Chapter 33 #2
He nods. “It’s fucked up, I know. The thing is, abuse twists our brains so much. I know it doesn’t make sense, and I don’t think it’s truly how I feel. Sometimes I think about it, and it upsets me. I’m just saying. If you are upset, I wouldn’t judge you. I get it.”
I think about it, but I’m not. “I don’t think I am. Just because he died, doesn’t erase how horrible he was. I’m relieved it’s over but . . . I feel off.”
Andre throws a muscular arm around me. “Feel whatever you need to. Don’t suppress it. Today was fucked up. What you went through was fucked up. We’ll be here for you. I’m here for you if you want to talk about any of it.”
I don’t really want to talk about him. I want the memories to die right alongside him, but I know it’s not that easy. There is something I do want to know. “How did you guys get here so fast?”
“After Atlas kissed Grey, we went to find you and tell you that Grey didn’t do it. We found the room open and Grey went to security. We saw him leave with you.”
“What do you mean after Atlas kissed Grey. I saw them. I—”
“You saw Atlas shit-faced drunk, poorly telling Grey that he’s in love with him. Grey didn’t kiss him. He’d never do that.” He sighs. “Grey is—”
“What about Grey?” He fills the doorway with a soft smile that doesn’t reach his tired eyes. All the numbness I felt a second ago bursts with all this feeling.
Andre stands, giving me one last squeeze on the shoulder. “Anytime, alright? For anything.” I nod as he walks out clapping Grey on the back. “You alright?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. Thank you. I’m glad you’re okay too.” Grey hugs him. “Oli’s in the car.” Once Andre is gone, Grey’s blue eyes swing my way. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
He walks in and sits beside me. “So . . . today was fucking horrible.” That makes me laugh. “Look, Felix, what you saw—”
“I know. Andre told me. I’m . . . I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have run like that. I just saw you and—”
“I get how it looked. I’m sorry. Please believe me, I had no idea he felt that way about me. I swear I’d never ever hurt you. I’d never ever cheat. I am so sorry you—”
“I love you.” I swallow, looking at him.
This big man with a heart so sweet and pure.
He may be closed off but loves his family and friends deeply.
And me. He loves me. “I love you so much. I can’t believe I almost didn’t get to say it.
” I latch onto him, and everything I’ve carried since Steven found me in that hotel room crumbles and falls into him because I know he’ll help me carry it.
All my baggage, all my trauma. I don’t have to do this alone anymore. “I’m so sorry.”
“No.” He hugs me tight, burying his face in my hair. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“If I hadn’t reacted the way I did.”
“No.” He pulls back. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry. I should have seen it. I’m pissed that I didn’t.” He shakes his head. “I wish I’d seen it. I wish I’d let him down easier. I mean it. I’ve never had feelings for him. He’s my family, my best friend. It’s never been a romantic love.”
“Where is he?”
“Back at the resort. Oli and Andre came with me when we saw Steven had you. I um, I can’t talk to him right now. I need some space to figure out how to fix things.”
“Are you okay?” I ask him. Grey blinks, and the sheen in his blue eyes breaks my heart.
I see how conflicted he is about it. He shakes his head, and I hold him to me, squeezing tight while he buries his face into my neck.
I rub his back and hold him steady, trying to be a fraction of the support he’s been for me.
My fingers wind through his hair. “I got you.”
“I’m not sad he’s gone, just upset I did it,” he whispers against me.
“You had no choice.”
“I know.” He would have killed Andre. “I’m wrestling with it, I won’t lie.
” He gives me a weak smile. I kiss him hard, soaking in his taste and touch.
I thought I’d never see him again. He’s everything to me, and I’m so mad at myself for reacting the way I did. He winces as he stands. Shit, his knee.
“Let me draw you a bath. You’re probably in a lot of pain you won’t admit to.” A light comes back to his eyes as he smirks. “That’s what I thought.”
I stand to go run the water when he catches me around the waist, pulling me into his arms. “I’m not saying I won’t fuck up or do things that upset you.
I’m only human. But listen to me very clearly.
I will never hurt you, or cheat on you, and I will never ever lay a hand on you.
Do you understand me?” I swallow hard, nodding.
He circles his arms around me, holding me tight.
“I was so fucking scared I’d never be able to hold you again Angel. ”
My arms wrap around his waist. I have no words.
So I stand inside the safety and warmth of his arms and say nothing.
“Fuck, this feels so good.” I smirk as he sits between my legs, head resting on my collarbone. I kiss the sides of his face. I love him so damn much, and I can’t believe I almost didn’t get to tell him. I squeeze hard, massaging his shoulders, feeling the groan he lets out.
My hands travel down, smoothing over his stomach and then up as I tweak one of his nipples. I smile as he growls. Then I hug him tightly to me. This big teddy bear of a man. My man. “Hey, Greyson?”
“Yeah, Angel?”
“I want to move in with you.” I nip his ear. He turns his head to look at me. “I do. If you still want me to.”
He leans in to kiss me and I meet him halfway, holding him close in this bathtub. “That sounds amazing.”
I smile against his lips. “We’ll see if you still say that after I make you rest your knee all day tomorrow.” He grumbles, pulling away and resting back on my chest, closing his eyes. “Are you tired?”
He nods. “A few more minutes. This is nice.” The hot water is cooling some. I know he’s sore, and I used a bath together as a bribe to get him to relax.
It is nice. “I’m really sorry about your friend. I feel bad.”
He sighs. “Yeah, me too. I uh, I know I’ll have to deal with it sometime. Just not today.”
“He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. Atlas is a lot of things, but hateful isn’t one. He’s sad. He’s his own worst enemy. He has demons he hasn’t dealt with.”
“Can I ask about it? I won’t tell anyone.” I’m surprised when he answers me. He tells me about Atlas, his sister, and his childhood. I’m sick by the end, and I feel so sorry for him.
“Atlas needs to deal with it, and the person he ends up with needs to be able to handle him. He’s bratty, impulsive, and the sweetest fucking man, with a heart so damn big.” He shakes his head.
“You’ve never had feelings for him?”
Grey shakes his head. “I love him like a brother. I’ve had to play that parental role for him so hard, I’ve never felt anything romantic. He’s hurting and I hate that, but what he did wasn’t okay. I’ll talk to him soon.” He looks back at me. “He doesn’t know about New York.”
In all this chaos I forgot. “You’re taking the job?”
“Only if you come with me. I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“I want to go.” While I love this house and this place, I don’t think I can go outside and not see Steven lifeless on the ground. I wonder if Grey feels the same. Actually, I don’t. I know he does. “When would we leave?”
He shrugs, settling back against me, and my fingers idly caress his skin. I love his warm weight. “Hockey season starts mid-October. I need to talk to my agent and then formally interview for the position, but it sounds like it’s mine if I want it.”
I smile. “Hmm, Coach Tremblay. Has a nice ring to it.”
He smiles wide. All white teeth with the light coming back into his eyes. “It really does, doesn’t it?”