Chapter 21 #2
“Fine! I had fun today. You just so happen to also be here in the same room.”
Landon claps me on the back. “You know, just because your professional career is over doesn’t mean your hockey days are.”
“What do you mean?”
“You should look into coaching.”
I snort. “If you can’t do, teach?”
Landon shakes his head. “If you want to teach kids how to pursue their dreams, teach. Just something to think about.”
My leg is a bit sore. I unlock the front door and walk into the dim kitchen, confused. Candlelight flickers on my table. Felix has a wide smile on his face. “Oh, I was trying to finish setting up.”
A meal is set on the table, pasta and wine. Damn. “What’s this for?”
Felix shrugs. “I wanted to do something nice for you, after everything you’ve done for me.” I don’t have a moment to think about it before he’s kissing me with a smile on his handsome face.
It makes me wonder more and more if this is the way my life was always supposed to go. I love the game. I love hockey, and I’d thought my life was over, but with Felix’s arms wrapped around me, it feels like it might be just beginning.
“Sit.” He holds out my chair for me, and I slide into it. “I made spaghetti. I made the sauce from scratch. I hope that’s okay. It’s almost done.” He looks back at the stove. “I have something for you first before we eat.”
He hands me a big green gift bag, and I look inside, pulling out the tissue paper. “What’s this?” He smiles as I pull out the giant fluffy blanket. It’s insanely soft.
“Here, let me help.” He takes it from me, spreading out the giant plush blanket.
“I made this a couple of weeks ago.” I observe the photo collage.
Somehow he’s used the ones from my office.
Some of me during games. A photo of my sister and niece.
My favorite photo of Oli, Andre, and me fishing.
Then there’s one on the bottom that catches my eye.
It’s Felix and me in bed. A selfie he took weeks ago.
There are some of my teammates, and then the Otters logo in the middle with my jersey number in the center.
I can’t speak.
“I thought, you know, like you said. Who doesn’t love a big blanket?” He blushes. “It’s a little lame. I mean you have plenty and I just—” I reach forward, grabbing him to me and pulling him between my legs. “Grey?”
“Kiss me, Felix. Right now.”
Heat pours into his eyes as he kisses me hard. Emotion swirls in my chest. I can’t breathe. This is the sweetest thing I think anyone has ever done for me.
“Thank you.”
“It’s just a blanket,” he breathes against my lips.
“It’s more than a blanket.”
He pulls back, smiling to himself and folding it up.
“I’ll put it up for now, in the living room.
Don’t want to get sauce on it.” I watch him disappear into the connecting living room, thinking about everything that’s happened today.
Hell, everything that’s happened this year.
Felix has been the shining light at the center of it all.
I want him so bad. I want him to be mine.
He steps back in and goes to the stove. “Dinner is ready.”
The food is delicious. Maybe this is how my days can look for now on. “Did you have a good day today with Landon?”
I smile. “Yeah, I did actually. Lianna is a beast on the ice. Takes after her uncle Oli.” Fuck, this tastes good. “This is incredible. You’re an amazing cook.”
He smiles sadly. “I had to learn.” The rest is clear.
Or else.
“Well, this is incredible. I can grill burgers and fry things, but that’s about it.”
“I like to cook, though he kind of took the joy out of it. If it didn’t taste good .
. .” He moves his food around. “If it wasn’t good, he’d hurt me.
So I learned really fast. I actually liked watching the Food Network.
I used to record recipes I wanted to try.
” He smiles, and while we’re having a nice dinner, I would really like him to share more of himself with me.
“Is there anything else you’d like to share with me?” He looks up. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Felix looks down at his plate then shakes his head. “We’re having a nice dinner. I don’t want to spoil it.”
“If you want to talk to me, that’s not spoiling anything. It’s you sharing yourself with me. I want to hear whatever you have to say. I mean it. Anything. Thoughts, fears, dreams. I want to hear it all.”
He sets his fork down and looks at me. “You know, for the longest time I’ve had to stay silent. Not ask too much. Not be too loud. It’s taken my brain some time to realize it’s okay for me to take up space again.”
If he doesn’t want to talk about the things he went through, maybe he’ll talk about something else. “What did you want to be when you grew up?”
Felix thinks for a moment. “I never really thought much about it. I just wanted to have a job that made me enough money to survive. I started at the dentist’s office where I lived. I liked it. I made decent money. Then Steven and I moved in together and he wanted me to stay home.”
“And after?”
“I was too busy worrying about upsetting him to think about anything for myself. That’s what the journal was for.”
“And he never saw the journals?” I don’t tell him about the black one he left out.
It might not even mean anything. Does it even matter?
While I hadn’t checked the media the day after our kiss, I know it was everywhere, and if Steven’s been tracking me like I think, he’ll know by now. I don’t want to frighten him.
“No. I hid them. I was home during the day, and that’s when I wrote in them. Once I filled one, I’d throw it away. Start over.”
I reach over the table to lace his fingers with mine. “Anytime you need to talk about anything, I’m here to listen, okay? About anything.”
He smiles gratefully, pulling his hand away. “Thank you.”
I change the subject, wanting to lighten the mood. “Are you excited about leaving tomorrow?”
His eyes brighten. “I’ve never even been out of the state, let alone to another country.” Felix eats. “Why did they choose Mexico?”
“It’s where Andre’s mother is from. A way to make it feel like she’s there. Oli’s wrestling with spreading some of his mother’s ashes at their wedding venue. I know he’s struggling with that.”
“They both lost their moms?” I nod. “What about their dads?”
“Oli’s never met his and . . .” I struggle with how to put this. “Andre’s dad was very abusive. He’s actually going to be on trial soon and could go to prison for a while.”
“For abuse?” Hope sparks in his eyes. “Oh, wow.”
“There are other charges, but he got caught trying to hurt Andre in our locker room. A teammate of ours filmed it. There’s a lot to it. I know they both wish their mothers could be there, though. It’s going to be a beautiful wedding.”
“They seem very happy.”
“Can I talk about something uncomfortable? Just for a moment.”
Felix picks his fork back up, pushing his food around. “Yeah?”
“When we get back, can we take steps to resolve this thing with Steven?”
“Grey, I—”
“Wait, wait. I know. It’s scary. I know it is. Just please, listen.” I reach for his hand. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Hell, if you don’t want to leave this house, that’s up to you, but you deserve to live a full life. We can get help.”
“What if no one believes me?”
“I believe you. I believe you and I will fight for you. He has no power over you.” I rub the tops of his hands. “I’m just saying, let me help you. I don’t throw money around often, but I’ll use whatever resources I can to help. We’ll get you a restraining order.”
“Why? Why are you doing this?” He puts his fork down, rubbing his eyes, then adjusts his glasses. “This doesn’t make sense, Grey. Why are you going to all this trouble?”
“Because despite everything that’s happened to me this year, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
” I get up and sit beside him, willing him to look at me.
My hand lands on his face. “You deserve to be happy. With me, not with me, it doesn’t matter, Felix.
All I want is for you to be happy. You deserve that. That’s all I want.”
“I’m not worth all this trouble.”
“You are worth all the trouble.” I cup his face gently, forcing his eyes to mine.
“You got yourself away from him. You don’t want to go back, right?
” He pouts, and fuck it’s adorable. “You aren’t going anywhere, Felix.
You’re not. The only person who tells you what to do is you, but you need to ask yourself . . . What do you want?”
He thinks, then cups my face, leaning in for a kiss. I hook my arm around his back and pull him carefully onto my lap. He deepens the kiss. “What if what I want is right here?” he says against my lips.
I pull back, smoothing my thumbs along his cheek bone. “Then you stay right fucking here.”