Chapter 5 #2
Fuck, get it together. I really am touch starved if this is what gets me going.
“It’s so hot.” Has his voice always been that breathy?
“Your knee.” He pulls away. “You have to cooperate with me if you want to get better. I want you to spend at least a few hours during the day with your leg up on ice. Then again at night when you’re done for the day. ”
“Some kind of a doctor?”
He shakes his head. “I’ve had enough experience with injuries to know how to get the swelling to go down fast—heat and ice, baths, and taking it easy.”
I grit my teeth. “Fine.” Wait . . . what does he mean? Has he had experience in healthcare? “Anything else?”
I watch his throat work as he looks away.
“Please . . .” He rubs his thumbs together with his fingers wrapped around the can.
“No yelling or slamming things. I know I made you mad but just talk to me. I shouldn’t have just walked into that room.
I’m sorry. Just please, talk to me. If I upset you, talk to me. ”
His voice is so quiet I can barely hear it over the crackling fire, but it’s the look in his eyes that guts me. I’m an asshole. Pieces are starting to come together. I don’t want to assume, but with my own history, how can I not understand what he’s getting at?
“I promise I’m not a violent person, despite my job.”
He takes a big sip. His features relax and he drains his second drink. “I don’t drink much.”
“I can tell by how flushed your face is.” I’m still working on my first one, and I don’t think I’ll drink any more. I’d rather let him. “Where did you grow up?”
“About an hour from here. Small town.”
“What made you want to take this job?”
“Money,” he jokes, and I bark out a laugh at his honesty. “Circumstance actually. I wanted to help. Alyssa seemed . . . desperate.”
“She is.”
“How much does it hurt?” Felix eyes my knee and yeah, I’m dying. My knee is really tight. More pain than usual. “That much?” He smiles, and I like the way it reaches his eyes. Warm and brown.
“We start tomorrow, okay? I promise I’ll lie down when we get inside.”
“What happened?”
I swig my drink as the memory hits me. I’ve been injured before, but nothing compared to that pain.
“I got injured during a game. A player knocked me. I think on purpose, but I’m not sure.
He’s a dick. Notorious for all the bullshit he pulls.
I’ve had so many surgeries and at this point, if I get injured again, I’m just asking for permanent disability. Add in my age and I’m done.”
“That must feel awful.” He looks at me. “You don’t look that old.”
“Thirty-three is basically sixty in hockey.”
“You’re only five years older than me.” We both flinch when my phone goes off. Atlas’s name appears, but I ignore it. Maybe Oli called him to complain about the way I acted the other day.
“Haven’t even told my friends yet.”
“Who were the guys here today?” I notice his can is empty. He drank that fast. I hand him another. I’ll take care of him tonight. I owe him after acting like a dick earlier.
“The one with the tattoos is my best friend, Oli. The other guy with the curly hair and shit-eating grin is his fiancé.” I snort. “Fiancé. So weird to say.”
“He seemed pretty angry. I didn’t know neck veins could pop like that without exploding.”
I chuckle. “They don’t know why I’ve been so depressed.”
“Why not tell them?”
I sit with that for a moment, watching the firelight lick his can. Leaning back, I look up at the onyx sky. It’s the perfect night. Stars coat every inch, not a streetlight in sight to disturb them.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Maybe because once I tell them, it’s real. It’s happening.” I swallow. “I wasn’t ready, ya know? I wanted to retire on my terms. I wanted one more cup, one more shot. I thought I had years left.” I jolt when I feel his fingers slide into mine.
They give me a squeeze, a gentle one, and a soft hum crawls from my chest. “I’m really sorry.
I can’t imagine how horrible that must feel.
” Sadly, he lets them go, but his fingers leave a warmth tingling through my hand.
“What position did you play? Are there positions? I know nothing about hockey.”
I smile. “I was a defenseman. Basically, the defender of our goalie and teammates.” I look at him. “You’ve never watched hockey?”
He shakes his head. “My ex he—” He bites his lip. “He liked football. Never watched hockey.” He looks at me while my brain processes what he’s saying. “Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I don’t know, habit?”
“Well, rule four. No more apologizing.” His glassy eyes meet mine. Sitting out here is nice. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed someone’s company like this. I can see him swaying in his chair. “You’re kind of a lightweight, huh?”
He laughs. “I don’t drink much. Or at all.”
I crack another one for him then toast with my nearly empty one. I’m not sure of a lot, but I am sure that I’ll make this work. I have to, for my sister, my friends, and maybe a little bit for me.
I watch Felix drink, his wavy brown hair lit up by the fire. He smiles with his eyes, and I like that. I like it when people can’t hide their happiness. He looks happy right now, and there’s something in knowing he’s happy here with me that makes me feel good.
Time to stop being an asshole.