Have a drink with me.” I sit down in my own chair, grabbing a beer and handing it to him.
“Should you be drinking with the—”
“Don’t give me a lecture. Give me a drinking buddy.”
“It’s just Alyssa said—”
“Drink or your fired.”
His brown eyes watch me from behind his glasses, then his lip quirks slightly.
“Peer pressure.” He cracks the can open.
“Are we in high school?” I watch his fingers as they tremble on the can.
I hate that my first thought is how nice they are—big hands, graceful fingers—even if they tremble slightly.
This guy could use some stress relief. He’s wound so fucking tight.
Not that I helped any today.
“Unless you have a medical, religious, or moral reason why you can’t?”
“What if I just don’t want to?” he challenges, but I see the ghost of a smirk on his lips.
“Not good enough.” My sigh is heavy. “If you don’t want to, fine, but I’d like you to. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot.” His eyes dip down to my knee. This little shit. “Don’t you dare make a joke.” There’s a ghost of amusement in his eyes. It relaxes me some.
With a slight tilt to his head, he takes the can. “Just don’t tell the boss.”
“Believe me, I won’t. She’s scary when she’s angry.”
“You both have that in common,” he says, taking a sip. “I’m sorry about earlier. I um, I wasn’t snooping. Well, I was, but it wasn’t like malicious or anything.”
“Innocent snooping?”
“More like casual curiosity. I was trying to see what needed cleaning and then I saw the jerseys on the wall. Were you a hockey player?” I nod. “Wow. That’s really cool. When did you stop—” He looks down at my knee. “Ah, oh. Um. I see.”
“I got injured back in December.”
“Have you had surgery?” I nod. “Your knee still looks bad.” Those big eyes grow bigger. “No offense. I just mean, it’s really swollen.”
“I’ve been on it more than I should.”
“You should really elevate it with some ice. Alternate between ice and—” His eyes meet mine. “Right. Never mind.” He takes another sip. “Please don’t fire me,” he says softly.
“I’m not going to fire you. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I’m just tired of people taking advantage of me because of who I am. We have to have ground rules, though.”
He leans forward. “Anything. Anything at all.”
“One. Please don’t steal from me or snoop through my shit.”
He looks down at his can. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to. I just got distracted and I, yeah, I’m sorry. I really wasn’t trying to steal. I would never.” He takes another sip. “This is really good.”
“They’re sours from the local brewery. This one is raspberry marshmallow.” He giggles. “What?”
“Just—” He shrugs. “A big man like you drinking raspberry-marshmallow beer is a funny to me.” He grins a little wider as if he’s thinking about it.
“Sorry, brain tangent.” There’s a soft blush that hits his cheeks in the firelight.
It’s . . . cute. He’s all nerves, awkwardness, and nerdy curiosity, and I really wish I didn’t find it as endearing as I do right now.
“What?”
He shakes his head. “Sometimes weird stuff pops into my brain. I’m picturing you as a lumberjack drinking a pink cocktail, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
“Excuse me,” I growl. His wide brown eyes meet mine with a spark of fear. “I am one manly son of a bitch.” His lips press into a line before he laughs. “Just ask my niece. I am a seasoned tea party connoisseur.”
He grins at the lip of the can before he takes a sip. “I can see you in a princess dress.”
“Damn straight.” I smile. “One year, Lianna wanted to be Sebastian from the Little Mermaid, but my sister got sick, so guess who was appointed Ariel?
“No!” He laughs while taking another sip.
I nod. “Hottest damn mermaid this side of the country,” I laugh. “Finding a purple shell bra in my size was a real challenge.” Felix laughs harder and I like the sound of it—airy and light.
Real.
Maybe it’s the fire and the way the light hits his face, but I’m relieved to see his eyes relax.
Don’t be like him.
I was pissed when she said it, but maybe I needed the reminder. Not that I’ve ever been a violent person, but making this stranger cry was a low I want to come back from. “I wish I could have seen that.”
“I’m sure my sister has a photo around somewhere.
” In fact, I know she does. She keeps it as blackmail, as if I could give one shit about it.
I was a hot mermaid. I don’t give a fuck.
Atlas dressed as Prince Eric and Oli decided to go as King Triton.
It was a rare halloween off. It was a good night.
I want to have more of those.
“The other rules?” Felix’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
My brain takes a moment to understand what he means. “Oh yeah. Um, another is no pictures. Especially while I’m changing or in the bathtub if I need help. I will fire you in a heartbeat.”
“Why would I do that?” His brows scrunch but my silence answers for me. “Have people done that?”
I nod. I don’t want to talk about it. “And three . . .” He takes a sip of his drink. “No visitors here. If you need time away or time off, that’s fine, you can leave. No boyfriends, girlfriends, or friends. I don’t care.”
“I don’t have a boyfriend. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t. This is your house. I’m just here to help you. I promise.”
Boyfriend. Okay. “I don’t like strangers in my space.”
“Would never have guessed.” He smiles slightly. I can hear that his can’s almost empty. I crack another one open and hand it to him. “Oh no, that’s okay.”
“Drink. Night off. We’ll start again tomorrow. Fresh.”
He nods, taking another sip. “Can I have some rules?”
“Awfully ballsy, but I’m too curious not to hear them.”
He drags his chair closer to me. What the hell is he doing? Slowly he reaches out, touching my knee. It’s gentle, and his brow is furrowed. I can’t look away from his hand or the feeling that crawls up my thigh to a place that’s had little to no attention in quite some time.