Chapter 34
THIRTY FOUR
Grey
Opening my eyes, I first feel a weight across my chest, then relief.
It’s been about two weeks since Steven died, and I don’t know why I keep waking up expecting Felix to be gone.
I watch him sleep, his soft brown hair tickling my chest. I thought I knew fear before this entire thing, but it was nothing compared to seeing him on that security camera with Steven’s disgusting hands around the back of his neck.
He stirs, stretching, then looks up at me with a soft smile. “Morning,” he mumbles and nuzzles into my side, his hand smoothing across my stomach.
“Morning.” I push his hair away from his eyes. “How’d you sleep?”
The first few days, neither of us got much.
As evil as Steven was, and with Felix’s and Andre’s lives on the line, I did what I had to.
The thing is, what I’ve done has settled inside me like a heavy weight, and I don’t think it will ever lift.
There’s a heaviness in me now that wasn’t there before I ended his life.
“Better.”
I kiss him between the eyes. I don’t feel good about what happened, but I’d do anything to keep him safe. “Let’s get up and make something to eat.” I’ve been lying here for a while now, but I didn’t want to wake him. I just kept looking at him, afraid if I looked away, he’d vanish.
Freshly showered, Felix walks into the kitchen wearing sweatpants and one of my shirts that he absolutely swims in.
He comes up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and hugging me.
“I won’t be so clingy forever, I promise.
I’m just so happy I can hold you.” I hold him tight, rubbing his back.
“There was a moment when I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. ”
“I would have found you.” I kiss the side of his head. “No one is ever going to take you anywhere you don’t want to go. Nobody. You’re free.”
He kisses me gently. Our security camera goes off, and there’s a little bit of anxiety now. I keep expecting to see him, even though I know he’s gone. I haven’t quite dealt with killing someone yet, but there’s no love lost. I don’t hold empathy for predators.
Since Steven’s death hit the papers, a few more students have come forward. Felix wasn’t the only one he set his sights on. In fact he wasn’t the only one Steven was involved with. It explains what he did during the day. It makes me sick. I just hope that all of them can find some peace.
I grab my phone, relaxing when I see it’s my friend.
“It’s Oli.” I unlock the door for him, and I hear his footsteps before he walks in with his hands in his jeans.
“Hey.” I smile. “How was the honeymoon? Where’s Andre?
” They left a few days after everything happened.
I practically had to force them both to go.
I didn’t want to ruin any more of their happy moments.
There wasn’t much they could do afterwards anyway, but I’m so grateful to have had them both there during that.
“It was incredible. He’s . . .” He looks away. “Exhausted.”
Gross. I love this for them. I love seeing him so happy. If anyone deserves it, it’s him. I’m forever grateful to him and Andre. I really do have the best friends ever.
That brings me back to Atlas. I know I need to talk with him, but I’ve been putting it off.
I’m just so upset. But then again, I know him.
His impulse control is less than zero. Atlas is barely contained chaos, and I know he must feel like shit over it all.
Unfortunately, I know how he deals with shitty situations.
I still need to talk to him.
“How’s everything going?” He looks at Felix. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” He thinks. “Thank you . . . you and Andre. Thank you for being there for him. For me.”
“That’s what we do.” Oli smiles. “We’re a team.” He stands awkwardly and I know what he wants to ask.
“I haven’t seen him since the wedding.” Even if my fingers have clicked on his number a dozen times over the week, I can’t bring myself to call him.
Oli nods. “I know, I just came from there.” That catches my attention. “I know you’re upset with him, but I think you should go over and see him. He’s not doing well.”
I knew he wouldn’t be. The thing is, he hasn’t called or come over here either.
But I know why. Atlas likes to fold in on himself.
I know he’s not contacting me to give me space, but I really do want to see him.
I still haven’t told him about New York yet.
Last week I called my agent, and I talked to the dean and sports director of Liberty State. The job is mine if I want it.
I look at Felix. “You should go over.” Felix smiles, cupping my cheek. “He’s your best friend and I know he’s upset.” The thing is, I haven’t wanted to let him out of my sight, but I know I can’t put this off forever, and I miss my friend. We need to talk.
Oli sits with us for breakfast until Andre calls his phone. “Hey, yeah, I’m with Grey. How are you feeling?” He grins wide. “Uh-huh. Told you you’d be sore.” He looks up. “Got to go. Grey is giving me the look. Love you.”
“I was not giving you the look. I don’t have a look.”
“What look?” Felix asks.
“Grey has this dad look when you’re doing something you shouldn’t and he’s judging the hell out of you.”
“Oh, I know that look.” Felix laughs.
“Ouch.” I clutch my chest. “I give you looks, but they are in no way fatherly.” I wink.
“Wow.” Oli sets his fork down. “Look at us, all happy and shit. Who’d have thought.” No one. I couldn’t have seen Felix coming if I’d tried.
We have a lot to do. Like packing. We told my sister last week, and although she cried at first, she understood and supports my decision.
I haven’t let it all really sink in yet.
All my life I’ve been everyone’s rock, everyone’s go-to person when they’re in need.
Now I’m separating myself from them all. Oli, Alyssa, my niece, even Landon.
I don’t regret my decision. In fact, I’m excited.
My job starts on October tenth, two days after opening night for the Otters.
I’m already in the process of buying a home near the college—a quiet little house up on a mountain away from the city and chaos.
Felix and I are flying out Monday to look at it.
I’m really excited about this next phase of our lives.
“What plans do you have for the rest of the off season?” I ask him.
“Lying in my bed or sitting on my couch as much as possible before camp. Andre signed an eight-year, one-hundred-and-eighteen-million-dollar contract. He’s my sugar daddy now.” Oli laughs.
“Do you want to go fishing or something? The three of us again. Before the summer ends.” Every day I get to spend with Felix is a blessing, but I miss my friends.
Oli smiles, but it’s off. “Uh, yeah, but you need to talk to Atlas first. I mean it, Grey. He’s not doing well. Talk to him first, and then we can make a plan.”
Atlas lives close to the arena in an upscale apartment building in the city. His doorman lets me up, and I wonder what state of dishevel he’ll be in. I go up to his place and knock on the door. He’s home, Oli said, but I wonder if he’s now asleep.
After a minute the door swings open, and my heart sinks. It looks like he hasn’t slept in days, or showered for that matter. His greasy black hair is matted to his head, and his eyes are red. I’m not sure if it’s from lack of sleep, drinking, crying, or some cocktail of all three. “Grey?”
“Hey.” I try on a smile. I want to be angry, but how can I? “Can I come in?”
He takes a deep breath, looking back inside his apartment. “Uh, yeah, I um . . . it’s a mess, though. I uh—”
“You know I don’t care about that.” He lets me in, and yeah, this place is a disaster, but none of that matters more than seeing the empties on his coffee table. “Grab me a trash bag.”
“Grey, no.”
“Atlas. Now.” He scowls but gives me a trash bag. He tries to help me, and I shake my head. “Go shower. I got this.”
“You don’t have to do this anymore. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. Go shower. I’ll clean up.” This isn’t the first time I’ve had to come here and help him. There is a cleaning service his apartment provides, but when Atlas gets like this, he doesn’t let them in. He’s too embarrassed. “Get your ass in the shower.”
He flips me off before going into his bedroom, and I look over his living room. His place is pretty bare bones. A wraparound couch in front of a big TV mounted on the wall. The number of times I’ve stayed here with him is countless.
I clean up all the recycling, putting it in one bag, then work on the food containers. After everything is thrown away, I wipe down his table and move to the kitchen to load his dishwasher. It makes a pretty good size dent in the mountain of dishes he has.
I clean up his counter and put on the wax melt he has here in the kitchen before going over to one of the windows and opening it for fresh air.
I hear footsteps and turn around to see Atlas walking in wearing a white T-shirt and black sweats.
He’s also trimmed his beard. A huge improvement.
He looks around his place, shame in his eyes.
“I would have gotten to it.”
“Now you don’t have to.” I go to his kitchen and grab two mugs, then pour some of the coffee I made.
Reaching into his fridge, I grab his creamer, and decide to give myself a splash of it.
Then I walk over to his couch and sit down, and he follows me, thanking me for his cup. He nearly groans with the first sip.
“Thank you,” he says softly. He won’t meet my eyes. “Grey, I’m . . . I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”
“You don’t have to. I know you are.”
He scrubs his face with one hand. “Is Felix okay? Oli told me what happened.”
“He is. He’s okay.” As okay as any of us can be right now. “He’s just in shock over everything.” I set my mug down and reach for his hand. I know he didn’t mean what happened, but it happened and we need to talk about it.
“He knows you didn’t . . . I mean that I—”